SILVIA No. 5 by SILVIA magazine

S I L V I A NO.5

COVER PHOTO BY AMY BEASLEY

SILVIA

c o n t e n t s IRIS MARI

ERIN KETHERO-MADDOX REBECCA EGAN

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JACOB VAN LOON

BEVERLY SALAS

KASEY TRAPP

AMY BEASLEY

REN HANG

SUBWAY CLUB

DECK THE HALLS WITH COPING METHODS

editor’s letter

Hey, everyone! So this issue is slightly different from previous issues. Less questionanswering has been done in the artists’ features. However, we have included an extra piece of “actual” reading material! Yes, in addition to showcasing great artists and their creations, I have been meaning to expand Silvia so as to include more than just poetry, photography, and interviews, etc.—not that it wasn’t already great that way. This month we’ve included an article about how to survive being around family this holiday season for those who might not be down to do so, and hopefully we’ll have more articles, essays, stories, etc. for you all in following issues. (If you would like to be involved in the magazine in anyway, visit our website for more information.) I’m not entirely sure where I want to land with this magazine yet, but some changes will probably be made—or rather, added—over time. You can’t expect something to be the same forever, because then it just gets boring, and there’s no time for that.

BLANCHE MINOZA EDITOR-IN-CHIEF

iris mari slowgraffiti.tumblr.com

I spent hours clutching a gel pen like a syringe, Injecting apologies into paper and desperately searching for a vein That would fully absorb the sorrow I felt For every inconvenience my existence had ever caused But every vein ran dry and not a single nerve could comprehend The depth of my self-loathing "You poor little bundle of blood and parts, If only you hadn't been burdened with a heavy heart And an even heavier soul" How can I ignore the voices that ring through my body Like pealing bells? I ring with sadness and reason and soon I will become a puddle on The sidewalk after it rains for days You will step in me, but with ease you will wipe your boots on the Welcome mat And be made clean.

erin kethero-maddox distantlikefallingpetals.tumblr.com

GRAVEDIGGING You looked me right in the face Last Saturday. Said 'You're not what you were. I don't think I like Having a fat Bitch.' Well I wonder if you would like the feel Of my ribs sticking out of my skin A gap in my thighs For easy access to all it is that you want from me anyway The look of my eyes dark sunken into my face And my lips blue and bloodied If you would like to witness me desperately scanning labels and being repulsed At fourteen calories I wonder if you would like to watch me killing myself from the inside. I wonder if you would find heart failure beautiful and poetic Because tragedy is glamour in your eyes And whether you would like to see me in a hospital gown Hooked up To a thousand greedy machines Sucking me dry And maybe you would like to visit me cold and still Lying in some anonymous morgue somewhere Nowhere With perfect porcelain skin Blue veins like a painting When I have stumbled to my early grave. I wonder if you would like to recognize That we dug it together.

rebecca egan rebeccaegan.tumblr.com

UNFORGIVEN Dig deep in to your pus stained day-dreamer, for if ammunition were wishes you'd pray to drag him back down, fast. Hold out hope little angel with the blood on your toes you can tread on his soul, you'll remind him of home. Baby know they all come back begging at the ever of retribution. They'll scream like you did piss-scared and shit-crazy, but here's to this damn testament, 'cause: they too won't be saved. Yeah even good guy God can't lick away your cum salt when you've stabbed away the innocence. your church is just a building not forgiveness on your soul. Your secret's out, okay? Oops. We know you missed your sonâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s big game while you were fingering his sister. I hope she spits into your eye and it hits you where it hurts. I fucking hope she makes a grown man cry for mummy; makes you serve your time.

rebecca egan rebeccaegan.tumblr.com

MASSACRE On our deathbeds we will demand a refund; a token to regenerate ourselves into what we always dreamed of being. In our reincarnations we will morph into ethereal angels with bones that jaunt and bruise through skin. We will scream that this is what we wanted, that we were made to be this way small & ephemeral. That we were merely a flutter of light, flying by waiting, just waiting for a grander offer. But that's just a big fat fucking phony. So don't spit in my face & spill this shit to me. Skinny ain't your saviour and collar bones are no castle. You're scared and you know it. You've wasted beneath the numerical values of your own Â calculated demise.

