RECLAIM by Sass Rogando Sasot

RECLAIM Sass Rogando Sasot with an introduction by Mikee Nu単ez Inton

July 2015, Sass Rogando Sasot.â&#x20AC;¨ You can freely reproduce and distribute this publication, in whole or in part, in any manner you want, with or without permission; and it should not be for profit. Please acknowledge the source.

To Aleksi Mari Gumela (1977 - 2014) Thank you for encouraging me to speak! â&#x20AC;¨

Wanderer, your footsteps are the road, and nothing more; wanderer, there is no road, the road is made by walking. By walking one makes the road, and upon glancing behind one sees the path that never will be trod again. Wanderer, there is no road   -- Only wakes upon the sea.

Caminante, son tus huellas el camino, y nada más; caminante, no hay camino, se hace camino al andar. Al andar se hace camino, y al volver la vista atrás se ve la senda que nunca se ha de volver a pisar. Caminante, no hay camino, sino estelas en la mar. ― Antonio Machado, Campos de Castilla

contents

introduction: fuelling the fire of revolution by mikee nunez-inton prelude from the underground pagbabalikloob

transpinay

the vaginaless monologue people like us

reclaiming the lucidity of our hearts winter

boy, (un)interrupted: transpinoy rising! on the men who fancy us

reclaiming the wronged body

god is not a fundamentalist: he laughs when proven wrong let each name

time to say goodbye to your internalised transprejudice

learning from the teduray people: valuing self-determination

on democracy, citizenship, difference, and the advocacy of connivance

ang dapat mabatid ng mga kapwa ko babaeng transekswal: ang kahalagahan ng respetong pinaghihirapan about mikee & sass

fuelling the fire of revolution

Mikee Nuñez Inton I’ve known Sass for a little less than two decades; she was one year my senior at a prestigious Catholic school in Manila in the late ‘90s. I’ve always known her as the skinny, witty, Queen B with a mischievous wink in her eyes – like she was always planning on doing something that would annoy the priests running the school, or scandalise our conservative teachers, or ultimately up-end the world. I didn’t know it back then, but now I see that, that is exactly what she’s ended up doing. After several years of falling from each other’s respective radars, I met Sass again in late 2011 when I finally joined the Society of Transsexual Women of the Philippines (STRAP), which Sass had co-founded with some other trans women back in 2002. I had done virtually no advocacy work before I joined STRAP; my preoccupation was my teaching and my studies. A few years before I joined, a friend sent me a video of Sass speaking at the UN in New York – her speech was powerful and my friends and I felt like something important was happening, like lightning in the air. In this collection, Sass eloquently reminds us of where that lightning comes from. From the radical-intellectual Luneta University to the United Nations, Sass’ voice rings through in this eclectic collection of essays, speeches, and a few works of poetry and fiction. One of my favourite pieces, People like Us, is a vivid recollection of how Sass and some of her trans women friends were discriminated against at a bar in Makati – a case that created some media attention, and has led to significant policy changes in many malls and bars around the city. Unfortunately, similar ‘dress-code policies’ that prohibit cross-dressing and target mainly local trans women still exist in many bars (both low-end and high-end) in the country. Most of the management of these bars reason that many foreign guests complain that they are being deceived by local trans women into believing that they are real women. But, as Sass points out, what is a “real” woman anyway? And why should foreign guests be given priority over locals? Colonialism, once again, rears its ugly head. Transpinay, a press-release written by Sass, introduces a newly-coined eponymous term to mainstream queer activism in the Philippines. A Filipina who was assigned male at birth is a transpinay. I see the coining of this term as an effort to situate global trans* discourses within the Philippine context – an effort so successful, the word has been adopted by many trans* organisations in the Philippines. Even female-to-male transgender Filipinos have started to call themselves trans pinoys. As an academic, I have had some issues with the coining of the term transpinay, especially now since it has been accepted into mainstream queer activism in the Philippines. In her essay, Sass claims that the transpinay is a variant of the female identity.

Perhaps I am being pedantic, but I would have preferred that she had equated the transpinay identity with womanhood and not female-ness – with gender rather than biology. My primary issue with the term is its distanciation from the term bakla (and other local terminologies), which I find has become a form class privilege in the recent years. The word transpinay operates based on the separation of gender and sexuality – a separation that does not make sense to local people, many of whom have little or no access to the English language and care little for western conceptions of gender/sexuality, and whose endemic understandings of gender and sexuality do not treat these as separate constructs. Nevertheless, much of mainstream queer activist discourse in the Philippines, governed by the language of Human Rights frameworks, work on the separation of gender from issues of sexuality. In this regard, the word transpinay has been successful; I concede it makes logical sense because the word bakla is often conflated with the English term “gay”, which is more than anything, a marker for sexual orientation rather than gender identity. I agree that transpinay has come to mean a transwoman regardless of sexual preference or surgical status. However, I remain, staunchly, an advocate for the reclaiming of the bakla – I see no problem in people identifying as both bakla and transpinay or transgender. I believe there is enough room in our self-identity to accommodate as many labels and names as we see fit. In a similar vein as that of my own emphasis on the endemic and the local over the western and the ‘modern’, Sass writes about local trans*-like identities in the essay, Learning from the Teduray people. Sass brilliantly points out the inadequacies of the English language in describing the trans* experience – “he becomes she” – by contrasting this English phrase with its Tagalog counterpart – “Siya ay naging siya”. Because Tagalog uses gender-neutral pronouns, the term, when translated to English, becomes more adequate in its description of the trans* experience: he became himself, or she became herself; I became myself. In this essay, Sass talks about the Teduray people of Mindanao, and how locals conceptualize ideas of gender/sexuality. The Teduray have a term for trans* people, which highlights their transformation from one sex to the other: mentefuwaley means “to become” or “to change from one to another”. The term mentefuwaley libun literally means a person who has “become a woman” or “transformation woman”. She explores, with minute details, the nuances of gendered identification in that indigenous culture in the rest of the essay.

The Philippine trans* community owes a lot to her. She was one of the very first, and very few, who started trans* rights discourse in the Philippines. I have seen STRAP grow to be one of the most visible trans* groups in the country, and has recently started becoming a player in the global trans* movement. STRAP currently serves as the global representative of the Trans* Secretariat at ILGA World. And while we have helped enable, locally, the formation of other trans* groups, we remain primarily a sisterhood. While the trans* movements in the Philippines have grown in recent years – along several unfortunately divergent paths – this collection reminds us of our common roots, and our common struggle: to be recognized as human beings, equal in rights with all other human

beings. Like the (radical?) feminist ruler, Queen Femina Suarestellar Baroux of Planet XXX in the ZsaZsa Zaturnnah universe, Sass was one of the first to speak publicly about trans* issues, fuelling the fire of revolution. Our struggle continues.

prelude from the underground

Luneta Freedom Collective performing at Sanctum Bar in Intramuros, Manila (2001).   Aleksi is playing the flute. I’m on the microphone, opening our performance with my monologue “Ayoko sa mundo nyo”    In February 2001, I stumbled upon the website of the Rationalist Humanist Society of the Philippines. I emailed them and expressed my interest in joining the group. They invited me to attend their meetings, which were being held on Sunday mornings in a Burger King restaurant in Makati City. There I met a group of passionate freethinkers, mostly from an older generation, who would like to advance secularism in the Philippines. Among all of them, it was Aleksi Mari Gumela who shared the same dance I was dancing. He was in my same age group - I was eighteen and he was twenty three. He shared the same zest for exploring life beyond tradition and conventions that was flickering in me. I met him during the second meeting I attended. He was sitting in front of me, listening to my outrageous opinion about what should have had happened during EDSA II, the mass protests that ousted Philippine President Joseph Estrada. “Everybody in the government should have resigned, “ I said. Aleksi smiled. “Have you been to Luneta University?” he asked. “I know Luneta Park and have been there, but I’m not aware of any Luneta University. Is there such a thing?” I asked back. “Yes there is,” he answered, “and I’d like to invite you to come tonight, around 8 pm. There’s a group there, younger than this group here, that meet every weekends in the

Chess Plaza. You will like it there. I’m very sure of it.” We exchanged mobile numbers. That invitation sparked the start of a rhapsodic adventure.

I went that evening to Luneta Park (aka Rizal Park). That evening, a group of free-spirited radicals grilled me about my beliefs - religious, philosophical, political, etc. They asked me an eternity of why’s until what I could only do was laugh. It served as my initiation to Luneta University, which I passed. I became a regular of Luneta University: a motley of communists, situationists, feminists, libertarians, enlightened capitalists, punks, freethinkers, artists, existentialists, postmodernists, writers. Self-styled rebels with a lot of causes. Our gatherings were full of discussions on different topics: from art to boredom, from god to stupidity, from politics to pop culture. We nurtured each other’s intellectual development. The homeless, the vagabonds, and sidewalk vendors listened to our conversations. We believed in no gods, in no masters, in personal liberation, in individuality, in mutualism, in a voluntary society. We held Food Not Bombs sessions. We published zines and distributed them in zine conventions and underground punk concerts. We read and wrote poetry, played music and sang under the full moon. But more significantly, we had our share of fun The cover of the first zine of LiCK and deep-belly laughter. Charades and a human scrabble-like game we called “STUPID” were our staple source of amusement. It was our La vie boheme! A night was allotted to my discussion of transgender issues. Aleksi told me that what I was talking about was going to be too much for Filipinos to handle and if I would pursue to work on this issue I would be going to have a hard time. Nonetheless, Aleksi supported me all the way. Aleksi and I formed a collective called Reqlaim! Queer Collective. Meanwhile, Mei, Janet, and I formed the feminist collective, Liberate the Clit Kolektiv (LiCK). They were subgroups of the collective that was later formed by the “students” of Luneta University: The Luneta Freedom Collective (LFC), a guerrilla theatre group. LFC performed in bars, in zine conventions, in underground punk concerts, in protest rallies, in a gathering of filmmakers in a full moon’s night, in universities. “Ayoko sa mundo nyo (I don’t want to be in your world), a monologue I wrote about the struggle for personal liberation, was the opening act of our performance. Aleksi played the flute and sang Tracy Chapman’s Talkin’ Bout A Revolution. This is dedicated to the memory of Aleksi. I owe a lot to him. There were moments when my internal saboteur got the best of me. My greatest insecurity at that time was I was only a high school graduate. I felt that nobody would listen to me because I didn’t have a degree. Aleksi slapped me out of my fears and insecurities. He encouraged me to keep

on speaking because eventually people would listen. So that’s what I did. I spoke at any forum - schools, organisations, pride march, conferences, government bodies. In December 10, 2009, I was given the opportunity to speak at the United Nations Headquarters in New York. My life’s journey from Luneta Park to the UN and beyond

Discussing gender liberation during the 2013 Green Convention @ Botanical Gardens, Baguio City (2003) would have not been possible without the people who believed in me. Aleksi was the first of them, and I know that his spirit lifts me up whenever my internal saboteur tries to pull me back. This collection consists fifteen of my written works, spanning fifteen years of my contribution to the advocacy for the dignity of trans people in the Philippines and beyond. I had more, but a lot of my earlier written works were lost. Still a lot were lost because during the first few years of my advocacy, I wasn’t able to keep a written record of most of my presentations. Through this effort, I hope to contribute to the dismal number of trans related literature written by trans people in the Philippines. I hope this can encourage Filipino trans people to write and publish their works in anyway possible. Our triumphs and most specially our failures would provide insights to those who would like to walk the path of advocacy. Some of you might ask me whether you need to be an advocate. To that I will say ‘No, life is too short, enjoy it in any way you can.’ Don’t do anything in your life just because someone said “you have to do it”. What makes you ignite is not what other people tell

you or pressure you to do. Nobody can tell you what makes you ignite. It is your responsibility to know and kindle your own flame. There are candles, lamps, streetlights, sources of light that can illuminate the darkness of the path of your search. But you must be careful not to mistake these “sources of light” as the thing you’re looking for.

There are several issues that the trans movement is dealing with. If you feel that you want to be an advocate, I suggest that you explore an issue that you feel deeply about. We can’t be everything and nothing requires us to be everything all at once. Otherwise, we will be overburdened by the challenges ahead and just give up. Always remember that you are part of any system you are against. You were born out of it - you live in it. The system doesn’t exist independently of us and we don’t exist independently of it – we build it as much as it builds us. We are not above, beyond, nor outside of it. To dismantle the system is to dismantle your self. So be prepared: it takes so much courage to accept this. In the course of your advocacy, you may affect some changes in policy, but these, at best, no matter how much we fought for them, are cosmetic ones. Transformative change comes in subtle ways. Light doesn’t preach to darkness. The night simply knows its time is over and gives way to daylight. Honouring my underground roots, this is completely free. You can freely reproduce and distribute this collection, in any manner you want, with or without my permission; and it should not be for profit. But please acknowledge the source.

pagbabalikloob

I wrote this in December 2011. This is what I feel the historical significance of trans advocacy in the Philippines. Reflecting on the chapter on pre-colonial gender crossing in J. Neil Garcia’s Philippine Gay Culture and Carolyn Brouwer’s Holy Confrontation: Religion, Gender, and Sexuality in the Philippines, 1521-1685, I feel that Philippine trans activism reclaims the solemn dignity that our great trans ancestors once lived. ❤ It was 16th century. Spanish missionaries were becoming more aggressive in colonising the spiritual lives of the inhabitants of what we now call the Philippines. The friars couldn’t accept women as spiritual leaders. Equally unacceptable were the “male-bodied” spiritual leaders who identified, lived, and were socially accepted as women. These deviants had to be converted by any means necessary. Women had to be returned to their “proper” places; and these “male-bodied” women should repent and re-masculinise.1 Diwa belonged to the latter group. In their town, people like her were called bayoguin. She was a weaver and a babaylan. Diwa is a spiritual leader and known for her ability to heal. She was married to Daniw, a warrior. One afternoon, while weaving, she heard frantic knocks on their door. Dignity within, come forth, She opened the door and saw Padre expresses through us Diego accompanied by two guardia civil and a young boy who shouted, as courage, hope, and love. “She is the witch!” Diwa knew what was going to happen. One guardia civil restrained her, while another searched their house, leaving nothing unturned. Finally, they found what they were looking for: the instrumento Diwa used in her healing rituals. The guardia civil gave them to Pader Diego. “This is of the Devil!” Padre Diego thundered. He broke the instrumento into pieces, throw them into the ground, and instructed the young boy to urinate on them. “I expect you to come to the Church on Wednesday and confess your sins. We’re doing this for your own good. Either you repent or burn in hell forever,” Padre Diego said. Diwa bowed, trying to contain her tears as everyone left to raid another house. When Daniw went home, he found the house in chaos. Diwa was sitting by the window, contemplating. He needed no explanation of what happened. He went to Diwa and

This story is inspired by Carolyn Brouwer’s Holy Confrontation: Religion, Gender and Sexuality in the Philippines, 1521-1685. 1

embraced her warm and tight. In the arms of her husband, Diwa broke into tears. It was the heaviest tears Daniw ever felt in his arms, in their thirty years of marriage.

“Mahal, they will take everything away from us. And I’m afraid they will even destroy our love,” Diwa whispered in between tears. “No, Mahal. You know very well that though they can change our culture with their might, they can never destroy its Spirit. And what Spirit and Love have put together can't be destroyed even by their god.” Daniw said defiantly. And in the depth of their embrace, Daniw kissed Diwa like the first time he kissed her. The next day, the babaylans gathered by the sea. Some were accompanied by their siblings, some by their children, some by their wives, and some, like Diwa, by their husbands. Everyone was silent, listening to the waves lapping on the shore as the sun set. As the sun touched the horizon, the lead babaylan started chanting, “Intan intan… labbet tan intan. Intan intan… labbet tan intan. Halika na uwi na… halika na uwi na..”2 It was a prayer invoking the generations that would come after them to never forget the solemn dignity their ancestors once lived: Dignity within, come forth, expresses through us as courage, hope, and love.

From Mila Anguluan-Coger’s Ya Pallabet | Ang Pagbabalik Loob | The Journey Home https://bitly.com/a/ bitlinks/1deqj0d 2

the vaginaless monologue

I wrote this in 2005. However, it was my friend and fellow advocate Dee, one of the four founding mothers of STRAP, who first performed it publicly. She read it during an LGBT poetry night in Manila. One of the attendees told me that her performance was very moving. â?¤ I am a woman. Identifying, Affirming, Celebrating, Expressing, Determined, Convinced, That I am a woman. But I am not your "typical" woman. I wasn't born with a vagina. No uterus, no ovaries. Incapable of pregnancy. I didn't menstruate when I reached puberty nor developed those lovely breasts. But still... I am a woman. Identifying, Affirming, Celebrating, Expressing, Determined, Convinced, That I am a woman. But I am not your "typical" woman. I was born with a penis (and still has one). I was assigned as male at birth, recognised legally as male, raised and socialised to become a man. Though a male body is obviously present, the identification, affirmation, and conviction that "I am male, a boy, a man" are completely absent.

