Local Garden Birds
K9 Search & Rescue
Great Prizes! VOL. 15/Aug 2022
Read & Share
DURBAN | HIGHWAY | PIETERMARITZBURG | MIDLANDS
Editor’s Note Friday, 26 August is International Dog Day, so it was a delight to interview a local hero, Jack Haskins now retired from K9 Search and Rescue Unit. Read his story on page 6. I hope you will be as inspired as I have been! As Senior Living is about living life well after retirement, be aware of the common exercise stumbling blocks on page 36, looking after your eyes, and a delicious Indian Chai recipe on page 20 with fantastic health benefits. If we work according to calendar months, we officially have one month left of Winter before Spring, my favourite
season! Join me in looking for something good in today and being kind! As this magazine is a senior’s magazine for seniors, we would love to hear from you! Send us your short stories, photos, funnies, or any other interesting material for possible publication. Your contributions, our advertisers and our amazing staff make this magazine possible. Thank you! Natalie Gilbert
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Discounts and Offers.....................pg 4 K9 Rescue.......................................pg 6 Collector’s Corner.........................pg 10 Palliative Care...............................pg 14 Garden Corner..............................pg 18 Cooking Corner.............................pg 20 Understanding Labels...................pg 21 South African Garden Birds..........pg 22 Take Care of Your Eyes.................pg 26
Lincoln’s Life Lessons.....................pg 28 How To Set Up SOS on Your Phone...............................pg 32 Puzzle Corner.................................pg 34 Stumbling Blocks to Exercise........pg 36 Poetry Corner.................................pg 38 Jokes Corner..................................pg 40 Comic Relief...................................pg 44 Competition Corner......................pg 46
The views expressed in SENIOR LIVING are not necessarily those of the Editor, Senior Living, or its advertisers. Publication of advertising material does not imply any endorsement in respect of goods or services described therein. While reasonable precautions have been taken to ensure the accuracy of the contents of this magazine, SENIOR LIVING cannot accept responsibility for any bona fide errors therein. Copyright of material (including photographs) published in this magazine is vested with SENIOR LIVING and the authors/originators of the material, and may not be reproduced without permission.
Discounts and Offers Please confirm all discounts beforehand, as they are subject to change, and notify us of any discounts that you encounter for the benefit of the readership. *PC = Pensioner’s card required *LC = Monday/Tuesday/Wednesday • Avondale Spar: 5% discount (not on promotions), loyalty card required (bring ID and ID photo) Monday • Village Yard, discount
Tuesday • Makro: 5% discount on food products, up to 10% discount on general products, pensioner’s card required • SuperSpar Richden’s Village: 5% discount • Knowles SuperSpar: 5% discount, pensioner’s card required • Caversham Glen Pick n Pay: 5% discount, double points on promotional items, pensioner’s card required • Merrivale SuperSpar: 5% discount on tea and cake, Spar card required • Parklane SuperSpar: 5% discount on all purchases • Greendale SuperSpar: 5% discount, loyalty card holders • Hilton Quarry Centre Spar: 5% discount, free delivery in Hilton
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Waste Centre Fabrics, 670 Umgeni Road, Durban: 10% discount The Cookhouse: 10% discount Blackwoods Nursery : 10% discount for seniors (from age 65) Village Feeds in Hilton: 10% discount
Wednesday • Musgrave Pick n Pay: double Smart Shopper points • Game: 10% discount on the first R1500, excluding cell phones • Clicks: Double e-bucks and double Club Card points for over 60s • Builders Express Pinetown: 10% discount, loyalty card required • Piggly Wiggly: 20% off all meals and cakes Thursday • Merrivale SuperSpar: 5% discount on tea and sandwiches, Spar card required • Greendale SuperSpar: 5% discount, loyalty card holders • Hilton Quarry Centre Spar: 5% discount, free delivery in Hilton Every Day • Bargain Books, Hillcrest: discount • Ground Cover: 5% discount
K9 Search and Rescue Local Hero, Retired Lieutenant Jack Haskins, SAPS K-9 Search and Rescue, is known and loved by the community and is regarded as a local legend for his bravery and service in K9 Search and Rescue in South Africa and internationally. We interviewed him to inspire and motivate our readers, as he has done for so many. Jack completed his compulsory military service straight after school and then went on to join his father in Real Estate at J. H. Haskins & Sons. When his younger sisters joined the police, he thought that “sounded like fun”. Having met dog handlers at the Owl’s Nest (a roadhouse that his parents owned), he joined the Dog (K9) Unit where he first focused on patrol and explosive dog work.
