Next Stop… Never Mind
I know that, deep down, he didn’t want me to leave. But he could not stop me. I wanted to laugh, I wanted to spit in his face right then, but I kept driving, fast, because I could only go forwards anyway, I could never go back. ‘‘‘
11
The last time I saw Mum was three weeks ago. I visited her about once a month in her small house in Tullamarine, and each time she would kiss me on both cheeks, and try to chat. After a minute or so she would unfold her arms and say – like the thought just came to her – “Make us a cuppa?” We would sit on white plastic chairs in her backyard and have tea. I hated how the lawn always looked as though someone had run a large razor blade across it. I couldn’t stand the noise: within two hours, three aeroplanes had flown over our heads, leaving soft, transient breaths of white in the deep blue sky. “Charlie,” she said, as we sat in the afternoon sunlight, “Is everything okay?” I shrugged. I couldn’t meet her melting brown eyes, or those downturned lips that looked as though someone had grabbed her mouth and twisted it. “Charlie, I’ve been worried about you. Ever since Natalie –” “I’m fine Mum! Just – I’m just tired, okay?” “Okay, you’ve just seemed a bit off lately, is all.” Suddenly, I could see myself springing out of the chair and running away, jumping over the graffitied fence, landing in a field of soft green grass, and running so fast I was no longer touching the ground – but flying. My eyes were closed; I now opened them with a sigh. Patiently I told her that everything was fine, I was working on a set of poems that would get published. “What are they about?” She was trying to be encouraging, so I thought about it for a moment before I replied. “They’re about life, I guess: they’re about remembering, then judging, and then forgiving.” ‘‘‘
My mum mentioned Natalie. Well, Natalie was my girlfriend, and if it was up to me, she would still be my girlfriend. That’s because she is, and probably always will be, the most beautiful person I ever knew. She never got tired – she had this infinite energy, infinite passion. When she laughed, it came from
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