Vol. 2 Issue 15 by The Runner

WHERE TO DO IT ON CAMPUS: P 12

STUDENT BUILDING UNVEILED: P 04 ELECTION: THE CANDIDATES: P 11

THE SEX ISSUE VOL. 2 ISSUE 15 | FEBRUARY 09 2010 NEWS AND CULTURE FOR THE STUDENTS OF KWANTLEN POLYTECHNIC UNIVERSITY

page two | February 09 2010 | vol. 2 issue 15

NEWS & POLITICS

CANADIAN UNIVERSITY PRESS

The Runner | www.runnerrag.ca

AROUND KWANTLEN

University of Calgary proposes to defy government, hike tuition [ALEXANDRIA ELDRIDGE] [CUP ALBERTA BUREAU CHIEF]

EDMONTON (CUP) – The University of Calgary has submitted a proposal to the Alberta government that would allow them to bypass the province’s tuition cap for some faculties, for increases of up to 47 per cent. Students aren’t happy. While the provincial government has capped tuition increases to 1.5 per cent for the 2010-11 academic year, the school wants to implement “market modifier” fees for professional faculties including business, engineering, education, law and medicine as a way to offset costs. The fee proposal leaked in late January, leading the University of Calgary Students’ Union to hold a tuition day of action on Feb. 2, where students voiced their concerns about potential tuition increases. About 1100 students signed petitions to be sent to both the university’s board of governors and the Alberta government on the day of action, asking them to reject the university’s proposal. And 500 students showed up later that day at a town hall meeting — some wearing nothing but garbage

bags or underwear — in a nearnaked protest against a tuition increase so high it could strip the clothes off their back. Kay She, vice-president external for the University of Calgary Students’ Union, said, “Our university has come up with these proposals that the government needs to reject, because this is not affordable and this is not accessible postsecondary education.” She also said that the university should look at other ways to save money, rather than putting the burden on students. University provost Alan Harrison answered student questions at the Feb. 2 town hall meeting, which She said was well-attended by students. “I think we saw from the public forum that students were outraged at this proposal. The U of C is not usually a very politically active campus,” She said, “but students are really mobilizing around this issue. This is something that affects them greatly and concerns them greatly,” She said. Harrison said in an interview that tuition increases are necessary for professional programs to maintain the quality of the programs. “We recognize that these

programs are programs where we are out of line with our competitors. If we are to maintain our competitive position . . . we need to be spending as much money on these programs as they are to ensure that we can offer programs of comparable quality,” he said. Harrison said that he realizes students will be affected by increases, but the university will do everything they can to help students by investing in student services. The proposed market modifiers would allow, among other things, a $4,400 increase in medicine tuition and a $232 (or 47 per cent) increase in tuition for individual undergraduate business courses. The proposals come after a year that saw the university’s endowment topple in the financial market. The University of Calgary’s budget is balanced for the current year, but that is based on the latest information that their provincial funding will stay the same and not decrease before the end of the fiscal year — which is not guaranteed until the release of the provincial budget on Feb. 9.

WHAT’S HAPPENING AT KWANTLEN

FEB

10 2010

Music at Midweek - Kwantlen Mad-Jazz WHERE: Langley Campus Room 1325 WHEN: 12:15 p.m. WHAT: Free show put on by Kwantlen music students.

FEB

10 2010

Green Wednesdays - “Mad City Chickens” WHERE: Langley Campus WHEN: 7:00 p.m. WHAT: Get to know the ins, outs and controversies of raising chickens in the city.

CUP CARTOON

FEB

2010

Speed Dating//cheap drinks WHERE: Grassroots, Surrey Campus WHEN: 4:30 p.m. WHAT: Meet the Kwantlen student of your dreams. Or just pop in any time of the day and get two drinks for $6.

FEB

BEN HORNE // THE QUILL

15 27 2010

IT’S ON

Move over, Movember

Reading Break WHERE: Anywhere but on campus. WHEN: all the time WHAT: It took the Olympics to finally get us more than two days of reading break. Make sure you enjoy every precious second of these two weeks.

Newfoundland medical students launch hairy fundraiser for cervical cancer [NATHAN DOWNEY] [THE MUSE]

ST. JOHN’S, N.L. (CUP) — Groundhog Day might be at the start of February, but two Memorial University medical students are hoping the rest of the month is just as furry. In partnership with Planned Parenthood, Angelique Myles and Kathleen Callanan are spearheading Feb-U-Hairy, a month-long fundraiser for cervical cancer.

Inspired by Movember — an international moustachegrowing charity for men’s health awareness that originated in Australia — Feb-U-Hairy will challenge female participants not to shave their legs for the entire month. “OK, the guys had growing their moustaches for prostate cancer, but what about the ladies?” Callanan said, referring to Movember’s male-oriented challenge. “I think we need something for us as well.”

Participants will register for the challenge on Planned Parenthood’s website and recruit sponsors throughout the month of February. Prizes will be awarded at the end of the month for the most money earned, the largest number of sponsors recruited, and the most enthusiastic participant. Participants can show their enthusiasm by posting photo updates of their “grow status” on the event’s webpage.

MAR

Music at Midweek The Kwantlen Piano Chamber Ensemble

2010

WHERE: Langley Campus Auditorium

WHEN:12:15 p.m. WHAT: It’s free music!

CAMPUS NEWS

www.runnerrag.ca | The Runner

vol. 2 issue 15 | February 09 2010 | page three

FUNDRAISING

VOTING

GDMA students get frosty for a good cause GDMA students side-project, Frostbite Cupcakery, turns out to be a huge success

An ode to the newly elected This is Matt, the Runner’s political columnist. He votes. He thinks you should too.

[MATT LAW] [CONTRIBUTOR]

COURTESY OF ROMINA PUNO

GDMA students founded Frostbites cupcakery originally as a class project to raise funds for their program. Today the cupcakery has expanded to take outside orders and has raised over $3000 for the GDMA grad fashion show.

[MATT LAW] [CONTRIBUTOR]

Kwantlen students who attend the Richmond campus may have noticed an array of yummy cupcakes for sale in the rotunda over the last few semesters. The Frostbites Cupcakery has been a fundraising project by students in the Graphic Design for Marketing (GDMA) program located on the Richmond campus. “Frostbites started off as a project in our Packaging Design class in third year. Some of us genuinely enjoy baking and we needed to fundraise for the grad show… our solution was to throw in some good ol’ marketing to maximize earning potential,” said Romina Puno, a fourth year student in the GDMA program. The bake sales have raised over $3,000 for the GDMA grad show, which is close to half of their total fundraising goal. “I have been doing the majority of the work and have baked thousands of cupcakes in the last few months,” said Puno. Puno spent last summer put-

ting together a menu and gathering supplies to get Frostbites Cupcakery up and rolling. Puno’s hard work and the support from her co-founders Vee Hui and Candace Cheung has led to orders from outside of campus as well. Frostbites Cupcakery has now produced cupcakes for a wedding and the opening night of the movie New Moon at Oakridge Empire Theaters, which Puno described as being, “quite exciting.” “I’m at a point where I’m considering it could be my back-up career later after graduation, which is funny because I’m in Kwantlen for graphic design, not cooking,” said Puno. Frostbites offer a variety of cupcake flavours including vanilla bean, chocolate, and mocha. And all of the cupcakes are completely vegan. “The Frostbites Cupcakery proves that ethics can come in all shapes and sizes. We’re here to satisfy cruelty-free sweet tooths all over the Lower Mainland,” said Puno But don’t let the vegan idea

COURTESY OF ROMINA PUNO

scare you, they taste really good. A lot of effort and care is put into making the cupcakes. Everything is made from scratch and local organic ingredients are used. The Frostbites Cupcakery has held a number of oncampus bake sales for special occasions like Thanksgiving, Halloween and Christmas. They also offer custom orders for customers who want different flavours or

decorations. Their next event will be for Valentine’s Day, Feb. 10-11 in the Richmond rotunda from 10 a.m. – 12 noon, and will feature cupcakes and many other treats from the GDMA students.