The K9 Search and Rescue was established in 1994. The K9 Search and Rescue was established in 1994. As Jack didn’t
want to do shift work anymore and wanted something a bit more “low key”, he applied to join the programme, becoming the first Search and Rescue Dog handler in KZN and one of 6 in South Africa! Life began to speed up, not slow down: Jack was on standby 24/7 for 22 years. Family life changed: family gatherings required two cars in case Jack was called away, but Jack remains grateful to his late wife, two children, and partner for their support. Jack received the coveted SAPS Silver Cross for Bravery for saving victims trapped in the 1987 floods.
Jack initially worked 12-hour shifts, but once he’d qualified in the field of Search and Rescue his working hours changed to routine office hours and being on standby after hours. He spent most of his time with his dogs and as a result formed close bonds with each one.
Jack has learnt to show compassion to those he encounters and to appreciate what you have, and who you have. Asking Jack about his favourite, he replied that each dog had special qualities. Rolf, Jack’s first Search and Rescue dog, a German Shepherd with a beautiful presence, drew attention wherever he went and was known for his bravery. Orca, also a German Shepherd, described as the bravest, “put Jack on the map” for the deepest drowning recovery, and accompanied Jack to India and Algeria after earthquakes. Orca received the SAPS Canine and Equine Star for Bravery. Udaine, a Malinois (a breed of Belgium Shepherd), was the best athlete, agile, strong and fast. Butch, a black Labrador cross
Pointer, was his Biological Dog (trained to detect body fluids at a crime scene) who would sit right up next to Jack and “nibble his neck like his girlfriend”! Jack’s last dog, Bear, was a German Shepherd who served him until he retired. Jack described his dogs as the “best psychologists under the sun” who helped him debrief from the emotional build-up. A strong bond is essential in Jack’s line of work, but they grew to be best friends. “You talk, they listen! If you put your mother-in-law in the boot of your car and you drive around the block, when she gets out, she’s not your friend! Do the same to your dog, he will still love you.” Patrol dog handlers are required to arrest criminals, focusing on justice. However, in K9 Search and Rescue it’s a different ball game. Compassion, emotional involvement, and counselling
is required. Jack has shed many tears during his career, and mentions, “you must not bottle it up, let it out.” It is encouraging to hear such a strong man speak about the power of emotion.
“when you retire, keep busy, get a hobby...” Jack has learnt to show compassion to those he encounters and to appreciate what you have, and who you have. He has seen how short life is and encourages readers to appreciate each moment and take note of the small things in life. Further, Jack advises that broken relationships should be restored: “once that family member is gone there is no chance of repair.” Lastly, Jack counsels in his direct but loving way, to “drop the stubbornness, tell your son or daughter that you love them, do something about it today.”
Jack is now working at Angel’s Care as the Operations Manager or, as he puts it “Gofer”. This NPO started as a Saturday feeding scheme for Shiyabazali Informal Settlement in Howick, but now partners with Thembalihle School overseeing children in the local community, making sure they are fed and looked after. In this regard, Jack advises that “when you retire, keep busy, get a hobby, join clubs, volunteer, get involved, don’t sit at home doing nothing, alone.”
Donations would be greatly appreciated: Brenda’s Canine Fund NPC helps support public and private search and rescue K-9 units in honour of Brenda Scriven. Donate to Standard Bank, Account number 251192946, Branch code 051001, reference: SLM and your surname.
Collector’s Corner With Daryl Kriel from Kensington Bond
My Father left me his medals: how do I know if they are worth anything? - Brenda
However, lately with the easy access to Military Rolls some seemingly insignificant medals are finding value. It is the story behind the medal that has lifted the value of these.
Beware of unscrupulous dealers who buy medals for low prices when they are worth a whole lot more. Medals are basically divided into three categories: medals awarded for Participation, for Campaigns, and for Gallantry. When it comes to value the latter gets the lion’s share (the Victoria Cross awarded for valour would be the holy grail of medal collectors). The value would therefore be determined by the rarity of a medal or medal group.
