Natasha He
Death is usually a taboo topic in the Tongan culture. It is not discussed or likely to be a subject of an open conversation although when it happens, all family dynamics rise to the occasion, each knowing their duty and fulfilling their role. It becomes a communal affair, where loved ones come together to show their respect and love for the deceased. During this time, families gather in numbers to pray, mourn and share a meal. In this season of death, you will witness the Tongan Faa’i Kavei Koula (four Tongan golden pillars/ four core values) which consist of: Faka’apa’apa (respect), Mamahi’i Me’a (loyalty, commitment and perseverance), Loto tō (humility and generosity), and Tauhi Va (nurturing and maintaining healthy relationships). All of these are portrayed in all Tongan functions but is most evident during the mourning process. The burden then becomes lighter for the immediate family of the deceased. There is something unique about the way that death brings people together, where they are not just bound by relation but by the love of God. And that is what the Faa’i Kavei Koula represents, love, in all aspects and seasons. Christianity is grounded on service and compassion, which is the pure love of Christ. Growing up, I was raised by three parents: my mother, my father and my maternal grandmother. She migrated to Australia in the late 1960’s as a widow, leaving behind her children in Tonga to seek a better life and opportunities, where she settled in Sydney’s Northern Beaches. She worked tirelessly to support her family along with trying to finance documentations for her children to migrate to Australia. She was successful in her hopes and hard labour, and it was a great reunion years later. My grandmother then lived on to witness all her five children marry and enjoyed all her twenty-two grandchildren and then ten great-grandchildren. She was independent, gracious and lived a Christ-like life. A God-fearing woman who showed compassion to the oppressed and valued everyone that she crossed paths within her life. She was the epitome of generosity, humility and perseverance.