Throwing a big night for Big Brothers

to the circus theme, Bernbaum said that the big brother and his little brother happen to be circus performers, which she said was a coincidence. The charity event is a requirement for second-year PR students, but Bernbaum said that many of the students felt connected to Big Brothers and were happy to raise money for the charity. The goal for the evening is to raise $6,000 through ticket sales, silent auction and donations. Tickets are $40 which includes a drink, classic circus treats and entertainment.

More information on Frostbites Cupcakery can be found at www. frostbitescupcakery.com

CHARITY

Kwantlen’s second year public relations (PR) students are putting on a circus of sorts to raise funds for a great cause.

dirty word

[ABBY WISEMAN] [CONTRIBUTOR]

Second year public relations students are throwing a big bash to raise money for Big Brothers of Greater Vancouver. The event is called Circus of the Night and will be held on Feb.9 at the Grid Lounge in Burnaby. “Our unofficial moto is to make adults to feel like they’re children again,” said Alicia Bernbaum, one of the students

organizing the event. The entertainment for the evening will include DJs, an illusionist, bellydancers and a silent auction. The items up for auction include a bike worth $500, Canucks tickets and gift certificates to various restaurants. The evening will also include a talk from a member of Big Brothers of Greater Vancouver, who will share his experience with the organization. To add

Hummer: More than a BJ, you hum on your partners appendage while performing oral sex.

By the time this article runs, the election will be well underway. Because of printing deadlines, this article is being submitted almost a full week before the elections actually begin, and will hit newsstands smack in the middle of voting. I don’t think another column about voter apathy will be effective in actually getting students to vote, instead, here is what I hope will come out of this election and those who get elected. Kwantlen students don’t seem to know or really care about the issues. Please change this. Get out there and tell us what your platform is, what your goals are, and how you can make our lives better at Kwantlen. I hope the elected will recognize the shortcomings and flaws that are inherent in the KSA (as they are in any organization) and work to change them. I hope all will remember that you were elected to serve the students of this university and not sit idly by as issues are debated but no action is taken. I hope you will treat your role professionally and not spend time debating silly names for organizations or girly drinks. I hope you will work to be a transparent organisation that make meeting minutes available in a timely fashion and records them in a professional manner that doesn’t come across as time wasting. On a side note... all you students should periodically read the meeting minutes to see what the KSA is debating. I also hope you will examine all expenses and wages to see what is truly necessary. Let us know what you are doing, get the information out there so we know you are working hard for the money we are paying you. And most importantly, move forward. Keep building on some of the good things that have been achieved in the last few years at the KSA, don’t let it become stagnant. Work to create new events, clubs and anything else that might truly benefit the students here. And thank you for taking the time to run and make the effort few are willing to give.

page four | February 09 2010 | vol. 2 issue 15

NEWS

The Runner | www.runnerrag.ca

STUDENT BUILDING

The New Student Union Building (SUB) unveiled You voted, and the plans are now being put in place for you to have a spot on campus. We at the Runner wanted to know just how long it would take until you could be putting your feet up on a smelly couch or slinging back a cold one without the lurking eye of profs and how much this would all cost.

COURTESY OF THE KSA

[DENNY HOLLICK] [CO-ORDINATOR EDITOR]

The Kwantlen Student Association (KSA) has plans to start building Kwantlen’s first student union building (SUB) on Surrey campus as soon as next year. Kwantlen students had to pay a bit more out of pocket this semester to cover the 12 new fees added by the KSA referendum passed last September. One of the added fee’s was the SUB Capital Fee, designated to pay for the creation of new student spaces on campus. The KSA has already approached Kwantlen administrators to find an area on campus that could be used for a SUB.

“The University, upon being informed of the successful student referendum to build a student union building at Kwantlen, has entered into negotiations with the Kwantlen Student Association,” said Jody Gordon, Associate Vice President of Student Services at Kwantlen. “[This is] in an effort to work together to continue to improve space for student life and learning on all of our campuses.” The KSA has proposed that the new building be placed east of the small forest on Surrey campus, which is currently occupied by parking space. “We have approached the administration with a real open palm, and so far, I’m thrilled to say they have met us half way,”

said Desmond Rodenbour, the General Manager of the KSA. “I think the location is very good for us.” The building would be the new home for many of the student services offered by the KSA, and could have space for student organizations, study areas, food services and anything else that may be of interest to Kwantlen students. The proposal also offers expanded facilities for Kwantlen and the local community. “At the end of the day it will be up to students,” said Rodenbour. Currently the proposed plans, according to Rodenbour, are to have both the KSA and Kwantlen make financial contributions to construct the

STREETER

STREETER: The New SUB Building The Kwantlen Student association is building a new Student Union Building, what are your thoughts?

SABRINA CABALNLIG

NAFISA HUSSAINYAR

General Studies Student

Legal Administrative Assistance Student

“I think it would be good, but I think that commercializing it would be a bad idea. The money should go to higher education at Kwantlen.”

“I suppose it would be a good idea. I don’t really have any thoughts on the matter.”

the designer of the SUB at University of British Columbia. Rodenbour has said that his experience in designing student spaces will be an important asset to the creation of the student space on Surrey campus. When asked about what other Kwantlen campuses could expect, Rodenbour explained that $1-2 million will be invested on each of them to improve facilities for students. “We want to build cohesive student centres on the other campuses,” he said. They are already in talks with Kwantlen to expand student services areas on Langley campus, and have donated workout equipment to develop a fitness room there. Although all of the plans are currently in talks and nothing is official, Rodenbour expects things to move quickly.

DENNY HOLLICK // THE RUNNER

IN BRIEF

[NATSUMI OYE] [CURRENT EVENTS BUREAU CHIEF]

Long wait times for ticket holders If you are one of the lucky Kwantlen students who bought Olympic tickets through the schools lottery draw, you’re in for a long wait. Due to strict security reasons people with tickets to Olympic events are being told to arrive three hours ahead of time for events in Whistler and two hours ahead of time for events in Metro Vancouver, according to cbc.ca. Those attending the opening and closing ceremonies are recommended to come four hours in advance.

