in HER words
Year in Review: A Reflection on Love and Healing BY TIAN N A SPEARS
I
feel more creative and more myself near water. My father says this is because I was born six blocks from the ocean. I am a lover of sunshine, so I decided to go where I could find both – Portugal. “What brings you here?” Sofia, a new friend in this new city, asks. She’s from the northern part of the country. She tells me how she misses the calm of the countryside, her parents’ home, her old life. Her curly brown hair bounces around her face. I wonder how I will answer her question. There were many reasons why I moved, or chose not to stay. A quote from Srinivas Rao on the podcast, “Good Life Project,” is one that resonates: “When I looked at the path of a regular job, a regular existence, well-lit paths, clearly marked destinations, I [thought], ‘Wait a minute. I’ve already gone down that road, and it’s going to bring me right back to where I’m at now, because I’ve made all those choices in my 20s that have led me to where I am now at 30.’ … And the only way to end up in a completely different place by the time I’m 40 is to go down a road where there aren’t
O RI G I N A L LY FR OM LO S A N G E L E S,
T H E AUT H O R WAS
RA I S E D I N D U R HAM. S H E H A S WRI TTEN F O R A M E R ICA N DIPLO M ACY ,
LO S A NGE L E S
T IM E S, M ATA DOR N E T WO RK A ND PO L IT ICO, A N D
WA S F E AT URED O N A B C N E WS,
B US I N E S S I N SI DER , C N N , N P R, P RI ’ S
T H E WO RL D A ND
I N T H E NE W YO R K T IM E S. T I A N NA I S
T H E F O UN D E R OF A STO RY T E L L I NG CO L L E CT I V E
WE B S I T E CA L LED
T I A N N A’ S C RE ATI VE A N D C RE ATO R OF
T H E B LO G “ WHAT’ S UP WI T H T I A N NA.”
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december 2021 / january 2022
well-lit paths, none of the destinations are clearly marked, and it’s a complete unknown. ... I would rather gamble on the uncertainty of that than the guarantee of mediocrity that I’ve already experienced.” While standing with my new friend at the dog park, in this new city with its cobblestone roads, orange trees, staircases to unknown destinations, people peering out from over their balconies, I told her that I moved here for the quality of life. “Ah,” Sofia grins. “Then you did well.” I thank her. I tell Sofia that assumed risk presents the beautiful opportunity to discover what happens when you make a different decision. We are taught to be logical and planned strategists, but who actually knows what they are doing? If the pandemic has taught me anything, it’s that I have absolutely no control outside of the life I build for myself. I am along for the ride and in realizing that, I find my power. The past year was a year of unlearning certain habits, patterns and things that no longer serve me. This is the last year of my 20s; this is also my last column for Durham Magazine. The opportunity to create, to write about our beautiful community, was extremely healing. I got the chance to reflect on why I love Durham and the people in it who continue to positively impact me, and remember my childhood, which reinforces what Durham means to me. It’s an honor and a privilege to write about it; one that I do not take lightly. If you’ve offered kind words of support or read my column over the past year, thank you. I try to ground myself in this world by finding joy in whatever I can. There are many memories from the past year that are special to me: My close friend, her 5-yearold, my brother and I played freeze tag for an hour in the backyard. Another friend is having a baby, and my childhood friend’s son just turned 2 months old. I sold my