JACOB VAN LOON jacobvanloon.com

BEVERLY SALAS facebook.com/artbybeverly

AMY BEASLEY amybeasleyphoto.tumblr.com

KASEY TRAPP kaseytrapp.com

REN HANG renhang.org

subway club INTERVIEWED BY BLANCHE MINOZA

Please introduce yourselves and what instruments you play. Emil: "Hi, I'm Emil and I play guitar." Hampus: "Hello, I'm Hampus and I play guitar!" Edward: "Whaddup, I'm Edward and I play the bass." Dennis: "I'm Dennis and I play drums." Adam: "And I'm Adam and I sing." How long have the five of you been making music together? When did you begin working on your Subway Club EP? "We started playing together in March 2013, and we pretty much instantly started writing songs for the EP. We felt that we wanted to start building a fan base as quickly as possible, so things went pretty fast for us."

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What does the name Subway Club mean? "It doesn't really mean anything to us. It's a name Emil and Adam came up with while we were buying lunch at Subway. We like to think of it as a Subway (Underground, Metro) Club, since we all ride the subway a lot. We all live in the capital of

Sweden, which is Stockholm. But we don't live in the inner mess of it all, so we need to use the subway to get to things, places like school, friends', gigs, or parties. We practically use it every day. In our lives we've all had some great experiences on the subway while we're going to different places around Stockholm. We all have a strong connection to it, and it's in some way part of our lives." Who are some of your musical influences? Some of your songs remind me a bit of The Strokes. "Yeah, The Strokes is definitely a band that we all like and we've drawn some influences from. But we have a pretty wide arsenal of musical influences in our band, and we listen to everything from Attila to Miley Cyrus." Aside from yourselves, who are some of your favorite new artists of 2013? Adam: "State of the Art is a new band that I recently started listening to. They got a vibe from The Strokes and some of the other big indie

bands. They haven't released that much yet, but I like the things I've heard so far." Emil: "I don't really listen to the music in our local 'scene,' but my favorite album of 2013 so far is probably Bankrupt! by Phoenix." Hampus: "I haven't found a band formed in 2013 yet, but my favorite album of 2013 so far is probably About That Life by Attila.” Edward: "Miley Cyrus' new album is sick, and she's hot, so yeah. And like Emil, I just love Phoenix's new album. The synth parts and the vocals are just awesome <3" Any particular goals you have set, such as headlining at a music festival or collaborating with a certain artist or band? "To tour and play festivals all over the world is definitely a goal and dream we all share, but since we are only seventeen and still going to high school, we are not able to do all of that yet. But when we graduate we will do everything we can to travel and play shows!" What do you guys do together when you're not making music? "We either go to a party to get shitfaced, or we just chill in someone's house and eat a bunch of junk food. If we're at Edward's house, you'll probably find us cuddling with his dogs or something. Lately, we've started watching Breaking Bad together, and we will try to watch like three to four episodes together each week."

Do you have any cool hidden talents? Adam: "This talent is probably not very well hid, even though I try my very best to hide it. And it's not really that cool either. I am really good at eating fast. And if I am hungry, which I am a lot of the time, I can eat even faster! It's not one of those talents that you're proud of; it's just disgusting really." Hampus: "I spent like two hours trying to figure out if I had any cool hidden talents without success, but after a while I realized I suck. No, but I'm relatively good at sports!" If only you and one other human were left in a zombie apocalypse, who would you want it to be? Adam: "Hmm. Hard one. I know that if I would be persecuted by zombies, I would probably be scared as shit. So to lighten up the mood, it would be great to have some kind of comic guy beside me. Probably Jim Carrey or some other funny guy that could help crack me up while we're on the run. After some days I'll get bored of all his jokes, so I’ll just run away, but in desperate times I guess I’d just shoot him." Emil: "I'd probably want that person to be Chris Fronzak of Attila. That way, all the zombies could 'touch [his] pussy.'" Hampus: "Miley Cyrus, 'cause she has everything." Edward: "The Rock. I choose him because…well, he is The Rock and like super badass." 

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Deck the Halls with Coping Methods WRITTEN BY IRIS DUMAUAL. ILLUSTRATION BY HANNAH BETH RAGLAND.

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Here’s to the people who may be a little less than thrilled to be around family this holiday season. Here’s to surviving the criticisms from your parents, the questions about your non-existent love life from your aunts and uncles, the tension between you and the cousin who can’t let go of a grudge. Here’s to the dysfunction that is forced into one room and hoping it doesn’t spontaneously combust. November’s already nearly gone, so chances are you’ve seen the signs of a busy holiday season popping up in places from the local Hallmark to your own kitchen. Each year this happens: the passage of Halloween opens up to the bustle of preparation for holiday festivities.

away an opportunity to catch up with old friends and family. That’s not to say you shouldn’t take a step back to take time for yourself, breath, and relax. It’s important not to exhaust yourself. Do your best to mix and mingle and be alone long enough to reenergize too.

