STYLE Page D2 • Tuesday, January 7, 2014
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The consequences of helicopter parenting Some find adulthood too overwhelming By BROOKE DONATONE The Washington Post
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University of Colorado, Boulder, student Karlie Johansen collects a saliva sample from 3-year-old Anders Todd as part of a study of sleep patterns in young children. In an earlier study, researchers reported that if young children continually struggle to fall asleep at night, it might be because their body clock is out of sync with their bedtime.
Body clock to blame Research shows toddlers who fight sleep may be put to bed too early By LAURAN NEERGAARD The Associated Press WASHINGTON – “Just one more story, please?” “I need a glass of water.” “Mom, I can’t sleep!” When youngsters continually struggle to fall asleep at night, new research suggests maybe their body clock doesn’t match their bedtime. That doesn’t mean tots should be up at all hours. “Just like nutrition and exercise, sleep is critical for good health,” said sleep scientist Monique LeBourgeois of the University of Colorado, Boulder, who is leading the research. The ultimate goal is to help reset a delayed sleep clock so young children can settle down more easily, she said. Hint: It seems to have a lot to do with light. We all have what’s called a circadian rhythm, a master biological clock, that regulates when we become sleepy and when we’re more alert. Those patterns vary with age: It’s the reason teenagers are notorious for late nights and
difficult-to-wake mornings. But how does that clock work in preschoolers, who need more sleep than older kids or adults? A first-of-itskind study tracked 14 healthy youngsters for six days to begin finding out. The children, ages 2½ to 3, wore activity monitors on their wrists to detect when they slept. Parents kept diaries about bedtime routines. Then on the last afternoon, researchers visited each home, dimming lights and covering windows. Then, every 30 minutes for six hours leading up to the child’s appointed bedtime, they also coaxed each tot to chew on some dental cotton to provide a sample of saliva. The reason: To test for levels of a hormone named melatonin that is key to the sleep cycle and also sensitive to light. At some point every evening, people’s melatonin levels surge and a while later, they begin to feel sleepy. Among adults who sleep well, that melatonin rise tends to happen about two hours before whatever is their chosen
bedtime. For preschoolers, the new study found that on average, the melatonin surge happened about 7:40 p.m. The children tended to be tucked in around 8:10 p.m., and most were asleep 30 minutes later, LeBourgeois reported in the journal Mind, Brain and Education. When melatonin rose earlier in the evening, tots who hit the sack around 8 fell asleep a bit faster. But when the melatonin surge was closer to bedtime, the youngsters were more likely to fuss or make curtain calls after lights-out. Two children in the study actually were tucked in before their rise in melatonin ever occurred, and it took them up to an hour past bedtime to fall asleep, she said. “We don’t know what that sweet spot is yet,” LeBourgeois said, but the data suggest bedtime is easiest if the melatonin surge happened at least 30 minutes earlier. The study reinforces what doctors have long suspected is one bedtime barrier, said Dr. Jyoti Krishna, a pediatric sleep expert at the Cleveland
Clinic. Other factors can disrupt a child’s sleep, too, such as noise, stress or anxiety, or disrupted home routines, he cautioned. “But this paper reminds us that, hey, there is a time that the body is more ready to sleep than at other times,” Krishna said. The National Institutes of Health says preschoolers need 11 to 12 hours of sleep each day; some typically comes from an afternoon nap. Parents don’t have melatonin tests as a guide, so Krishna advises looking for cues when setting a bedtime – yawning, rubbing eyes – and then to adjust that bedtime as the child gets older. “The melatonin onset and our body rhythms change,” Krishna said. “You can’t stick to what worked two years ago with this child, because this child is now a different child.” About 25 percent of young children experience some type of sleep difficulty, including trouble settling down at bedtime, LeBourgeois said. “Listen to your child’s physiology,” she advised.
