Paper With A Hometown Flavor”

Husband 1.0

Last year a friend of mine upgraded from BoyFriend 1.0 to Husband 1.0 and found that it’s a memory hog, leaving very little system resources available for other applications.

She is now noticing that Husband 1.0 is also spawning Child Processors which are further consuming valuable resources. No mention of this particular phenomena was included in the product brochure or the documentation, though other users have informed her that this is to be expected due to the nature of the application.

Not only that, Husband 1.0 installs itself such, that it is always launched at system initialization, where it can monitor all other system activity. She’s finding that some applications such as SpendingSpree 2.4, GirlsNight 3.5 and CocktailNight 7.0 are no longer able to run in the system at all, crashing the system when selected (even though they always worked fine before).

During installation, Husband 1.0 provides no option as to the installation of undesired Plug-ins such as MotherInLaw 5.8 and BrotherInLaw Beta release. Also, system performance seems to diminish with each passing day.

Some features she’d like to see in the upcoming Husband 2.0 include: 1. A “Yes I’ll cook, clean etc.” button. 2. An install shield feature that allows Husband 2.0 be installed with the option to uninstall at anytime without the loss of cache and other system resources.

I myself decided to avoid the headache associated with Husband 1.0 by sticking with BoyFriend 2.0. Even here, however, I found many problems.

Can you tell the difference between Dole and Chiquita bananas?

Dole and Chiquita are two of the biggest banana producers and importers in the world. Chiquita Brands International also acquired the Irish company Fyffes. Along with Del Monte, they control 40% of the banana trade.

However, it’s unlikely that most people can even tell the difference between the two top brands of bananas. Both producers use the standard, commercial strain of banana known as the Cavendish. However, Chiquita grows a specific variety of it known as Grand Nain. These are said to be slightly larger than Dole bananas.

It is rumored that Chiquita has genetically modified their bananas, but there is no substantial evidence of this. And in fact, all Cavendish bananas are genetically identical. In effect, they are all clones. The only factors that could make a difference to the taste are the weather and the composition of the soil.

Bananas are actually grown in over 150 countries, predominantly in Latin America. 43 million tons of bananas are sold worldwide every year. No wonder it’s the most popular fruit in the world!

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Apparently you cannot install BoyFriend 2.0 on top of BoyFriend 1.0; each program begins damaging the other. You must uninstall BoyFriend 1.0 first. Other users say this is a long standing bug that I should have known about. You’d think they would have fixed such a stupid bug by now! To make matters worse, the uninstall program for BoyFriend 1.0 doesn’t work very well, leaving undesirable traces of the application in the system.

Another thing--all versions of BoyFriend 1.0 continually popup little annoying messages about the advantages of upgrading to Husband 1.0.

Bug Warning - Husband 1.0 has an undocumented bug. If you try to install Lover 1.1 before uninstalling Husband 1.0, Husband 1.0 will delete MS Clothing allowance files, before doing the uninstall himself.

More applications that won’t run with Husband 1.0 include Chippendale 2.0, Netballwatching 3.5, Suremoreshoes 6.0, and Cleanup 4.3.

Applications that run very well with Husband 1.0, however, include Bummingaround 1.0, Pubnight 2.3, Golfing 2.7, Pokernight 5.3, and Wanderingeyes 4.9.

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BEAUTIFUL MINI/MEDIUM F1B LABRADOODLES, parents have been genetically tested through Embark, call or text (775)294-2286

New-Fangled Ideas

An elderly priest was speaking to a younger priest. “You had a good idea to replace the first four pews with plush bucket theatre seats. It worked like a charm! The front of the church always fills first now.”As the young priest nodded, the old priest continued, “You also told me to assign a little more beat to the music because it would bring young people back to church. So, I supported you when you bought in that rock ‘n’ roll Gospel choir. Now, our services are consistently packed.““Thank you, Father,” answered the young priest. “I am pleased that you are open to the new ideas of youth.””All of these ideas have been well and good,” said the elderly priest. “But, I’m afraid you’ve gone too far with the drive-thru confessional.” “But Father,” protested the young priest. “My confessions and donations have nearly doubled since I began that!””Yes,” replied, the elderly priest. “I appreciate that, but the flashing neon sign, ‘Toot ‘n’ Tell or Go to Hell’ cannot stay on the church roof!”

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Writing the Editor - We welcome all articles, letters, jokes and comments on Sierra Scoop, local issues, community news and free private party ads, published as space provides. These articles, letters, comments do not necessarily reflect our opinion. All public input is welcome. sierrascoop@charter.net, (775)782-4520

The check-up...

A four year old was at the pediatrician for a checkup. As the doctor looked down her ears with an otoscope, he asked, “Do you think I’ll find Big Bird in here?” The little girl stayed silent. Next, the doctor took a tongue depressor and looked down her throat. He asked, “Do you think I’ll find the Cookie Monster down there?” Again, the little girl was silent. Then the doctor put a stethoscope to her chest. As he listened to her heart beat, he asked, “Do you think I’ll hear Barney in there?” “Oh, no!” the little girl replied. “Jesus is in my heart. Barney’s on my underpants!

For my sister Denise on her Birthday!

Hey sis, I searched for just the right poem (by D. Barnett) to share with you on your April 3rd birthday.

Time Will Never Change The Love We Share - Time has changed our secrets and the pigtails in our hair.

It has changed the silly arguments and the giggles that we shared. It has changed our childish happiness to grown-up make-believe – And leaving us with little else it has slowly changed our dreams.

Time has come along and changed the essence of our world – Then finally and silently it has changed the little girls.

