Aislinn Thomas: “As I am and as I become” | Laura Aguilar, "Stillness #24," 1999

As I am and as I become: Stillness # 24 in four times Voice 1 So, I am a free-spirited person who is deeply connected with nature.

Voice 2 Estoy triste, tengo una conexión muy fuerte con la naturaleza porque no me siento bien, igual que la tierra estoy desgastada.

Voice 3 Maybe when they look at this picture, sometimes they'll feel how I felt. They'll feel my feelings, or they'll understand.

Voice 4 And they notice that I'm not existing for them, but inwardly and in relation to the space around me. [pause] Voice 3 I am in a photograph called, Stillness # 24, Voice 4 made by Laura Aguilar Voice 2 Laura Aguilar Voice 1 in 1991?

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Voice 4 1991.

Voice 3 Laura Aguilar was born in San Gabriel, California in 1959.

Voice 4 She died in Long Beach, California in 2018.

Voice 2 Dos mil dieciocho. [pause] Voice 4 I'm in a photo that is 9 by 12 inches that contains me in a landscape.

Voice 2 Esta fotografía esta tomada en blanco y negro.

Voice 1 Literally black and white, Voice 4 surrounded by white paper, which is itself surrounded by a black wooden frame, Voice 3 maybe a little bit bigger than most pictures. [pause] Voice 1 I'm nude,

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Voice 4 not wearing any clothes, Voice 1 and I'm laying down on the ground, Voice 4 huddled up, Voice 1 with my legs folded up, with my back towards the camera and sort of a fetal position.

Voice 4 I'm facing some trees that I've been watching for a while, Voice 3 that look kind of dead, without leaves.

Voice 2 Estoy en el suelo contemplando un poco la naturaleza.

Voice 4 I'm in a desert, and it's dry, and the sky is stretching on beyond the trees Voice 2 Esta naturaleza es seca. El clima es un poco nublado. Está nublado.

Voice 3 It looks like I'm laying on dirt or sand Voice 4 and grass, and mostly sand and rocks and a little bit of vegetation, 3

Voice 3 and, like, tanbark.

Voice 2 No hay mucho pastizal. El poco pastizal que hay no tiene color, es árido.

Voice 4 I have dark hair, Voice 1 my hair is black, Voice 3 or like a really dark brown.

Voice 1 I appear to be a younger woman, Voice 4 larger, Voice 1 perhaps middle-aged, perhaps Mexican or of Mexican descent.

Voice 4 I might remind people of a boulder, or of themselves, or things they might not want to see.

Voice 3 Very interesting that I decided to take this picture.

Voice 1 It's just one situation that can be obviously interpreted in different ways.

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Voice 3 I think that I decided to take this picture because I was feeling a little bit lonely.

Voice 1 Laying on the dirt—that can open the door to speculate that I can perhaps be dead or unconscious.

Voice 4 I remind people of the people they pass on the street who are laying down. I remind people of those who have no place else to turn to but nature.

Voice 2 Uno se siente mal, siente que no pertenece a este planeta o quiere morirse.

Voice 4 And I remind people of those resources that they have access to that not everyone else may have access to.

Voice 2 Al vez esa es la palabra. Yo quisiera morirme pero en un momento dado quisiera volver a nacer y ser diferente.

Voice 4 I need to be here for myself. I'm paying a price for existing while this space around me loses water, loses access to animals and nutrients and energy that, when I come to this space, it's trying to give back to the world that I've been taking from.

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Voice 2 A veces nosotros podemos cambiar, así como la naturaleza puede cambiar.

Voice 4 My focus is towards the nature I'm becoming a part of. [pause] Voice 2 Lo que pienso de este título de este fotografía es que fue algo que se robaron.

Voice 4 The name reflects the space and myself in resting in the space.

Voice 1 Stillness…stillness to me means, this is me at the end of my journey where time will remain still for me from now on.

Voice 2 No sabemos qué pasó, si fue el tiempo, fue el clima, fue la lluvia, fue la tierra, fue el fuego, pero es un vacío que se siente. Y no podemos hacer nada, simplemente estar aquí, sin nada, no pertenecer a nadie.

Voice 4 It reflects being out in the desert and looking around and feeling a stretch of expanse around you that continues for miles and miles and being the only moving,

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living thing that you can perceive, and the stillness that comes from that.

Voice 2 Al estar aquí en la galería, siento que puedo transmitir esos sentimientos vacíos que yo tengo. Pero que muchas veces la gente puede percibir de otra manera.

Voice 4 I want to be perceived, but I want to be perceived on my own terms. I find it uncomfortable that the gallery is able to perceive me on their terms.

Voice 3 It feels really good, because that means maybe a lot more people will be able to see me and how I felt that day.

Voice 4 I'm trying to have as much ownership of my image, and my body, and myself as I can. And with this image I'm trying to exist with the world while still being able to be perceived within a gallery and within art world. [pause] Voice 2 Tal vez mi vida sería diferente si hubiera un poco de agua, si tuviera ánimos, si tuviera amor. Creo que sería una vida diferente.

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Voice 4 I wish that the water flowed more freely.

Voice 3 That people are never lonely. That they always have someone or something to keep them company, like a friend or family member.

Voice 2 Mis deseos serian que estos árboles que están aquí arraigados en la tierra, con sus raíces puestas esperando tal vez un poco de agua para volver a florecer.

Voice 4 I wish not that this place was more comfortable, but that this place was more filled with the life that I know was there.

Voice 2 Así yo quisiera sentirme con mis pies descalzos aquí en la tierra, poder florecer otra vez, crecer con esa alegría, ver la naturaleza verde, ver mi vida cambiada. El verme más joven.

Voice 1 You know, I'm not any different than the rock laying beneath me or the tree standing right next to me.

My body is made of organic material that will eventually decay and die.

Voice 2 Pero si poder sentir y sentir que aún estamos con vida y que podemos salir adelante.

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Voice 1 I am indeed part of nature, Voice 2 Quiero sentir la tierra.

Voice 1 connecting with the energy of the earth as a being itself.

Voice 2 Simplemente quiero estar bien y tengo la esperanza de salir adelante. *** Contributors Voice 1 José Chuy Hernandez Voice 2 Maria Theresa Barcenas Voice 3 Citali Ortiz Voice 4 Matt Casey

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