[JARED VAILLANCOURT]

dirty word

building. He has said the will KSA spend 10 million, while Kwantlen will contribute 5 million. The building would ultimately be owned by Kwantlen, but leased to the KSA for an extensive amount of time. Rodenbour said that it is one of their goals to make sure the building meets high sustainability standards, and they are aiming for a LEED platinum certification, one of the highest sustainability standards that exist for buildings. “We would like to see first year students paying in to the fund this year to see it built before they graduate,” said Rodenbour with enthusiasm. “It would be my hope that this is next building built on campus.” A designer for the building has already been chosen, Micheal Kingsmill, who was

Condoms on the Go When you’re out late at night and need a condom… who are you going to call? ABC Taxi! Two cab companies in Brandon Man., including ABC Taxi, are offering free condoms now as part of their services, according to Macleans magazine. The condoms are available Thursday through Sunday as part of a program called “Take Care Down There,” the magazine reported.

LIEZL CUDAL TAN General Studies Student

Child smuggling in Haiti “It’s good, I guess, but current students won’t benefit from it.”

An American church group took over 30 Haitian children with the intent to bring them out of the country illegally, the Globe and Mail reported last week. The Americans involved were in custody as of Tuesday last week, according to the Globe. The Vancouver Sun reported that many of the children who were taken were not orphans, and did in fact have parents in Haiti who they were taken from.

Tea Bagging: When a male places his scrotum on another person’s head. Usually associated with drunk people.

NEWS & POLITICS

www.runnerrag.ca | The Runner

vol. 2 issue 15 | February 09 2010 | page ﬁve

KSA

KSA Budget Passes; Grassroots Cafe to make small proﬁt [CHRIS YEE] [STUDENT AFFAIRS BUREAU CHIEF]

The Grassroots Cafe is expected to make a small profit in the 2010 fiscal year, according to the KSA‘s 2010 budget, which passed Jan. 28. The Grassroots Cafe is expected to earn $286,000 in gross income and incur gross expenses of over $269,000, yielding over $16, 000 in net revenue. Other budget items expected to run small surpluses are the START volunteer program ($3,100), Awards, Bursaries, Funding and Pledges ($2,850), and the Student Health and Dental Plan (over $23,000). Net general operating revenue for 2010 is expected to be over $341,000, after gross expenses of over $813,000 are taken out of gross revenue of over $1.155 million. However, deficits were incurred or are expected in a number of budgetary areas. Advertising, Sponsorship and Student Life ran a deficit of

NEED

over $69,000 in 2009. However, it is expected to break even in 2010. Member Services is expected to run a deficit of over $136,000 in the 2010 fiscal year, after gross expenses of over $305,000 and gross revenue of over $169,000. Out of the Member Services expenses, the most costly items were purchasing transit passes to sell to students (budgeted at nearly $132,000 in total), and staff wages and benefits (budgeted, in total, at over $141,000.) Advocacy, Campaigns, Conferences and Lobbying is expected to incur a deficit of over $17,000, while Liaisons and Social Justice will see a deficit of nearly $30,000. REBOOT will also be operating at a loss in 2010, with a deficit of $6,175. Still, the 2010 KSA budget is expected to break even, with total net revenues and expenses of over $4 million. Steve Lee, KSA Finance Director, could not be contacted for comment in time for publication.

YOUR

THE RUNNER

Despite still in deficit, the Grass Roots Cafe is budgeted to make $16,000 in the coming year. However, many programs will be operating at a loss.

WORDS, PICTURES, ATTITUDES

SCHOLARSHIP, JOB OR PROGRAM? BE A VOLUNTEER

AND IDEAS.

AND

WEʼLL

BACKGROUNDS ARE NEEDED TO MAKE THIS NEWSPAPER

FOR

INFO

NEED A REFERENCE

HELP

YOU

WORK, SO

LETTER

OUT! ALL STUDENTS PLEASE, DONʼT HIDE .

EMAIL: RECRUITING@RUNNERRAG.CA

FOR

FROM ALL

SPORTS

page six | February 09 2010 | vol. 2 issue 15

The Runner | www.runnerrag.ca

BANNER RAISING

Women’s provincial soccer banner is Kwantlen’s ﬁrst [MICHELA FIORIDO] [SPORTS BUREAU CHIEF]

Kwantlen players, coaches, faculty and fans all gathered in the newly renovated gymnasium on Friday night to celebrate a monumental moment in Kwantlen history. Kwantlen’s first championship banner was raised and now occupies an important spot on a once bare walls. President Dr. David Atkinson said a few words congratulating the women’s soccer team on their provincial victory. Most of the team was present and all watched eagerly as captains Sarah Davies and

Brittany McNeill raised the banner just before the start of the double-header basketball games that evening. Second year player Thoralea Pilton said it was an “emotional night and brought back a lot of memories of the team’s championship season.” Rookie player and team scoring leader Shanay Sangha, said the team was “proud to be Kwantlen’s first banner.” The rest of the evening was action packed with the women’s and men’s basketball teams playing against the VIU Mariners, complete with halftime entertainment and the unveiling of the new mascot.

MICHELA FIORIDO/ THE RUNNER

WOMEN’S HEALTH

women on WEIGHTS

THE EAGLES

Now let’s say you want to start adding protein to your workouts, there are several types to choose from: Whey Protein – derived from milk, most popular supplement, I recommend this unless you are lactose intolerant. It is the highest quality and best form of protein. It also has antioxidant benefits. Whey protein absorbs fast into the body and it has the highest rate of protein synthesis. However, it smells and tastes awful in its natural state.

Myth #3 Protein Supplements are not for Women [MICHELA FIORIDO] [SPORTS BUREAU CHIEF]

Women, just like men, need protein to rebuild their muscles after a workout. How else do you expect muscle tissue to recover? Everyone’s muscles need amino acids to rebuild, recover, and reap the benefits of weight training. While it is true that men need more protein, this does not mean that women don’t need it at all, nor does it mean that women are getting enough protein simply from their diets. If you workout consistently, you should consider supplementing your diet with a protein shake after you exercise. Now I know what you’re thinking, “I’m going to bulk up, I’m going to look like a man, I’m going to gain weight, it’s like taking steroids!” No to all of the above. Women will not bulk up from consuming protein or lifting weights. Protein is not an anabolic steroid, you consume protein everyday when you eat meat, nuts, etc. A protein shake is just more convenient because it’s concentrated, quick, and you obtain the protein you need without the calories. Protein does not make you bulky, on the contrary, it makes you lean. Protein shakes can also aid in portion control and craving control if your goal is to lose weight.

Casein Protein – also derived from milk, slow digesting and very concentrated protein source. It feeds your muscles for far longer than whey protein. Best for preventing muscle breakdown. Causes bloating and absorption by the body is very slow which, depending on your fitness goals, can help or hinder you.

Egg Protein – derived from eggs (duh), least popular but is easily digested and absorbed by the body. Contains essential amino acids but is higher in cholesterol and is overall harder to find in stores.

