Kane County Chronicle / KCChronicle.com • Tuesday, August 6, 2013
| ADVICE
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Help available for veterans going back to school Dear Abby: This letter is for “Torn in Milford, Conn.” I returned to college after 20 years of active duty and know firsthand how difficult the transition can be. Most universities have a veterans’ service office where he might be able to connect with students with similar backgrounds and experiences to his. There should also be chapters of the American Legion and the Veterans of Foreign Wars where he can meet others. I was fortunate that the university I attended (at age 45) had a dorm floor specifically for “nontraditional” students like me. In classes, I was able to make friends because my unique experiences enabled me to connect to the material in ways younger students could not, and by sharing those connections, people got to know me. Starting over – starting something new – is always difficult, but no education is ever wasted. If he does want to explore a career in security, “Torn” should take a part-time job while attending school to help cover expenses;
DEAR ABBY Jeanne Phillips universities always need highly skilled employees, and university towns are filled with venues that require such skills. That being said, a diploma will get him further in his future. – Nontraditional Student, Ekalaka, Mont.
Dear Nontraditional Student: Thank you for sharing your personal experience. Your support and encouragement for “Torn” to complete his college education was endorsed by many other vets and college professors, who find vets to be great students: Dear Abby: I’m concerned that there may be more going on with “Torn” than just that he or she doesn’t fit in with peers in school. Being a combat vet and feeling disconnected from peers or having a desire to return to what they knew before (security work) is a sign of PTSD. Missing work is often “code” for survivor’s guilt. (“If
I could go back and make it right, perhaps my buddy would be here, or I would be with my buddy.”) There are services available for vets suffering from PTSD if they recognize the need to reach out for them. – Vet Who Made It Through Dear Abby: I am a longtime college professor. Many bright students, young and old, have similar complaints. “Torn,” you sound like a great student, as many vets are. Try evening classes. They’re usually available to any enrolled student and are the same courses taught in day sections. See if your college has online courses, so you won’t have to deal with the students in person, although you may have to take part in online discussions. Check out your college’s career services office and find a part-time job. I hope these ideas will help your college experience to be more pleasant and productive. – Dr. M. In Oklahoma City • Write Dear Abby at www. dearabby.com.
Sudden drop in sex drive merits trip to the doctor Dear Doctor K: I’m a woman in my 50s. I’ve always had a healthy sex drive, but lately it’s gone byebye. What could be wrong? Dear Reader: There aren’t a lot of people with a take-it-or-leave-it attitude about sex. We are sexual creatures, and for most of our lives, we are well aware of having sexual desire. So when you notice that it’s just not there, it is upsetting. Many women report a loss of sexual desire. One huge survey of women in different countries found that more than 30 percent of women report this problem, to the point that it causes them distress. Loss of desire is most frequent among women in the 45-65 age group, and then tapers off after age 65. There are many reasons for a decline in a person’s sex drive, some physical and some psychological. A decline in the production of estrogen with menopause is one reason, and most U.S. women enter menopause in their early 50s. The “male” hormones, androgens, are also made by women, in lower amounts. They are important in generating sexual desire. A substantial fraction of female androgens are made by the ovaries. While female androgen
ASK DOCTOR K Anthony L. Komaroff levels remain relatively constant after menopause, removal of the ovaries (surgical menopause) can cause testosterone, the main type of androgen, to drop, and with it, sexual desire. While sexual desire declines somewhat in women after menopause, a sudden drop for no good reason merits a trip to your doctor. He or she will look for physical causes to explain your diminished sex drive. Many chronic medical conditions can impinge on desire. So, too, can treatments for these conditions. Low libido may also stem from chronic pain that causes discomfort during intercourse. A common cause of such pain is the condition called endometriosis. If there are no obvious physical causes to address, your doctor will explore your attitudes and feelings about sex. For example, has your relationship with your partner changed recently? Your doctor will also ask about depression, self-image, stress and fatigue. If there may be a psychological
or relationship issue, one option is sex therapy. The therapist may suggest that both you and your significant other participate. You will be encouraged to explore any negative feelings that may surround sex. Relationship-building exercises may be recommended to increase trust, communication and sensual awareness. You may also be taught stress-reduction techniques. Medical treatments are also available. One option is hormone treatment with testosterone. As testosterone levels decline with age, a woman’s sexual interest and responsiveness may also drop off. Another medical option is bupropion. This antidepressant may increase sexual desire and arousal even if you don’t have depression. It can also counter the negative sexual side effects of other antidepressant medications. Most of my female patients who have experienced distressing lack of sexual desire have been helped by one of more of these treatments.
• Dr. Komaroff is a physician and professor at Harvard Medical School. Visit www.AskDoctorK. com to send questions and get additional information.
Woman’s fiancée falls in love with someone else Dr. Wallace: I’m 21 and have a major problem. Luke and I dated for more than three years. A year ago, we became engaged and had our pictures in the newspaper smiling at each other and looking like we were in love. I was in love, but I guess he wasn’t. A month after the announcement hit the paper, we broke up. He said that he didn’t love me and had fallen in love with someone else. I was heartbroken, and when Luke married this girl, I felt abandoned and alone. After a while, I actually felt relieved because I could now put Luke out of my mind, even though I felt I still loved him. I met Mark shortly after Luke got married. Mark is sweet, kind, gentle and has a great sense of humor. We were married after a 6-month courtship. I do love Mark with all my heart and soul, and he loves and adores me. We are very happy and plan to have three children as soon as we can afford it. We are both employed fulltime, but if I had to stop working, it would be a strain at this time. When Mark and I were married, we did not invite Luke, but I saw him at the church service. We did not speak then, but he recently came by my work and asked to speak with me. He told my boss it was important, so when my boss told me, I peeked out the door and was shocked to see Luke. I spoke with him and couldn’t believe it when he told me he made a mistake marrying this other woman
’TWEEN 12 & 20 Robert Wallace and that he still loved me even more than ever and would wait until the end of time for me to return to him. I told him I had to finish my work and went back to my office. Now I’m confused and don’t know what to do. I admit that I still love Luke, but I also love my husband dearly. It’s just that I seem to love them in different ways. What do you think I should do? – Nameless, Toledo, Ohio Dear Nameless: You don’t really need an advice columnist’s input. You’re not a contestant on “The Dating Game.” You are a married woman who has chosen a lifelong companion. If you abandon your husband on the whim of a guy as selfish and emotionally unstable as Luke, you’ll regret the decision for the rest of your life – and probably sooner rather than later. My guess is that, if you fell for Luke’s line, he’d abandon you a second time, maybe at the altar. This is the game he plays. You made a vow to your husband. Keep it! Luke has shown up in your life as a tantalizing temptation. By saying no to his inappropriate advances, you’ll strengthen your own marriage and understand that you are a young woman with integrity – and in other words, someone who is worth loving. • Email Dr. Robert Wallace at rwallace@ galesburg.net.