A medal with a good story and paperwork to back it up will be far more valuable. Sometimes the story will even surpass the condition! Beware of unscrupulous dealers who buy medals for low prices when they are worth a whole lot more. Give Daryl from Kensington Bond a call on 082 297 1117 if you would like a valuation, or just some info on anything old and interesting!
Palliative Care Palliative care is a type of medical care designed to help people living with serious illnesses. It should be provided alongside curative care, as it has a different focus: not curing, but managing.
Palliative care helps people to live with these illnesses as comfortably as possible... Palliative care helps people to live with these illnesses as comfortably as possible, reducing the burden of stress on both patients and families, and helping them to improve their quality of life and peace of mind, knowing that their loved ones are living well. This can make a huge difference in people’s lives. Some serious illnesses that can benefit from palliative care are: • Heart failure, • End stage renal failure, • Dementia, • Cancer, • Organ transplants, etc.
Proper care can seriously reduce the negative impacts of living with these illnesses. It can: • Alleviate pain, • Assist with depression, • Reduce hospitalization admissions, • Alleviate difficulty in breathing, • Increase lifespan/longevity, etc. As we approach the ends of our lives, we must ask ourselves: how can we make our remaining time on this earth as good as possible? Ask yourself three questions: 1. With whom do I want to spend my last days? 2. Where do I want to be? 3. How do I want the experience to be? With proper and professional care, the answers can be: 1) with my friends and family, 2) in the comfort of my home, 3) feeling comfortable and pain-free. Qualified health care workers play an important role in quality care. That is why palliative care should become a priority in your medical planning when faced with serious illness. Fiona Booysen, Director at Fair Nursing. (Post Basic Diploma in Nephrology/ Nimart Trained.) firstname.lastname@example.org, 082 304 7356
C g in
Delicious Chai Recipe
This has definitely become a winter favourite of mine! The recipe incorporates many Indian spices with proven health benefits. These spices are sometimes called ‘nutraceuticals’ (from ‘nutrition’ + ‘pharmaceutical’) because of their health-giving properties. Turmeric (or ‘hurdhee’) is one of them. It contains a substance called curcumin, which has antibacterial, antiinflammatory, anti-microbial, and anticancer effects. Curcumin is not easily absorbed into the body on its own, but recent research shows that, with the help of black pepper, its absorption increases up to 20 times! Serves 2-3 Ingredients • 5 cloves • 3 aniseeds • 1 tsp cinnamon powder (or 1-2 pieces of cinnamon sticks) • ¼ tsp cardamom/elachi powder (or 2 pieces whole elachi) • 1½ tsp pure turmeric powder • ¼ tsp ground black pepper (or 5 peppercorns)
• • •
5 slices ginger ½ cup boiled water 2½ cups milk (full cream or low fat – I haven’t tried using almond or oat milk yet, but they can probably be used) Honey or sweetener
Method 1. Bring the water to a boil in a pot on the stove. 2. Grind all dry spices together. 3. Add ground dry spices and ginger to the water and boil for 2 minutes. 4. Add milk and stir for ±5-8 minutes until the mixture begins to boil. 5. Optional: Add some honey for flavour (if you’re not diabetic). Sweetener can be used as an alternative.
Tel: 033 342 3234 Email: email@example.com
Energy Protein Carbohydrate of which total sugar Total fat of which saturated fat trans fat monounsaturated fat polyunsaturated fat Cholesterol Dietary Fibre* Total sodium
381 kJ 3,7 g 13 g 10,4 g 2,8 g 1,8 g 0,1 g 0,7 g <0,1 g 4 mg < 0,5 g 65 mg
per 125ml serving
per 100 ml
In order to make informed and healthy food choices we need to understand the composition of the products we are purchasing. Food labels are an excellent tool for choosing the healthiest food products… but we need to learn how to read them properly!
476kJ 4,6 g 16 g 13,0 g 3,5 g 2,2 g 0,2 g 0,9 g < 0,1g 5 mg <0,5 g 82 mg
Typical nutritional labels give nutrient values in different amounts: “per serving” and “per 100g/ml”. It’s a good idea to focus on the “per 100g/ml” column, since the “per serving” column only indicates the amount you’re technically expected to consume, which may not be accurate. Using the standardised column also makes comparison much easier!
