Conversations on Identity

SADHBH:

I really admire your confidence, talking to me about a topic that a lot of people struggle with of find too intense of an issue to delve into so quickly after meeting someone, so thank you.

INTERVEIWEE:

Of course, although I struggle myself with issues as such, I still believe that it’s important to put yourself out there in the hopes that others feel comfortable discussing the same, even just with friends. Even having a talk with close friends is a huge achievement, it’s important that I put the more vulnerable side of myself out there, so I can not only gain confidence in myself but hopefully push others to step out of their comfort zones too.

S: I agree, it’s obviously a lot easier said than done but it makes such a huge difference. I wanted to start off by asking you how you define identity.

I: That’s a hard question because I really do believe that something that fluctuates, and changes so often cannot be specifically defined. As we know, people shift or change identity all the time due to so many factors. Whether that be a major life change, are occurring experience from the past, new people in someone’s life, a new job, a shift in how someone may think and so on. So, to define identity as one linear pathway that everyone must know is almost impossible, its forever changing for some, and that’s okay. I think the knowing that it’s okay to change was the realisation that I needed to have.

S: That’s interesting that you say that because my next question was if you think the idea of a person’s identity should fluid or linear/ fixed?

I: I think a lot of people feel the pressure that they should know themselves of who they are in this world when really you don’t have to,

- especially when you’re only just coming into yourself and trying to get a grasp of the world and who you may be within it. I feel like for teenagers it’s a universal experience to not know who you are or where you stand. It almost feels existential in a way, which can be terrifying. But to answer your question, I feel that people should just know that it’s okay to change, changing most of the time just means growing and that normal. Identity in a lot of cases is extremely fluid, especially today.

S: Definitely, and why do you think we so often truggle with feeling comfortable enough to express our identity?

I: I mean, as humans, most of our thought processes surround the ego. Normally we are unconscious to how delicate our egos are behind closed doors, and therefore a lot of people do everything in their power to not let their egos get hurt, we feel threatened by putting ourselves out into the world. Especially as now we live in a digital era, anyone can behind a screen has access to give their opinion on who you are as a person, and that’s a scary thought. I’m still coming to terms with the idea of being my true self all of time. It’s a constant battle of having to essentially fight your inner thoughts that are telling you you’re not good enough or that you can’t be yourself. It takes time and a lot of practice to get yourself out of those habits and to not live for others. But I do believe a lot more people struggle with this conflict than we think.

- in the hopes that it will impress others. It’s a vicious cycle!

S: Wow, when you put it like that it seems crazy, but also makes so much sense. We are so lost in the media we don’t even realise how ridiculous it all is. As a young person, do you struggle with your identity and sense of self in the same way?

I: Well, I’d be lying if I said I didn’t. I constantly struggle with my identity; the only difference is I know how to talk myself down and reassure myself that that is a normal occurrence and entirely okay. It’s hard but a great skill I’ve come to learn. That doesn’t take away from how hard and tiring it can be though. Self-acceptance is a big part of this lesson. Realising that self-acceptance doesn’t necessarily mean being in love with yourself all the time but instead accepting and acknowledging that we are human, and we face struggles, some harder to deal with than others.

S: I admire your honesty and I agree, it seems as though self-acceptance is more of a peaceful state than such an intense feeling of self-love. Do you agree? And do you find social media to be a catalyst for all this worry?

I: yes, I really do. It’s hard because I use social media myself, so I feel hypocritical saying so but I think a lot of us feel this way and feel the impacts that social media has on us our lives, and how we live them. Social media is an environment that we as humans react to, it impacts us, and we grow as it does.

S: I think you put that perfectly, we really are our own worst enemies, sometimes even without realising it. So, from that do you think there is that pressure in society of needing to know yourself and your identity before you’ve even had time to explore it yourself?

I: Oh 100% yes. It’s a constant pressure. All we see are other people’s lives and how well they are doing so we are left asking ourselves why life isn’t that perfect for me? or why can’t I be like them? When in reality they are just online identities that these people have made themselves,

S: So, how do you personally express your identity?

I: In many ways I’d say. From fashion to self-growth, lea ring new things and so on. It comes in waves, sometimes in short lived obsessions but I love clothes and the joy it brings to me and my life. What I wear often reflects how I’m feeling that day. I love playing dress up as you can probably tell.

S: I love that. Its refreshing to see.