But regardless of whether or not you’re religious or usually participate in the season’s staple activities of Christmas tree shopping and gingerbread house building, you’re probably spending time with your family. Unfortunately, having your whole family under the same roof can lead to more of a stressful time than a celebratory one. Family dinners are perfectly capable of bringing up old ten-sions and becoming breeding grounds for discomfort. Each family has its own unique dynamic, but if you’re interested here’s a starting template – an attempt at a survival guide, if you will – for making it through the holiday season:

2. Know when to stay connected and when to disconnect. Today social media is an omnipresent force that’s led to a lot of positive societal changes, but having your smartphone out during family dinners can both offend relatives and ruin any chances at meaningful conversation. Not to say that you shouldn’t outlaw it altogether – venting to a friend on Facebook about your annoying uncle can be an important de-stressor, too.

1. Know when to and when not to isolate yourself. With so many people over at your house on a regular basis, it can be taxing to warmly greet and interact with everyone you encounter. It may seem preferable to hide away in your room or find somewhere to avoid social contact entirely, but don’t completely throw

3. Plan ahead for gifts. Don’t run around like a chicken with its head cut off the week before Christmas, trying to find a gift for a family member that’s not so generic that it’s offensive. Christmas shopping can be fun if you give yourself time. It’s like a game – collecting data on a person’s interest and catering to what you know about them. And it can be pretty satisfying to see them open that gift on Christmas morning and light up when they see it. But if gift shopping is a serious stressor that 31 31

you can’t even begin to garner the slightest bit of pleasure out of, ask for ideas from a friend or relative. And if gift wrapping’s a weakness of yours, find a local organization that’ll do it for free. 4. Find comfort in nostalgia and old memories. There’s always something strange about acknowledging how different your life at present is from a previous period. Reflect on past holiday memories that bring you joy and try to recreate some of them. Poke fun at old photographs and reminisce about silly memories. Watch old cartoons. You may even find yourself bonding with a relative you’ve disconnected from, or rediscovering something you previously enjoyed when you were young. 5. Maintain a sense of stability. If you’ve been living away from home for some time, it can be jarring to find yourself in an environment you’re no longer accustomed to, surrounded by people you’re less than happy to spend time with. If this is the case, try to find something – or someone – to keep you grounded. If you always had tea in the mornings at the dining hall by your dorm, drop by your local supermarket to buy the same kind. Skype weekly with a friend who calms you and vent about your various going-ons. If there’s a certain book that effectively removes you from the present and takes you to a calmer place, read it periodically. Write daily in your journal. Find your own personal method of keeping your sanity in check. 6. Don’t open old wounds. Maybe you’re holding a grudge against an aunt or cousin. Being forced to see them may make your blood boil, but it may be a poor idea to throw a scathing remark at them over the apple pie. If an issue with a relative really needs to be resolved, talk to them constructively or reach out to a trusted relative for help in addressing the problem. 7. Take the initiative. If you’re up to the challenge, try to find an activity your family will en32 32

joy together. Maybe you used to go sledding or skiing in the past but haven’t made plans to go as of late. Or maybe you used to have an amazing time with your siblings making snow igloos and snow men, but would now prefer to the pass time online. You’re never too old to play in the snow! Search for local activities you think your family might enjoy together and bring the ideas up with them. Chances are you’ll get an enthusiastic response and, hopefully, have a good time. Charity events like community gift wrappings are an especially good idea, since they give you the opportunity to simultaneously spend time with the family and give back to your community. 8. Ask to help out. Grocery shopping, cooking, and decorating may not seem like your cup of tea, but it can definitely be worth to put yourself out there and lend a helping hand. Your family will appreciate it, you might end up spending some quality time together, and you might create some happy memories to look back on fondly in the future – all while performing mundane activities together. 9. Take care of yourself. Depending on your family dynamic, spending the holiday season with your family can bring you to your knees. Remember your own personal self-worth and don’t let nasty family gossip or caustic remarks from less-than-benevolent relatives get you down. 10. Be rest assured that if all fails, this time will pass. The holidays stem from November to January. You’ve survived a lot longer than this period of roughly three months, and if you’re truly dreading the holiday season you’ve probably experienced a few terrible ones in the past. The extended family will go home, you’ll get out of the house, and life without the mounting apprehension of the season will resume. For the time being make the most of what you’ve got. Try to find peace and joy with your family this holiday season, and if you don’t, that’s okay, too. 

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