The three nutrients we need to compare when making a healthier choice are: sodium, carbohydrates, and fibre. Aim for less than 2000mg of total sodium per day, and try to ensure your total sugar intake is less than 5% of your total energy/carbohydrate intake. (This is especially important for diabetics.) As for fiber, look for foods with more than 3g per 100g/ml. As with any nutritional advice, when in doubt, ask your doctor or dietician.
The three nutrients we need to compare when making a healthier choice are: sodium, carbohydrates, and fibre. For a more detailed look at how to read food labels, including much more information on the different forms of these important nutrients, visit the Senior Living blog!
Tel: 033 342 3234 Email: firstname.lastname@example.org
South African Garden Birds We hope you love our latest feature, South African Garden Birds. Send us your photos of common garden birds and you may see them published in one of our upcoming issues! Photos can be submitted to email@example.com
Dark-Capped Bulbul – A common garden resident around South Africa, it can be easily identified by its dark cap. The face and chin are a dark brown, the crest is often erect, and it has bright yellow undertail coverts. Its cup nest is built by the female and is usually 2 – 4 metres off the ground. The Dark-Capped Bulbul is parasitized by the Jacobin Cuckoo, who migrates to Southern Africa and breeds between October to April.
Cape Turtle Dove – This common dove has a black hind neck collar, is blue-grey in colour, and has white outer tail feathers conspicuous in flight. It is similar to the larger Red-eyed Dove, but doesn’t have red around the eye. Don’t confuse it with the Laughing Dove either: the Cape Turtle dove does not have the chestnut colouring on its upper parts. Some say the Cape Turtle Dove is saying “work harder, work harder”; others say it’s “drink lager, drink lager” – which voice will you listen to?
Clarendon House Care Group All homes cover assisted living to frail care and have 24 hour caring. Short and long term options available.
Not just a lifestyle...we are there for life!
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7 en suite rooms Large garden 2 Montrose Drive, Pietermaritzburg
Bannister’s Bungalow • • •
4 en suite rooms 1 self sustaining cottage 9a Old Howick Road, Pietermaritzburg
4 rooms en suite plus 3 rooms sharing one bathroom 152 Hesketh Drive
Inman Place • • •
5 bedrooms 2 age appropriate bathrooms 1 Inman Place, Montrose
Contact Vicki Bannister on 072 199 1463 or firstname.lastname@example.org www.clarendonhousecare.co.za 25
Take Care of Your Eyes Ladies, your eyes need you to take extra care of them! damage should be an encouragement to get help from one of your eye care team if you have these symptoms.
Eye health is important for both men and women at every age. When it comes to eye disease, though, all things might not be created equal. With the average life expectancy of South African women being higher than men (at 71.3 years in comparison with 64.6 years) it is expected that older women suffer from a higher frequency of eye conditions. This longevity also means women are naturally more susceptible to age-related conditions: age-related macular degeneration, glaucoma, and cataracts will be increasingly identified as women age further. Eye conditions aren’t just a numbers game, though. Changes in female hormones throughout life impact women’s bodies. Decreasing hormone levels (including oestrogen and progesterone) affect the quality and quantity of lubricating tears produced by the tear glands. The resulting red, irritated/ gritty, dry (and sometimes even watery) eyes are classified as Dry Eye Syndrome. Women are three times more likely to experience this condition. Whilst most people with chronic dry eye syndrome don’t seek professional advice, the possibility of corneal
Whilst the skin around the eyes is expected to loosen as the skin’s elasticity and structure changes with age, the effect can be reduced or prevented by handling the fragile skin around the eye with care from an early age. Allergies, tired eyes and eye strain can cause eye rubbing which in turn will accelerate sagging, and cause additional damage. Sun exposure can also accelerate eye conditions. Sunglasses protect from UV damage (and make a personal fashion statement too)! The range available means women can also have prescription lenses in sunglasses for all day protection. You can look good, be safe, and see well at the same time. Chronic health conditions, for example, diabetes, high blood pressure or autoimmune diseases, impact your vision when uncontrolled. Be aware of your lifestyle and daily decisions. Simple and regular activity, balanced nutrition, and regular reviews by your healthcare practitioners will assist in enhancing your wellness and preserving eye health and vision. Allison Deysel, Hospital Manager Pietermaritzburg Eye Hospital Want to know more visit www. pmbeyehospital.co.za or follow us on our Facebook page.