But having taken away some dreams and the simple things we shared before. Time has led us to the lasting things we need each other for.

Memories of moments that were made for us to share – The crazy laughter that’s somehow always there.

The hidden corners of our lives only we will ever know –And the love that becomes deeper and sweeter as it grows.

Time changes many things and some dreams come apart – But nothing can reach or change the love for you that lives within my heart.

I love you “sissy” and hope you have a wonderful birthday filled with love and laughter! Lisa

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All the flowers of all the tomorrows are in the seeds of today.

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CHÉ WHITE BOOKKEEPING & PAYROLL Services, Specializing in Small Business, Corporation, Not-for-Profit, and Personal Finance. Located in Carson Valley, 25+ years experience. CheWhiteBooks@gmail.com or (844)343-0343

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Vfw Attention

VFW Breakfast for 2023 - Jan. to Oct. - 8:00AM to 9:30AM

Topaz VFW Post 3630 is again hosting a monthly breakfast at the TRE Community Center 3939 Carter Way on the 4th Saturday of each month. The breakfast is to rally support for TRE Veterans by bringing together families and friends for a fun event.

The VFW Post 3630 has a regular meeting at 4:00PM on the 3rd Wednesday every month. New members are always welcome.

April 6th - Passover

THOMAS J. BARTELS, HOROLOGIST, CLOCKS old and new repaired and restored. Authorized agent for Howard Miller, Ridgeway, and Sleigh, all work guaranteed! tomjbartels@gmail.com or (775)265-5541 or (775)901-1848

G & J LANDSCAPING MAINTENANCE, TRIM, prune, fertilize, aerate, sprinklers, General clean-up, Free Estimates, Victor (775)291-1672

DIXIE-NORFOLK COCACOLA VENDING MACHINE

Model 180 manufactured 1996 works well $1,000 (775)9010717

SEMI RETIRED PAINTER, INTERIOR, EXTERIOR and cabinets, no two story houses, based in Minden area, call John (831)801-0003

Apple does it again!

Apple announced today that it has developed a breast implant that can store and play music.

The iCUP will cost from $499 to $699, depending on cup size, speaker size, and storage capacity.

This is considered a major social breakthrough, because women are always complaining about men staring at their breasts and not listening to them.

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Might kill him

A small tourist hotel was all a buzz about an afternoon wedding where the groom was 95 and the bride was 23. The groom looked pretty feeble and the feeling was that the wedding night might kill him, because his bride was a healthy, vivacious young woman.

But lo and behold, the next morning, the bride came down the main staircase slowly, step by step, hanging onto the banister for dear life. She finally managed to get to the counter of the little shop in the hotel.

The clerk looked really concerned, “Whatever happened to you, madam? You look like you’ve been wrestling an alligator!” The bride groaned, hung on to the counter and managed to speak, “Ohhh God! when he told me he’d been saving up for 75 years... I thought he meant his money!”

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What is now in the past was once in the future.

Cooking Terms …

Recipes: A series of step-by-step instructions for preparing ingredients you forgot to buy, in utensils you don’t own, to make a dish the dog won’t eat. Tongue: A variety of meat, rarely served because it clearly crosses the line between a cut of beef and a piece of dead cow. Oven: Compact home incinerator used for disposing of bulky pieces of meat and poultry. Microwave Oven: Space-age kitchen appliance that uses the principle of radar to locate and immediately destroy any food placed within the cooking compartment. Calorie: Basic measure of the amount of rationalization offered by the average individual prior to taking a second helping of a particular food. Yogurt: is one of only three foods that taste exactly the same as they sound. The other two are goulash and squid. Porridge: Thick oatmeal rarely found on American tables since children were granted the right to sue their parents. The name is an amalgamation of the words “Putrid,” “hORRId,” and “sluDGE.” Preheat: To turn on the heat in an oven for a period of time before cooking a dish, so that the fingers may be burned not only when the food is removed, but when it is put in the oven.

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Interesting facts about April Fool’s Day

The all fools day, i.e., the April fool’s day is the most lighthearted day of the year. How could it not be, it is all about making a fool of the people we love and making them look stupid with practical jokes. The best part is nobody is offended. It certainly celebrates foolishness. But when, where and how it all started? Let’s hunt some interesting facts about this funny day:

As much as we love to celebrate Fools day, we don’t know when and how it got started! There are several theories, but none of them is a perfect or confirmed one. If the human were that perfect, we would not have a fool’s day right?

The most famous of all the theories is that it got into our lives when Pope changed the calendar in France according to the Roman one. The people who knew nothing about the change continued celebrating New Year’s start on April 1st, and the ones who knew about it started calling them fools and thus started April Fool’s Day! So, if the ancient days had strong communication system like us and if Pope announced the change in a news channel, maybe we wouldn’t be able to fool our friends today!

Other beliefs say that it came as a day of laughter and celebrating life by throwing away evil thoughts!

The most famous prank by the French, the originators of Fool’s day is to stick a paper fish on someone’s body without their knowledge and to shout “April Fish.” Sounds so childish and exciting and fun right?? These French people know how to make people look stupid!

When do you think the first Fool’s day got celebrated? Well, the record of the first Fool’s day was found out to be in 1392, which means that the celebrations might have started then or before that.

According to Scotland history, they used to call the April fool’s Day as ‘Hunt the Gowk Day.’ Gawk means a fool. A person is sent to deliver a message to another by someone who wants to fool the messenger. The message used to convey the receiver to send another similar message to someone else by the foolish messenger. The game used to continue until the messenger realized that he is being fooled. (ohfact.com)

April 9th - Easter