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September 2021 • Southern Jewish Life
Genies pop out of a bottle and grant three wishes. Jews hit the bottle on Saturday nights when they see three stars, suitable to wish on. (We do. It’s called havdalah.) But wait. Are there Judaic wishes? Don’t Jews do blessings, which aren’t the same as wishful thinking? Do the first chapters of Genesis really recount the genesis of genies in the Barbara of Eden? Of course wishes are Judaic. There’s no Jewish without “wish.” And not since the premiere of “The Princess Bride” has the world needed “as you wish” more than it does today, as society circles the drain like it’s riding Noah’s Ark without a paddle. Everyone wishes that everyone would just get along already. Everyone agrees that the main obstacle to this is that some people are being idiots. It falls apart because people have different definitions of “idiot.” So, fresh from the May You Clinic here are, heretofore hermetically sealed in a mayounnaise jar, many magnificent wishes for the year ahead. May your May be amazing, along with the months before and after. May you give the benefit of the doubt, and benefit from it; there’s a reason most companies offer benefits. May you deserve the benefit of the doubt, and benefit those who give it to you. May you always pick the faster of two ordering or cashier lines. May you put being right ahead of being left or right. May the only thing you hate be hate itself. (And the New York Y*nkees.) May you mask your feelings about masks; and mask your face not just to save face, but to preserve the human race. May you not rush to judgment or judge those who rush. May you take the time to make time, because it doesn’t grow on trees. Even thyme grows only on shrubs. May you say what you mean and mean what you say, and not say anything mean. But if you do, don’t mean it. May you May your mean be above median, and may you never drive onto the median. continue May you put trust and faith in the numbers; after all, there’s an entire book of the Torah reading named for them. May you put discourse before discord, and this column never need anything after it. every month May you have a passport that takes you places. If you’re joining your second consecutive High Holy Days from home, this time may you have fewer arguments about who sits on the aisle. May you breathe a bit more easily, and easily accept that things must change to let you. May you truly try to think as others do; because, truly, they think as much as you. May you listen as much as you hear, and always be here whether you’re here or there. May you go for a ride, but never go as mere matter of pride. May you stick to your guns, but not if it ruins the world for your sons. May you accept as fact nothing but the truth, the whole truth, and nothing but the actual truth, so help you Big G. May you not call other people sheep without considering where you herd it yourself. continued on previous page