Lincoln’s Life Lessons Cannabis cookies for dummies
Well, the saga starts with my plan to go to multiple nurseries to drop off some price lists. I noticed a bloke setting up a stand selling “Cannabis Products”: pills, oils, even biscuits. Out of politeness, I stopped and asked him what they were for. He rallied off a whole slew of ailments, from insomnia and gout to cancer and everything in between.
Out of politeness, I stopped and asked him what they were for. It was a like listening to a snake oil salesman from the old west, someone who’d sell you a cough expectorant to solve all your ills, but which really just gave you chronic diarrhoea from the directions: “Oom, vat twee slukke en hou styf vas aan daai boom. Jy sal te bang wees om te hoes!” Anyway, I digress. In the midst of his cannabis display were some cookies. He gave me one for free, and another for my wife. I thought, well these look like digestive-type health biscuits, and he seems pretty cool in a shabby-chic kind of way, so what’s the harm? He told me all about the cookies, but he lost me in the second half when he starting trying to sound medical (although he was not a doctor but more like a herbologist from the Sangoma School of Fine Art in Phitatotjaba, close to Qwa-Qwa, close to Bethlehem in
the Free State, not Israel … but I digress again). Anyway, I took the two “health” cookies and drove off. On the way I remembered that I hadn’t had breakfast. So I ate them both. I remember that I went shopping. Two shops in – I was in Fruit & Veg City looking for ingredients for a chilli sauce – BLAAANK! I was having an out-of-body experience. I lost my trolley completely (it was behind me). Then it got worse. “I’m having a stroke,” I thought. I was pushing my trolley, which I’d found again, but it felt like pushing someone else’s. When I had to pay I had to think for ages about my bank PIN and type it in reeeeaaally sloooowly…. Fortunately the car park was small, so there was no way I’d lose my CAR. But I did. So I pressed my alarm, which went off two cars away from where I was. So far so good. Well, getting out of this carpark is tricky enough when you’re feeling okay, but when you’re high as a kite, it’s another story entirely. Aided by prayer and the grace of God I made it safely home. My wife and daughters thought it was hilarious. My mother-inlaw wanted to call the police. I slept it off and five hours later I was fine. The moral of the story is: have an Ouma’s rusk instead! By: Lincoln Gilbert
Unique Opportunity Within Victoria Country Club Estate Fairways Lifestyle Village is the final phase of the Victoria Country Club Estate in Pietermaritzburg, situated on a prime north-facing location above the 18th fairway of the Victoria Country Club golf course. The village has been carefully designed to create a superior residential choice for discerning seniors, offering home-based care options from full independent living to full 24/7 inhouse care.
the latest in Smart Home Technology Solutions, non-invasive home monitoring devices, and connected iHealth devices which permit self-measurement and health management, extending to professional assistance from a team of care givers, nurses and doctors.
Purchasers will determine the level of services they require... The village comprises of 14 Cottages and 12 Luxury Maisonettes directly overlooking the golf course, and 52 Apartments in 5 multi-storey blocks also enjoying magnificent views. A Village Centre will provide a central hub for medical and wellness staff and services, as well as personal care and community facilities.
Residents will be provided with security and individually-tailored health management in the comfort of their own homes. Every unit will be built with the internal infrastructure to accommodate
Purchasers will determine the level of services they require in their home, with options to upgrade as their needs evolve. The aim is to provide residents with easy and continuous access to their required level of care, based on own demand and under their control. F or further information contact Pam Golding Properties agents Grant Becker 083 780 3924 and Janine van Greunen 076 200 4482 or visit the website www.fairwayslifestylevillage.co.za.
How To Set Up SOS on Your Phone How would you call for help if an emergency or accident occurred? Would you be able to find the proper contact on your phone to make the right call? Modern smartphones can quickly be set up to send an emergency signal when needed. For example, you can set up most Android phones to send a signal when you press the side power button several times in quick succession. Your phone will then automatically message your emergency contacts, telling them where you are and that you’re in trouble! Here’s how to set up an emergency SOS on your phone:
1. Find your phone’s Settings. 2. Search for ‘SOS’ - your’s may not be in the exact location as shown in the picture.
3. Turn this setting on. 4. Choose your emergency contacts. Don’t forget to tell them about it! 5. Decide what the SOS will send. Most phones give options including an SOS message with your location, photos, an audio clip, or even a call history.