I possess a male body, but this body doesn't possess me. It's mine but it doesn't own me. And it cannot dictate otherwise that I am a woman. Identifying, Affirming, Celebrating, Expressing, Determined, Convinced, That I am a woman. But I am not your "typical" woman. Because whenever I call myself a woman there are people who would look at me with consternation. Some may consider me as delusional; some, as an attempt to comprehend my declaration, would just convince me that it's just an effect of homosexuality; some would just treat what I say as a stupid jokel some would be so disturbed by it and they'll try to limit my opportunities in life; some would see me as deviating from the laws of a supernatural being and would like to send me to hell. Nevertheless, I am a woman. Identifying, Affirming, Celebrating, Expressing, Determined, Convinced, That I am a woman. But I am not your typical woman. And that is all you need to know in order to understand my situation. I am not your typical woman.

people like us

Below is the open letter I wrote in May 2008 after my friends and I were refused entry by a bar in Greenbelt Mall in Makati, Philippines. It became viral. I gave the letter personally to the manager of the bar as well as to Ayala Corporation, the owner of Greenbelt. After reading the letter, the manager immediately apologised to me and promised that the discriminatory policy would never be enforced again in their bar. Meanwhile, Ayala Corporation replied to my open letter, telling me they empathised with me. They also held meetings with me. We talked about how they can make their mall discrimination free. ❤ [25 May 2008 / Sunday / 6.04 AM to 6.45 AM] “No one can make you feel inferior without your consent.”  - Eleanor Roosevelt My friends and I have been made to feel inferior approximately five hours before I wrote this letter. I'd like to sweep this incident under the proverbial rug but there is no more space to accommodate it. On the 24th of May 2008, my friends and I were celebrating the anniversary of our organization the Society of Transsexual Women of the Philippines (STRAP), the first transsexual women's support group and transgender rights advocacy organization in the Philippines. We settled to celebrate it in Ice Vodka Bar, located in Greenbelt 3, 3rd level Ayala Center, Makati City, Metro Manila. It was my first time in that bar. Two in our group have been there before and they had nothing bad to say about it. There were five of us. I was leading the way. The bouncer stopped us. I asked why. His reason was we were dressed "inappropriately". We were rather dressed decently, tastefully, and most importantly just like any other human being who lives her life as female 24 hours a day. I asked for the manager. The bouncer was nice enough to let me in. The manager, Ms Belle Castro, accommodated me. I don't know if I spelled her name right. I asked for a business card but she had none available. Her telling feature though was her braced teeth. I complained. Ms Castro listened to me. I found her sympathetic, even respectful as she addressed me all throughout as ma'am. She told me the following: 1. (Referring to my friends, and obviously to me) That "people like them" aren't allowed in our bar every Fridays & Saturdays;

18 2. That that was an agreement between all the bars in Greenbelt (she particularly mentioned their bar, Absinthe, and CafĂŠ Havana) and Ayala Corporation, the company which owns the Greenbelt Complex; 3. That the reason for this policy is: "Marami kasing foreigner na nag-kocomplain at napepeke daw sila sa mga katulad nila." Loosely translated in English: "There are lots of foreigners complaining because they mistake people like them as real women"; and 4. That they have a "choice" to implement the policy. I felt terribly hurt and uncontrollably agitated. This transphobic act is not the first time that it happened to me, to my friends, to people like us. To say that this has become almost a routine is an understatement. I have shouted at Ms Castro several times, asking her why I'm f***ing experiencing racism in my own country and what gave f***ing foreigners the right to demand to block people like us to enter bars in our very own country. Ms Castro tried to hush me by pulling the "It's our choice card" and asked me to talk decently. I am not proud at all of using the F-word as my intensifier and of letting my emotions ran raw and wild. My warm apologies to Ms Castro for losing my cool. Just like any of us, I know, she was just doing her job. This may not be the proper forum to raise this concern. But is there any reliable legal forum to address this issue? Reality check: there is no anti-discrimination law in this country. And if you're discriminated, there seems to be a notion that you're supposed to blame yourself for bringing such an unfortunate event to yourself. So, I'd just stand up through this open letter. I am standing for myself. I am standing for people like us. I am standing up because I, am, very, tired of this incivility. We have long endured this kind of treatment for far too long. Enough. I'll not go as far as campaigning for a boycott as it is definitely the simple workers that would suffer from any loss in revenue such an act may cause. People like us would like to be treated just like any other human being. Just like those foreigners who complained about our existence: With dignity. You know the civilised and ethical thing to do: Stop discrimination in your establishments. Bigotry is never ethical nor a sound business strategy.

transpinay

It was sometime in 2007 or 2008 when STRAP decided to coin and popularise a local term for "transsexual woman," which affirms our identities: women, trans, and Filipina. In 1987, in their attempt at self-definition, transsexual women in Malaysia coined the term “mak nyah." Malaysian transgender activist Khartini Slamah explained that they did this because the wanted to define themselves “from a vantage point of dignity rather than from the position of derogation in which Malaysian society” has located them. The Philippines, just like Malaysia before, does not have any local term to describe the transsexual experience. Transsexual women are often called “bakla” or “gay” by Filipino society. These terms imply that a Filipina transsexual woman is a man rather than a woman. Because of this, following the footsteps of mak nyahs, STRAP coined the term “transpinay”. We held the discussion in our e-group. There were several suggestions: transfilipina, transbabae, and transpinay. An overwhelming majority voted for transpinay. One member passionately appealed against transpinay because for her “pinay" had the same resonance as “atsay" (house helper). We listened to her, but we weren't persuaded. During the 2008 Manila Pride March, STRAP formally launched the transpinay identity. Seven of us (Dee, Nadine, Naomi, Rica, Joy, Gia, and I) joined the march donning the terno, a traditional Filipina dress, while riding the kalesa (horse carriage). The terno was Dee's idea, as well as the slogan in our tarp: "Transpinay: the other Filipina." Of course, we also debated the appropriateness of the word "other." Dee convinced us that it didn't mean anything negative. The word "other" boldly announces that we are also Filipinas: We are the other women in Philippine society who aren't recognised as women but are now seeking the dignity to be recognised as such. Below is STRAP’s statement, which I penned, regarding the transpinay identity. ❤ “Words,” as George Bernard Shaw said, “are only postage stamps delivering the object for you to unwrap.” There are words that lead us to better understand a concept, a phenomenon, an experience, a person. Some promote either clarity or confusion. Others have offensive connotations; their negligent use unwittingly supports disrespect or disregard of someone’s deep-seated truths… The Society of Transsexual Women of the Philippines (STRAP) is standing up not with pride but with courage to name an identity for ourselves. An identity that closely, if not fully and ultimately, describes the unique expression of human diversity our lives embody. An identity that rings politeness. An identity that would initiate an enlightening public conversation and awareness about our realities. An identity that we hope can forge a sense of community among Filipinas who were assigned as male at birth. An identity with dignity. This identity is TRANSPINAY.

A combination of the words transsexual and Pinay, TRANSPINAY means a female human being of Philippine descent who was given a male sex assignment at birth. This was proposed during one of our support group meetings and was voted upon by our membership. Other proposed terms were transbabae and transfilipina. As compared to local terms such as bakla and bayot, transpinay doesn’t include homosexual males. Transpinay isn’t about sexual orientation nor preference. A transpinay can be sexually/romantically attracted to other females (in that she is a lesbian), to males (in that she is straight), to both males and females (in that she is a bisexual), or to none at all (in that she is asexual). As compared to the nascent term ladyboy, transpinay doesn’t maliciously or unwittingly call a girl/woman of transsexual experience a “boy/man”. Calling a transpinay a ladyboy is no different from simply calling her a “boy/man”, an offensive act.

A transpinay is not a homosexual/gay man nor a boy/man who is ladylike. A transpinay is not a crossdresser - she is not a boy/man who just likes to dress. A transpinay is not a variation of male but a variation of female. A transpinay may be pre-op (have not yet have sex reassignment surgery but desires to undergo it), post-op (have already had sex reassignment surgery), or non-op (does not desire to have sex reassignment surgery). All the same, no matter what their genital surgery status is, they are all females. A transpinay is not a boy/man wanting to be a “real” girl/woman - she is already one. We acknowledge that TRANSPINAY, just like any other word, cannot adequately stand-in for what we actually are. Nonetheless, TRANSPINAY symbolises our right to define our gender identity: A movement to reclaim that right from other cultural forces.

reclaiming the lucidity of our hearts

On December 9, 2009, along with four LGBT advocates, I was given the opportunity to address United Nations during a general assembly side-event in celebration of International Human Rights Day. It was one of the most frightening and emotional moments of my life. I arrived in New York without any speech. I couldn’t sleep the night before the event . A friend of mine told me to just say what’s important. I finished writing my speech an hour before the panel session. Then I spoke. The next thing I knew was tears were rolling down my cheeks and my body was shaking. I spoke what I felt was important: to say that we, like them, are only seeking to live our lives with authenticity. My speech was uploaded by the UN in its official You Tube channel. That moment was also one of the turning points of my life. As I looked at the diplomats, it dawned on me that they only interact with a trans person as a resource speaker rather than as one of their peers. This distance between “us” and “them” is something that has to be bridged, I thought. We have to be inside these institutions rather than outside them. Diversity must not be something these people talk about; it must be something they experience within these institutions. But of course, we shouldn’t just be token trans people, we must be competent. We must be able to fulfil the duties demanded in these institutions of influence and responsibility. ❤ Let me begin by expressing my warmest gratitude to the Permanent Missions to the United Nations of Argentina, Brazil, Croatia, France, the Netherlands, Norway and Sweden, and to the coalition of non-government organisations defending the rights of lesbian, gay, bisexual, and transgender people. Thank you for making this event possible and for giving us this opportunity to contribute our voices to this ongoing conversation for change. Our esteemed participants, beautiful beings, and profound expressions of this Universe, a warm, vibrant, and dignified afternoon to each and every one of you! Burned at stake. Strangled and hanged. Raped and shot and stabbed to death. Throats slashed. Left to bleed to death. These are just some of the ways transgender people were killed in different parts of the world, in different times in the history of humanity. These are just the tip, the violent tip, of the iceberg of our suffering. I can go on and on, reciting a litany of indignity upon indignity, but my time is not enough to name all the acts of atrocious cruelty that transgender people experience. But what is the point of counting the dead bodies of our fellow human beings, of narrating how we suffer, and of opposing violence against us if we don’t challenge the root of our oppression? The sincerity of our intention to address the human rights violations against transgender people rests upon the depth of our appreciation of human diversity and the breadth of our understanding of why transgender people suffer these indignities.

The root of our oppression is the belief that there is only one and only one way to be male or female. And this starts from our birth. Upon a quick look on our genitals, we are assigned into either male or female. This declaration is more than just a statement of what’s between our legs. It is a prescription of how we should and must live our lives. It is a dictation of what we should think about ourselves, the roles we should play, the clothes we should wear, the way we should move, and the people with whom we should have romantic or erotic relationships. But the existence of people whose identities, bodies, and experiences that do not conform to gender norms is a proof that this belief is wrong. Nonetheless, even though the truth of human diversity is so evident and clear to us, we choose to hang on to our current beliefs about gender, a belief that rejects reality and forces people to live a lie. This is the belief that leads to attacks on our physical and mental integrity, to different forms of discrimination against us, and to our social marginalisation. This is the belief that led to Joan of Arc to be burned at stake because she was crossdressing. This is the belief that motivated the rape and murder of Brandon Teena on December 31, 1993. This is the belief that led to the stabbing to death of Ebru Soykan, a prominent transgender human rights activist in Turkey on March 10, 2009. This is the belief that led to the arrest of 67 Filipino workers in Saudi Arabia for cross-dressing in June this year. This is the belief that keeps the list of transgender people being harassed, killed, and violated growing year after year. And it is very unfortunate that our legal systems, religions, and cultures are being used to justify, glorify, and sanctify the violent expressions of this belief. So we question: Is human life less precious than this belief? Is our right to life, to dignified existence, to liberty, and pursuit of happiness subservient to gender norms? This doesn’t need a complicated answer. You want to be born, to live, and die with dignity – so do we! You want the freedom to express the uniqueness of the life force within you – so do we! You want to live with authenticity – so do we!

Now is the time that we realise that diversity does not diminish our humanity; that respecting diversity does not make us less human; that understanding and accepting our differences do not make us cruel. And in fact, history has shown us that denying and rejecting human variability is the one that has lead us to inflict indignity upon indignity towards each other.

We are human beings of transgender experience. We are your children, your partners, your friends, your siblings, your students, your teachers, your workers, your citizens!

Let our lives delight in the same freedom of expression that you enjoy as you manifest to the outside world your unique and graceful selves. Let us live together in the fertile ground of our common humanity for this is the ground where religion is not a motivation to hate but a way to appreciate the profound beauty and mysteries of life; for this is the ground where laws are not tools to eliminate those who are different from us but are there to facilitate our harmonious relationships with each other; for this is the ground where culture is not a channel to express the brutality of our limited perception but a means to express the nobility of our souls; for this is the ground where the promise of the universality of human rights can be fulfilled! And we will be in this ground if we let the sanity of our desires, the tenacity of our compassion, and above all, the lucidity of our hearts to reign in our lives. Thank you!

winter

This is the speech I delivered during the launch of the interactive website of the International Lesbian, Gay, Bisexual, Trans and Intersex Association (ILGA) on the 24th of February 2010 in London in the auditorium of BT Centre. ❤ Winter has always been considered as the harshest season of the year. Having lived in the Philippines for 27 years, I didn't know whether this is true. I’ve only experienced winter through the books I've read, poems I've got intimate with, and the films and TV shows I've watched. It is here in London that I have first fully experienced and dressed for winter. I know that some of you may not completely agree with me, but winter wasn't all that harsh. Perhaps it's because I'm fortunate enough that the flat I'm staying at has a wellfunctioning heater and that I have friends, like Nadine, Kevin, Ina, and Lianne, whose laughter, hugs and sheer company kept me warm. Moreover, perhaps I'm lucky enough to have someone like Aernout who had let me experience spring by giving me flowers and who had let me experience summer by sharing deep and tender moments with me even for just a brief time. That’s the thing about meteorological winter – it can be easily overcome by the thickness of clothes and by the warmth given off by a machine or by another person. But there’s a certain kind of winter that stubbornly stays no matter how many layers of clothes we wear, a certain kind of winter that people do experience even though they live in a country that only has two seasons. That’s the winter I’d like to talk about right now. When I was born, the doctor announced “It was a boy”. But life is so charmingly strange and beautiful - I grew up as a girl. I am a human being of transgender experience; and this experience is the movement that a lot of us are dancing as we live our lives by doing those things that may seem mundane like wearing clothes marked as inappropriate for the genitals we have to undergoing a dramatic reconstruction of our genitals. The transgender experience can be utterly euphoric both for the person that undergoes it and to those who are mere spectators to how our lives unfold. Well, it once was. Ancient people once hold transgender people in high regard. First cultures have once considered us as links to the mysterious and sacred beyond. Transgender Warriors by Leslie Feinberg tells the lost story of this tale in the history of human civilisation. The story has been muted and prohibited to continue. The graceful transgender dance has been stopped by those who don’t have an appreciation for the beauty and mystery that we manifest. Euphoria died. Dysphoria lives on. Instead of beauty, people see the dusts of prejudice, bigotry, and ignorance that had stricken and got stuck in their eyes. This is winter. To some people the transgender experience might be a preposterous twist of fate, a comical thing that never fails to stir someone into a contemptuous laughter. Or it might be another sensational story to sell, you know, a “he who wants to be a she”, a “she who

wants to be a he”. Or it might be something to be cured, a disorder waiting to be put to order. Or it might be something to be seriously condemned by the State, the Church, or by any serious social institution that has seriously mastered the art of persecuting and eradicating people that don’t fit a given mould. This is winter.

To live as a transgender person is to live with the inglorious trinity of discrimination, marginalisation, and violence. It is to live with the fear of being disowned by your family and being rejected by your friends. It is to live with the fear of going out, of walking the streets for someone has subconsciously made it their life’s purpose to ruin your day by ridiculing you. It is to live with the fear of being physically assaulted, or worse killed, by those who are disturbed by our existence. It is to live with the fear of watching television for the mockery of our lives has become a form of entertainment. It is to live with the fear of going to school for instead of being taught you are being taunted. It is to live with the fear of going to a doctor for fear of being laughed at than being cared for. It is to live with the fear of applying for a job for our job interviews sometimes just turn out to be an exploration of what’s between our legs and not a discussion of our talents, skills, and abilities. It is to live with the fear of encountering immigration officers at airports – they have this special way of humiliating, embarrassing, and ruining our travel experience. And it is to live with the fear of growing old alone and dying without having experienced the exquisite joy and pain, of having a committed and loving relationship because people don’t only condemn us but also those who dare to love us. This is winter. But just like the meteorological winter, this …the distance between what is winter will surely pass. Spring will blossom. Summer will rise. In fact, to the observant and what we want shouldn’t and appreciative, the buds of spring and discourage us to be shafts of summer are already here. And I appreciative of the changes feel that this initiative of BT and ILGA to that are currently happening… map the world for gay, lesbian, bisexual, trans, and intersex people is a way of letting us become more aware not only of the harsh conditions with which we live but also of the life-affirming changes happening all around us. This will surely inspire and encourage hope. And it is this hope that would help us overcome winter. Countries like Cuba and France no longer consider transsexualism as a mental illness. There are now countries that have laws that allow one’s legal sex to be changed on one’s birth certificate. Discrimination based on sexual orientation, gender identity and expression is now considered illegal in several countries. Marrying someone regardless of their gender is now possible in some countries. But of course, we are still far from proclaiming that we have already arrived in the promise land of the Elsewhere we are chasing. However, the distance between what is and what we want shouldn’t discourage us to be appreciative of the changes that are currently happening, even if they aren’t happening yet in our own countries.

For it is through this sense of gratefulness that we would be able to keep on awakening the courage to face our fears about this world. And let’s keep on awakening that courage, so we can keep on touching the hearts and spirits of those who are afraid to understand and accept difference; so we can keep on encouraging compassion to reign over blind conformity to beliefs; so we can keep on expanding the field of social inclusion and acceptance; so we can keep on inspiring the minds that matter to craft social policies that are designed to facilitate the fulfilment of happiness.

