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RESTING IN PEACE
A Sacred Calling End-of-Life Doulas Story by Marlowe Starling Photography by Nicole Guillen
“What should I do?”
T
hose words sat like cliffhangers on the lips of her father in his dying days. But as Lee Wilbershied sat at his bedside, she realized something more about herself: She wasn’t afraid. She was at peace. And she understood, both as his daughter and as a human, that this moment of transitioning toward the end of his life — or perhaps the beginning of a new one — was sacred. Doulas are commonly known for their work bringing life into the world, helping mothers as they give birth. As the cycle of life suggests, these doulas believe that death is an equally sacred process. End-of-life doulas like Wilberschied are trained to help clients and their loved ones before, during and after the dying process through a variety of services. Now, a group of six doulas have banded together to bring awareness to their unique work.
“We understand that there are issues and there’s sadness and there’s pain, but if we can work to smooth that process, I think that’s really valuable work.” When we think about death, we may envision Death personified: a skeletal figure enrobed in heavy black cloth, a scythe at his side. Doulas, however, work to shift that narrative. Although they understand that they can’t eliminate grief,
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sorrow or heartache, they can help people focus on death as a beautiful process. “We are really focused on helping people have a good death, and by that I mean as good as possible,” said Elisabeth Cherr, founder of Gainesville-based Day Is Done Doula. “We understand that there are issues and there’s sadness and there’s pain, but if we can work to smooth that process, I think that’s really valuable work.” Although each doula offers her own set of services, they boil down to three categories: advanced directives (planning out one’s ideal death); vigils (the 24-48 hours before death); and after-death care or grief support for families. Other services include calming techniques like guided imagery, where a doula might help a client envision peaceful scenes, or legacy work, which involves reflecting on one’s life thus far. “Legacy project is so key because it’s our story, it’s what we were here for, it’s people in our lives, it’s just what makes us human,” said Gainesville doula Shanti Vani. She notes that end-of-life doulas can offer simple gestures like companionship, offering to spend time however the client wishes: playing board games, watching a movie, or perhaps just talking. “Someone listening, really listening, can make a profound difference when it comes to end of life issues,” said end-of-life doula Anna Rahman. Doula Anna Schwait, founder of Compassionate Care Now in Gainesville, said she aims to “honor death as we honor life.” She emphasizes that doulas cater to the client’s wants and needs, regardless of whether the client is spiritual or religious. That’s why planning one’s death ahead of time is important, she said, so the doula will know about any music, chants, rituals, ambience, or other aspects a client may wish to have seniortimesmagazine.com