Basketball: Eagles Fall to Mariners [MICHELA FIORIDO] [SPORTS BUREAU CHIEF]

It was a rough night on Friday for the men’s and women’s basketball teams. Both suffered losses to the Vancouver Island University Mariners. The women fared better, only losing by nine points in a 59-68 loss. One player who stood out was second-year-forward Shmyla Thandi who had a double-double with 15 points and 10 rebounds. Third year post Chantelle Doerksen also had a strong game, netting 17

points, while fifth year transfer Emily Wright contributed six assists. Doerksen commented that the team picked it up in the second half and ended the game strong. Thandi mentioned that VIU shot really well that game, especially from the three point line which was tough to deal with. On the men’s side, the score was less forgiving as they lost 68-94 to VIU. Fourth year Kevin Kokoska had a strong game, as did second-year-player Varinder Singh, however it was not enough to compete with the Mariners who are first in league

standings. The Saturday game went better for the men as they closed the gap in the score and lost by 21. The women fell by over 40 points and have two extremely important games coming up this week against the Quest Kermodes as this is the team they are fighting with for the last playoff spot.

Next games @ Surrey Campus, Feb 5 and 6 – women @ 6pm, men @ 8pm vs Quest

MASCOT

Meet Kwinten, the new mascot

Soy Protein – derived exclusively from soy beans, very low in fat, cholesterol, and lactose. Best tasting protein supplement and can be used for adding protein to your food when cooking. However, the effects of soy itself are not fully scientifically studied or documented.

[MICHELA FIORIDO] [SPORTS BUREAU CHIEF]

Official Name – Kwinten Names that didn’t make the cut – Ernie, Archie Athletic Status - Rookie Jersey Number – 08 Favorite Sport – Basketball

Before starting any fitness routine, consult a qualified fitness professional.

Have a question about ﬁtness. e-mail: news@runnerrag.ca

MICHELA FIORIDO/ THE RUNNER

dirty word

Pearl Necklace: After you give a BJ, the male ejaculates on your neck, giving you a fresh-water pearl necklace.

SPORTS

www.runnerrag.ca | The Runner

vol. 2 issue 15 | February 09 2010 | page seven

SPORTS

When breaking up is hard to do - Top 5 sports break ups As Valentine’s Day approaches, love is in the air in the world of sports with the Sedin twins and Alex Burrows racking up points and Drew Brees and the Saints giving the city of New Orleans its first ever Super Bowl appearance. However, as this day of love and happiness approaches people all of the world are experiencing break ups and loss. The world of sports is no exception. So without further delay here is the top five sports break ups: [STEVEN MAISEY]

Kobe Bryant and Shaquille O’Neal:

Kobe Bryant and Shaquille O’Neal: The duo played together for the Los Angles Lakers and won three consecutive NBA titles for the team between 20002002. However, there was constant fighting between the two when it came to shots and the amount the other was getting the ball. It ended with Shaq getting traded to the Miami Heat and winning a title with Dwyane Wade and the Heat in 2006, and Kobe getting his first title without Shaq last season in 2009. Brett Favre and the Green Bay Packers:

Brett Favre had started every game he had ever played for the Green Bay Packers in his 16 seasons with the

franchise. After the 2007 season with Favre apparently retiring, the Packers moved on and shut the door on a possible return. Favre decided to come back though and demanded a trade. Favre was traded to the Jets, and after starting 8-3 faded down the stretch, missing the playoffs. A year later, Favre signed a two-year contract with the Minnesota Vikings and made his return to Green Bay on Monday Night Football.

Terrell Owens and Donovan McNabb:

T.O. was arguably McNabb’s first legitimate receiving threat that he played with on the Eagles. The start of this relationship was great with Owens catching 16 touchdown passes before a horse collar tackle by Cowboys safety Roy Williams broke his leg. The Eagles made the Super Bowl that year and Owens came back

to play on one leg and caught nine passes for 144 yards and one touchdown. It was all down hill after that though as T.O. wanted a new contract. Owens made the comment that “he wasn’t the one who got tired in the Super Bowl,” a comment supposedly directed at McNabb. Owens continued to make remarks about McNabb during the season and was suspended for four games without pay, and later deactivated for the season. The Eagles released Owens the year after.

Joe Torre and the New York Yankees:

The Evil Empire enjoyed its most successes in the franchises history under Joe Torre. Torre was the manager of the Bronx Bombers from 1996-2007, an eternity for a manager under George Steinbrenner. Torre won 1173 regular season games, ten American East titles, six American League pennants and four World Series titles including three straight from

1998-2000. Torre’s tenure with the Yankees was not all glory though. Torre was the manager of the Yankees when his team failed to close out the 2004 American League Championship Series against the Boston Red Sox after being up 3-0 in the series. It was the first time in Major League Baseball History that a team had come back from 3-0 to win a playoff series. Remarkably the year after letting Torre go, (who had never missed the postseason in his 12 years as manager) the Yankees missed the playoffs.

Sean Avery and the Dallas Stars:

Avery signed a four-year, $15.5 million contract with the Dallas Stars in 2008. Avery had been a very controversial player up to that point in his NHL career. He agitated his opponents to no end, as well as some teammates. He had been accused of making racial slurs while on the ice and had even had a rule in the league named after him (The Sean Avery Rule). On Dec. 2,

2008 Avery’s brief stint with the Stars came to an abrupt halt. Before a game against the Calgary Flames in Calgary Avery called the media over and announced he had something to say. Avery proceeded to make his now infamous ‘sloppy seconds” remark directed towards Flames defenseman Dion Phaneuf who was dating Avery’s ex- girlfriend Elisha Cuthbert. The NHL immediately suspended Avery, and true revelations about his relationships with teammates came to the front. Many players on the Stars including starting goalie Marty Turco found Avery to be a bad teammate and a cancer in the dressing room. Avery was suspended for six games and ordered to undergo anger management. The Stars placed Avery on waivers on Feb. 7, 2009, and his Dallas career was over. Avery was claimed by the Rangers and rejoined the team. Avery played his first game against his old team on Jan. 6, 2010 and picked up a goal and three assists. After the game Avery would go on to say the reason he played so well was because he was “getting paid by two teams.”

