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Boys behaviour: nature or nurture? Dr Ian Lillico investigates why boys behave the way they do.
The nurture vs nature debate has been raging for the past 100 years. I would like to share some strategies and recent research with you about why boys act as they do. There are three major factors influencing our boy’s behaviour: biology (nature), the environment (basically nurture) and the groups they belong to (peer groups etc). Much early work on boys’ behaviour focused on testosterone (biology) as the prime reason for why boys act the way they do, but this has since been challenged and the other two factors have been added as a result of further research internationally.
Biology First, let’s look at biology or the testosterone hormone. Much of our sons’ inappropriate behaviour has been excused by labelling such behaviour as a direct result of testosterone or testosterone poisoning. We have a saying throughout the world, “boys will be boys”. Many boys see this as an excuse for bad behaviour and hide behind this saying, so be very careful about saying it within their earshot. Like most parents of boys (we have three sons, now in their 20s and 30s), my wife and I have said it. And in the presence of other adults while delighting in the fact that our wonderful boys are energetic, fun-loving, less particular about their looks or clothing, active, reckless and carefree, it is okay. But please don’t let your boys hear you. When puberty and even pre-puberty strikes, however, boys mostly change from being open, carefree, talkative and gregarious to quite sullen, monosyllabic, grunting little
creatures and many mothers despair they have lost their sons. Some escape this (or it can happen later), but this is certainly the biology (testosterone) kicking in. During this difficult time, boys’ bodies and particularly their brains are getting massive doses of testosterone and, consequently, they often struggle with a number of issues including a newfound interest in their willies! We sell a book titled Living with a Willy in our
The type of man our boys become is largely the result of the school we choose online shop, it is a great read for boys and their parents but it’s graphic, with descriptions of what goes on behind their bedroom or toilet doors and what is typical for their age. It will save you much embarrassment, answer all their (and your) questions and is funny but also moral and engaging.
Environment In terms of nurture or environment, we mean the loving, caring homes boys come from and the other major environment they live in: school. Gender studies by Sydney University (Australia) concluded some years ago that since the mid-1990s the school environment has been slightly more influential on the way a boy developed his notion of masculinity than the home. Interesting. According to Professor
R. Connell’s work, the type of man our boys become is largely the result of the school we choose for him. Now the parents reading this are not average, so don’t despair as I have no doubt your influence is paramount. But what has happened throughout the world is that we are spending less quality time with our children and the internet, mobile phones, television, Xboxes, PlayStations, iPods and iPads are replacing us as methods of getting information, ideas and even values. Boys in particular tend to mimic what and who they see, hear or watch. It is still predominantly the home that is influential on a girl’s femininity as she is less affected by what she takes in. If we want to win back our boys we need to be vigilant about what they watch, hear or see and we need to spend more quality time with them. Quality time includes watching a TV show or movie with them. Even though it is a non-verbal activity, you are doing it together and it is very effective. We should show an interest in boys’ activities, both physical and electronic. Play the occasional computer game with them and use your mobile phone to send positive texts. Use the Internet to send affirming emails reminding them of their qualities and strengths as often as you can. Boys tend to put themselves down and rarely hear positives from their friends. Girls tend to praise each other much more. It is common to hear in the schoolyard a girl saying, “Your hair looks beautiful today, Mary.” But can you imagine a boy praising another
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