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Which is why I’m forever grateful she was around in the early months of StrongHER TogetHER as we puzzled over the program’s ultimate mission. It was a trifecta of events, I suppose. It started with one firstgrader’s birthday note to our friend’s daughter. “I don’t like you,” it said. “But happy birthday anyway.” Talk about snark with a smile. Our friend’s little girl was understandably gobsmacked, but somewhere out there, another little girl delivered the exact punch she’d intended. All wrapped in a glittery card with princess stickers. Around the same time, someone spray painted hate-crime words on the parking lot wall of JC’s Kitchen. It made national news. And it made our city weep. At a loss, I called the owner, Ms. Phyllis [Terry], and told her I was sorry, told her this wasn’t who Durham was. I rallied folks to meet me for breakfast at JC’s Kitchen … just to show that darn spray-painting fiend what was what. In truth, though, it was Ms. Phyllis who showed us what was what. She could’ve reacted a number of ways to those hateful words and the media mayhem that ensued. She could’ve been bitter, embarrassed, angry, afraid. But no. Ms. Phyllis knew the bad words would lead to good. She planned artwork for her wall, welcomed new faces into the restaurant, organized community events … Ms. Phyllis was a force. Every quarter, StrongHER More and more, we could see TogetHER celebrates some of the Bull City’s most amazing women at why. She was stalwart in her their Women of Durham programs. faith, yes, but it was a sea of Check stronghertogether.org/ events for details. “we-got-you” girlfriends who were her earthly buoy. There was no way they’d let her sink. The contrast between Team Phyllis and our first-grade friends was not lost on Veshana and me. But what to do ... The sum of this story was quite simply this: The world had suddenly become a very bold place. A place where consequences were hazy, untested. And most of all, a place where longstanding catty, judgmental stereotypes of us girls had the potential to do us in. Now I should mention here, despite the obvious conclusions, StrongHER TogetHER was not created in answer to politics or presidents. True, we snatched up Hillary’s rallying cry, but it was because we loved the marketing shenanigans we might play with “-HER” at the end of two very powerful words. Words that captured exactly what we wanted to say: Stick together, girls, no matter how different you are. Because therein lies your strength. Veshana and I are dewy-faced new to nonprofits. As I hammer out agendas, wonder how we’re gonna pay for camps and wear out the Google translate app to communicate with our Spanish-speaking parents, there is one thing that drives me … a gaggle of Bull City fifth-graders who are the first ones out of the gate. The true founders of StrongHER TogetHER. I feel so lucky to be walking alongside them. 34
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Veshana GREW UP IN SOUTH AFRICA during apartheid. A time when segregation was at its height and every opportunity was afforded based on race. A descendant of 18th century indentured laborers from India, the odds for success were not in my favor. And yet it would’ve been impossible for me and my siblings to fail. My family simply would not hear of it. “Education is everything!” they said. “Work hard. There’s nothing you can’t do!” Amazingly enough, even beneath the oppression of apartheid, they had the proof to back it up. Over the decades that followed their arrival into South Africa, my family chiseled their way from a life of serving to a life of leading – as doctors, politicians and entrepreneurs. During my childhood, I was able to see my grandad build the first temple in our town, and I watched as my father worked tirelessly to improve the schools. My family’s blueprint for success had been laid before us. But it was the women in the community I remember with the most fondness. The spirit of my grandmother, who was the first woman to play tennis where we lived. The dogged determination of “Aunty” Surij, who ran a business out of her home seven days a week and never complained about needing a day off. The warmth of “Aunty” Silvi, the local baker, who encouraged our efforts at school and offered a cookie to make studying sweeter. And always, always the same mantra: “Study and work and you can do anything!” Oh, how lucky we were to grow up with these strong women to guide us! They had laid the foundation for the women I would meet in medical school who would walk alongside me. And walking is quite literally how our band of doctors-in-the-making started out. None of us owned a car. We would walk two miles to and from school in Johannesburg. I am so grateful for those daily journeys. It was there we dreamed out loud, confessed our worries and wondered where in the world we were all headed. Today we are spread far and wide, but we are every bit as connected and strong as we were on those long walks many years ago. I would take nothing for those first footsteps with my sisters. And so it makes perfect sense then, that the universe decided to plunk one Miss Stacey down next to me at a school meeting years ago and add yet another inspiring woman to my long list. When so many people are clamoring about how the world needs to change and doing little more, my dear friend is out here grabbing my hand and leading the charge. I am so proud to be on this journey with her. Because StrongHER TogetHER is showing Bull City girls how to become women who will change things. And that’s something really, isn’t it? “We’ll teach the girls another way,” Stacey likes to tell me. “And it may take some hard work, but eventually they’ll see … together, they can do anything!”As sure as I’m sitting here doing exactly what I dreamed I’d do, I know … she’s right.