Not all phones are the same, so you may need to Google your make and model. If you’re unsure about the details, you can usually find them in your Settings, under About Phone (or something similar). Well done! Your SOS service is now set-up. Remind yourself how to trigger it from time to time.
Puzzle Corner Sponsored by:
ACROSS 1 Came across a record concerning journalist (10) 6 Language of old city belonging to the French (4) 9 They’ll get wrongly blamed for heading off escape by animals (10) 10 There’s potato in Mum’s pudding (4) 12 Style of cooking providing contrasts (5-3-4) 15 Country-loving Irishman in charge of containing disturbance (9) 17 Giving note to terrorists makes one angry (5) 18 One who latches on to another is a sucker (5) 19 Sailor’s intent perhaps is to be self-restrained (9) 20 A comment sure upset in due proportion (12) 24 Man told to get on his knees? (4) 25 Boundary rope may produce such a decision (10) 26 E.g. dogs returning from walk (4) 27 Not quite one’s best friend on the ship (6,4)
DOWN 1 Pretty girl gets some food (4) 2 Animal found in sea location (4) 3 Fat little Edward is biased (12) 4 The First Lady touring Oklahoma will awaken memories (5) 5 The thresholds of delights (9) 7 Heartless robbers go off with a pet. The villains! (10) 8 Below, below, below (10) 11 Managed to get clergyman in dead awkward situation (12) 13 They are seeking work after demolition of aspic plant (10) 14 Steam railway takes on head of Railtrack to improve efficiency (10) 16 To perform in a different key, one’s parts must be arranged (9) 21 Went on horseback round cowboy show (5) 22 Junk mail from the capital (4) 23 Nothing but a lake (4)
Stumbling Blocks to Exercise Avoid the three common stumbling blocks to exercise and get back to doing what you love! At times, when exercise is difficult, we all want to give up, but I want to encourage you to keep going! 3. Here are three times to keep on going even when it’s tough: 1.
“It hurts so I avoid using it.” Pain is designed to be a warning light not a stop sign. When we find a movement or activity painful, it is an indication that there may be a problem. Our instinct is to avoid that motion, so we give up doing things we love. Instead of stopping, get the help you need to remedy it, and work on the injury until you can resume the activities you enjoy. You can heal, improve your fitness and reduce your pain levels in the long term. “I used to be able to do that, but I don’t think I can now.” Just because you’ve lost the ability to do something doesn’t mean you can’t get it back. There is a huge amount we can do to rebuild strength, improve balance and get you back doing what you love. If you feel nervous, try working out
with a friend when you aren’t with your biokineticist to give you the confidence to keep practicing. “It’s a lot of effort to exercise.” Getting to the fitness and health level you want isn’t going to be easy, but the reward will be great! Start with the activities you know you enjoy and then, when you are fitter and stronger, branch out. Exercising doesn’t have to take up a huge amount of your time: you can break it down into bite size pieces which fit easily into your life.
Remember, exercising can reduce pain, improve muscle strength and flexibility, reduce joint stiffness, control weight and boost energy levels. If you have concerns about exercising, consider working with a biokineticist who will ensure the exercises are safe for you, work on your key areas, and have the most effect. Your biokineticist will also be able to advise on any precautions you need to take. Bryce Jackson, Biokineticist www.movewell.co.za
e l z z u P l l i P e h T By Joan Truscott
in a row – t all my pills u p I y a rd e Yest ere to go! ey know wh th w o h e m It puzzles beat, racing heart y m r fo is e The red on n feet, for my swolle is e n o e lu , tle b ant wheeze While the lit re my const u c to d se o , llow is supp constipation The half a ye to ease my le su p a c a Now I have ation! puzzling situ Really it’s a e ‘flu, ey say I hav th , h g u o c r If I sneeze o really true: But that isn’t n cold. st a commo ju is it re su I’m told, ke them as ta I d n a s tic io e with antib tranquil They stuff m to make me ill p e g n ra o an I even have still). from anxiety (But I suffer blet or two… e, I take a ta h c a d a e h If I have a at to do? s it know wh e o d h rt a e take How on rge tablet to la a t e g I ; ts ss nigh I have restle awake. Sometimes I’d rather lie , w llo a sw y! It’s so hard to a pharmac et looks like in b a c e in ic My med essary?! ications nec d e m se e th Are all g their task… ey are doin th t p e c c a ust Oh well, I m ’t ask! ork I shouldn How they w
Jokes Corner A Blessing The old woman carried a huge bottle as she passed through customs at an Irish airport. “What have you there?” asked the customs man suspiciously. “Tis Lourdes water I’m bringing home with me.” He took the bottle, tried some and spluttered. “Let me tell you, that’s not Lourdes water. That’s first class French brandy.” “Lord bless us,” she said. “Tis a miracle.”
