What Am I Going to Do With You?
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ogs are a lot like kids and spouses. They do things that are incomprehensible to others. I’ve lost count of how many times my two Labradors, Musket and Saffron have pulled some stunt that made me shake my head and mutter ‘What am I going to do with you? Crazy dogs.” These aren’t the usual dog quirks, like turning around several times before lying down, or licking their butts before giving you a kiss, or taking an inordinate amount of time to pick a spot to pee on. No, these are weird. Let’s take an example. By 8 p.m. both of them are pretty much done for the day. And they both choose very inconvenient places to lie down. Like doorways or on the bathroom or kitchen floor. In other words, right where we need to be. But the place they most like is my side of our bed. It is queen-size, but it might as well be a baby crib for all the space it had when one of my dogs is sleeping on it. They stretch out all four paws, covering as much area as possible. If I tried to lie down on an unoccupied space, I heard a loud sigh. Then they shift to block me. They’re still sound asleep.
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After I settled in, I felt four paws on my back. Pushing. How can a 60pound Labrador take up a 80”x 65” mattress? Believe me, they can. How about this one? Just imagine you’re driving down a narrow alley. There is just enough room for two cars to pass one another if they each hold to
18 OCTOBER 2013 | www.sandiegopetsmagazine.com | Facebook/Twitter @SanDiegoPets
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their side of the alley. With me so far? Okay, you’re not quite in the middle, but off to one side. And suddenly, another car appears ahead, and wants to pass. Does the driver choose the wider space? No. He aims for the narrowest slot and squeezes through, scraping the wall and the paint off your car. That’s what Musket does. When I walk down the hall to the TV room, I tend to hug the right wall. He gets up from the floor of the TV room and comes towards me. And even if there were three wide unobstructed feet of clearance on my left, he always aims for the six narrow inches on my right. Only I won’t know it until I feel his furry butt jamming himself past me. Does that make any sense at all?