Friends, let me end this with the words of Albert Camus, “When you have once seen the glow of happiness on the face of a beloved person, you know that you can have no vocation but to awaken that light on the faces surrounding you; and you are torn by the thought of the unhappiness and night you cast, by the mere fact of living, in the hearts you encounter.” I hope these words would beat in the hearts of our families, our friends, our teachers, our employers, our politicians, our religious leaders, and all those people we encounter every day in our lives. Maraming salamat po!

boy, (un)interrupted: transpinoy rising!

I wrote this article in 2009, after interviewing James Roque, a Filipino trans man who then started the first online Filipino F2M Forum. ❤ “…out of that contradiction, against unfathomable odds, it’s you – only you – that emerged, to distill so specific a form from all that chaos. It’s like turning air into gold. A miracle.” - Mr. Manhattan to Laurie Juspeczyk from the movie Watchmen On November 23, 1978 another human being was born in Makati City, Philippines. A quick glance at the baby’s genitals prompted the doctor to declare the baby female. Consequently, the baby was registered “female” on “her” birth certificate, was given a feminine name, and was raised and socialised to be a girl by “her” parents and the rest of society. However, there’s something this human being intimately knows that’s unknown to the doctor, “her” parents, and the rest of society. Something unknown even to the genitals this human being was born with. It’s something that the heart, brain, and consciousness feel and understand. It’s a feeling that doesn’t have the ephemeral quality of a physical sensation or of an emotion. It’s an innate understanding – it cannot be learned or unlearned. And this feeling and understanding are like a living truth that cannot be destroyed even by the most deadening stubborn dogma. “I am not female but male,” the grown-up baby who preferred to be called James Roque affirmed, “And I will definitely NOT survive living in the wrong body and being called the wrong pronouns for the rest of my life.” James and I were introduced on Facebook by someone from Denmark; we were supposed to meet in Copenhagen during the 2009 World Outgames in July. But James’s urgent business trip to Tokyo made that meeting impossible. I then emailed him whether he would be willing to be featured here on Outrage Magazine. “When you asked me about your request, I had to think twice,” James replied, “Then I thought it’s OK ‘cause the magazine is focused on the LGBT community…and I think it will be a good start to connect with other Filipino transmen.”

We then arranged for an interview over Skype. James just requested that we use an alias to refer to him in this article because he lives as stealth. “My new friends don’t know my past,” James explained, “Parang ang hirap mag-explain sa tao eh. Takot ako sa judgmental people. (It’s hard to explain to other people. I’m afraid of judgmental people).” But though he lives as stealth, he wouldn’t go as far as denying his past. “If someone asks [that I’m a transman], I will not deny it. Ok naman ako dun, pag comfortable na ako sa tao (I’m OK with it, so long as I’m already comfortable with the person). I can even come out to the public – that’s not a problem. I’m only worried about my family.”

Then I asked James whether he feels “transpinoy” would be a good local term for Filipino transsexual men. He said, “Yes, I think it’s perfect.” Growing up years: The boy, interrupted “Don’t think that being a transsexual man was just a quick decision I made yesterday,” James asserted. “It is who I am, not just a label or anything. It is not something I just decided to be, and it is definitely not a trend.” Indeed being male is not something James had decided to be – he simply knew it all along. Since he was six James has never been comfortable being called and treated as a girl. During that time, gender and sexuality had no meaning to him. “All I knew is that everyone was calling me a girl, and I didn’t like it at all, never, “James said. “Despite my outward appearance and how everyone told me I should act, I knew I was a boy and no one could tell me any different.” Unlike his younger sister, James was not simply drawn to anything that portrays him as a girl: “I started as boyish, I always wear boy’s clothes, and I play boy’s toys, do anything, everything for boys. I was very different from my sister… Whenever my family would go out, my sister would wear her pretty dress and I’ll always wear my pants and a shirt, even on formal events. My parents would always force me to wear girls’ dress for church, but I never do, and I don’t care, I’ll always cry and insist on my comfortable pants.” When they lived in Jeddah, Saudi Arabia, in late 80’s, James remembered joining his father in his motocross trail practice in the desert. “I always ride with my dad, I couldn’t get a motorbike at that time,” James recalled, “I used my BMX bicycle to do all the stunts. I also remember playing with the four-wheeled ATV Quad motorbike.” He studied high school in a coed born-again Christian school in the Philippines. It was there where this man, who considered himself a “torpe (shy)” guy, first met his first girlfriend. He was in junior year in high school while she was in her freshman year. They met through a common friend.

“I courted her by sending her letters and cards,” James recalled. And as to their first kiss, James had nothing to say but, “It was amazing, I can’t put it into words…but it was the best feeling.” They were together for eight years until James called it quits because of his girlfriend’s affairs with other men (a cisgendered man; the other is a transman). After that, James had several relationships, all with women who identified as heterosexual and who related to him as a man. “They never see me as a woman, even as a lesbian. They see me as a man,” James said. During those times, James reluctantly accepted the label lesbian, “because at that point I did not know about transexualism or other terms. At a very young age of 8 or so, my mother knew I don’t want to be called lesbian; she knows I get mad each time. Then I thought I was a butch lesbian.” Nonetheless, in 1997, James joined two lesbian groups in the Philippines, Dykes of Manila Society and the Society of United Lesbians; and he identified himself as a butch lesbian with them.

“I thought being a butch was the last choice and the one that best described me, but I was wrong,” he said, “But I really hate it if someone calls me a lesbian or a tomboy. I really feel there’s something wrong calling myself as a lesbian because lesbians are female and I am not female.” Being himself didn’t go over too well with his family because of religion – his parents were one of their church leaders. Hence, James strived hard to become independent. After he finished high school, James lived in a university dormitory where he felt free to live. He even became a working student while studying in the university. However, this didn’t come without challenges. “I was once discriminated when I tried to transfer in another university in the Philippines,” James said. “The dean called for interview. When I came into her office, she looked at me from head to toe. She was so irritated and started shouting – I really don’t remember everything that she said. She didn’t accept me in her college. She said the university wants quality student and so on. Unfortunately for me, we don’t have any antidiscrimination law yet.” Living in Japan In 1999, James finished his Bachelor in Science Degree in Computer Science at the De La Salle University-Dasmariñas. His first full-time job was as an IT Assistant in Lebanon. Feeling the wrench of homesickness, he resigned after six months and returned to the Philippines. But soon after, he relocated to Tokyo to work as a Systems Engineer in an automotive industry company. He met friends from gender societies which organised events for foreign LGBT community in Tokyo. There he began to find the words to fully articulate what he was going through. “I began to be more aware about gender and sexuality,”

James said, “And I learned more information about the LGBT community. Here I learned about transsexualism and I found that the identity transman best described me.”

It was in Japan that he started to manifest fully his inner reality. Luckily, James was with a supportive and nurturing company. “My company was so professional; they know how to respect me. I didn’t even have to tell them to use male pronouns when I was transitioning, they just did. They even called me Mr Roque.” This is a sharp contrast to what James experienced in the Philippines, James compared: “In the Philippines, it’s always about religion, I am always a sinner for them, I am always judged. Too many gossips, and even if they see how you look like, if they know you are female in your documents, they will stick into calling you with female pronouns, or your female name, and then laugh… they make fun of you.” “I was always questioned whenever I present identification papers, I always have to explain. But after my explanation, I get a strange look from them…then they laugh. Nakakainsulto lagi (It’s always very insulting). One example, when I changed my driver’s license, I had to get a drug test. After taking the urine test, the whole room was laughing and making a joke about me!” In October 2006, James started a blog to document his physical transition. His first entry narrated how much he was depressed, he wrote: “Depression is killing me, I feel like dying, every day I have nothing in my mind but to think of death. I desperately need to be [myself].” James explained to me that he had always been depressed but it reached its peak in 2006: “I hated my old voice, I hated my body, I hated monthly periods, I hated wearing binders. I can’t live my life forever like this, I believe I also deserve to be happy and live my ‘real’ life as a male in the correct body.” On December 22, 2006, accompanied by his girlfriend at that time, James undergone subcutaneous mastectomy in Yanhee Hospital in Bangkok, Thailand. Narrating the last five minutes of him having breasts, James said: “I was very nervous and excited at this moment; I lie on the stretcher labeled with the operating room number. A Filipino male nurse was there. I talked to him for a few minutes while my stretcher was in line for surgery. He made me feel comfortable – that eased my nervousness. He said I was probably their first Filipino FTM patient, mostly were Japanese, Singaporeans, Malaysians, etc.” Several hours later, James was awakened by a nurse calling his name, “that moment, I realised, the surgery was finished that I now have a male chest.” It took a month for James to completely heal. He fondly remembered the first time he took a shower without the binders on his chest. “It was so good and satisfying! I can now wear just a shirt in public without inner wear. But this is just the beginning of my new life…” On April 14, 2007, James had his first testosterone shot (T-shot) in a clinic in Tokyo that specialises on transsexuals. He was referred there by an FTM shop in Asakusa, where James bought shinobi (height increasing in-soles) and Microgen, a testosterone cream

James applied on his face to thicken his beard and moustache. He started with 150 mg, then later it increased to 250 mg; these were all to be taken every two weeks. After his second T-shot, James already noticed several changes: increased sex drive; his clit started to grow bigger; his appetite raged; he became more hairy; and he had an oily face. It was after his fourth T-shot that James’s body gained more muscles, and his voice became masculine. Years later, James went back again to Thailand, this time with his mother, to have his uterus, ovaries, and other female reproductive organs removed through a TAH-BSO surgery (Total abdominal hysterectomy with bilateral salpingo-oophorectomy).

Since he physically transitioned, James hasn’t seen his father yet, who is a born-again Christian pastor. He had only told him about it on the phone and their conversation didn’t go too well. “He can’t accept my gender. He kept on telling me Christian reasons [against it],” James recalling that phone call, “But then he said, ‘Anak kita (you’re my child), and I love you. But I will not support you on that.” Nonetheless it was only his father who doesn’t fully accept him. “I told my mother before that I’m a man and not a woman. My mother told me she knew it all along. But she’s still having difficulties calling me with male pronouns, or my male name. My sister is the most supportive and open-minded. She told me that she’s happy for me, and that she accept and support me.” But with or without the full-support of his family, James would still continue his physical transition. In the next years, he plans to undergo phalloplasty or metadoiplasty.

Living in Germany In October 2007, James was sent by his company to Bordesholm, Germany for a business trip. While in Germany, his company decided to transfer him permanently to their German branch to work as a Senior Manager for Quality Management. Even if he is still legally

female, James is already considered male in his company. His company ID shows his male name; and his colleague, as well as the suppliers and customers of the company, treat him as male. It’s only in his legal documents such as in his bank account and contract that James’s sex assignment at birth still echoes through. But that echo shall die soon, to be replaced by the voice of James’s internal truth. On July 17, 2008, James filed a petition to change his name and legal sex from female to male in a court in Amtsgericht Kiel, the nearest city to Bordesholm. Updating the status of the petition, James said: “We expect it soon before December [of this year]. Since I need to renew my visa in December, my company hopes that I’m already using the new name before the renewal para isang procedure na lang (so it will be just one procedure).” It was his German boss who encouraged him to file the petition. “He told me it’s possible, he gave me the idea to do it,” James said. “Legally, I may even get married and sponsor my spouse to come here.” James’s German boss was so supportive that he was even the one who looked for a lawyer. “And as I was still new in Germany, my boss even asked the company assistant to help me with the rest of the process, to contact the court, to look for an interpreter, etc.,” James added. He is very hopeful that his petition will be granted. “Yes, it’s possible,” he said. “There is no discrimination even to foreigners.” Indeed this is definitely possible as there’s already a precedent to this case. Sometime in 2008, Jenny, a Filipina transsexual woman who now lives in Germany and one of the four original founders of the Society of Transsexual Women of the Philippines (STRAP), won her legal petition to change her name and legal sex from male to female. Jenny was introduced to James and she helped James in processing his petition. It’s unfortunate that this right to change one’s legal sex is not possible yet in their country of birth. In October 22, 2007, deciding on the Mely Silverio case, the Supreme Court of the Philippines decided that courts cannot change the gender on the birth certificates of transsexual people without a law allowing it. This kind of law might still take years or an entire lifetime – to be passed here. It must be noted that Spain, our coloniser for almost three hundred years and whose Catholic indoctrination destroyed our pre-colonial respect for and accommodation of gender diversity, passed a non-sex reassignment surgery dependent Gender Recognition Law in 2006. Sans this legislation, James’s Philippine identity documents will continue to use his female legal identity. “And this will put me in a lot of embarrassing situations,” James sighed.

The boy, uninterrupted

The once critically depressed James now knows no regret and has nothing but gratitude for the changes that happened to him. “I am very satisfied and happy with my life. I am more productive with my daily tasks, I have more self-confidence, and my social life drastically improved,” he affirmed. In time, he would like to go back to the Philippines, and hopefully have a family of his own. He is currently single, but he doesn’t think finding a relationship will be as problematic as it is for Filipina transsexual women. “Well, it can’t be that problematic for me,” he said, “If I’m not choosy, and if I’m not torpe (shy), I can probably just be with any girl who shows interests. But once I overcome that part of being torpe, I am very romantic.” Adventurous and an old-fashioned romantic, James loves giving surprises to his girl. He fondly recalled what happened to one of his dates: “I once asked a girl on our date – she’s not yet my girlfriend – to pick up the travel magazine, flip the page, and whatever the page says… we will go there.” Besides having a family of his own, one of the things that James is looking forward to is to start an online forum to support transpinoys who are struggling for information and resources. He understands just how hard it is for men like him in the Philippines, where there’s not much information about transsexualism and female-to-male transitioning. And to his fellow Filipino trans men, he has this encouraging message, “Don’t be afraid, and just be true to yourself. Remember: We only have one life to live.” The poetry of the transsexual experience: “Sya ay naging sya” The transsexual experience is often mocked – intentionally or unintentionally – by that tiring sensationalising staple news tagline: “he becomes a she” or a “she becomes a he”. Tagalog is one of those very few languages in the world that do not have gendered pronouns. He, she, and it are just “Siya/Sya”. Hence, he or she becoming or changing into another pronoun does not have an equivalent in Tagalog. It’s just “Sya becomes Sya (Sya ay naging Sya)”; and I feel that this is a better starting point in understanding, explaining, and reflecting on the transsexual experience than the Jekyll-and-Hide approach. James is not a she who became a he. James just became James and he continues to unfold to the outside world the reality contained inside him: “Sya ay naging sya at patuloy na nagiging sya ”. This is not superficial political correctness but a deep affirmation of an experience. Forcing transsexual people to conform to their sex assignment at birth is like forcing an apple seed to grow as an orange tree. And just imagine all the energy wasted, the lives made miserable, and the relationships broken by simply exercising our ignorance and rejection of what people’s brains, hearts, and consciousness feel themselves to be.

Yes we may continue to assert the virtue and legitimacy of our ignorance by invoking the gospel of the genitalia and the dictatorship of the sex assignment at birth. We may even succeed in the process. But our success will be a Pyrrhic victory: Transsexual people, throughout the rest of their lives, will live unhappily in the hell of our ignorance and rejection and we continue to numb our ability to appreciate what Walt Whitman once said, “that all the things of the universe are perfect miracles, each as profound as any.”

