SJL Deep South, January 2019

Page 38

rear pew mirror • doug brook

But the tablets…

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“Thank you for calling Technical Support. This conversation may be recorded for quality purposes.” “Recorded? What’s that?” “Can I have your name?” “Moses.” “Thank you, Moses. How is your day so far?” “I’ve had better.” “I’m sorry to hear that. What can we do to help make it better?” “Well, I’m having some trouble here related to a tablet.” “I see. What sort of trouble?” “It’s broken.” “I see. Please help me figure out the exact problem. Can you read anything that’s on the tablet?” “No. Not at all.” “I see. Is the tablet cracked?” “Actually, it’s smashed. Very small pieces.” “I see. That’s a little more serious. You weren’t kidding about your day. Do you know what caused it to break into so many small pieces?” “I… dropped it.” “It’s made of pretty solid material. Just dropping it shouldn’t be so…” “I dropped it at a very rapid pace after raising it over my head and flinging my arms downward. Down the side of a mountain.” “Wow.” “I bet you don’t hear that one often.” “You’d be surprised. Any chance you have the serial number?” “No.” “Well, let me look based on your name to see if I can find it in our records.” “Two.” “Excuse me?” “There were two of them. Two tablets.” “Both smashed? Flung down the side of a mountain?” “Yes.” Technical support “By accident?” “It wasn’t pre-meditated, if that’s hasn’t changed what you mean.” “Can you clarify the situation in thousands of around the mountain when you downyears… loaded the tablets from there?” “There was a big, stupid party going on down there. A lot of dancing and… What does this matter?” “Just trying to determine if the damage is covered by warranty.” “I thought that the warranty on these tablets was a lifetime covenant.” “Yes, but certain user activities and behaviors can break that… covenant, thus voiding the warranty.” “So if I do something wrong the warranty is voided and the covenant is broken? But if you do something wrong… nothing happens?” “If there’s something wrong from our end, we will do whatever is appropriate to fix the situation.” “You got that right.” “Can I put you on a brief hold while I speak to our supervisor?” “Put me on a what?” <Forty days and forty nights later:> continued on previous page


January 2019 • Southern Jewish Life

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