Amy (not her real name) sat in my office and wiped her streaming tears on her sleeve, refusing the scratchy tissues I’d offered. “I’m thinking about just applying for a Ph.D. program after I graduate because I have no idea what I want to do.” Amy had mild depression growing up, and it worsened during freshman year of college when she moved from her parents’ house to her dorm. It became increasingly difficult to balance school, socializing, laundry and a parttime job. She finally had to dump the part-time job, was still unable to do laundry, and often stayed up until 2 a.m. trying to complete homework because she didn’t know how to manage her time without her parents keeping track of her schedule. I suggested finding a job after graduation, even if it’s only temporary. She cried harder at this idea. “So, becoming an adult is just really scary for you?” I asked. “Yes,” she sniffled. Amy is 30 years old. Her case is becoming the norm for twenty- to thirtysomethings I see in my office as a psychotherapist. I’ve had at least 100 college and grad students like Amy crying on my couch because breaching adulthood is too overwhelming. In 2000, psychologist Jeff Arnet coined the term “emerging adolescence” to describe extended adolescence that delays adulthood. People in their 20s no longer view themselves as adults. There are various plausible reasons for this, including longer life spans, helicopter parenting and fewer high paying jobs that allow new college grads to be financially independent at a young age. Millennials do have to face some issues that previous generations did not. A college degree is now the career equivalent of what a high school degree used to be. This increases the pressure on kids to go to college and makes the process more competitive. The sluggish economy no longer yields a
wealth of jobs upon graduation. Rates of depression are soaring among millennials in college. A 2012 study by the American College Counseling Association reported a 16 percent increase in mentalhealth visits since 2000 and a significant increase in crisis response over the past five years. It seems as if every article about millennials claims these kids must all have narcissistic personality disorder. It’s easy to generalize an entire population by its collective Facebook statuses. However, narcissism is not Amy’s problem, or the main problem with millennials. The big problem is not that they think too highly of themselves. Their bigger challenge is conflict negotiation, and they often are unable to think for themselves. The overinvolvement of helicopter parents prevents children from learning how to grapple with disappointments on their own. If parents are navigating every minor situation for their kids, kids never learn to deal with conflict on their own. Helicopter parenting has caused these kids to crash land. A 2013 study in the Journal of Child and Family Studies found college students who experienced helicopterparenting reported higher levels of depression and use of antidepressant medications. The researchers suggest intrusive parenting interferes with the development of autonomy and competence. So helicopter parenting leads to increased dependence and decreased ability to complete tasks without parental supervision. Amy is still figuring out how to grow up. After a few months of therapy and medication to stabilize her depression, she started exercising to help relieve anxiety. She started online dating, something she found daunting before, and got a girlfriend. She started applying to grad schools but also made a list of places she wants to apply for jobs. Amy still has no idea what she wants to do when she grows up, but she’s a little less frightened of it now.
Couple wonders if parenting will Cirrhosis sufferers should try be worth it second time around non-drug strategies for pain Dear Abby: My husband and I are happily married and will celebrate 15 years of marriage next year. We have a 5-year-old daughter. Our dilemma is whether or not we should have another child. I’m 38, and my husband is 40. We have become comfortable with the fact our daughter is getting more independent. We plan on doing a lot of traveling, and I will change jobs after I complete school. We are not sure about starting over with a baby. We are doing OK financially, and if we have a second child, it would have to be within the next year, while I finish my classes and can be home to be with the baby. Our daughter is welladjusted, and we plan on putting her in activities such as dance and gymnastics. We would like your opinion, and also to hear from parents who had only one child, as well as people who were raised without a sibling. – Maybe Only One In Georgia Dear Maybe Only One: If you are considering enlarging your family only so your daughter will have a sibling, I don’t recommend it. What the six-year age difference means is your children will not grow up “together.” By the time the younger one
DEAR ABBY Jeanne Phillips is starting high school, the older one will be in college and gone. Even when they are closer in age, it’s no guarantee siblings will be close. I cannot – and should not – decide this for you. I am throwing your question open to my readers and will share their opinions with you. However, I’m sure they will be varied. Dear Abby: I am generally a conservative person. My 17-year-old son, “Leo,” asked for an ear piercing when he was 13. I wasn’t sure whether I liked the kind of impression it made, but because it was only one piercing, I agreed on the condition he would stop at one hole. When Leo was 15, he begged to have dreadlocks. Thinking it was a phase, I allowed it even though I wasn’t thrilled. He has since cut off the dreads, but now says he wants an eyebrow piercing. My son is a loving, wonderful, happy kid. He’s active in school, well-liked and an excellent student in an advanced academic program. I couldn’t honestly think of a good reason to say no, even though this piercing freaks
me out. I sense Leo wants to do more piercings, but he’s respectful enough to wait awhile. My question is, what is a good reason to NOT agree to more piercings? Every argument I’ve thought of – unsightly, unsanitary, makes the wrong impression – is rather thin. My 12-year-old daughter wants to dye her hair purple. I’m saying no but still have no good reason for that, either. Am I just too old-fashioned? – Not-With-It Mom In
Maccabim, Israel Dear Not-With-It Mom: Tell your son he was born with a perfect body. When you agreed to the ear piercing, it was on the condition that there would be only one piercing, and you expect him to keep his part of the bargain. If he asks for a further explanation, tell him it’s because he has enough holes in his head. As to your daughter, remember it’s only hair and it will grow out. If this is her only form of rebellion, consider yourself lucky. As to your being “too oldfashioned,” it’s a mother’s JOB to be old-fashioned. Keep up the good work.
