Carsyn Fileccia, Skinny Feels Better

I was always told “Skinny feels better than food will ever taste.” And it seems to be an anthem That I can’t get out of my head. And I haven’t checked my weight in two years Because I don’t think I can handle triple digits. And I look at the spaghetti my mom made And turn my head the other way Because skinny feels better. And I thank God, for when school begins I don’t have to eat for eight hours. I can finally see my ribcage when I lie down. My body gets smaller and I couldn’t be happier… I think. Gravity doesn’t need to work so hard anymore As I continue to get colder. 130lbs, 120lbs, 110lbs, What happens when the numbers end? The mirror mocks me day by day, Reminding me of the weight I’ve gained. Was that granola bar too much? And the girls before me walk with long legs And torsos made of gold. If I could replace my bones with feathers I would If it meant being skinnier than her. Why does my waist look bigger than it did yesterday? Is my body taking up too much space? Apologizing for my appearance is something That will never cease to end. Because who wants to look at the girl with no thigh gap? For now, coffee will suffice, but sooner or later I know I’ll lose this fight I’ll lose sleep, I won’t eat, I feel weak, Does skinny really feel better? And when I’m satisfied with my body I’ll realize I am nothing but skin and bones. I will simply be left alone with nothing, Not even myself. I was picked apart and once I am put back together, Dragged onto my feet, forced to finally eat, Food starts to taste better than I remember.