Aislinn Thomas: “As I am and as I become” | Rina Banerjee, "Captured as hostage…," 2019

As I am and as I become: Captured as hostage, a threat from sky, hide or you may die, sit in reverse position, fold back your legs, pinned in the mother shepard’s carpet, with for tides that stay up high why why my mother’s wild nature opens and cleanse, cleared me a place to stay in five times Voice 1 I...

Voice 2 I just don't look like something you'd see every day.

Voice 3 Me estoy como transformando un cuerpo de mujer.

Voice 1 I look like everything visceral.

Voice 4 Mmm...but there's something delicate about me, there's something [a little laugh]…it’s hard to think it's delicate but also confusing and a little bit sexy, potentially.

Voice 3 Soy como un espíritu que ve feliz hacia afuera desde lo alto del universo. [pause]

Voice 1 I am the subject of a painting made by Rina...Banerjee?

Voice 2 Banerjee Voice 5 in 2019. The artwork has a long title, it's called: Voice 4 Captured as hostage, a threat from sky, hide or you may die, Voice 5 sit in reverse position, fold back your legs, Voice 2 pinned in the mother shepherd's carpet, with four tides that stay up high Voice 4 why why my mother's wild nature opens and cleanse, cleared me a place to stay.

Voice 1 The painting is made from acrylic paint, Voice 5 gold leaf, silver leaf, Voice 4 faux fur, Voice 5 and false eyelashes on paper.

Voice 4 Rina Banerjee was born in Calcutta, India in 1963.

Voice 5 She lives and works in New York City. [pause] Voice 5 I'm not that big…

Voice 1 My composition is 30 inches by 22 inches.

Voice 2 I think I'm the size of maybe a small TV, medium TV...maybe a coffee table?

Voice 1 30 inches high, 22 inches width. [pause] Voice 3 Vengo del infinito. Vengo al finito, a este mundo.

Voice 1 I believe that people perceive me as sort of a hallucination.

Voice 2 They think of me as weird and awkward.

Voice 1 I look like everything that is intangible,

Voice 3 como una mirada, como una mirada hacia lo finito Voice 1 but it exists and we all know that it exists. [pause] Voice 4 I’m, like, surrounded by swirls. I myself…am a little swirly.

Voice 2 I like being the center of everything around me.

Voice 4 So I'm floating in the middle. There is so much movement around me, and all these colors, Voice 1 different temperatures, Voice 4 bright red, orange, and...a little bit of blue here, white over here, dashes of yellow...

Voice 3 Varias fuentes de vida.

Voice 1 It's warmth and cold and breezy and dusty and I feel like I'm in the middle of metal and water and vegetation...

Voice 4 I am...nude [a flirtatious laugh]. I'm not embarrassed!

Voice 5 I'm very abstract.

Voice 4 I know I'm not conventional. My body is facing all different directions.

Voice 1 It's also in a very awkward position, Voice 2 kind of kneeling position.

Voice 4 There are some parts of me that you would look at and probably hyper-sexualize.

Voice 3 Un cuerpo humano con sus pechos abundantes.

Voice 5 It looks like I have been painted with watercolor.

Voice 4 The breasts, the stomach have these little black marks.

Voice 2 Blotches of black.

Voice 4 I'm a little gray. I'm a little…orange dash of pink here....I'm a little uncomfortable because my neck is craning down...

Voice 5 And there's two gems, Voice 4 yellow diamonds, Voice 5 on my neck Voice 4 positioned above my collarbone.

Voice 5 My hair is very detailed.

Voice 4 Black, wavy, kind of thin hair.

Voice 5 And it looks like it's in a ponytail with blue, yellow, white, and pink curls.

My face is the opposite way where it should be.

Voice 4 I have one eye. That's right smack in the middle of my face, Voice 2 all the way to where my forehead is.

Voice 5 Some long eyelashes, a red lip and rosy cheeks.

Voice 4 I'm smiling for you. I have red lips today. I usually go with that color. A little mole to the side of my nose. I like

painting my nails and like I mentioned them a little flirty I like color. I can't help it.

Voice 5 I have like a greenish brown hand with pink, Voice 4 sort of bright red, Voice 5 nails.

Voice 3 Una mano con la que agarró, con la que escojo lo que quiero ser.

