SULLIVAN COUNTY DEMOCRAT
FEBRUARY, 2020
TRI-VALLEY SCHOOL SCENE
5T
A program for when your parents split up and you do too
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THIS SUMMER
Nicole Temple, elementary school counselor, and Rose Ann O'Connor, social worker, create a supportive community that counteracts the day-to-day stresses of children of divorce. STORY AND PHOTO BY KATHY DALEY
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hat do you do when you’re seven-years-old and your parents fight constantly? Or when you're 10 and struggling to get along with new step-brothers and sisters? You go to the program with the funny name. Banana Splits is a school-based support program for children whose parents have separated, divorced or remarried, and the kids are experiencing difficulty around custody, visitation or step-sibling problems. “It's a place for children to support each other, share their experience, find coping skills and most of all, get time to talk,” said Tri-Valley Elementary School school counselor Nicole Temple. Begun in mid-January this school year, Banana Splits takes place once a week for eight weeks and welcomes 6 to 8 first and second graders for the first 30 minutes of the children's school day. For fifth and sixth graders, the program runs the last 30 minutes in the afternoon. After eight weeks, two groups of different children go to the sessions. Launched in 1978 by a social worker in Ballston Spa, N.Y., the program is highly regarded nationwide for teaching children how to help themselves and each other in a group setting. Over time, Banana Splits can counteract the challenging impact of parental separation or divorce on children. “Banana Splits is mostly a safe haven for them,” said elementary school social worker Rose Ann O'Connor. First, each child is given a minute to share what's going on in their lives. “My mom and Dad were fighting on the phone,” says one child. “To overhear fighting can be traumatic for kids,” notes O'Connor.
For another child, there might be frustration because he or she is living in two homes instead of one. Oftentimes, a child might forget to move their possessions from one house to the other and that frustrates her or him. “The custody arrangements ‘with Mom one weekend and Dad the other’ upsets them,” said O'Connor. “They get tired.” Then there are issues around stepparents and families: a child may not be comfortable with a new step-parent and step-siblings. “Some come in to school with a lower spirit; they bottle it up inside. We'd never know except for this group,” Temple said. “Here, they learn they're not the only ones arriving in school with [emotional] baggage.” Confidentiality is key in interactions with the children. In a writing assignment during a Banana Splits workshop to get out what's going on inside, one student said to O'Connor, “I don't want anyone to see this but you and me.” But if serious issues of the children's health and safety are raised, the experts take action. For a child to participate in Banana Splits, parents must give the OK, and so far, adult reactions to the program have been positive. One parent urged the social worker to get her daughter to “open up.” Banana Splits can affect children academically for the better, too. When they feel they are not alone in their pain, they can concentrate more on school work. At the same time, they are polishing an important skill, said Temple. “They learn empathy,” she said. Assistant Principal Jennifer Ruston noted another plus: “If a parent is reluctant to do outside counseling themselves, this can be the stepping stone for them to open up.”
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