SASKATOONEXPRESS - January 18-24, 2016 - Page 12
Cam Hutchinson & Friends:
Views of the World
McEwen’s career hair-raising
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C Chong, on there being three winning tickets sold in U.S. Powerball Lottery: “The $1.6-billion prize will be divided up three ways, meaning $528 million each: “Those three lucky winners can now afford to buy a house in Vancouver.” • Janice Hough, on the 49ers hiring Chip Kelly as their next coach: “Well, with Oregon, Kelly does have experience dealing successfully with an amateur operation.” • From @tsndavenaylor: “I love watching football with my Dad … except for those moments when he switches the channel to women’s curling.” • From Torben Rolfsen: “One of the trades the Vancouver Canucks got turned
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down was Chris Higgins for a Connor McDavid rookie card.” • I read somewhere that the U of R Rams may get to christen the new football stadium in Regina. If that’s true, the game better be against the U of S. • From Hough: “Amazing. The same people who suddenly become experts on triple axels after watching two days of figure skating in the Olympics now are experts on where the laces should be on a field goal kick.” • Columnists took great delight in pointing out Marvin Lewis’s NFL-playoff record is 0-7. Is it better to be 0-7 or 0-0? • From Chong: “Justin Bieber, who is trying to polish his image, was booted out
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of ancient ruins in Mexico when he apparently mooned some tourists. Last year he would have mooned the tourists and followed up by egging them.” • From @tammyrobert: “If you don’t like having sex in a walk-in prison cooler, don’t go to prison.” • Someday curler Mike McEwen is
going to look back at his fine career and wonder what he was thinking when he got that haircut, much like I have with my wedding tux. • From Rolfsen: “Dennis Potvin apologized for calling Daniel Sedin a ‘lowlife’ and said he meant to call him a reprobate or rapscallion.”
Vasectomies and other snippets
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By RJ Currie ast fall in Regina, legendary Vikings coach Bud Grant walked away from a runway skid that destroyed a small plane. Yet Blair Walsh missing a 27-yard, last-minute field goal against the Seahawks — now that was a crash-landing. • What can you say about Vontaze Burfict’s late cheap shot that cost the Bengals another playoff game? Some guys just make plays on instinct; others make plays that just stink. • Alex Ovechkin reportedly sanded his hockey stick between periods against the Islanders. The experts are right: he really does play with grit. • The Playboy mansion is up for sale with a condition: Hugh Hefner wants to stay in it. If Hef really wants to sell, he should get out and let his roommates stay. • Seahawks coach Pete Carrol called it “fortunate” Blair Walsh of the Vikings missed a late-game 27-yard FG. I’m thinking when it’s about -30C with wind chill, a kicker doesn’t get more iced. • Jets DB Antonio Cromartie and his wife said it’s a surprise to be expecting twins given his recent vasectomy — they thought sex was safe. In other words, they went to cover zero. • Fifteen couples agreed to take part in a JW15791.A18 James temperatures at mass wedding in freezing
the International Ice and Snow Festival in Harbin, China. This just in: 30 newlyweds get cold feet. • Skip Eve Muirhead got TSN’s Worst Play of the Day for back-to-back misses at the Continental Cup en route to giving up a five-ender. Not everything that happens in Vegas stays in Vegas. • Police in India force-fed a thief 48 bananas so he would pass a stolen necklace he swallowed. Great, another court case that gets thrown out on a peel. • Former heavyweight champ Mike Tyson has endorsed Donald Trump. Maybe Iron Mike is hoping to one day have the president’s ear. • What do you call ex-Eagles coach Chip Kelly landing a job in the Bay Area? Chip ahoy! • An owl in Oregon has reportedly been attacking government employees in the state capital of Salem. It’s gotten so bad, civil servants are finally giving a hoot. • Johnny Manziel reportedly partied in Vegas wearing a blonde wig and fake moustache. Johnny Goofball. RJ’s Groaner of the Week A Berlin zoo has been feeding old Christmas trees to its elephants, presumably while they cheer on Aaron Rogers and Green Bay. After all, they are Packerderms.
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