Voice 4 And my fingers are touching my knees. [pause] Voice 4 Oh my gosh, I forgot to mention, my insides are below me. In swirl patterns, Voice 1 what it looks like a umbilical cord and the appearance of intestines and Voice 5 orange swirls Voice 1 that could potentially look like a brain as well.

Voice 4 I saw that and I freaked out because I thought they would be inside of me but no they're just below me, going in all directions. It takes up a good third to a half of the painting / drawing.

Voice 5 At my legs, where my knees are bent, I have Voice 4 a little bit of texture going on. I feel something white and frilly, Voice 5 fake fur, Voice 3 una alfombra, Voice 4 below my feet.

Voice 3 a mis pies.

Voice 4 Almost like a little pillow…

Voice 5 just sticking out.

Voice 2 Hidden away is some waves, Voice 4 red waves beneath me—small ones—

Voice 5 in the orange swirls. Then next to my tummy there is a green, kind of, it looks like a cave or something.

Voice 4 Like a cucumber, half of a cucumber. At least I think that's a cucumber.

Voice 1 Could be a cacti...or a pickle.

Voice 5 It's kind of like a doorway shape.

Voice 1 Either way, the shape is about the same.

Voice 5 And there’s two fake eyelashes right on top of the curve.

Voice 4 There's what I would call clouds to the top right of me.

Voice 5 Some light blue things that look like clouds, with pink edges.

Voice 4 But in front of them are little, tiny drawings of leaves.

Voice 5 Two just green and yellow plants.

Voice 2 I have what looks like wings,

Voice 5 a swirl just going into my shoulder. And it looks like it's coming out of my neck, with gold acrylic paint then gray then white.

Voice 1 So, definitely rich in color. Definitely rich in texture.

Voice 2 I feel like I look like a maybe deformed goddess.

Voice 2 I look very...gentle Voice 1 yet disturbing at the same time because it reminds you of vulnerability and Voice 2 and it looks like I'm looking over the world down below.

Voice 1 and it reminds you of...death.

Voice 3 Y nacer aquí o nacer allá es muy placentero no tener, no tener final, porque te concretas en que lo infinito eres tu mismo, lo infinito soy yo misma.

Voice 2 I don't feel like that's me when I see it. But when I'm in the painting it feels good.

Voice 1 But definitely not palatable for everyone. It can be a little intimidating.

Voice 4 I don't feel uncomfortable, and I hope you don't feel uncomfortable seeing me like this. This is how I am, this is how I became, this is me every day.

Voice 3 I am a lucky person, I am very lucky to feel, to recognize, to remember, que soy infinita. [pause] Voice 2 I think the artist chose a good name for me.

Voice 4 And I think off the bat you can tell I'm complex just because of this very long title I was bestowed, Voice 1 Captured as hostage, a threat from sky, hide or you may die, sit in reverse position, fold back your legs, pinned in the mother shepard’s carpet, with for tides that stay up high why why my mother’s wild nature opens and cleanse, cleared me a place to stay Voice 5 The title really, like, paints a picture in your head of what I am going through.

Voice 1 I don't think that that's the only way that I can be named, I don't think that's the only way that I can be described because I feel like I'm more than just what has been described about me.

Voice 4 More than anything I feel excited because I just became one day and suddenly I'm here. And so, there's this quality of just, you know, being. There's this quality of just materializing… [pause] Voice 1 What do I wish? I wish...

Voice 3 no hay barrera, no hay distancia, no hay objeción alguna para ser tu mismo, para ser lo que quieres o lo que te toca hacer.

Voice 4 Sometimes, yeah, I wish there was a bit more of harmony within me, within this space. A little more peace.

But I don't know if that's too much to ask. Maybe I should just be happy with where I am. I just hope you take me more than my body. I am complex...in this world that is definitely complex.

Voice 3 Quiero ser. Quiero tener un cuerpo. Quiero ser un ser en esta…alfombra…de posibilidades.

Voice 1 I wish that you can learn in how magnificent you are, and how complex you are. And I wish that you can learn that visuals are not everything and that we are beyond just an image. That we are a collection of colors, and sensations, and textures, and messages, and stories.

So, if you accept yourself as a collective for whom you are, by seeing me and what I've inspired in you, I think that I've done my job. *** Contributors Voice 1 Voice 2 Voice 3 Voice 4 Voice 5

José Chuy Hernandez Isabel Hertal Vitalina Wainzinger América Barcenas Samanta Hertel