PUMP IT UP

From princess to pumped: An introduction Meet Hayley. Hayley is the Miss B.C. Ambassador. Hayley is also on mission to win a bet against a fellow classmate. The stakes: eternal glory and her pride. Follow Hayley as she ditches the crown to master the chin-up. [HAYLEY WOODIN] [CONTRIBUTOR]

Allow me to introduce myself: I am an 18 year old Kwantlen student enrolled in the Richmond campus journalism program, I am fluent in French, play the piano, love music, food, shopping, and Gossip Girl, like sports but don’t really play any (apart from recreational tennis), and am one of three current reigning Miss B.C. Ambassadors. My schedule is filled with school, work, clothes and pageantry. Through Miss B.C., I volunteer, travel the province and do a lot of public speaking. Unlike other pageants, the B.C. Ambassador Program is no beauty pageant: we do, however, have the perk of getting to wear gowns and crowns. With such a busy schedule and an avid love of food, it’s amazing that I don’t weigh 800 pounds. But somehow, I manage. I’m a fairly healthy person when it comes down to it, and I

dirty word

like to think that I’m fit enough. And my personal self-beliefs had for the most part gone unquestioned until very recently, when another Kwantlen student took it upon himself to burst my little bubble. Two weeks ago, I made a bet with said classmate. He challenged that he could do 10 times as many chin-ups as I could. Seem like an unreasonable bet? It’s really not. His seemingly unwarranted and exaggerated self-confidence came after I couldn’t even hold myself up while hanging from my hands in a school doorway. Sure, the conditions were poor: I was mentally unprepared to physically exert myself, I had to be hoisted up in order to even reach the top of the door frame and gripping onto a ledge by your fingertips is no setup to a chin-up. However, I will be the first to admit that my arm strength barely hovers over non-existence. And my contender already has a

good leg up on me. He gave me two months to prove him wrong. My plan is to master three proper chin-ups in 60 days. This would mean my challenger would have to successfully perform 30 chin-ups in a row to beat me, an extremely difficult feat to accomplish. I have another confession aside from my poor arm strength: I have absolutely no idea how to train my body. I’ve decided that my first step is to tone up. In the pageant world we have this running joke about when you’re waving a princess-like wave in a parade of some sort, and you stop waving, but the rest of your upper arm is still jiggling a woe-some goodbye. Yeah... toning up is probably a good first step. At home, I just so happen to have a sturdy chin-up bar setup in my garage. Lucky me. Because I can’t quite hold myself up without some sort of assistance, I’ve taken to stand-

COURTESY OF HAYLEY WOODIN

ing on my tippy-toes, arms positioned as though I was performing a chin-up, and flexing my biceps while pulling my elbows down towards the floor. You’d be surprised at the results I’ve achieved by repeating

Superman: After ejaculating on your back, the man puts a blanket on it. The blanket sticks and resembles a cape.

this exercise a couple of times a day, for several consecutive days: I now have these lumpy growths on my arms that don’t jiggle as much when I wave. Next stop, mastering the half chin-up.

page eight | February 09 2010 | vol. 2 issue 15

EDITORIAL

The Runner | www.runnerrag.ca

THE RUNNER

SEX ADDICTION

Sex Addiction 101: Is it a cop out or disease?

Interview with a sex addict: [STU GALLACHER]

[NATSUMI OYE] [CURRENT EVENTS BUREAU CHIEF]

Is there really such thing as a sex addiction, or is it just a cop out for guys like Tiger Woods who cheat on their wives? Sex addiction and the question of its legitimacy has seen a lot of attention since late last year when news of Woods’ affairs first began to surface. The spotlight has since shimmered on Jacob Zuma, the president of South Africa, who has three wives and 20 children, the latest child being born out of wedlock, according to the Globe and Mail. The president “has been slammed as a sex addict like Tiger Woods,” Mirror.co.uk reported last week. What drives these men in their sexual endeavors? Tiger Woods needed numerous women to fulfill him, and it would seem that Zuma’s three wives weren’t enough to satisfy his needs. Are these men being men, or is it possible that some people are

actually addicted to sex? The L.A. Times recently quoted a nursing professor and sex therapist saying, “In the field of psychiatry, there’s not a clear agreement about whether or not it’s even a diagnosis.” Those who believe that they are addicted to sex may seek help through much the same means as someone with an alcohol addiction does. There is a 12-step Sex Addicts Anonymous program (SAA) available to those who want to deal with what they believe to be their addiction. SAA is operated through the International Services Organization. Judging by the SAA website though, having a sex addiction isn’t remotely the same thing as having an alcohol addiction. There are many coherent symptoms for alcoholics. AA outlines some of those symptoms on their website that have to do with social behaviour, methods for obtaining alcohol, and the psychological relationship between the addict and alcohol. The list of symptoms for sex addicts found on the SAA website consists mainly of things such as feelings of

shame, negative consequences and failed attempts to keep promises regarding behaviour. If you are cheating on your spouse, you should feel shame though, and of course there is going to be a negative consequence to that particular action whether it be guilt or getting caught. Does that mean that everyone who cheats is an addict though? There isn’t a lot of information out there about what a sex addiction really is, if it does legitimately exist, nor is there a lot of information about the types of people who suffer from it. At this point it seems more like a cop out for people who cheat on their partners. To say that sex is an addiction minimizes the nature of true addictions such as alcoholism. There are ways to relieve sexual frustration without cheating on your partner, whereas alcoholism is a much more complex problem.

Have an opinion about a recent issue? Email us: editor@runnerrag.ca

STU: “Do you have sex recreationally?” BYRON: “Ya, I have sex recreationally. I don’t want to get all serious about it. You see those guys who turn pro and they’re all jacked-up on steroids and dick pills. That’s not what it’s about for me. When I get off work, I just want to have a meannothing orgasm before I go home and make love to my girlfriend. That’s nice. No cameras.” STU: “That sounds more like adultery to me.” BYRON: “What’s that?” STU: “It’s where you lie to your girlfriend about sleeping with other people. It’s not like playing golf or doing crossword puzzles.” BYRON: “How do you figure?” STU: “Well, calling it ‘recreational sex’ is a bit of a misnomer I think.” BYRON: “I don’t follow.” STU: “Let me put it in terms you’ll understand. You can’t control your biological urge to fuck.” BYRON: “Right.” STU: “What about bastard kids and venereal disease. You like that?” BYRON: “Condoms.” STU: “Abstinence.” BYRON: “What?”

OPINION: OLYMPICS

It’s our party and we’ll cry if we want to The Olympics are coming whether you like it or not - so why not enjoy them? visit the Olympic games in any other country. Likewise, people travel halfway around the globe to party at some of the world’s biggest festivals. But when the party comes to us, all we do is bitch. This is understandable if you’re not the party type, if you like to spend your weekends at home on the couch or if you strongly oppose the Olympics for one reason or another. But most people that I’ve heard complaining are the same people who always complain that there’s “nothing to do in

this town,” or that “nothing exciting ever happens here.” Needless to say, the inkling to strangle each one of these whiners is ever growing. The Olympics are coming, whether you like it or not. So why not enjoy them for what they are? Never again in our lifetime will Vancouver play host to the Olympic games. It’s pointless to protest them or try to escape them. The best we can do now is submit to the frenzy that will soon surround us and be a part of Olympic history. And if you need anything

else to ease your troubled mind, just remember that it’s only going to be two weeks of potential hell. Most of us put up with four years of hell at university, and sure we bitch, but most of us don’t run. So brace yourselves, but remember it’s a celebration, not the end of the world. Vancouverites are naturalborn partiers. We’ve been preparing for this moment our entire lives. Surely we can all stick around for a two-week long shindig and live to tell the tale

Going for Gold: Your guide to Olympic Drinking

about the beer. Sure, you can toast with the heavy stuff if you’re a stay-at home separatist sociopath, but if you’re patriotic enough to buy tickets to the games or go to the pubs to watch them, then you’ve earned the right to have just enough money for the cheap stuff and precious little else. However, Olympic drinking is not all fun and games (no pun intended). I’m sure you all know the research, the statistics and the police propaganda (in this case good propaganda), but I know first hand that drinking during the Olympics can be just as devastating as it can be

fun. This brings up another fun English word called – wait for it – “moderation”. Fortunately, I have the kind of friends who like to be lazy and get other people to do things for them when they get hammered. Instead of an overwhelming desire to drive, their motivation for leaving the couch turns to dust and is replaced by an intense curiosity directed towards how loudly they can cheer for their home team. To them, so long as they know they’re not going to drive, “moderation” might as well be Spanish for “who can drink the most”?

