you are the nanny when you’re out with your kids. How do you try to nurture a healthy sense of self in your kids? I believe that moving through motherhood with an identity that does not conflict with my role as a mother is important. Part of it is, I think, being a young mother, and not having a sense of self that could be either discarded or hold fast with the birth of a child. I had to mold myself, my work, and my life as a mother, around and with my children. And to me, I never was comfortable with giving up my sense of self. Part of my mothering experience is teaching my kids, mostly by example, that self is essential. I believe in instilling a sense of autonomy in everyday ways. For example, I don’t make their beds. They sleep in their beds, and they can make them as best as they can. I believe by doing this, I am teaching them responsibility in regards to themselves and their immediate community. It’s layered, but also simple; when I take care of myself and take responsibility for myself, it shows them and teaches them, that this is what they have to do in this world. Right now, this is very important to me. I want them to have fun, be silly, be children, but as one of my good friends would say, “I am raising adults”.
Family Favorites
In your book, you share what color means to you as not only a black woman, but also in how you dress. Can you share with our readers more about what color means to you? For me, color is an entire experience. It isn’t just what I wear, it’s how I see the world. I am inherently attracted to color, people, colorful people. Dynamic characters. Spaces and events. This is a really important aspect of my work right now. Woman Of Color is an exploration (with kids in tow) of color: theirs, mine, what we wear, the world we live in, and all of my colorful (good, bad, and in between) experiences. Color isn’t just a style experience, and it’s why my book goes back and forth between style, spaces, and experiences. Color isn’t one-dimensional. It is really important for people to understand that, even when we are speaking about the Black experience, that we all have many unique stories.
Favorite place to grab a bite to eat with the kids?
You write about many transitions in parenting and relationships, do you have any advice to share on this topic? All I will ever say about marriage, parenting, single parenting, co-parenting, or whatever your situation, YOU HAVE TO DO EVERYTHING WITH LOVE. It seems hard. SO hard, but in the long run, anything you do out of love, feels SO MUCH BETTER. Whatever your situation is, or where you are, this is one of my biggest parenting tips.
Favorite family TV show/movie?
Your mother comes across as an incredibly strong woman in Woman of Color. She raised you as a single mother. How has she, as a single parent, influenced
Dino at 222 Dekalb Ave. in Brooklyn. But also any German beer garden, because they have fries. And when it comes to eating out with kids, as long as there are french fries, it feels like the best outing possible. Also, Speedy Romeo on Classon, because they know the kids and me and put a glass of rosé down when we sit down. It’s our local spot. And Habana Outpost on Fulton, because I’ve been going for years and as a Brooklynite, it sort of feels like mine, even though it isn’t!
Favorite park? Prospect Park for sure!
Favorite summer activity with the kids? Ferry rides! We’ve been taking them from one area of Brooklyn to the next, park-hopping and hair blowing since River, my youngest, was a newborn. The East River Ferry was opening, and I worked in Williamsburg, Brooklyn. I’m super nostalgic for those days. Oof.
We cannot agree right now. Honestly. Oak (my 5-year-old) is obsessed with Home Alone (which he watched for the first time at Christmas), and I find it a bit fishy. And he also loves the Polar Express, but I am really against Christmas movies playing outside of Christmas time. River has no specifics. She’s almost 9 and mostly wants to be left alone. But with that said, we will watch oldschool Muppet movies together and Mary Poppins.
Favorite holiday destination? New York! You know, I think the magical thing about New York around the holiday season is that everyone leaves. Not New Yorkers (unless it’s Time Square or Rockefeller Center... don’t go there!).
August 2019 | NewYorkFamily.com
39