• Write Dear Abby at www.dearabby.com or P.O. Box 69440, Los Angeles, CA 90069.
Dear Dr. K: I have cirrhosis of the liver. I also get tension headaches. What pain reliever can I take for my tension headaches? Dear Reader: One of the liver’s many jobs is detoxification – ridding the blood of toxins. Cirrhosis, a liver disease, interferes with the liver’s ability to detoxify substances in the blood. Your liver sees medications as toxins. When your liver is compromised, medications that are normally considered “safe” may no longer be safe for you. The safest pain medicine for someone with cirrhosis is acetaminophen (Tylenol). However, even this is more risky in people with cirrhosis. That’s because this medicine can be toxic to the liver. There is some evidence it may be more likely to injure a liver already damaged, such as from cirrhosis. I advise patients with cirrhosis not to take more than 2,000 milligrams in a day, or more than 650 mg a dose. That’s the equivalent of two regular-strength acetaminophen tablets. Take acetaminophen for the shortest time as possible. Some doctors believe it’s OK for people with cirrhosis to take as much as 3,000 milligrams (mg) in one day, but I’m more conservative.
ASK DR. K Dr. Anthony Komaroff Another frequently used non-prescription class of painkillers is the nonsteroidal anti-inflammatory drugs (NSAIDs), such as ibuprofen and naproxen. Unfortunately, cirrhosis raises the risk of internal bleeding from NSAIDs. Also, cirrhosis makes the kidneys more vulnerable to injury from drugs, particularly NSAIDs. So I think it’s best for people with cirrhosis to avoid NSAIDs. When possible, use nondrug strategies to relieve pain. Here are some strategies you can try when you experience a tension headache: • Ice or heat, and rest. Numb the pain with an ice pack, wrapped in a towel and applied to your forehead and temples for 15 minutes at a time. If muscle tension accompanies your head pain, apply heat packs to your neck and the back of your head. Retreating to a dark, quiet room to rest also can help. • Tai chi and yoga appear to reduce headache frequency and severity. But they don’t help relieve a headache
once it has begun. • Acupuncture involves inserting fine needles into the skin. This may release endorphins, the body’s natural painkilling chemicals. Acupuncture can be used for relieving head pain as it occurs and for reducing headache frequency. • Biofeedback. Head pain often is triggered by muscle tension. During biofeedback sessions, you’ll learn to recognize when you’re tensing up the muscles in the back, neck, shoulders or head – and to relax them before they cause pain. Biofeedback treats and prevents tension headaches. • Massage. I’ve had several patients who have found massage of the muscles in the back of the neck gave them relief, though I know of no studies proving its value. Finally, avoid situations that seem to bring on your tension headaches, such as working at a computer uninterrupted for several hours, or arguments with your children. It may reduce the number of tension headaches you get, and it won’t damage your liver.
• Write to Dr. Komaroff at www.askdoctork.com or Ask Doctor K, 10 Shattuck St., Second Floor, Boston, MA 02115.