During the height of the BB Gandanghari issue, a news writer once asked me what role social institutions should play in the lives of transsexual people. I find my answer, which wasn’t published, as a fitting end to this article: The role of social institutions – such as the family, the state, the church, and medical establishments – in everybody’s lives should be like the role the sun, the soil, the rain, and the wind play in the life of a seed. They are nourishing and nurturing agents to the outward healthy manifestation of the internal reality of the seed and not as dictators of what the seed should be. They act not with oppressive action but with tender affection to the unique beauty the seed will share as it blossoms to this world. In facing another human being, whether a new-born child or a grown-up one, perhaps we must keep in mind that we don’t really know that person. This is not to invoke fears of the unfamiliar but to invite ourselves to live with a sustained and ever-sustaining warmth and joy of experiencing and appreciating each other’s unfolding again and again and again…

on the men who fancy us

Many ridicule the love between trans women and their men. In this essay, I reclaim the validity of this relationship from bigotry, and most importantly and from the internalised transprejudice of my fellow trans women. ❤ “Let the people who never find true love keep saying that there’s no such thing. Their faith will make it easier for them to live and die.” - Wisława Szymborska,True Love I’ve been wanting to write this for a long time. The first time was in 2002. I was in Sydney to participate in the Global Human Rights Conference organised by Amnesty International-Australia for the Gay Games. Together with the guy I was dating at that time, I was interviewed for a documentary by one of the media covering the Gay Games. We were interviewed separately. After the interview, we found out that we were asked a common question: about his attraction to transsexual women. He was asked to explain what made him attracted to transsexual women and whether he was gay. I was asked a more prying one: “Is the attraction of men towards transsexual women just an effect of the influx of ‘shemale porns’? Is this attraction just an expression of hypersexuality?” “Maybe,” I answered, “but it’s hard to pinpoint a particular cause because attraction and desire are very complex processes. The question shouldn’t be why these men are attracted to us, but why is society forcing us to justify this attraction in the first place. I feel the question arises because people have already pre-judged that being sexually or romantically attracted to people like me is perverted and immoral. The motive is not to understand but to find feed for the initial judgment.” Then the desire to write this came again last year. On August 11, 2009, a nasty comment was posted by someone named “Tranny Chaser” on a blog entry at rainbowbloggersphils.blogspot.com. It was specifically addressed to Naomi Fontanos, the current chair of the Society of Transsexual Women of the Philippines, and to me, with a specific instruction that the administrators of the blog should make it sure that we would be able to read this: To Sass Sasot and Pau Fontanos: Please be sure they read the following: No matter how you put it you still men, When are you going to understand? You are nothing but a sex fantasy, nothing but an excuse for those men who are afraid to accept they are gay, they feel better fucking a man with makeup and tits, somehow inside their

mind it makes them feel less guilty. GET IT? you are nothing but a fantasy, a toy. A way to deal with homosexuality without feeling 100% guilty, nothing but whores looking for acceptance, you dont believe it? just ask yourselves how many men actually talk to you just because of who you are? The truth is they talk to you because they want to fuck something like you, because they are curious how you look naked and how you suck dick and fuck, they are curious how your tits grow, look and feel ("are those real"?) sounds familiar? they want to have a fantasy they saw in a movie, Those are just a few of the real reasons and not the ones you tell yourselves. Some of us will tell you, you are beautiful and many other crap because we know that will take you to bed with us maybe not right away but one thing for sure, it will be fast enough, and lets be honest, when bullshit is fed to you, you will give away your ass fast, that's why here we call you "the easy bullshit one nightstand whores" because that's what you are. No matter how you put it, you can keep telling yourselves lies, at the end just look in a mirror and look down. What you see? a dick you stupid whores. I know a couple of you, I wont tell if is in person or via internet, lets just say soon I'll be getting closer or more friendly to one of them so we can become "friends" and then "intimate", why? well is typical within the Philippine transgenders when they meet some one they like to give their ass fast, I guess not having self-respect and been a whore is a part of your culture, thats why us western guys love to make "friends" with asian transgenders, so easy to fuck when you tell them what they want to hear, so I'm telling you, you so damn easy to fool when bullshit is fed to you and a a nice picture is given, so now I'm among you and I'll keep my eyes on you. My objective is to show others how whores you all are, activists, divas or not and that you shouldn't go around pretending to be what you are not. I'll be around my dear friends. At the end we both are going to have what we want, you will have the best sex of your lives and I'll have the proof I want. Tak-grazie-salamat. This emotional-assault happened while I was nursing a broken heart. The threat in this comment made me a bit paranoid for some time. It made me distrustful of any man who tried to befriend me or even showed interest in me. But in the end, my relentless faith in the benevolence of life and love stood triumphant. This article is an expression of that faith and a way of exorcising myself of my own fears. Bashing men is such a seductive activity, specially after an encounter with a despicable man. Moreover, the meme that “All men are pigs!” stirs us to keep on bashing them. Having three brothers, having studied in an all-boys schools, having guy friends, and having played the field for a while make me adequately familiar with men. If there’s anything I can definitely say about men, it is that men, just like other people of any gender, are very diverse. An encounter with "a particular man" cannot be used as an overarching statement about "all men.” There are three persistent memes about men who fancy trans women. First, is the view of trans women: “These men are just using us to fulfil a sexual fantasy.” Second, that of

general society: “These men are perverts.” And third: “These men are ‘really’ gay men who can’t accept they are gay.”

“These men are just using us to fulfill a sexual fantasy…” What is sexual fantasy? In their paper Sexual Fantasy, Harold Leintenberg and Kris Henning defined sexual fantasy as “almost any mental imagery that is sexually arousing or erotic to an individual.” As sexual beings gifted with the faculty of imagination, we all have sexual fantasies; and most of the time, fulfilling a sexual fantasy includes another person. If we all have sexual fantasies, and if we all fulfil some, if not all, of them with another person (or persons, if you will), what then do trans women find objectionable about the men who fancy them, who trans women say are “just” fulfilling a sexual fantasy? To explore this question meaningfully, we need to know the context of this view. Perhaps it’s safe to say that, we, trans women didn’t grow up in societies that positively accept us for who we are. In our growing years, we experienced rejection from all social institutions (e.g. the family, school, church) that are supposed to be there to serve as nurturing and nourishing agents to our beings. Furthermore, the rejection that trans women face is not just the typical rejection that starts and ends with a No. Each door that closes to us bears a sign: “You should be ashamed of yourselves." We get so insecure of ourselves: our bodies, our abilities, our existence. Everyone, of course, has experienced what it means to be rejected. Surely, rejection can fortify us. But if rejection is such a systematic loop of events in your life, healing becomes more difficult, leading you to easily build walls of suspicion around yourself. This turns love into a Sisyphean task. Then we encounter a surge of men who fancy us…. Suddenly, we are desired for “what we are.” Porn, dating sites, chat rooms, bars where men can go to meet us sprang like mushrooms. Our hungry egos suddenly got its food: Attention. From being untouchables, we become desirables. Being rejected and shamed almost all of our lives, we find this attention an irresistible novelty in our lives. At first, this attention captivates us. Remember how a gazillion of men replied the first time you ever posted an ad on a dating site? How at least ten private windows popped up in your screen after you entered a chat room? How men go gaga over the girls in those trans bars? And of course, we find it intriguing that one of the fastest growing and in-demand genre of porn are those that feature us (well, most specially those that feature pre-op and non-op trans women). Then the attention becomes a tiring cycle, a suffocating prison, a source of suspicion. We ask: “What do these men want from us?” We take a survey of what’s happening around us. We see BS after BS thrown to us by men after men. We see everywhere an extravagant objectification of our bodies and over-sexualization of our being trans. It

seems that it is “only” through sex these men want to connect with us. I mean, how many men we've encountered treated us like an exciting dirty secret that they are so afraid to be discovered by their friends, family, colleagues, and wives?

And outside porn, are there any positive visual representations of what it means to be with a trans woman? You can easily count the movies, television shows, or documentaries that are love-affirming, non-sensationalising, non-sexualised depiction of relationships between trans women and men. This context is a fertile ground for the paranoia that “We are just sex objects.” Now, add into this, the social-rejection burden that we experience on a daily basis and Voila! we resort to playing the role of a victim who escapes into the hell of cynicism, indulging in self-pity and, worse, self-sabotage. We then unconsciously project this cynicism, self-pity, and self-sabotage to every relationship we enter into. It takes tremendous depth of emotional intelligence, an integrated sense of self-awareness, and courage to rise above this unconsciousness. So are these men “just” there to fulfil a sexual fantasy? Some of them are but not all of them. Truth is, we haven’t met the proverbial “all men”; we’ve only met and dated the men we have attracted. Making “men-are-just-after-us-to-fulfill-a-sexual-fantasy” as our mantra is to invite a self-fulfilling prophecy. Attracting the same kind of man over and over again is a wake up call that we need to look deeper into ourselves. We need to engage in an honest assessment of ourselves: “What are the things, inside and outside of our selves, that make us a magnet to these men we find disgusting?” In order to have a relationship that is dignified by love, care, affection, and meaning we first must empower ourselves with these things. Magnets cannot attract what they are not capable of attracting. Moreover, we have to remind ourselves that being treated as a sex object is not peculiar to trans women. Every one gets sexually objectified: children, cisgender women (women who were assigned female at birth), and yes, even men. This is not a consolation but a statement of fact that we don’t have a monopoly of this experience. Our sexual objectification is not caused by our being trans per se but by that human practice of reducing the totality of another human being into their sexual value. Further, humans are erotic and emotional creatures. We connect with people in myriad ways. If men only connect with us erotically, perhaps it’s because that’s what they are capable of feeling at that moment. Let’s not make a problem out of it, this is what makes those good-old casual sex possible. If the only thing that binds you to a guy is that “youare-a-trans woman-and-he-is-turned-on-by-trans women”, chances are this relationship will be nothing but sexual. Forcing it to turn into something more magical and meaningful is to invite unnecessary suffering in your life. If you encounter this type of man, do not invoke the mantra that “these men are just using us to fulfil a sexual fantasy”. This will only invite self-pity. Instead, have the courage to tell yourself that life-saving sentence, “He is just not into me.” Just like everybody else, we have to accept that not every one who enters our lives would be so into us. If we encounter someone who is just not into us, it doesn’t mean that no one will be, unless of

course there’s so much defect in our character that living with us becomes mission impossible. So close the chapter, cry if you will, and move on to the next adventure of your life.

But before venturing on to your next adventure, ask yourself whether you yourself have reduced the totality of your humanity into just one dimension: Your being a trans woman. If you do, you will just keep on attracting people who are only interested in you because you’re a trans woman. You are more than that and you are definitely more interesting than that. And you should live your life more than that! Dig deeper into yourself. Exorcise your own demons and live with a sense of self-possession. People who bring out the best in them, inspires other people to do the same. Explore the multi-dimensionality of your being; do not just stop at the sexual dimension. Nurture and enrich other aspects of your self such as your spiritual and intellectual dimensions. Relationships are not built on and they don’t certainly last with two cardboards. When a relationship fails to work out, leave it at that: It’s a relationship that didn’t work out and it doesn’t mean that all relationships will never work out. And as you go on in your heart’s journey, remember to appreciate what comes your way and be compassionate enough to understand those who hurt you. Every relationship that you enter into, whatever they are and whatever they are based on, provides a lesson that, if learned, cherished, and applied, will transform you into a much more integrated, more stable, and self-aware person. “These men are perverts” A sexual pervert is someone considered to be engaging in an abnormal, immoral, and repulsive sexual behaviour by a majority of people. This is the deviant-model of perversion. Religion and psychiatric institutions play a large role in determining what counts as perversion. These two institutions prescribe acceptable sexual practices and create a system of punishment for those who fail to follow them. Labelling is a means of taking control of sexual behaviour. Packed in these labels are value judgments of the powers-that-be. These value judgments then trickle down to and get entrenched in the thinking patterns of the masses. For example, the term “homosexual.” Any one labeled as a homosexual is judged as abnormal, immoral, and repulsive. Prior to its delisting from the Diagnostic and Statistical Manual of Mental Disorder of the American Psychiatric Association in 1973, homosexuality is considered a mental disorder. To be diagnosed as one is a sure ticket to a psychiatric ward. One is “cured” of one’s “perversion” by being forced to become a heterosexual because heterosexuality is hailed as the only valid sexuality, everything else shouldn’t be allowed to exist. This way of thinking confuses laws of nature with laws of men. When we encounter something that exists that violates laws of nature, let’s say law of gravity, we re-think the law of gravity; we don’t go on eliminating or changing or punishing the thing so that it fits and obey our existing thinking about gravity. On the other hand, when someone violates the laws of men, we punish and rehabilitate the person so that s/he will become a law-abiding citizen - or we just get rid of them.

Oftentimes, what we consider as “natural” is influenced by whatever we observe in the world of animals (as if humans are not part of nature!). There is a growing amount of evidence that diversity of sexual expression exists in nature: heterosexuality does not have a monopoly of being natural. Yet one must be careful of thinking that “Natural equals good.” That is the caveat offered by Joan Roughgarden in her groundbreaking book, Evolution’s Rainbow: Diversity, Gender, and Sexuality in Nature and People. She warns that “…this fallacy…confuses fact with value…[The] goodness of a natural trait is the province of ethical reasoning not science.” Consider rape. Rape or coercive sex has been observed among other animals. Yet rape or any form of sexual assault is something that we don’t consider good. Rape is something that I, and perhaps everyone, can consider as sexual perversion. My basis in judging it as such is not because it’s a sexual expression that deviates from the norm but because it strips someone of their autonomy, violates someone’s personal integrity, thereby inflicts suffering to other people. This is an example of one of the definitions of perversion that I find more helpful than the deviant-model one: to pervert is to bring someone or something into a bad or worse condition. Harm - whether physical, psychological, emotional, etc. – is central to this definition of perversion. Using this concept of perversion, we have to ask: What harm then do guys who fancy trans women have caused simply because they are attracted to trans women? I find three possible answers: First, if there were any harm caused, it’s not towards people but towards the belief system of those who think that the attraction to trans women itself is perverted. This belief system is largely genital-centric: Two penises or two vaginas cannot sleep in the same bed. Any violation of this genital-centricism is automatically called a perversion. But isn’t it that this genital-centric belief is what is truly perverted? After all, this belief reduces people to mere body parts: penises, vaginas, ovaries, breasts. Relationships are forged by people who just happened to have these body parts and not the other way around. Second, these men are judged as perverts because the object of their attraction is considered a pervert in society. The logic goes this way: trans women are perverts and only perverts can be attracted to them. And again, what harm do trans women do to anyone just because they are trans women? And third, these men are considered perverts because they are “really gay men” and homosexuality is a perversion. Perhaps when homosexuality is fully accepted as just another form of sexual expression, which is not inherently bad in itself, these men would not bear the stigma of being perverts. Nonetheless”Are these men ‘really’ gay men who can’t accept they are gay?

41 “These men are ‘really’ gay men who can’t accept they are gay” The basis of sexual orientation labels like heterosexual, homosexual, and bisexual is the “sex” of the object of our lust or love. Sex has so many determinants (e.g. chromosomes, hormonal level, internal & external genitalia, brain sex, ability to produce sperm, ability to produce eggs). Which one of these is the most valid reference point to determine the sex of the people we are attracted? These sex determinants aren’t always in harmony with each other and some of them do not remain the same all throughout our lives. So, what exactly is the same in same-sex attraction (homosexuality) and opposite in opposite-sex attraction (heterosexuality)? For most people, it’s the genital. This is because of the genital-centric view of sex that considers the external genitalia as the locus of sex, and therefore of gender (if you have a penis you’re a man; if you don’t you’re a woman). Yet gender, no matter how it is associated with genitals is simply not the genitals. Since gender is both identity and expression, I have good reasons to assume that gender can be found from where our sense of identity resides and from where our expressions spring: The Brain. But gender is also a role imposed by society. Brains have cultural contexts from which they receive instructions on how they can express gender. Brain and culture function in an endless feedback-loop system. Both are influenced by each other, forever undergoing an intrinsic dance of negotiation and reconciliation. The view that men who fancy trans women are “really” gay men is brought by the belief that trans women are “really” men. But if one accepts that trans women are women, then it follows that these men are not gay men. If these men are also attracted to men, they may be called bisexuals. But why bother at all in defining this attraction? Different but not dirty One of the storylines in the television series Dirty, Sexy, Money revolved around the love between Patrick Darling IV (played by William Baldwin), a member of the richest family in New York who was set to run for the senate, and his mistress, Carmelita Rainer (played by real-life trans woman Candis Cayne), a trans woman studying cosmetology. At first, it seemed that this storyline was just following the common story in the transdating scene: a married man having a trans woman as a dirty secret affair. Patrick’s family, except his wife, was well-aware of this “dirty” secret as it was suggested that he had several trans women lovers prior to Carmelita. Of course, his family was against it. In the first episode, Patrick asked their family lawyer to go to the hotel where Carmelita was waiting and tell her it was over between them. A short discussion between Patrick and the family lawyer revealed how Patrick valued Carmelita. When the lawyer said that Carmelita was Patrick’s “dirty sex”, Patrick defended

his relationship.“It’s not dirty,” he said. “It’s just different”. Patrick’s family attempted to stop the affair because it might cost him the election. But every time his family tried to separate him from Carmelita, Patrick became depressed.

The next episodes revealed that Patrick’s relationship with his wife was not really based on love but “wealth and power.” Actually, the relationship between Patrick and Carmelita was one of the most charming and genuine relationships in this series. Later on, Patrick’s wife died because of an accident after a heated argument between them. During Patrick’s inauguration as senator, even against the will of his father, he invited Carmelita to be there with him because he wanted to be public about his relationship with her. Unfortunately, Carmelita was killed by a stray shot. To be in a relationship with a transwoman can be very stigmatising, as society tends to view this kind of relationship as perverted. Dirty, Sexy, Money offered us a possibility where a man is not ashamed of his relationship with a trans woman. Given that the man is a man of extreme affluence and influence, this seems to be a far-fetched idea. Nonetheless, in reality, there are a lot of men who are not ashamed of being in a relationship with a trans woman. Though stories about them are scant, we know they exist. But there are also men who are afraid to be public about their relationship with a trans woman. It’s not easy to be stigmatised. Whenever a man goes public about his relationship with a trans woman, he is often barraged by invasive, irritating, and ridiculing questions such as: “Does she still have a dick?”, “How do you have sex?”, “Are you gay?”, “Are you a pervert?”, “Are you so lonely that you would settle for a freak?”, “Don’t you want to have a biological child of your own?”, “What is wrong with you?” – or just plain “Yuck! Faggot!”. Not only that, the stigma attached to men who fancy trans women can snowball into something fatal. Remember the film Soldier Girl, the true story of Calpernia Adams and Barry Winchell? Barry Winchell was an infantry soldier in the US Army. He fell in love and had a relationship with Calpernia Adams, who Barry met in a cabaret club. When rumours about his relationship circulated, his peers subjected Barry to harassment. Barry was then murdered by one of his peers, who was disturbed by his relationship. Besides this, there’s also the fear that their future relationships might be jeopardised by their past relationships with trans women. A guy I once dated told me of his fears about being honest to the (cis) woman he would like marry someday because she might consider him a pervert and not marry him. I told him that if that happens, it says something about the maturity level of his future wife. I also told him that perhaps deep inside him, he considered it a perversion. There was a long pause before he replied: “Can I call you when that time comes, so you can explain to my wife that it is not?” I willingly said yes.