[ANASTASIA KIRK] [TRAVEL BUREAU CHIEF]

Even with less than a month to go, people are still protesting the Olympics. It’s a little late at this point. But it’s not too late to get out of town, and that’s precisely what many people are thinking of doing. What’s odd about this is that most people would jump at the chance to

The Runner is student owned and operated by Kwantlen Polytechnic University students, published under Polytechnic Ink Publishing Society. Vol. 2, Issue no. 15 February 09, 2009 ISSN# 1916-8241 #205-12877 76 Ave. Surrey, B.C. V3W 1E6 www.runnerrag.ca

EDITORIAL DIVISION: Co-ordinating Editor // Denny Hollick editor@runnerrag.ca News Editor // Kassandra Linklater news@runnerrag.ca Culture Editor // Melissa Fraser culture@runnerrag.ca Production Editor // Cat Yelizarov production@runnerrag.ca Media Editor // Christopher Poon media@runnerrag.ca

BUREAU CHIEFS: Arts & Design // (Vacant) Creative Writing // (Vacant) Current Events // Natsumi Oye Entertainment // Jeff Groat Environmental // (Vacant) Langley Campus // (Vacant) Politics // (Vacant) Sports // Michela Fiorido Student Affairs // Chris Yee Travel // Anastasia Kirk

CONTRIBUTORS: Kyle Benning, Todd Easterbrook, Cole Grifﬁn, Jeff Groat, Kristi Jut, Matt Law, Steven Maisey, Weronika Slowinski, Luis Valdizon, Jared Vaillancourt Matthew J Vandeventer, Abby Wiseman, Hayley Woodin Cover Art // Cat Yelizarov, Chris Poon

BUSINESS DIVISION: Operations Manager // DJ Lam ops@runnerrag.ca Ofﬁce Co-ordinator // Victoria Almond ofﬁce@runnerrag.ca Distribution // The Now Newspaper

OLYMPIC DRINKING

[JARED VAILLANCOURT] [CONTRIBUTOR]

Well, the Olympics have come and most of us are finally ready to initiate several weeks of very forgettable memories. If you’re like one of the many… whom am I kidding? If you’re a person, and not some weird

dirty word

reading machine or something, then you plan to drink over the Olympics, probably under the guise of celebration or team spirit. Come on, my friend. You know damn well that “celebration” is the English word for “Go ahead, you can get plastered and no one will call AA”. The Olympics are special times where alcohol flows like water because we finally can use the excuse that we’re patriotically drowning ourselves. During the Olympics, it’s all

I don’t know what you might want to take from this article, but I do have a word of advice: if you’re going to go to the parties and don’t want to wake up feeling like a herd of rhinos just had their way with you, then be sober. As your friends get more and more drunk they won’t notice, and afterwards you’ll see some pretty funny stuff that you will remember (and haunt them with) deep into the medal ceremony. Trust me; it’s a hell of a lot more fun that hugging that toilet bowl all night long.

Rimjob: To contort yourself into a pretzel and allow someone to give you oral pleasure in, on and around your sphincter. - Source: South Park

www.runnerrag.ca | The Runner

FEATURE

vol. 2 issue 15 | February 09 2010 | page nine

KSA ELECTION: WHO YOU CAN VOTE FOR

MEET THE CANDIDATES, THEY WANT YOUR VOTE. There are five Executive positions up for grabs: Director of Finance, Director of Academic Affairs, Director Of External Affairs, Director of events and Director of operations. We at the runner tried our best to give equal opportunity to all of the candidates running for executive positions, but like all newspapers we are on deadline. unfortunelty, we werenâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;t able to contact some of the candidates running for director of operations in time. TO keep it fair we decided not to run any of the interviews for this position, however we strongly encouage you to vote. Get out there and talk to these people, they want to make your time at kwantlen more enjoyable and maybe more fun. Remember, they take money from you every semester. So vote. Its your choice. its your student life. Its your money.

FEATURE

page ten | February 09 2010 | vol. 2 issue 15

The Runner | www.runnerrag.ca

get to know Director of Finance - Steve Lee

MEET STEVE. STEVE BELIEVES IN FREE LOCKERS. HE ALSO REMEMBERS RAF. THUS HE HEARTS STAR TREK.

Director of Finance - Shanal Prasad

MEET SHANAL. HE LIKES ACCOUNTING. SO MUCH SO HE IS GETTING HIS DEGREE IN IT. SHANAL WANTS TO RUN FOR THE KSA TO REDUCE THE DEFICIT.

Director of External Affaris - Derek Robertson

MEET DEREK. DEREK IS RUNNING FOR DIRECTOR OF EXTERNAL AFFAIRS. HE ALSO LIKES U-PASSES AND SAVED BY THE BELL.

Director of External Affaris - Matt Todd

MEET MATT. MATT USE TO BE A CITY COUNCILLOR; NOW HE IS RUNNING FOR DIRECTOR OF EXTERNAL AFFAIRS. MATT ALSO LIKES 90210.

WHY WOULD YOU BE GOOD:

I have experience [with] the organization, and Kwantlen needed to get things done. We have lots of projects on the fire right now. Most important for me personally is wrapping up the civil suit that we have against some of the former elected officials on staff, the reduce all fees party. Some other things I want to do is: I want to lower the amount that students pay into the operation fees, which is like $3 or $3.50 per credit. I want to cut the per-person fee in half, and slightly increase the per credit fee, but overall it works out as a decrease to students, especially to part-time students.

The fact of the matter is, I’m a fourth year accounting student, so four years of studies in accounting and finance, is more than enough to be the Director of Finance. I believe the current director of Finance is not studying business, as he is a Fine Arts major, which is fine but I believe to excel in this position, you need an education that’s relevant. I feel that’s what I bring to the table.

I’ve been in student government for the past three years. I’ve been in this position for almost the past two years. During that time I’ve worked on a number of projects that are actually starting to come up, the U-pass. We’ve worked fairly heavily over the past year on the U-pass, getting the provincial government to put it in their campaign platform that they would have a common u-pass by September 2010. And we see that as a great accomplishment, but we also see it as a challenge, and a challenge that we continue to lobby on, and get what’s best for the students of Kwantlen.

I think I have the experience and the attitude that the KSA needs to be more effective, especially in building positive relationships with Translink and other governments, and other student unions. I have lobbied for bylaws in cities across the region, very successfully, I was a city councillor for six years in the city of White Rock. Through that I had a lot of great opportunities to learn how to interact with governments in a way that’s pragmatic and it’s great to go in with ideas, but in the end you have to be realistic about what to expect right away and how you can build towards a long term goal.

