The Beholder’s Eye by Doug Brook
Not What They Simcha New Winter Menu Contact us for your catering needs! Open for Lunch and Dinner Tue-Fri 11a-2p & 5-9p Sat 9a-2p & 5-9p • Sun 9a-2p
521 Montgomery Hwy, Suite 113 Vestavia Hills AL 35216 (205) 823-1505 www.bistro-v.com Enjoy Our Southern-Style Brunch Sat & Sun 9a-2p
Jewish celebrations are renowned for one thing above all else. But what’s all that food doing there in the first place? Aside from getting cold — or warm, if it’s supposed to be cold — during the sermon? Every December, Jews hear their neighbors sing about tidings of comfort and joy. Jews can almost relate, with their own year-round sightings of comfort and oy. But don’t write this off as a recent development in Jewish culture; Jewish suffering (and not just by Jewish mothers) has existed for thousands of years. The Talmud lists dozens of fast days throughout the year, of which only a handful are observed today — and most of those by only a handful of people. According to the recently-discovered Mishnah tractate Bava Gump, food is a part of all Jewish celebrations to counter all those fast days. However, Bava Gump also presents the dissenting opinion of Rabbi The fast days Telfon, the Great Communicator, were invented to who said that all those fast days counterbalance all were established by rabbinic dieticians to counter all the food at the the celebrations celebrations. involving food… But are all Jewish celebrations really so positive? Is the ubiquitous food there to mask lurking suffering of which nobody dares to speak? The Jewish lifecycle starts with a catered celebration, but no Jewish eight-day-old boy thinks that any brisket is good enough to make up for the moyel’s bris kit. For girls, the Simchat Bat — however it’s performed — gives them a name and enough pinched cheeks that collectively seem like they might be the equivalent of a bris. (They aren’t. After all, at a bris the kid is fed Manischewitz — a pain without equivalent.) Then comes the bar or bat mitzvah, where a heavily catered affair — and, increasingly often, a ludicrous party — masks what is euphemistically called the assuming of responsibility as an adult Jew. While the dignity of this longtime tradition spirals toward defeat, it’s still really a fete at the feet of our newly-teened to mark the dubious feat of losing their heretofore lifelong lack of responsibility. The Jewish wedding involves the bride, the groom, the bride, and — for the chupah — four almost aptly-named polebearers. To save space, simply think of five wedding/marriage jokes you like, and then move beyond lifecycle events to annual celebrations and the skeletons they hide. Rosh Hashanah, the subject of U2’s hit, “New Year’s Day,” is a day for apples and honey. Except you can’t use your iPhone, which should warn you of the other white canvas shoe that’s waiting to drop after 10 days of reflecting and repenting (as if the reflecting isn’t suffering enough). On Yom Kippur we wear white, which masks nothing. Sukkot commemorates the Israelites being stuck in temporary, partially covered huts for 40 years until someone finally got a Realtor license. So we mask this suffering with… meals in the sukkah. But this backfires thanks to the insects, vermin, and other in-laws that
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30
February 2013
Southern Jewish Life