Inside the trans-dating scene, trans women have a way of attaching a stigmatising label to the men who fancy them: Tranny Chaser. As we use it, Tranny Chaser describes those men who are only after a quick sexual relationship with a trans woman and who consider trans women as a “fetish”. We trans women always guard ourselves against these men. We look for any sign that a man is just a tranny chaser. Hastily labelling someone a “tranny chaser” can be a source of suffering to the person being labeled. Certainly, it’s hard to sift those who are sincere from those who just want to play in the trans-dating field. But that goes for both trans women and the men who fancy them. However, the trans-dating scene doesn’t have a monopoly of hearts being broken, unfulfilled promises, and BS. These things happen in all dating scenes, don’t they? And don’t we trans women engage in “men chasing” as well? Don’t we also fetishise men? Don’t we also have sex with men who fulfil our sexual fantasies? Don’t we also get afraid of commitment that we would just rather have quick sexual relationships than long-term ones? Don’t we also play the field before we meet someone who we are both erotically and emotionally attracted to? We do. And for every trans woman who fears that her heart is going to be broken, there is a man whose heart has already been destroyed.

reclaiming the wronged body

The speaking engagement I loved the most are those I had with students. Most of my talks were conducted in universities. Unfortunately, I wasn’t able to keep a written record of most of my presentations. I delivered this speech during during my talk in a Social Science 3 class on Gender and Sexuality at the University of the Philippines-Diliman on October 6, 2010. ❤ The parade of nations of the 2009 Copenhagen Outgames had just finished. Naomi Fontanos, my friend and the current Chairwoman of STRAP, and I decided to skip the programme and go back to our hostel to rest. Naomi, who served as the muse of the Philippine contingent, was wearing a traditional Filipino dress, while I was wearing a 50’s dress. While we were walking towards the train station, we encountered two bulky tall guys. One of them approached us and casually asked me, “Why is your chest so flat?” Then they walked away laughing. I was stunned by his rudeness. Before I could say anything, Naomi stopped me, and said “Sassy, don’t mind them! Assholes!” Scared, we ran towards the train station. This was not the first time I encountered such harassment. The scariest one was eight years ago. One night, while I was on my way home from a speaking engagement, a gang of teenagers who were hanging outside a 7-11 convenient store saw me and started debating among themselves whether I was a girl or a boy. One of them settled it and shouted, “Putang-ina walang suso! Bakla yan! (Fuck! No breasts! That’s a fag!)” Then they started running towards me, shouting “Bakla! Takbo! (Run faggot!)” Terrified, I ran as fast as I could. I screamed for help but there was not much people in the road, only cars and jeepneys speeding by. Luckily, I saw an empty cab. I immediately hailed it. I locked all the doors and asked the driver to drive fast. Then I saw that the teenager closest to me was carrying a steel pipe. He banged the trunk of the cab with it. The driver was furious and tried to stop to confront the guy. But I pleaded for him to just go and hurry up. Only fate knows what would have happened to me if I had been too slow or if there had been no empty cabs that happened to be there. I have also experienced being humiliated because of my body even in spaces one can consider to be safe, like in a human rights conference. Last June, I was in Barcelona for the International Congress on Gender Identity and Human Rights. We had just finished the affairs of the day. I joined the table of a group of transgender women having a lively chat. As I was about to sit, one of them stopped talking and shouted at me “You are in desperate need of boobs!” Every one laughed. I felt so embarrassed. I just smiled at her and asked myself, “How can a transgender rights activist bully and make someone feel bad about her body? Does she really know the point of what she was fighting about?” I have been harassed, humiliated because I have “the wrong body.”

45 August 2005, Washington D.C. Tyra Hunter was a passenger in a car that was badly hit by another car. The fire department personnel arrived on the scene and pulled the driver and Tyra out of the car. Tyra, who was semiconscious, soon received treatment for her injuries but her pants needed to be cut open first. According to the witnesses, as soon as her pants were cut open, the fire personnel who was supposed to give her treatment stopped. He saw that Tyra Hunter had a penis. The firefighters started making jokes about Tyra while she was gasping for breath and in great pain. Some of the witnesses shouted at the firefighters to help Tyra. One of them even said to the firefighters, “It don’t make any difference, he’s a person, he’s a human being.” An EMS supervisor arrived and resumed Tyra’s treatment. Tyra was then rushed to DC General Hospital. Unfortunately, the doctor refused to give her adequate medical treatment. Tyra died because she had “the wrong body.” December 2003, Nebraska. John and Tom, two male friends of the girlfriend of Brandon Teena confronted him at a Christmas Eve party. They found out earlier that Brandon Teena was not born with a penis. They pulled down Brandon’s pants for everyone to see. Later that evening, they raped Brandon and threatened to kill him if he reported the crime to the police. Nonetheless, Brandon proceeded to report the assault. On New Year’s Eve, Brandon was shot and stabbed to death by John and Tom. Brandon died because he had “the wrong body”. Perhaps some of you here have also experienced being humiliated, bullied, and harassed because of your body. The experience does take a toll on your self-esteem, leading you to ask yourself “What’s wrong with me?” Oftentimes we weigh this reflection against our societies’ demands for a particular kind of body. So before we can even appreciate the uniqueness of our form, we already feel the pressure to transform it into something more palatable to the tastes of other people. Consider transsexual bodies. These are the bodies that were born without the genitalia and other sexual characteristics that are considered appropriate for the gender identities of their inhabitants. These are the girls and women who have penises and testicles, whose puberty didn’t command the growth of breasts, and who are incapable of pregnancy. And the boys and men who have vaginas, ovaries, breasts, and who aren’t capable of producing sperm. And of course within this general description, there are various permutations of how a transsexual body could look like.

To the eyes of Mother Nature, this is one of the countless configurations of the human form. It is sad that we tend to appreciate people and ourselves not with the naked and embracing eyes that Nature has given us but with the prejudiced and limiting eyes that the conditionings of our societies have produced. So to some people, the transsexual body is an undesirable, freaky deviation from the norm that should not be allowed to exist.

I understand that an explanation of our existence by some expert opinion can be our lifeline against the different forms of violence and discrimination wielded against us by those who are disturbed by our existence. There are different scientific and religious theories that have been offered to explain us. I find that all of them seem to revolve around that famous statement that “We were born in the wrong body” or its other form “Trapped in the wrong body”. For us transsexual people, this statement has been a convenient explanation to make people understand why we live with a gender that does not match the gender associated with the genitals we were born with. However, the realisation that “I am born with the wrong body” and the action one takes in order to “right this wrong body” cannot be divorced from the traditional beliefs about how a female or male body should look like. We live in our bodies and our bodies live in a particular society. The moment we stand naked in front of the mirror, the reflection that we’re seeing is not necessarily being seen by naked eyes for our eyes are adorned by the conditioning of our societies. We were conditioned to consider those who were born with or do have vaginas and breasts as girls and women while those who were born with or do have penises as boys and men. I identify and live my life as a woman, I look at myself in the mirror and I see a penis and a flat chest. How do I convince you that I am a woman? By feeling wrong about it? By hating the genitals I was born with as well as the body my puberty sculpted? By feeling trapped in this body? By transforming this body so that it can resemble the form of your woman? But is this body really wrong? What made it wrong? Who made it wrong? God? Scientists? Politicians? Theorists? Or me?

I am not trapped by my body. I am trapped by your beliefs.

I am a human being inhabiting a transsexual body. Why am I inhabiting this body is a question that I cannot answer. I know that some dare to answer it by virtue of their whims, religious beliefs, scientific research, or various theoretical discussions. Yet what is the point of subjecting the existence of people like us under the microscope of various opinions? We exist, therefore we are and we do not need to prove and justify why we exist in order to be. I am a human being who is neither in a wrong body nor trapped in a wrong body but a human being who is expressing her beingness in one of the various forms of the human

body. I am not in a wrong body. I am in this body just like how you are in your body. I am not trapped by my body. I am trapped by your beliefs. And I want to reclaim this body from those who want it to breathe and be fed by their dogmas.

And I want to reclaim the body of the Tyra Hunters of this world from those who ridiculed and shamed it to its death. I want to reclaim the body of the Brandon Teenas of this world from those who raped it so it could be put to its â&#x20AC;&#x153;right use.â&#x20AC;? I want to reclaim the bodies of all those who have been killed because their bodies have been wronged by the lifedenying righteousness of those drowning in their hatred. And to reclaim this body is to reclaim the inherent dignity and liberty of our bodies to live according to its own elegance and intelligence. Friends, the next time you look at yourselves in the mirror, consider appreciating your bodies. Perhaps as you marvel at its reflection you might feel a deep, abiding sense of gratitude for its mere existence - after all, it is through your body that you can sense and be sensed by life. Remember this feeling the next time you encounter another human being for it will bring you closer and closer to appreciating the bodies that are different from you. Those bodies are not there for you to ridicule, hate, and eradicate but for you to get intimately and directly acquainted with the diversity of the creation of life. The same life that allowed you to exist. And one of the greatest ingratitude you could do to life is to wrong other bodies. Thank you!

god is not a fundamentalist:   he laughs when proven wrong

Published on the website of Filipino Freethinkers in May 2012, this essay is an intervention on the rising Filipino Christian fundamentalist agenda of delegitimising the lives of Filipino LGBT.

❤ Let’s say you’re having a conversation with someone. Perhaps with a friend who has a different perspective from yours. As a thoughtful and considerate person, you want to understand your friend’s perspective. You dissect it, analyse each part, and in the process you ask questions whose answers can potentially dissolve the ground on which the perspective stands. But just like any one of us who has been so attached to our initial perspectives, your friend will attempt to escape this belief-threatening situation by uttering this effective conversation stopper: “I’m entitled to an opinion.” Along with “This is what God said…” and “Science proved it…”, this is one of those rhetorical abracadabras that when uttered will effectively close the cave of further investigation. John Jackson aptly illustrates this so elegantly in this fictional dialogue between Tom and Jerry: Tom: I believe X works. Jerry: There’s no evidence to support the fact that X works. Tom: Well, I believe that X works. Jerry: X has been tested in scientific trials and was not found to work. Tom: I’m entitled to my opinion. The Christian Post Reporter recently featured Mr Pacquiao’s interview with the National Conservative Examiner. Reacting to US President Barack Obama’s support of extending State-sanctioned marriage to same-sex couples, Mr Pacquiao allegedly used Leviticus 20:13 as the basis of his objection. Allegedly, he reiterated the two elements in that verse. The rule: prohibition against men having sex with other men; and the punishment: they should be put to death. I say allegedly because according to an ABS-CBN news report, Mr Pacquiao denied saying what the Christian Post Reporter attributed to him. He even claimed that he has never read Leviticus. He defended himself, saying that he is not condemning gay people, but he is just voicing out his opinion: “Sinabi ko lang ang opinion ko na against the law of God ang same-sex marriage (I just said my opinion that same-sex marriage is against the law of God).” In that statement, Mr Pacquiao used the two powerful rhetorical abracadabras at the same time: “God” and “I’m entitled to my opinion.” These two are actually the same thing: God is simply the non-secular version of the other. Using both devices in a sentence has the effect of attracting support from both the religious and the secular

camp. Who would be against what the creator, owner, and master of the universe says? And who would be against someone exercising their right to speak? The secular version is of course subject to more argumentation than God. Hence, if you really want to stop someone from further questioning you, use “God” immediately. Miriam Quiambao did this after she was told that her truth was just one of the many truth-claims out there. She salvaged her perspective from being weighed by other perspectives by using the God argument. By elevating her opinion to the Heavens, her opinion transformed into an absolute, irrevocable, eternal, and infallible Truth to which everyone should bow. In the secular world, God is oftentimes replaced by science, so that whenever someone says that this is the truth because “Science says so…” one is often bullied into a corner and forced to give up further inquiry. One of the consequences of further dissecting the claims of those who already uttered these rhetorical abracadabras is being accused of being disrespectful. “Why aren’t you respecting my/God’s/science’s opinion?” “Why are you not respecting my culture?” When the “respect me card” is thrown onto the table, any further challenges would be considered rude, cruel, and as we call it in our language, bastos. The situation will become very emotionally charged. The only way out of it is to calm the sea of emotions by just sailing away from the conversation. Sometimes this is called the “live and let live” strategy, to each-his-own-therefore-shut-up. But in the face of opinions — whether they are from gods, mortals, and scientists — should we just shut up? Sometimes we should. Sometimes we shouldn’t. The times that we should are probably during our private conversations when the interest of maintaining peace by shutting up outweighs the interest of further dissecting someone’s opinion or belief. Most of the time the latter interest outweighs the former.

Opinions are rarely without purpose. We don’t just happen to speak something; we are speaking because we want something: for other people to believe us. Mr Pacquiao, Ms Quiambao, and everyone who says something controversial are not simply sharing their thoughts, they want people to believe them. And believing is not a simple act. When you believe in something, you let it have a very powerful influence over your life. Indeed, we couldn’t live our lives without any belief of any kind; we may not be able to function at all without them. However, the importance of believing in something doesn’t preclude the importance of evaluation. The process of evaluation allows us to exercise our power to accept or reject opinions and claims. It is through this process that we give our consent to a claim for it to have an influence over us. Those who suggest that we believe and then evaluate later is like a salesman who wants us to pay him for a product that we have never seen. More importantly, without exercising this power, we give up one of the qualities that make us human: the faculty of reason. God and reason Speakers of any kind shouldn’t demand listeners to immediately believe what they have said. They should encourage listeners to challenge and weigh their opinions. And instead of demanding blind faith, they should urge their listeners to fully investigate their claims.

They should be humble enough to inform their listeners that they could be wrong. In the Buddhist tradition, the historical Buddha warned against people blindly believing in him, saying: “Don’t blindly believe what I say. Don’t believe me because others convince you of my words. Don’t believe anything you see, read, or hear from others, whether of authority, religious teachers or texts. Don’t rely on logic alone, nor speculation. Don’t infer or be deceived by appearances. Do not give up your authority and follow blindly the will of others. This way will lead to only delusion.”

Even the God in the Bible allows people to question him. In Moral Clarity: A Guide for Grown-Up Idealists, Susan Neiman offers an elegant analysis of the implication of Abraham’s act of bargaining with God, who is hell bent on destroying Sodom and Gomorrah. (NB: Neiman argues that Sodom and Gomorrah was not destroyed because of homosexuality but because of their grave inhospitality: they wanted to gang rape Lot’s guest but were denied. And hospitality was a great deal during those days. As Neiman said, “…kindness to strangers forms the framework of civilisation”). The story goes like this… Upon learning that God will destroy Sodom and Gomorrah, Abraham bargained with God. He asked God whether he will still destroy the city even if there are X number of innocent people there. Abraham was able to convince God to forego his plan if there are at least ten innocent people in the city. In this bargaining, “Abraham dares to remind the King of Kings that He’s about to trespass on moral law.” Neiman further adds, “If [Abraham] can make God stop and think…none of us is ever exempt.” Thus, arguing and reasoning with God is not something He forbids. In He Who Sits in Heaven Shall Laugh: Divine Humor in Talmudic Literature, Hershey Friedman argues that “God is open to suggestions from mortals and is even willing to change His mind when proven ‘wrong’.” This is far from the infallibility of the word of God that is being promoted by those who are taking the Bible as if it is the last word about anything under the sun. When God is proven wrong, Friedman concludes, “[He] laughs when He realizes that mortals refuse to accept Him as the final authority on religious matters.” Friedman based his conclusion from this Jewish parable: “Rabbi Nathan met Elijah the Prophet and asked him: What was God doing at that time [when His Heavenly voice was disregarded]? Elijah answered: He laughed and said: My children have triumphed over me. My children have triumphed over me.” This a demonstration of the humility of God. Despite being considered as perfect, God still considers his words not final and irrevocable. And despite His omniscience, Friedman says, “God but laughs when bested by His children.” This characteristic of God is far from the arrogance of those who proclaim that they are simply reiterating what God allegedly said. He wants his children to practice their faculty of reasoning. And yes, I dare add, that

He, just like the historical Buddha, would surely want His children not to blindly believe what He says. Neither does he want His children to believe him because others convinced them of His words. God didn’t create His children to be an echo. Respect

No opinion is immune to criticism, to questioning, and to further investigation. Every opinion needs to be weighed against critical thinking. Every opinion, no matter where it comes from, needs to be challenged. Challenging, questioning, and criticising an opinion are activities that weigh the validity of opinions. They are expressions of the innate capacity of humans to reason. But sometimes, these activities are considered as a disrespectful act. It isn’t clear however whether it’s the opinion that is being disrespected or the one giving the opinion. Conflating the opinion giver and his/her opinion is always seductive. We see this conflation in the article published on the website of CBCP for Life, entitled “Superficial idea of beauty may be seen in natural born men’s desire to be beauty titlists.” Reacting to the criticisms received by Miriam Quiambao, writer Nicole Bautista was quoted as saying: “I think Miriam Quiambao doesn’t deserve the flak she’s getting because one, she’s been diplomatic about it, and two, if everyone got blasted for saying something that somebody else disagreed with then no one should talk at all… It’s true that there is a limit to freedom of expression, that is when this freedom oversteps others’ rights, but Miriam Quiambao’s statement does not do this.” This was further supported by a quote from a homeschooling mom named Stef Patag: “Let’s face it, anti-Catholicism/anti-Christianity is the last acceptable prejudice. Tolerance is only real when it goes both ways. The LGBT crowd have their own beliefs, let Miriam have hers.” It isn’t clear which “flak” Ms Bautista was referring to. I hope that she means the ad hominem attacks Ms Quiambao received after she twitted “Homosexuality is not a sin but it is a lie from the devil. Do not be deceived. God loves gays and wants them to know the truth.” Ad hominems are of course a no-no in the traditional rules of argumentation. But if Ms Bautista also wants people to just shut up and blindly accept Ms Quiambao’s statement, then she is contradicting her position about freedom of expression. Freedom of expression doesn’t include freedom from criticism. Restricting criticism is actually a violation of freedom of speech. Indeed it takes courage to speak what you believe in public, but that courage shouldn’t stop when you’ve already said what you want to say. The speaker should also have the courage to accept the reaction that her expression will generate; and that courage should also include the humility and modesty to accept that her perspective is just one among the many. Saying that your perspective is the absolute truth because it comes from God is nothing but arrogance. And even if it

comes from God it still needs to be challenged, evaluated, and weighed, just like how Abraham of the Bible challenged God’s initial decision.

