Testo-Mania 237
We must know whether we want to change the world to experience it with the same sensorial system as the one we already possess, or whether we’d rather modify our body, the somatic filter through which it passes. Which is preferable: changing my personality and keeping my body, or changing my body and keeping my current manner of experiencing reality? A fake dilemma. Our personalities arise from this very gap between body and reality. Power girls—orgasms—adrenaline—extravagance— social recognition—success—glucose—family acceptance —inclusion—strength—tension—camaraderie—financial ascent. In the space of six months, these are the political surplus values obtained by a cis-female who ingests testosterone. Testosterone is immediate gratification, an abstract platform for the production of power, but without the abrupt comedown of coke, without the hole in your stomach that comes after the effects of crystal have worn off, without the grotesque self-satisfaction triggered by Prozac. There is only one drug like testosterone: heroin. The two drugs are politically dangerous and can lead to exclusion, marginalization, desocialization—and in the case of testosterone, cancer (as is the case for almost all industrial products) as well as hair loss (a lesser disadvantage that you can compensate for with a prosthesis). I think about taking another dose, the last one—yet again, the last one. Am I going to become a testo-maniac? Starting with my own experience, with my practice of voluntary hormonal intoxication, I develop a theory (a