WHAT WOULD YOU CHANGE?

One thing that we are in the process of changing is we are implementing a deputy Director of External Affairs, and this would be someone who would help with a lot of the administrated work around external affairs. This is someone who I could rely on, and a student as well so it could give students an opportunity to get involved, and learn about external affairs. It would allow me to have someone to work with instead of trying to do everything by myself.

I want the U-Pass for Kwantlen. I think that the KSA has fumbled it a number of times, and I think what they need is somebody who already has a positive relationship with Translink, understands their language, understands their needs and also understands how to help them help us.

WHAT WOULD YOU CHANGE?

I also want to look at eliminating or reducing the costs of some of our services, like lockers. I want to look at other services that we can offer like laminating and binding, but not photocopying. We tried photocopying a few years back but it was quite expensive to offer it for free. There are some areas in our regulations that need some clarification, like our cellphone use, and some executives submit for partial cellphone use, because they use it for external affairs. We just want to clarify them and make sure people don’t abuse them. WHAT ‘90S TV SHOW ARE YOU MOST LIKE AND WHY?

Star trek deep space nine. Very well-written and produced, interesting characters, some of it parallels the fight we had with RAF in an odd sort of way (laughs).

WHAT WOULD YOU CHANGE?

Looking in the meeting minutes, you can see that there are plans for additional benefits in 2010. But looking at the income statements for 2008 and the first quarter in 2009, there’s deficits and I believe that you shouldn’t be giving yourself benefits if you are running a deficit. If you’ve done an awesome job that no one has ever done, by all means consider benefits. If I was in place I would establish strong financial control and accountability. Manage the money in a sensible way and get rid of the deficit, and focus on student benefits over my own benefit. WHY ARE KWANTLEN STUDENTS SO APATHETIC?

They don’t know there is a problem. If the KSA didn’t have any corruption, then of course there wouldn’t be a problem but if there is a problem and people know about it then they will start to vote. But people don’t know that their vote is actually going to make a difference. IF YOU GENETICALLY MUTATE AN ANIMAL PART TO YOUR BODY WHAT WOULD IT BE?

Gorilla arms.

WHAT ‘90S TV SHOW ARE YOU MOST LIKE AND WHY?

That’s a good question. I would say that I am Save by the Bell because it was awesome.

I’d say 90210 because I have a tendency to be a little pretentious, and I have very much a mixed background, they have people from families with a really low income but they find themselves in a rich neighbourhood. So that’s kind of how I feel sometimes.

IF YOU GENETICALLY MUTATE AN ANIMAL PART TO YOUR BODY WHAT WOULD IT BE?

(Laughter). I’d go wings. Wings would be pretty cool.

Bear paws, it’s rough and rugged when it needs to be, but only when it needs to be.

WHAT ‘90S TV SHOW ARE YOU MOST LIKE AND WHY?

FEATURE

www.runnerrag.ca | The Runner

vol. 2 issue 15 | February 09 2010 | page eleven

your candidates Director of Academic - Matthew Dimera

MEET MATTHEW. MATTHEW HAS BEEN A LIAISON FOR THE LAST TWO YEARS. HE WANTS MORE SPACE ON CAMPUS FOR THE LIAISONS AND A STUDENT SENATE.

Director of Academic - Bradley Head

MEET BRADLEY HEAD. BRADLEY SENT IN A VERY SMALL PICTURE OF HIS HEAD. HE IS NOW A KSA SYMBOL INSTEAD.

Director of Academic - Ken Mcintyre

MEET KEN. KEN WANTS A TWO WEEK SPRING BREAK. HE ALSO WANTS TO RUN FOR DIRECTOR OF ACADEMIC AFFAIRS AND FIGHT EVIL.

Director of Events - Reena Bali

MEET REENA. REENA LIKES TO PUT ON EVENTS. SHE WOULD LIKE YOU TO VOTE FOR HER AS DIRECTOR OF EVENTS SO SHE CAN PUT ON MORE.

WHY WOULD YOU BE GOOD FOR THIS POSITION:

I have a lot of experience on the KSA. I’ve been a liaison for two years, which is a non-voting position. I feel like I can bring a critical eye to the KSA. I think a lot of stuff right now gets pushed through without taking the time to look at the issues. I think that’s one thing I’m really good at, examining the issues.

As a Kwantlen Business student in my 3rd year of the Accounting Program, I have developed relationships with fellow students and instructors that have provided me with opportunities to become more involved in the Kwantlen community. I have been a tutor at the learning centre for 3 years, and a new student orientation leader since 2007, which has allowed me to understand what students prefer in their studies at Kwantlen, as well as learning how to act on a professional level to successfully any objectives set in front of me. All these skills can be used to excel in the position of academic affairs, as I am able to properly communicate with students and faculty.

I firmly believe that we need more out of the school than what we’re getting. I believe that we need a two-week reading break. As well, I’m experienced in academic policy and I’ve been with KSA on and off in several positions over several years. At the same time I’m on the policy articulation committee, which is the committee that reports to senate that is responsible for viewing all academic policy at Kwantlen. So basically, I am very in tune with all academic issues.

As Richmond Director for this past term, I’ve been putting on quite a few events with my staff at the Richmond campus. It’s something I enjoy doing and I feel I can bring bigger and better events to all campuses not just Richmond.

WHAT WOULD YOU CHANGE?

One thing I’m really interested in doing is implementing a new student senate which is going to hopefully bring under the KSA’s umbrella all the different student groups. A lot of these groups are very active and I think that bringing all of this energy together to do collective projects, with the infrastructure of the KSA to help support these types of projects will be a really great thing. Another component of this portfolio is Social Justice and making sure that a centre is maintained. Every year it seems that that centre is re-purpose, or whatever the terminology of the day is for something else, so once again the social justice space is homeless. This is one thing that I would definitely like to see: a dedicated space for these groups. One of the fees we approved last fall was the student advocacy service. We haven’t levied that fee yet but I think that will be one of the ones coming. IF YOU GENETICALLY MUTATE AN ANIMAL PART TO YOUR BODY WHAT WOULD IT BE?

Chameleon skin.

WHAT WOULD YOU CHANGE?

I would plan to encourage the removal of English requirement from the Business Program and replace Engl 1100 with an additional Communications course to further develop the professional appearance of business students and develop their public speaking skills. I would encourage the development of more academic advising and counselling opportunities for students, to aid in their career making opportunities. BRAD DECIDED NOT TO ANSWER WHETHER HE WOULD GENETICALLY MUTATE AN ANIMAL PART ONTO HIS BODY.

WHAT WOULD YOU CHANGE?

One of the things I would do is, I would make social justice issues a priority at the KSA. One of the things they can do, that’s not so politicized, is social justice issues. And providing enough space and resources for people to actually do stuff or for people to have their academic experience at Kwantlen much better. Students with disabilities, queer students, mature students, women students, there are all sorts of resources and stuff that could be used but it’s a total lack of priority for the KSA. WHAT ‘90S TV SHOW ARE YOU MOST LIKE AND WHY?