Criticising Ms Quiambao’s belief is not even equivalent to removing her right to believe what she wants to believe. This is even far from the religious persecution that Ms Patag implied in what she said. This criticism is not even a sign of disrespect for Ms Quiambao. But what is respect? Does respect mean acceptance? Let’s do an etymological investigation. Respect comes from the Latin word respectus, which means the “act of looking back at one;” and it is the past participle of respicere, which means to “look back at, regard, consider.” To respect Ms. Quiambao doesn’t meant that we should just accept her words, no matter where she thought they came from. To respect her is to treat her with regard. It is to consider her as your fellow human being who just happened to have a different perspective. To respect her is to allow her to express what she wants to say; but doing this doesn’t mean that you cannot react with civility to what she is saying. And about respecting an opinion? Opinions are not human beings that have rights. Rights regulate our relationship with one another and our relationship with the State. They were not created (of whoever you think created them – Gods or mortals) so that opinions will have the same status as people. More importantly, opinions are not sentient beings that need respect. What opinions need is evaluation. They need to pass through the critical eye of the needle of reason. Once they have entered that eye, that’s the time that any thinking individual should allow opinions to have the power to weave a story that s/he can believe. When that opinion fails to pass through that eye, let’s hope that those who consider their opinion as the infallible word of God do what their God does when proven wrong: laugh and be willing to change. God is not a fundamentalist.

let each name

I delivered this speech during the 2011 Amsterdam Transgender Day of Remembrance (Transgender Gedenkdag 2011) on 19 November 2011, 16.00-19.00, Homomonument. ❤ As we recite the names of all those who we have lost to the violent hearts and hands of our fellow human beings, may we remember that these names don’t just represent another statistic in the growing number of people who lost the grace of their lives to the indignity of transphobia. These names represent lives, real lives of people who lived, walked, cried, smiled, and loved among us. These names represent lives that deserved to be treated with dignity. These names don’t just mean that we are losing people to transphobia in different regions of the world, in different countries, in different cultures, and in different communities. More than the loss of lives, these names mean that countries, cultures, and communities are letting the darkness of transphobia reign over the light of compassion, care, and everyday kindness. These names represent lives that matter and they should matter, for these names represent people who were somebody’s children, partners, friends, siblings, students, teachers, workers, citizens! So as we recite these names, we are calling on all institutions – from families to schools to religions to governments, from Amsterdam to Ankara, from Afghanistan to Zimbabwe - we are calling on everyone, everywhere to reclaim compassion from hate, to reclaim care from apathy, and to reclaim everyday kindness from transphobia. Some of you here might feel the sting of hopelessness as you recite these names. But friends, I invite you to let that sting of hopelessness be transformed into a platform for a desire for change that cannot be tamed! Let each name be our light and guide. Let each name be the wings of our hope that shall carry us to the Promise Land of a world that is more inclusive, respectful, and kind. Let each name fortify the strength of our faith. Our faith that when we are united by the clarity of our voices and the urgency of our desire for change, we will prevail!

54 Let each name be a pressing reminder that we should use our lives to make a difference and live our lives as living testaments that one day the fierceness of our determination can triumph over the force of oppression. Let each name be a monument of courage! Let this courage stir a restless defiance in our hearts â&#x20AC;&#x201C; a restless defiance that would urge us to stand up for justice and dignity for everyone, everywhere! Let this restless defiance keep on awakening our enormous strength to face our fears about this world. And letâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s keep on awakening this enormous strength so we can keep on touching the hearts and spirits of those who are afraid to understand and accept difference; so we can keep on expanding the field of social inclusion and acceptance; so we can keep on inspiring the minds and hearts that matter to craft social policies that are designed to facilitate the fulfilment of happiness! Let each name remind us to never ever forget that we have the right to be here and that we have the responsibility to express, claim, and reclaim, and to fight for this right every time, everywhere, for everyone! Thank you!

time to say goodbye   to your internalised transprejudice

The challenges trans people face exist in a vicious circle. Each point in that circle feeds on each other, giving this cycle a momentum that is very difficult to counteract. One crucial point in that circle is the internalised transprejudice of transgender people themselves. Transprejudice is a set of practices and beliefs whose underlying assumption is that transgender people are not human beings, therefore they don’t deserve the treatment reserved only for human beings. The danger starts when transgender people start acting on that assumption by engaging in reckless, irresponsible, and self-defeating behaviour. In this October 2014 essay, I encourage trans people, specifically trans women, to start being aware of how they have internalised transprejudice. ❤ The case of Maki Gingoyon against a fitness gym can possibly test Cebu’s antidiscrimination ordinance, which prohibits discrimination on the basis of several categories including gender identity. As Ms Gingoyon’s journey to dignity unfolds, her case is also turning into an opportunity to challenge a pervasive societal belief internalised by women of transsexual experience: the womanhood of a woman of transsexual experience is an illusion. The real illusions, however, are the illusions constructed by our internalised prejudice.* We cannot move forward if we don’t stop this internal practice of delegitimising the womanhood of our fellow transpinays (woman of transsexual experience of Filipino descent). Thus, one of the urgent tasks of trans activism is to exorcise this internalised transprejudice which destroys our dignity and our capacity to affirm the dignity of others. Maki’s quest Ms Gingoyon applied for gym membership but backed off after the manager told her that she cannot use the gym’s ladies’ room. Her gender became an issue after she presented her ID, which bears her legal sex – male. Perhaps trying to accommodate Ms Gingoyon, the gym asked her whether she already had genital reconstruction surgery. The question is not only inappropriate and intrusive it also demonstrates the taken-for-granted belief that it is our genitalia rather than our brains which define our gender identity. More significantly, the question demonstrates how everyone’s gender is assigned at birth: by inspecting the external genitalia. The case will still take time before it reaches the stage of legal contestation; not only because Cebu’s anti-ordinance has no implementing rules yet but also because Ms Gingoyon opted to exhaust – rightfully so! – all available non-adversarial remedies, such as further clarifying the gym’s policy on transgender people. Hopefully, this action will lead to negotiating a gym policy that recognises that there are different ways of being male and female, and that the genitalia is not the final arbiter and certainly not the most

definitive basis of anyone’s gender identity. This is currently being emphasised by a brilliant online campaign in support of Ms Gingoyon. Since her case became public, Ms Gingoyon received an outpouring of support from trans folks with their pictures bearing the statement “my genitalia has nothing to do with my gender identity”. Certainly, this negotiation will involve educating the gym management regarding the complexity of gender identity. And definitely, it has to include explaining transsexualism. The transsexual phenomenon

Though the term is fairly recent and of Western origin, the phenomenon transsexualism refers to is not. The transsexual phenomenon – and trans phenomenon in general – has been observed in different cultures in different times in history. The trans phenomenon refers to the condition in which people have gender identity and/or gender expression that don’t coincide with the gender identity and/or gender expression culturally associated with their gender assignment at birth. The transsexual phenomenon is a subset of the trans phenomenon. Transsexualism is the condition of having a gender identity that is “opposite” the gender assignment at birth (e.g. a person assigned as male at birth with a female identity, a person assigned as female at birth with a male gender identity). Our gender assignment is declared by our birth attendant (e.g. doctor, midwife, etc) who based the declaration on the gender culturally assigned to our genitalia. This declaration gets registered in our birth certificate, which in turn dictates our legal gender. No matter how our society values this initial gender assignment, this is only provisional at best. Contrary to the belief that underpins the assigning of gender at birth, the seat of our gender identity is not our genitalia but our brain. Because our brains continue to develop after we were born, it takes time before we realise our gender identity. This realisation may or may not coincide with the birth attendant’s declaration. Because gender identity is largely an internal process which takes place in someone’s brain, it is the individual who is in the best position to know and determine his/her own gender identity. A good starting point in understanding transsexualism from a medical perspective is Dr. Harry Benjamin’s classic text The Transsexual Phenomenon. Meanwhile, Wikipedia provides a useful survey of the different scientific explanations of the causes of the phenomenon. Internalised transprejudice Because the gym management’s policy echoes wider societal belief, educating the wider public is imperative. It will take time before a large-scale shift in thinking happens. However, the shift’s tipping point cannot be reached if those experiencing the transsexual phenomenon themselves don’t come to terms with the phenomenon. These are the people who have internalised transprejudice: the belief that the trans experience of gender is not as legitimate as the cisgender experience of gender (which is the experience of having a gender identity and/or gender expression which coincides with the gender identity and/or gender expression associated with one’s gender assignment at

birth). Internalised transprejudice manifests in myriad ways, such as self-hatred, various forms of social resignation, and the belief that the womanhood of women of transsexual experience is nothing but an illusion.

Reacting to Ms Gingoyon’s case, one famous transpinay beauty queen arrogantly declared in a Facebook comment that what happened to Ms Gingoyon was not discrimination but a demonstration of her illusion. Calling a fellow woman of transsexual experience ilusyonada is nothing new. A taken-for-granted belief within the community, it reflects the wider societal belief that there is only one way of being a woman. This societal belief reduces womanhood to a body part – the presence of a vagina – and/or to one of the human body’s function – the ability to give birth. Internalised transprejudice robs us of our courage to affirm our own womanhood. Because of it, we believe that we are not “real women,” and that no matter what we do we will not “become real women” because we were “born as men.” In turn, we project this internalised prejudice to our fellow women of transsexual experience by calling them ilusyonada. Furthermore, our internalised transprejudice makes us apathetic to dignity because it already destroyed our capacity to affirm even our own dignity. Thus, it propels us to consciously or unconsciously sabotage every effort to regain the dignity of people like us. Our internalised transprejudice seduces us to think that we are worthless, that we are not worthy of respect and love. Ultimately, internalised transprejudice destroys our capacity to love ourselves. If not arrested, this self-hate will culminate into the greatest victory of transprejudice: to make us delegitimise our own humanity. Let’s move forward: let’s say goodbye to our internalised prejudice. Start by firmly affirming that our own womanhood is as legitimate as the womanhood of our fellow women who were assigned as female at birth; that as citizens of the Philippines we have the same rights and responsibilities as our fellow citizens; and that as human beings we have the same dignity as everyone else! It’s not easy to exorcise our internalised transprejudice. Chances are we already had it since we were children. But exorcising it is something that we must do if we want our society to affirm our womanhood, to respect our equal status as citizens of this nation, and to recognise our equal human dignity. To paraphrase Socrates: let her that would move the world, first move herself. *Transprejudice is also called transphobia. I prefer to use transprejudice because transphobia is not akin to phobias such as hydrophobia and arachnobia.

learning from the teduray people: valuing self-determination

In this essay, I write about my quest to ground my advocacy in the vocabulary rooted in the culture of our people. What I’ve discovered elated me: The right to decide your gender has long been honoured by the Teduray People living in Mindanao. ❤ When I was starting my advocacy work on trans issues in 2001, a time when “transgender” was an “exotic” term in the Philippine lesbian and gay movement, one of the critiques I received was “transgender” was a Western concept. As a teenager, I didn’t take it well. But the beautiful thing about life is our ability to learn and eventually see things with much more insightful eyes. I have learned to consider this critique as an invitation to ground my advocacy in the vocabulary rooted in the culture of our people. But I, and a lot of women like me, have an uneasy relationship with the word bakla, the word used by Filipinos to refer to both gay men and trans women. Also, bakla is often used as a slur like faggot. Unless bakla is used as a term of endearment, a trans woman being called bakla entails the invalidation and delegitimisation of her womanhood: She is not a “real” woman because she is a bakla. In other words, she is “really” a man like the gay men who are also called bakla. Because one of the goals of our advocacy is for society to recognize and respect that our girl- and womanhood are as real and valid as the girl- and womanhood of girls and women who were assigned female at birth, we in the Society of Transsexual Women of the Philippines (STRAP), decided to coin an identity that would symbolize this advocacy: transpinay. It is a combination of trans and Pinay (a Filipina woman). We launched the term in 2008 as we participated in the LGBT Pride March. The banner we carried during the 2008 Manila Pride March boldly declared: Transpinay: The other Filipina woman. Nonetheless, I still continued my search for affirmative vocabularies that are rooted in our culture. The lack of gender in our pronouns also lead me to reflect further on my development from being a baby assigned male at birth into a young child who never doubted her female identity into a fierce woman. Did I transition? Or did I unfold? As I wrote earlier, I feel that “he becomes a she” does not capture what people like me has gone through. Tagalog is one of the very few languages in the world that do not have gendered pronouns. He, she, and it are just “Siya/Sya”. Hence, he or she becoming or changing into another pronoun does not have an equivalent in Tagalog. It’s just “Sya becomes Sya (Sya ay naging Sya).” I feel this is a better starting point in understanding, explaining, and reflecting on the experience of women like me. I am not a he who became a she. I just became I and I unfolded to the outside world the reality contained inside me. Thus, if you are going to describe this experience it’s not a “he who becomes a

she” but “Sya ay naging sya at patuloy na nagiging sya (Siya becomes siya and continues to become siya).” I did not transition, I unfolded. Recently, I stumbled upon the Facebook page of HAPI – Humanist Alliance Philippines, International . I was intrigued by their post on the 17th of May, in celebration of the International Day Against Homophobia and Transphobia. It said: “Did you know? The Teduray tribe of the Philippines has a concept of transgender: “mentefuwaley libun” for “man who became woman” and “mentefuwaley lagey” for “woman who became man.” Then I encountered the blog entry of J.I.E. Tedoro (http://bantaytvatpelikula.blogspot.nl/ 2011/06/may-isang-matalinong-obispo.html), which referenced Emmanuel Dumlao’s article Berinarew: Pagsasanib ng Aral at Aliw. Like HAPI's English translation, I also find Dumlao’s Tagalog translation problematic. Here’s how Dumlao translated these terms into Tagalog:

Gaya ng pagkilala sa bakla, agi, bayot sa iba’t ibang dako ng Filipinas, wala ring problema sa mga Teduray ang usapin ng sexual o gender preference. Mayroon silang tinatawag na “mentefuwaley libun” at “mantefuwaley lagey” na ang ibig sabihin ay “lalaking naging babae” at “babaeng naging lalaki.” Ang ganitong pagpapalit ng kasarian para sa isang Teduray ay kasing-natural lamang ng pag-aasawa. Hindi pekpek o titi ang batayan nila ng sekswalidad kundi ang kilos ng isang indibidwal. Ibig sabihin, magiging babae ang isang lalaki kung kikilos at magdadamit siya bilang babae. Para sa mga Teduray, ang isang lalaking nagpalit ng kasarian ay "mentefuwaley libun," hindi siya bakla, hindi siya bisexual. Siya ay babae, "mentefuwaley libun" o lalaking naging babae. ( p. 56) I went on to research on the Teduray people living in Southern Philippines in Mindanao, and even got in touch with Stuart Schlegel, the anthropologist who lived with the Teduray people in the 60’s. What I discovered made me glow. The translation from HAPI, as well as that of Dumlao’s, doesn’t fully capture what the term means. There’s no “man” or “lalake” in mentefuwaley libun, and there is no “woman” or “babae” in mentefuwaley lagey. According to the Facebook page of UP Mindanao Mentefuwaley the LGBT organization of University of the Philippines – Mindanao, “mentefuwaley” means “transformation.” Meanwhile, libun means woman, and lagey means man. Thus, literally, “mentefuwaley libun” means “transformation woman” and “mentefuwaley lagey” means “transformation man.” The translation “man who became woman” and “woman who became man” are analogous to the sensationalising “he becomes she” and “she becomes a he.” This is a translation that takes the gender and knowledge-system of the English language as its guide for translation rather than the gender and knowledge-system of the Teduray people from which these terms come from. To support my argument, let me point to the conversation between some Teduray people and Stuart Schlegel, a cultural anthropologist and specialist on the Philippines, Indonesia

and California. Below is an excerpt from Wisdom from a Rainforest: The Spiritual Journey of an Anthropologist (1998), Schlegel’s reflections on what he learned from living with the Teduray people in the 60’s. ——

One evening I was listening to my next-door neighbor, Ideng-Tong, play her zither, and I commented to MoTong how lovely I found his wife’s music. He said to me, “Mo-Lini, you should hear Ukà (SEE ACCOMPANYING PHOTO BELOW) from LangeLange (a place several mountain crests away from Figel). She is the best of all Teduray zither players. Perhaps, she will come and play for you, and you can put that on your radio.” He used the English word, but was referring to my tape-recorder. I said, “Just-right, cousin. I would love to hear her play.” I might have known when I made that reply that word would get to Ukà and she would come when she had a chance. About two weeks later, one of the Figel men told me he had been in Lange Lange and that Ukà said she would come play for me. Not long after that, the celebrated musician came to Figel, and we had a most memorable bamboo zither festival. Ukà stayed for ten days, every evening playing for a couple of hours to those of us gathered around the still-burning cookfire under the big house. Ukà played several different kinds of pieces. Some were slow tunes of well-known love songs; others were fast, intricately repetitive traditional melodies. Some were her own compositions. Other people played their zithers or other instruments from time to time, and there was a bit of singing and dancing, but for the most part people knew that they were hearing the finest zither player of their day, and they urged her to play piece after piece. I made tape recordings and took some photographs, but mostly I just joined my companions in total enjoyment of her music. One evening as Ukà was playing I asked the man next to me if she was married, because she had come to Figel accompanied by her brother, and her name didn’t indicate any children. He replied, “Oh no, Mo-Lini, she can’t be married. How could she have children? She is a mentefuwaley libun.” I had never heard that term before, but it was perfectly clear Teduray and meant “onewho-became-a-woman.” I said, “Oh, so she is really a man?”