A Priest, a nun, a rabbi, a lawyer and a doctor walked into a bar. The barman takes one look at them and says, “What’s this? A joke?” Poor Little Rich Boy A boy asked his grandfather how he became so rich. Grandfather explained: “In the Great Depression I bought some apples every day, polished them and sold them for twice the price. By the end of the month I had earned 4 dollars.” “What happened then, Grandpa?” asked the boy. “What happened then?” echoed the old man. “Then your grandmother’s father died and left us two million bucks.”
Secret Smile An art gallery in Japan has a portrait of a geisha girl with an enigmatic smile. She’s called Kimona Lisa. Salty Text I was on the sofa next to my wife who was eating and typing on her phone... so I heard my phone ringing in the kitchen where I was charging it. I went to check, the SMS was from my wife and she wrote, ‘Bring the salt on your way back.’
Keith Mulder is this month’s winner of R500 sponsored by Oakleigh Life, for his funny, true-life story!
My son asked me what size bed we have. I replied, “queen.”
for the bed, and saw that it was “hotel”, not “queen” – mystery solved!
So, a few days later, he and my daughter-in-law brought us a new duvet cover and matching pillow cases, and fitted them. Then they sent us a new set of sheets and duvet from a home store. I was about to open the package when I spotted a problem: on the packaging I saw that the sheet size was 144… but our bed measured 152cm. Something was amiss.
So I took the sheets and duvet back to the bed store for an exchange.
After a bit of digging I found the invoice
The shop assistant took a look at the packaging. Then she calmly pointed out that “144 is the quality, not the size. The size is here: 152cm. That’s queen size.” “But what about the ‘hotel’ size on the invoice for my bed?” I asked. “Sir, ‘hotel’ is also a quality, not a size.” Was my face RED!
Submit your giggle-worthy story of up to 130 words. Runners up will be featured on our social platforms and the winner will be featured in our magazine! Send to email@example.com, using ‘COMIC RELIEF’ as your subject line.
Competition Corner To enter all of the Senior Living competitions, simply send a WhatsApp with the word HELLO to 072 632 6023 and we’ll reply with a list of links. Select the competition’s link given, and enter each competition as per the individual competition instructions. Where applicable, winners will be drawn on the 16th of October 2022 and winners will be notified via email/phone. 1.
Win a R500 gift voucher, courtesy of Oakleigh Funeral Home, by finding the Paw Print hiding in the magazine. To enter, go to the link provided via WhatsApp, then fill in your name and contact details, use the word PAWPRINT as the COMPETITION KEYWORD, and the page number and location of the paw print for the COMPETITION ANSWER.
Win a R300 Blackwoods voucher, courtesy of Blackwoods Nursery.To enter, go to the link provided via WhatsApp, then fill in your name and contact details, use the word BLACKWOODS as the COMPETITION KEYWORD.
Win a R300 gift voucher, courtesy of The Cookhouse. To enter, go to the link provided via WhatsApp, then fill in your name and contact details, use the word COOKHOUSE as the COMPETITION KEYWORD.
We are always looking for funny, true-life snippets to share with our readers. Share yours, and if we print it, you will be rewarded with R500 cash (courtesy of Oakleigh Life). Submit your original story to firstname.lastname@example.org (use COMIC RELIEF as your subject line). See page 44 for this issue’s winning funny, true-life story!