The Herald-News / TheHerald-News.com • Sunday, September 21, 2014
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ADVICE Independent daughter wants less help from parents Dear Abby: I graduated from college, and I’m starting my first full-time job and moving into my first apartment. I bought all the furniture for it, but needed help moving in. My parents decided to drive five hours to my new home to transport the furniture in a truck they rented – without consulting me. While I appreciate their help because I would not have been able to lift some of the items on my own, I feel they have overstepped the normal boundaries of parenting an independent 27-year-old daughter. They also decided they would spend the night in my apartment and sleep in my newly purchased bed without asking me. Am I crazy for thinking my parents are not respecting my space? This is my first step out into the real world. – Becoming Independent In Illinois Dear Becoming Independent: How exactly did you plan to get the large items of furniture from point A to point B if your parents hadn’t stepped up to the plate?
DEAR ABBY Jeanne Phillips They were attempting to help you as they always have, not violate you. Although they were mistaken, they assumed that after a fivehour drive plus doing the heavy lifting, they’d be welcome to stay the night and not have to check into a hotel. Because that wasn’t the case, you should have thanked them for their generosity and told them you had made other arrangements for getting the furniture transported and installed instead of resenting them for it. Your problem isn’t pushy parents; it’s that you didn’t speak up in the first place. Dear Abby: I’m a 27-year-old single mom, career-focused and driven in what I do for my son and me. I want the best for him. He is 3. I am having a hard time meeting someone who will accept the
two of us. Men come up to me all the time at work or when I’m out, but once I mention that I have a small child, it’s like they run and hide. If I wait and tell them later, they get upset that I didn’t bring it up earlier. I am ready to settle down and be a “family” with someone. How do I fix this? What should I do? – Lonely In Sugar Land, Texas Dear Lonely: You’re doing nothing wrong, and nothing needs “fixing.” A man who approaches you and then runs in the opposite direction when he learns you have a child, isn’t interested in the kind of relationship you’re looking for. He’s looking for fun, not continuity. So, be honest about your situation from the beginning. While the idea of settling down is nice, you need to do it with someone whose priorities align with your own, and the men you have met so far don’t qualify. • Write Dear Abby at www. dearabby.com.
Break in new shoes slowly to prevent friction blisters Dear Doctor K: I wore a new pair of hiking boots on my vacation and now have several painful blisters on my feet. What’s the best way to treat them? Dear Reader: It sounds like you have friction blisters. A friction blister is a soft pocket of raised skin filled with clear fluid, caused by irritation from continuous rubbing or pressure. The irritation – in your case caused by new hiking boots – slightly damages the skin. The uppermost layer of skin separates from the layer beneath, and fluid accumulates in the space that’s left. (I’ve put an illustration of a friction blister on my website, AskDoctorK.com.) If the blister also contains blood, it is called a blood blister. Friction blisters typically drain on their own within days. A new layer of skin forms beneath the blister and eventually the blistered skin peels away. As a result, friction blisters don’t generally require any special treatment. Be sure to keep the blisters clean and dry. And also keep them intact: The skin provides a natural protection against infection.
ASK DOCTOR K Anthony L. Komaroff Do not try to drain the blister or pierce or cut away the overlying skin. In doing so, you can allow bacteria to get into the wound and cause an infection. If a blister breaks on its own, wash the area with soap and water. Then gently pat it dry, use an antibacterial ointment and cover it with a bandage. Do this every time you get the blister wet (from swimming or from bathing) and at least once a day. If pressure or friction continues in the same area, the blister may last longer. Sometimes it is impossible to avoid further irritation (for example, if your new hiking boots were the only shoes you brought on your vacation). In this case, protect the blister with a more heavy-duty sterile bandage. Continued friction may cause the blister to break open, ooze fluid and become infected. See your doctor immediately if you think you have an infection, notice
significant redness or drainage that is not clear fluid, or develop a fever. To prevent friction blisters in the future, wear shoes that fit well. That means the shoe should not be tight anywhere and should not slide up and down your heel when you walk. Wear socks that have good elastic and don’t tend to bunch up. And try to keep your feet dry. When you buy new shoes or boots, break them in over a few weeks before taking long walks and hikes. It’s rare for brand-new shoes or boots to fit your feet well under conditions of maximum stress. Like you, I learned this the hard way. I bought a pair of new boots before taking a several-day hike in the New England mountains. By the second day, I had two fierce friction blisters, one on each foot. The trip was considerably less fun after that.
• Dr. Komaroff is a physician and professor at Harvard Medical School. Visit www.AskDoctorK. com to send questions and get additional information.
You will be a great teacher Dr. Wallace: I am in my second year at the University of California. I would like to teach English composition and literature on the high school level when I graduate, but I’m concerned that my physical disability will cause school districts to rule me out as a teacher candidate. For the past nine years, I have been unable to walk. My father and I were in a car that was hit head on by an intoxicated driver. My father was severely injured, and I suffered permanent injuries to my spine and legs. I get around by means of an electric-powered vehicle also known as a “wheelchair.” I’m very comfortable maneuvering around campus in my vehicle, and I’m positive that I could function without a problem teaching on the high school level if given the opportunity. Since you are a former high school administrator, I welcome your input. – Nameless, Berkeley, California Dear Nameless: The great majority of school districts would hire the best-qualified candidates to fill their teaching vacancies. When I was teaching English and coaching varsity basketball at Phoenix Union High School, one of the most respected teachers on campus was a gentleman confined to a “wheelchair.” He taught mathematics and was the freshman basketball coach. He was superb in both areas. The first day of basketball practice, I observed him to see if he could function as a coach. After a week, I accepted him as a knowledgeable basketball coach and didn’t
’TWEEN 12 & 20 Robert Wallace even give it a second thought that he was doing his thing with the assistance of a chair with wheels. My advice to you is to plan on being a high school English teacher because it’s going to happen. You will be a great teacher! Dr. Wallace: One of my good friends left town to live with her married sister and her husband to get rid of her boyfriend. She emailed me that she would fill me in with the details later. She said her boyfriend was abusing her emotionally. I really can’t grasp what that means. Please tell me what constitutes emotional abuse. – Karen, Michigan City, Indiana Dear Karen: Emotional abuse can take many forms: verbal attacks, belittlement, controlling, jealousy and threatening physical violence. For a female, this can mean that a male friend refuses to let her spend much time with her close friends; refuses to allow her to talk to other males; forces the female to keep a cell phone on her person so he can check on her whereabouts. When emotional abuse becomes the norm rather than the exception, the relationship should end. It’s too bad that your good friend had to escape out of town. It’s her boyfriend who should have exited the scene. • Email Dr. Robert Wallace at rwallace@ galesburg.net.