Ukà, a mentefuwaley libun, playing the bamboo zither. Image courtesy of Prof. Stuart Schlegel

“No,” he said, “she is a genuine woman!” His word for “genuine” was tentu, which means “real” or “actual.”! 6161 ! But if she were really a woman, what did it mean that she became a woman? I was confused. (Remember that this whole conversation was in Teduray and therefore was without pronouns like “he” or “she,” “him” or “her.”) I asked my companion, “Well, then, when she was born was she a boy or a girl?” When he replied, I detected a slight in incredulity that I could be so dense concerning a perfectly clear situation. “She was born a boy, Mo-Lini. Don’t you remember? I just said that she is one-who-became-a-woman!” “So then, cousin,”–I, the dense stranger in his world, forged bravely on–“she is really a man, just dressed like a woman!” My friend’s disbelief at my inability to see what was right before my eyes seemed to go up a notch, edging toward a puzzlement equal to my own. He said, “Can’t you understand? She is really a woman! She is one-who-became-a-woman.”

So I played my trump card, sure it would clear up all this silliness: “Well, does she have a penis?” “Yes, of course she has a penis,” he said. “She is one-who-became-a-woman.”

Finally I stopped quizzing him. In my world what identifies a man as “really” a male and a woman as “really” a female are their genitals, but evidently this was not so for the Teduray. In the months following this revelation, I asked several people about this phenomenon. I learned that in their view of things, what made you really a certain gender was the social role you played: how you dressed, how you wore your hair, what you did all day, how you were addressed by people, what gender you thought of yourself as being. And as far as Teduray were concerned, you could be whichever one you pleased. I later met a man who had been born a girl but who had chosen to be male and had lived a long life as a man. Most boys grew up wanting to be men and most girls grew up wanting to be women, but if anyone didn’t and wanted to switch, nobody cared a whit. He or she was not thought of as strange or eccentric and, except that marriage was considered inappropriate, was treated just like everyone else. Seeing my interest and opacity with regard to these people who changed gender, someone asked me, “Mo-Lini, don’t you have ones-who-became-women and ones-whobecame-men in America?” “Well,” I said, “we have women and men who wear the other’s clothing, and we have men and women who would like to be the other gender.” “So, you see,” he said, “it’s just the same with you.” “No,” I had to reply. “Many Americans give such people a bad time. They despise them and consider them bad people.” “Just because they want to be a different gender?” he asked, amazement on his face. And his next question still rings in my ears: “Why is that? Why are you people so cruel?” —— One can gather from this story that mentefuwaley libun is not about a “man” becoming a woman but the ungendered “one” becoming a woman: “one-who-became-woman.” This is the same with mentefuwaley lagey: “one-who-became-man.” Schlegel might have translated it in this way because his conversation with the Teduray people was conducted in the Teduray language, which like Tagalog, has no gendered pronouns. The rough Tagalog equivalent of the answer of the Teduray man to Schlegel’s question on why Ukà can’t marry might be: “Siya ay naging babae,” which is the Tagalog translation of “one-who-became-woman.” Replacing the word “one” with man or woman is wrong. The gender of “mentefuwaley libun” is “libun,” which is babae in Tagalog and girl/woman in English. Mentefuwaley only serves as a description of how Ukà’s womanhood came to be.

She unfolded into a woman. Mentefuwaley refers to the path to being a man or a woman that the Teduray people recognise and respect and consider as valid and legitimate.

Also, the Teduray people don’t consider Ukà’s womanhood as fake. Thus, when Schlegel, who is operating within the gender system of his culture, asked “Oh, she is really a man?” The Teduray man he was talking to told him “No, she is a tentu woman!” Tentu in the Teduray language means “real” or “actual.” More significantly, Ukà’s genitalia are not relevant to the Teduray people in determining her gender. She is a real woman even if she has a penis because she unfolded into being a woman. However, though Schlegel believes that these women have sexual partners, marriage is not necessary for them. “It was perfectly accepted, and I’m quite sure those individuals had sexual partners. The only difference was that they didn’t marry. Marriage was an economic unit for raising children, so there was no need for that among couples who weren’t going to have children,” Schlegel said in his interview by University of California, Santa Cruz in November 1998. Besides the validity of Ukà’s womanhood, another striking feature of this story is the respected and esteemed status of Ukà. She is “the best of all Teduray zither players” and the Teduray people celebrated her for that. This is far from the discrimination and violence experienced by trans people outside the Teduray culture. The Teduray people are an inspiration. They have been respecting the right to determine your own gender long before the birth of the trans movement in the Philippines, long before the advent of gender recognition laws. This right is not a Western invention. The right to determine your gender identity is deeply rooted in the culture of our people, and the culture of the Teduray people serves as our light in reclaiming it. I am mentefuwaley libun. I am a transpinay. And I stand in solidarity with my mentefuwaley sisters and brothers and the rest of the Teduray people in their struggle for the recognition of their identity, culture, and the full inclusion of their rights in the Bangsamoro Basic Law!

on democracy, citizenship, difference,  and the advocacy of connivance

In June 2015, the alleged no-crossdressing policy of Valkryie Nightclub stimulated not only a campaign calling for the removal of the policy but also an important discussion on the relevance of the (deemed “elitist”) issue among the lives of most trans people and the rest of the Filipino LGBT community. Atty. Bruce Rivera is one of the well-known contrarian views on the issue.3 This essay is my response to his essay. ❤ In his well-circulated contrarian take on the Valkyrie fracas, Atty. Bruce Rivera rightfully said that crossdressing and transgender people are entitled to all the rights and obligations granted by law because of their status as citizens. However, the problem lies not on their status as citizens but on “how we define the meaning of discrimination.” Thereafter, Rivera laid down the foundation of the rest of his contrarian view: “Is a democracy allowed to discriminate? The answer is YES. Provided there is a valid classification.“ Then he pointed out that the division of the almost 100 million population of the Republic of the Philippines into two sexes, though “a problem,” is still a “valid classification.” Therefore, the discrimination based on this division is allowed in a democratic society. “This is the same law,” he said, “that forces a transgender to write M to the question of sex even if the heart wants to write F.” In this statement, he did not only reduce transgender people into transgender women only, he didn’t also point out why this is exactly a problem. Instead of offering this explanation, he just went on to say that Valkyrie pales in comparison to issues that he would have “taken the cudgels for,” namely: “denying a cross-dresser the right to vote; and denying a transgender the right to own property or denied the right to practice a profession.” Unfortunately, he didn’t even include the cause of fighting for a gender recognition law, which is always implicated in almost every instance of discrimination transgender people face, including the Valkyrie issue, which Rivera reduced to an instance of “a bruised ego.” He concluded his essay by telling us that there is “only one way to be accepted” and that is “when people will see our similarities rather than our differences.” In this essay, I will offer four interrelated critiques of Rivera’s essay. I’ve been academically trained in political philosophy; thus, I will interrogate his essay using the approach in this discipline. The first critique centers on democracy, the important actor in his statement, which Rivera didn’t define. The second on the question of whether transgender people are enjoying the benefits of full citizenship. The third one challenges Rivera’s rejection of 3

See “A different take on the Valkyrie issue” http://outragemag.com/a-different-take-on-the-valkyrie-issue/

an important aspect of acceptance: respect for difference. And finally, the fourth critique challenges the advocacy of connivance that Rivera had fallen into by not challenging the frame in which Valkyrie’s no-crossdressing policy operate: the frame of cisgender norm. On democracy

Rivera didn’t give any definition and just assumed that “we all know what it means.” This taken-for-grantedness is unfortunate, specially that the central actor in his essay is a democratic society, who, as Rivera argued, is allowed to discriminate if there is a “valid classification.” So what is democracy? And how is the validity of a classification established in a democracy? Democracy is not a legal term but a political one. Rivera lacked a political unpacking of the term that is crucial to his argument. Usually, we define democracy as the rule of the people, by the people, of the people. In On the Demos and its Kin: Nationalism, Democracy, and the Boundary Problem, Arash Abizadeh provides a more sophisticated understanding of democracy: democracy “demands that the human object of power, those persons over whom it is exercised, also be the subject of power, those who (in some sense) author its exercise.” In other words, the demos must be the author of the power they have to obey. Classifying something, specially if it’s the State that is doing it, is an exercise of power. In a democracy, for a “classification system” to be valid, it must be authored by the demos itself. If the classification system is not authored by the demos, then the power this system holds over the demos is an arbitrary exercise of power, i.e. it doesn’t have any democratic legitimacy, thus unacceptable in a democratic society. Gender is one of those classification systems. Gender has so much power over our lives. It shapes almost every aspect of our lives, and gender norms are enforced by the full might of the State. We are legally obliged by the State to write, recite, and perform the gender and the cultural norms associated with the state-sanctioned gender assignment we were classified into when we were born. If we disobey this gender assignment, we will be punished by the State in both direct and indirect ways. For example, transgender people are required by the Department of Foreign Affairs to look like their gender assignment at birth in their passport photos. Maria, a Filipina trans woman in California, once shared: “When I was renewing my Philippine passport, I was asked to remove my make up and pull my hair in a pony tail because I am a “male.” This is no different from the experience of the trans woman referred to by the Society of Transsexual Women of the Philippines (STRAP) in its statement on the Valkyrie issue. “The Professional Regulation Commission or PRC’s Registry section,” STRAP narrated, “required a transwoman to tie her long hair and look less masculine before being issued a professional license.” Even in the workplace this is the case as what we can learn from the story of Claire, a labor rights leader and transgender woman, and “one of the 96 contractual employees of Tanduay Distillers Inc. in Cabuyao, Laguna who decided to

launch a sudden strike after they were told on May 16 to stop reporting to work by May 18.” While working, Claire “was forced to be “mas mukhang lalaki (appear more manly)”, including getting a haircut, as well as wearing more masculine-looking clothes.”

Following Rivera’s logic, these instances can be allowed in a democracy because they are based on “valid classification.” But the question is: does the gender classification system, as it stands, have democratic legitimacy? Is the demos the author of the power of gender over our lives? If not, then how can it be valid in a democracy and be a legitimate reason for discrimination in a democratic society? And if we live in a democracy, why should Maria and the trans woman in the PRC Case be compelled by the government to obey something that has no democratic legitimacy? Isn’t that tyranny? Can Claire’s expression of her gender identity be protected by the State? Or will the State protect and enforce more the current legal gender system, just as much as it will protect and enforce more the interests of Lucio Tan? On citizenship Rivera said that transgender people are citizens. But while encouraging us to “let our advocacy have essence,” he failed to ask this substantive and essential question: Is the citizenship of transgender people in equal terms with cisgender people, i.e. those who have gender identity and/or gender expression that matches what is expected of their gender assignment at birth? The answer is No, and this is because citizenship has been based on the reality of cisgender people. Citizenship is often understood as membership in a political community, which is currently embodied by the State. The State decides the boundaries of citizenship, i.e. who becomes a citizen, the terms of membership – the rights and obligations of being a citizen, and the level of membership – full or subordinate. Social groups that have been previously excluded from enjoying the rights of full citizenship – Greek warriors, peasants, plebeians, medieval artisans, proletariats, blacks, women, immigrants, gays, lesbians, bisexual, and transgender people, living with disability – have fought to make the boundaries of citizenship become more inclusive. However, these struggles are not easily won because as Engin Isin said in his essay City as a Difference: the “dominant groups… have never surrendered…without a struggle.” In the context of this essay, the dominant group are cisgender people. Transgender people are seeking to redefine the social world because they cannot fully fulfil the obligations of being a citizen and exercise their rights as equal citizens if in the first place they have a subordinate form of citizenship and, most importantly, when citizenship is based on the reality of cisgender people. The birth certificate is the legal document that establishes our existence. Through it we become legal persons, and this means that we will possess the capacity to have and to maintain certain rights, and to have duties enforceable by law. One of the important aspects of our legal personality is our sex.

67 Our sex is legally defined at birth. Let me digress for a moment. This article will not make any distinction between gender and sex as I don’t share the view that “sex” is a biological fact while “gender” is socially constructed. Hence, I use sex and gender interchangeably, as well as female with girl/women, and male with boy/men – but this is not to say that gender is a biological fact. Genitalia, body parts, are biological facts but the label we assign to them and the activity of assigning a particular sex/gender to these body parts are not. As what Anne Fausto-Sterling said in Sexing the Body: Gender Politics and the Construction of Sexuality, they are social decisions based on normative views about sex/ gender. More importantly, the law does not make any distinction between sex and gender. Assigning a baby’s sex is also assigning the baby’s gender. They are not separate and independent legal processes. Taking our external genitalia as the cue, the doctor (or whoever attended to our birth) proclaims, and hence assigns us, into either the category of “boy or girl.” This proclamation, however, is not a description of what is between our legs but an act of giving us the first aspect of our legal identity and therefore of our citizenship: sex. Along with other details such as name, date of birth, name of parents, the sex that was proclaimed by the doctor gets entered into our birth certificate. In turn, the sex on our birth certificates will be the sex that will be reflected on all our legal documents, such as our passports. It will be also be the sex that will be considered in the application of several laws, such as marriage laws. Most people find no problem with the sex to which they were assigned during their birth. They are cisgender people whose sex assignment at birth matches their lived gender identity and/or their gender expression. The reality of cisgender people is taken as the norm. And because cisgender people dominate every political community, the discourse of citizenship becomes entangled with the experience of cisgender people. Those who don’t share the way cisgender people experience gender are then treated as second class citizens. Thus, transgender people don’t experience citizenship in the same way as cisgender people. As what Rivera himself said, transgender people are “forced” to kept on writing their gender assignment at birth despite the fact the gender that they live everyday is not that. Cisgender people, though required to also identify their birth gender, don’t experience this as “force” because the gender that they write is the gender they live everyday. Transgender people are socially marginalised and individually discriminated against because they are not living in accordance with the gender norms of their legal sex at birth, which in turn intersects with other system of oppression based on class, age, ability, ethnicity, religion etc. What produces these patterns of discrimination based on gender identity and expression is the presence of a law that takes cisgender people’s experience of gender as the norm against which the legitimacy of our gendered experienced is judged. Cisgender citizens will never experience what Ria Rosales experienced when she saw her job offer evaporate after her employer saw that her documents reflect that she’s

Male. Cisgender citizens will never experience doors being shut to them because of their lived gender precisely because they are the ones who were closing these doors. And they don’t fear closing these doors because their exclusionary practices are backed by the full might of the State biased towards the cisgender experience of gender. On difference “The only way to be accepted,” Rivera said, “is when people will see our similarities rather than our differences.” In one aspect I agree with Rivera. After all, the discourse of difference has legitimised the oppression of the other, which can even have a genocidal result. As what Narcisa Paredes-Canilao rhetorically asked in Decolonising the Subjects from the Discourse of Difference, “which one really led to colonialism or the Holocaust or which is a more potent antidote to (wo)man’s inhumanity to (wo)man, difference from or identification with the Other.”

However, it is not the recognition of difference per se that lead us to inflict indignity upon each other, but the way we value difference. If cisgender people, who dominate society, interpret their version of being human as exceptional, God’s chosen way of living, the only legitimate way of experiencing gender, they are not just recognising difference but putting their difference on a pedestal, in the throne of power that can police others into becoming like them. In Polity and Group Difference: A Critique of the Ideal of Universal Citizenship, Iris Marion Young discussed the failure of universal citizenship in treating each citizens as equals. Instead of delivering its promise of equality to all qua citizens, citizenship “operated in fact as demand for homogeneity.” The terms of similarity, Young argued, is set by the dominant group. Thus, seeing our similarities is not innocent activities but can be a way of imposing the way of living of the dominant group. We must use both the lens of similarity and difference in order to see another human in her totality. More significantly, we must use both lenses in order to see how the lens of difference can make us see another person as inferior and how the lens of similarity lead us to reject the validity of another person’s version of humanity. The danger of a cisgender person seeing only a transgender person as similar to him/her is the inability to see how the State-sanctioned cisgender norm has rendered transgender people as not only different but inferior, illegitimate, and immoral. And a cisgender person who only sees a transgender person as different would be blind to the common humanity that binds them together. On the advocacy of connivance Who has the right to decide our own gender, and therefore the way of expressing? This is at the heart of the Valkyrie issue and all instances of gender identity and expression based discrimination.

This is left unaddressed by Rivera who only assumed the validity of the current gender classification system, which lead him to conclude that discrimination based on it can be allowed. Earlier, I put into question the validity of the current gender classification system in our democracy because, in the first place, this was never democratically legitimated. Further, it’s a gender classification system that rendered the cisgender experience of gender as the only State-sanctioned experience of gender, and therefore the only gendered experience that have full access to the protection of the State. Consequently, transgender people, despite sharing the same formal citizenship as cisgender people, have to fight rather than simply request for this access.

By not challenging the very framework of cisgender norms, Rivera missed the opportunity of making the kind of advocacy he is forwarding fully relevant to the lives of transgender people. His advocacy is an advocacy of connivance. Borrowing the concept of trial of connivance that Jacques Vergés developed, an advocacy of connivance is an advocacy that seeks merely to evaluate the facts in relation to the existing framework. This is what Rivera did when he merely recited the law in relation to the facts of the Valkyrie issue and when he reduced the Valkyrie issue as merely an issue of a “bruised ego.” He accepted the cisgender framework and called it a day. Rivera cannot see the issue beyond “a bruised ego” because it wasn’t his version of humanity that was put into question. He said that there are a lot of straight people who can’t enter the stores we’ve entered into because they don’t have money, a lot who can’t eat because they were poor. This is a valid point but the issue is not about class but the intersection of class AND gender. Not all impoverished people experience poverty in the same way. A poor cisgender man would have a higher chance of finding a job than a poor transgender woman. Claire’s cisgender co-workers don’t have to experience being forced to be masculine at the workplace in pain of losing their job. And even rich people don’t experience privilege equally. This was aptly demonstrated by the experience of Trixie and Veejay. Rivera can’t see this intersection because he has not problematised the cisgender framework of our everyday lives but simply considered it as “valid classification.” He said that we must find an issue that can make “the common man… relate and sympathise.” When Laude was murdered, we have witnessed how vicious and transphobic the “common man” was. In order for the common man to relate and sympathise, Laude’s being transgender had to be swallowed by her identity as a Filipino. But when we highlight Laude’s transgender status, the common man, instead of relating and sympathising, responded with a whole range of cruel, transphobic “blame-thevictim” tactics. Why? It’s because the common man is a cisgender person who has takenfor-granted the privileges he/she have by simply having a gender identity and/or gender expression aligned with his/her gender assignment at birth. Trans advocates, including those Rivera condescendingly looked down upon, are revolting against the dictatorship of the State-sanctioned cisgender framework. They are engaging in an advocacy of rupture, an advocacy that seeks to challenge the very framework, in this case the cisgender framework, within which facts would be interpreted.

Valkyrie didnâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;t simply make a business decision. Valkyrie is enforcing the State-sanctioned cisgender norm, which has been the source of oppression of a lot of people whose gendered lives donâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;t fit the cisgender experience of gender. Trans advocates are not just making noises, they are reclaiming the right to define our own gender from the state, the church, the medical profession, and even from private establishments like Valkyrie.

ang dapat mabatid ng mga kapwa ko babaeng transekswal: ang kahalagahan ng respetong pinaghihiran

Inspired by Andres Bonificio’s “Ang Dapat Mabatid ng mga Tagalog,” I write this essay to encourage my fellow transpinays to get out of the box and walk the path less traveled. ❤ Himayin natin ang konsepto ng respeto. Sa isang banda, lahat tayo ay karapat-dapat bigyan nito dahil sa tayo ay pare-parehong tao. Sa kabilang banda, ang respeto ay kinakamit: kailangan mo itong paghirapan. May mga taong ang paniniwala nila ay nakakahon lamang sa alinman sa dalawang ito: 1) Lahat tayo ay dapat respetuhin dahil lahat tayo ay tao; o 2) Ang respeto ay para lamang sa mga taong deserve ito. Sa aking pananaw, hindi sila pwedeng paghiwalayin. Tama naman na dapat tayo ay respetuhin dahil tayo ay pare-parehong tao. Ito ang tinatawag nating “basic respect.” Ang "basic respect" ang pundasyon ng civility. Kahit hindi mo gusto ang pananaw ng isang tao, kailangan mo pa rin siyang respetuhin upang mapanatili ang maayos na samahan na pundasyon ng isang sibilisadong lipunan. Pero may isang uri ng respeto na kinakamit (earned respect). Ito ay ang respetong ibinibigay ng lipunan hindi lamang dahil tao ka. Ito ay ang respetong dumadaloy sa kung paano mo isinasabuhay ang dignidad ng iyong pagkatao, kung paano mo binibigyang dignidad ang iyong ginagawa, kung paano ka nagsusumikap upang i-angat ang iyong buhay, at kung paano mo binibigyang dignidad ang pagkatao ng ibang tao. Ito ay ang respetong pinaghihirapan. Hindi tayo pwedeng mabuhay ng buo at yumayabong kung wala ang parehong uri ng respeto. Mayroon silang dinamikong relasyon. Hindi tayo magkakaroon ng “earned respect” kung walang “basic respect.” Ngunit kung tayo ay makukuntento lamang sa “basic respect,” walang patutunguhan ang ating buhay. Nagbabago ang ating buhay, nakakamit natin ang ating mga mithiin hindi dahil sa “basic respect” kundi dahil sa respetong ating pinaghihirapan. At habang lumalalim ang respetong ating pinaghihirapan, lalong tumitibay ang “basic respect.” Marami na sa aking mga kasamahan ang lumalaban para sa “basic respect.” Ito ang itinataguyod ng halos lahat ng mga organisasyon ng mga trans sa Pilipinas: ang respetong dapat ay ibigay sa iyo dahil sa ikaw ay isang tao. Ang pokus ng sanaysay na ito ay ang isang aspeto ng “respetong pinaghihirapan” at ang kahalagahan nito upang umusad at yumabong ang antas ng pamumuhay ng mga babaeng transekswal sa Pilipinas. Ako ay naka-pokus sa mga babaeng transekswal dahil ako ay isa ring babaeng transekswal. Ang mga babaeng transekswal ay ang mga taong binigyan ng lalakeng identity ng doktor at gobyerno noong sila ay ipinanganak ngunit kinilala nila ang kanilang

sarili at nabuhay bilang isang babae. Ang pinakamalapit na termino dito sa Pilipinas ay ang "mentefuwaley libun" ng mga Teduray sa Mindanao. Hahayaan kong ang mga kasamahan kong lalakeng transekswal ang magsalita patungkol sa kanila. Gayunpaman, may mga bagay ditong pwede rin sigurong i-angkop sa kanila.

Ang sanaysay na ito ay magpapatuloy sa ganitong paraan. Una, aking tatalakayin kung paano unti-unting nagbabago ang imahe sa media ng mga gay men (bakla) sa Pilipinas. Ikalawa, ako ay magbibigay ng ilang mungkahi kung papaano magagawa ito sa konteksto ng mga babaeng transekswal. At ikatlo, bilang pangwakas, aking ipapaliwanag ang isa sa pinaka-importanteng laban ng mga babaeng transekswal: ang magtagumpay laban sa kanilang internalised transprejudice. Kung inyong napansin, ang daming nagbago sa imahe ng mga gay men sa Pilipinas sa media. Oo, meron pa rin iyong nagpapatawa at pinagtatawanan sila ngunit marami ng additional narratives. Makakakita na tayo ng mga baklang newscasters, mga bakla na lawyers bilang panauhin sa isang news program na tumatalakay sa isang malawakang isyu ng bansa, may mga baklang doktor na panauhin atbp. Kung may Vice Ganda na nagpapatawa, may isang Boy Abundang seryoso, malalim ang paghimay sa mga isyu, kahit sa chismisan mayroon siyang paglalalim. Nanalo pa diba ang The Bottomline ng Best Public Affairs Program at Best Public Affairs Program Host sa PMPC Star Awards for Television mula 2010-2011?. Napaka-empowering sa mga bakla ang makakita ng isang katulad nila na tumatalakay at nirerespeto sa pag-himay ng mga isyung Public Affairs. Eh kahit ang nanay ko, sinabihan akong maging-parang Boy Abunda na lang ako (i.e. magpaka-lalakeâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;t maging bakla na lang). Bakit? Kasi iba ang imahe ni Boy Abunda at ng mga katulad niya. Ang imahe ng mga babaeng transekswal sa media ngayon ay patuloy na pumupukaw sa takot ng mga magulang na katulad ng aking ina. Takot sila na ang kanilang mga anak na babaeng transekswal ay kung hindi pagtatawanan, paglalaruan, o babastusin ay papatayin lamang sa ating lipunan. Takot sila na kahit anong pinag-aralan ng kanilang mga anak na babaeng transekswal, gaano man kalawak ang nagawa nila sa buhay, ang kanilang mga na-abot at pagkatao ay ma-rereduce lamang sa kanilang pagiging babaeng transekswal. Halimbawa: Noong pagkamatay ni Jennifer Laude, mayroong isang babaeng transekswal na na-itampok sa isang programa sa telebisyon o radyo - di ko na matandaan. Ang atake sa kanyang buhay ay napaka-sensational: Tungkol sa kanyang buhay pag-ibig na kung saan noong nalaman ng mga magulang ng kanyang kasintahan na babaeng transekswal sya, eh nagka-problema. Sa PR ng programa na ito, mababasa mo sa pagitan ng dalawang kuwit na si ate pala ay may PhD. Parang ibinulong lamang sa mga mambabasa ang achievement na ito (hindi biro ang magka-PhD!) habang ang mapait niyang karanasan sa pag-ibig ay isinisigaw. Nakakapagod na ang ganitong pag-talakay sa buhay nating mga babaeng transekswal. Nakakapagod na ang mga tanong kung saan kami nagpa-opera, kung nilalabasan pa ba kami, kung tanggap ba kami ng aming mga magulang, paano kami makipagtalik, mahirap bang makahanap ng kasintahan, kailan namin nalaman na babae kami. Kailan kaya may mga babaeng transekswal na tatanungin kung anong palagay namin sa "condonation

doctrine” na ginamit ni Binay para hindi matuloy ang imbestigasyon ng Ombudsman sa kanya? Kailan kaya kami tatanungin kung anong tingin namin ang pinaka-maganda, efficient, at less corruption prone na budget structure ng bansa? Ano kayang palagay namin sa Bangsamoro Basic Law? Kailan kaya magkakaroon ng babaeng transekswal na panauhin sa isang sikat na programa na intelektwal na hinihimay ang isang pelikula o libro? Isang babaeng transekswal na psychologist na ipinapaliwanag ang dinamiko ng isang relasyon? Isang babaeng transekswal na ekonomista na mag-susuri sa economic policy ng gobyerno? Isang babaeng transekswal na international relations scholar na magpapaliwanag ng history at dinamiko ng isang international conflict? Isang babaeng transeskwal na ecologist na magpapaliwanag kung papaano natin iingatan ang ating ecosystem? Isang babeng transekswal na isang theoretical physicist na ipapaliwanag sa atin ang string theory, quantum physics, at kung paano nabubuo ang isang blackhole?

May mga babaeng transekswal na may sapat na pinag-aralan upang maging eksperto sa mga iba’t-ibang usaping Public Affairs. Pero ang aming mga pinag-aralan ay balewala: mas nabebenta kasi sa madla ang mga ginagawa namin sa aming katawan kaysa sa lalim ng aming pag-iisip. Noong ako’y naimbitahin ng isang political party dito sa Netherlands upang mag-bigay ng trans 101, may nagtanong sa akin kung ano ba ang magagawa nila upang maitaas ang buhay ng mga taong transekswal. Ang sinabi ko ay ganito: “Huwag ninyo kaming imbitahan lamang upang ipaliwanag sa inyo ang pagiging trans. Bakit hindi ninyo subukang imbitahan naman kami pag-iba naman ang usapan. May mga expertise kami na hindi umiikot sa kung ano kami. Hwag nating i-limit ang aming kaalaman sa trans 101. Kami rin ay mga doktor, philosopher, abogado, scholars, scientists, engineers atbp. Hwag nating gawing isa pang kahon ang trans activism na kakahon sa aming buhay.” Pero ito ang mas masaklap. Kahit sa espasyo ng imahinasyon napaka-limitado ng mga nararating ng mga babaeng transekswal. Natatandaan ko pa dati may isang banyagang lalakeng manunulat ng isang pelikula na kumunsulta sa akin para sa character development. Iminungkahi ko sa kanya na gawin niyang isang magaling at respetadong abogado (sabi ko pa nga bar topnotcher) ang kanyang babaeng transekswal na character sa kanyang gustong gawing pelikula. Ang sagot niya sa akin: hindi pwede at hindi yan ang realidad. Ang realidad sa kanya ay ganito: tayo ay mga gusto lang magpaganda, magpabata, manlalake, at hintayin ang ating Prince Charming. Ayaw daw niyang magingpreachy. Gusto niyang maging “as real as possible.” Pero ang sining hindi lang dapat maging salamin ng buhay. Ang sining ay dapat maging bintana ng iba’t ibang posibilidad ng buhay. Kung hindi natin kayang i-imagine bilang isang magaling na abogado, doktor, diplomat, propesora, manunulat ang isang babaeng transekswal, papaano pa kaya natin ito matatanggap sa realidad? Kailangang mapalawig ang pamamaraan kung papaano tayo na-i-imagine upang mapalawig ang ating realidad. Ang sabi nga ni Hegel: “Once the realm of representation is revolutionised, actuality cannot hold out.” So baka sa mga susunod na nobela o telenovela, ang labour leader eh gawing babaeng transekswal, ang mayor ay gawing babaeng transekswal, ang presidente ay gawing babaeng transeskwal. Bago pa naging presidente si Obama, marami ng

pelikula na kung saan katulad ni Obama ang presidente. Kung sa inyong imahinasyon eh may pag-tanggi na gawin ito, papaano pa kaya sa totoong buhay?

Pero baka naman kasi hindi lang media representation ang problema. Baka ang problema eh tayo ring mga babaeng transekswal. Baka naman kasi consciously o unconsciously ginawa natin ang ating pagiging-babaeng transekswal ang pinaka-importante at pinakainteresanteng aspeto ng ating pagkatao. Imbes na background lang ating pagiging babaeng transekswal, eh ginawa natin itong foreground. Baka nagiging self-absorbed na tayo masyado sa ating pagiging babaeng transeskwal at dahil dyaan baka mauwi ang buhay natin sa trahedya ni Narcissus. Oo, napaka-importante ng pakikipaglaban para sa “basic respect” pero baka nakakalimutan natin ang kahalagahan ng respetong pinaghihirapan. Ito ang respetong ating makakamit sa pagiging mahusay sa iba’t ibang larangan. Baka puro kasi pagpapaganda at pakikipagpagandahan ang ating mga ginagawa at ang gusto nating gawin sa kapinsalaan ng pagpapalalim, pagpapalawig, at pagyabong ng ating mga kakayanan. Baka kasi tayo na rin ang nagkakahon sa ating mga sarili at sa ating mga kapwa babaeng transekswal. Naalala ko noong may nagtanong sa aking Pilipinang babaeng transekswal kung anong pinag-aaralan ko dito sa Netherlands. Noong sinabi kong “international relations & diplomacy” di siya makapaniwala. Ang una niyang reaksyon eh ini-echos ko lang siya. Pati ang body language niya eh ipinapahiwatig ang kanyang damdamin na nang-eechos lang ako. Sa madaling salita, katulad ng ibang tao, limitado rin siguro ang imahinasyon nating mga babaeng transekswal sa kung anong pwede pang gawin at maabot ng ating kapwa babaeng transekswal. Pero bakit nga ba tayo ganito? Sa aking palagay, ito ay dahil sa ating “internalized transprejudice.” Sa kaibuturan ng ating puso at pag-iisip ay naniwala tayo sa mga nangaalipusta sa atin. Naniwala tayo na dapat lang tayo sa pagandahan. Naniwala tayo na dapat tayo ay nagbebenta lang ng katawan. Naniwala tayo na dapat nasa margin lang tayo ng lipunan. Naniwala tayo na ang pinaka-importante at pina-interesanteng aspeto ng ating pagkatao ay ang ating pagiging babaeng transekswal. Naniwala tayo na hanggang dito na lamang tayo at maraming salamat. Dahil dito, ayaw na nating lumabas sa kahon. Naging komportable na tayo sa ningning ng ilaw na ating nasisilayan at nalasing na tayo ng masigabong palakpakang ating naririnig sa loob ng kahon. Wala na tayong drive upang makamit ang respetong pinaghihirapan. Pero hindi matatapos ang pagkakahon ng lipunan sa atin, kung hindi tayo mismo lalabas sa kahon. Kailangan nating suriin kung papaano tayo nabilanggo ng boses ng ating internalised transprejudice. Kailangan natin ng tapang upang magtagumpay laban sa ating “internal saboteur.” Eto ang isa sa pinaka-importanteng laban nating mga babaeng transekswal: ang magtagumpay laban sa ating internalised transprejudice. Ito ang tagumpay na sandigan ng ating pakikipaglaban para sa “basic respect” at ang silakbo ng ating pagsusumikap upang makamit natin ang respetong pinaghihirapan.

Sana sa darating na taon, makakita ako ng isang babaeng transekswal na mag-bebreakdown intellectually sa isang media interview sa Pilipinas katulad ng ginawa ng karakter ni Lisa Kudrow sa isang episode ng Scandal. Pero habang wala pa ito, patuloy akong mag-aaral, mag-susumikap maging mahusay sa larangang aking napili upang makamit ang respetong pinaghihirapan at maging isa sa mga ehemplo ng posibilidad ng pagsusumikap na makalabas sa kahon.

mikee nuĂąez inton

Mikee is a current Board Member of the Society of Transsexual Women of the Philippines (STRAP), while also serving as a Board Member for the Trans* Secretariat of ILGA World (The International Lesbian, Gay, Bisexual, Trans*, and Intersex Association). She is also currently a PhD candidate in Cultural Studies at Lingnan University in Hong Kong, where her research focuses on film discourse about Bakla and Trans* identities in the Philippines. She was an Assistant Professor at the Department of Communication Research of the College of Mass Communication, University of the Philippines-Diliman. In 2005, she graduated magna cum laude from the University of the Philippines with a BA in Organisational Communication.

sass rogando sasot

Based in The Hague, Netherlands, Sass is a transpinay aspiring to become an international relations scholar and practitioner of diplomacy. In December 2002, together with Jing, Dee, and Vee, she co-founded the Society of Transsexual Women of the Philippines (STRAP), the pioneer trans support and advocacy group in her country. In 2009, she was one of the LGBT activists invited to speak in a historic United Nations General Assembly side-event at the United Nations Headquarters in New York. In 2013, she became the first Filipino to have received the ECHO Award, annually awarded to excellent migrant students in academic and higher professional education in The Netherlands. In 2014, she received the Harry Benjamin Distinguished Education and Advocacy Award from the World Profession Association for Transgender Health. She graduated magna cum laude with a Combined major in World Politics & Global Justice, minor in International Development at Leiden University College, which bestowed her the 2014 Global Citizenship Award. She is currently a masterâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s student at Leiden University, pursuing an MSc in International Relations and Diplomacy. Sass can be contacted at srsasot@gmail.com.