This is rather embarrassing but, Power Rangers, I want to kick butt, kick evil butt, and do what’s right. IF YOU GENETICALLY MUTATE AN ANIMAL PART TO YOUR BODY WHAT WOULD IT BE?

Probably a tiger tail, because if I buff myself up I can be like Goku, a Saiyan. Oh yeah, Dragon Ball Z was a show in the 90s too, that was a lovely show.

WHAT WOULD YOU CHANGE IF ELECTED:

There’s nothing immediately to change, its about actually bringing more in. I feel we could be putting on more events and reaching out to students at all the campuses and not just the big ones. We should be reaching out to Langley, Cloverdale, Surrey and Richmond, equally. APPROXIMATELY 500 STUDENTS OUT OF 17,000 VOTED IN THE LAST ELECTION, WHY DO YOU THINK KWANTLEN STUDENTS ARE SO APATHETIC:

I think I’ve dealt with that a lot when we put on our events; it’s a commuter campus. A lot of students seem not to care unless you talk to them. Last time I ran, I tried my best to talk to students but also there wasn’t as much competition, there weren’t too many people campaigning for positions because a lot of people were on yes/no ballets. So maybe this time, with more people campaigning and more people reaching out to students and telling them about themselves, there may be more people voting. IF YOU GENETICALLY MUTATE AN ANIMAL PART TO YOUR BODY WHAT WOULD IT BE?

That’s a really weird question. Maybe another set of arms so I could do more work.

CULTURE

page twelve | February 09 2010 | vol. 2 issue 15

The Runner | www.runnerrag.ca

DAMP & DIRTY

Five days of doing it on the Surrey campus [ABBY WISEMAN] [CONTRIBUTOR]

Public

Sex: Where two people have sex in public. Thought by some that it should be legal because it’s no worse then breast feeding. – The Urban Dictionary You’re sitting in class pretending to write notes as your instructor regurgitates his infinite knowledge about obscure theories you don’t care about. The clock is ticking slower and slower and you’re losing the battle with your child-like attention span. That’s when the thoughts start to creep in and take control. Sex. Sex. Sex. Suddenly everyone looks

like a possible candidate and you start wondering if the size of the guys bulge beside you is for real, or if that chick’s boobs are really that big without padding. It’s official. You are horny at school, and the idea of banging against the bookcases seems like a good idea. Well that’s really too bad, because Kwantlen was definitely not designed with lusty lovers in mind. Instead the designers took a more open floor plan approach; meaning there are few dark corners and cozy nooks where you can exercise your exhibitionist side. You can thank contemporary design for that. But all is not lost for the adventurous folks out there;

with a little imagination and planning you could definitely have a fulfilling shag at Kwantlen. The libraries provide quiet study rooms for group meetings, or for people who like to get a little pervy between classes. Let’s talk bathrooms. Kind of dirty and been done since the dawn of time, but it doesn’t mean you can’t do it again. If you don’t think you can muster up the courage to do the deed at school don’t worry. You can still have a more innocent fun in computer labs, during presentations, videos, lectures, cram sessions and lunch. Pretty much anywhere you can find two chairs, a desk and another set of hands.

Sex Areas MAP KEY

Surrey Campus

1. FOREST 2. LIBRARY:STUDY ROOM 3. SHOWERS

1.The Forbidden Forest: If you’re feeling the need to be one with nature, just wander into the forbidden forest and get yourself some much needed fresh air. You’ll go back to class feeling relax, refreshed and satisfied. 2. The not-so-quiet rooms: This is for the brash and brazen of all lovers. The library study rooms are the perfect spot to spend some quiet time (or not) with your study buddy. 3. The shower scene: Gym showers are notorious spots for hot hooking up scenes in movies. Star in your own scene and get squeaky clean at the same time.

4. DARK ROOM 5. COMPUTER LAB

2 4 3 1

4. The red light district: Surrey is the only campus with a darkroom, which makes it the perfect place to get racy. The darkroom features sexy red lights and easy-to-jam revolving door. And you can kill two birds with one stone by getting some lovin’ and processing the photos afterwards. 5. The hard drive room: If the idea of word processing and data banking make you feel all hot and dirty, then spend some time in the computer lab. This room offers you some under the table privacy, and if you want to add some fun, you can watch turtles-humping while your at it.

dirty word

Did you have sex at the Surrey, Richmond, Cloverdale or Langley campus? Log on to our facebook and Let us know. facebook.com/runnerpaper

Rusty Trombone: While giving the male a rim job you reach around and yank , trombone syle. Female version: Rusty Trumpet.

CULTURE

www.runnerrag.ca | The Runner

vol. 2 issue 15 | February 09 2010 | page thirteen

IT’S ELECTRIC

STUDENT BODY

So many dates, just enough time [TODD EASTERBROOK] [CONTRIBUTOR]

Good vibrations “The only thing I find appalling about vibrators is the gratuitous use of cute animal faces” [KRISTI JUT] [CONTRIBUTOR]

Female-toy reviewers and sex bloggers alike agree that Lelo vibrators are the best thing to happen to the single woman since we got the vote. Now, the guilty selfpleasuring woman knows she’s stuffing landfills with dead batteries, but there’s good news for eco-friendly vibrator-vixen. Lelo’s entire line of self-pleasure toys have rechargeable ion batteries that range from clitoral massagers to g-spot vibrators with impressive handle. The Lelo Nea, just one of the company’s many toys, is a discreet beauty weighing a slight 37 grams. The clitoral massager is meant to travel or be stored away in small places. But the Lelo toys can get

pretty expensive: the petite Nea is actually $119, and the fullsize Elise vibrator is $198 with a range of prices in between. At least you’ll be saving cash on batteries, and better yet, saving the environment. All while procrasturbating. Vibe virgins might want to go cheaper for their first time. Things like vibrating fingersocks are a good investment, or “bullets,” which are inexpensive and can be used on their own or can be inserted into a dildo to create a full vibe-experience. Topvibrators.com boasts a whack of inexpensive toys, big and small, even vibrators under $15. Womyn’s Ware on Commercial Drive also has a large inventory of vibrators and stimulators for both solowomen and couples. Tongue tingler anyone? The store also

has in depth love-manuals and affordable slip-kits (a variety package of lubricants), which are arguably the most important part of using vibes and other toys. The only thing I find appalling about some vibrators is the gratuitous use of cute animal faces on something I’m about to—you know—do my business with. I mean, that just really does not make a lady wet. Maybe I’m alone in that, because aside from the legendary rabbit, there’s the dolphin, the butterfly and even the caterpillar. All I know is that if I can’t have the real deal, I want something that at least resembles it. But whether it’s clitoral massagers, dils or vibrators, ladies: remember the lube.

We’ve all been involved, at some point or another, in the savvy unpredictable rat race called the dating world. Whether it’s at a coffee shop, bar, nightclub or even over the net, the realm of dating can seem like a zoo—an animalistic romp, sifting through appearances, personalities, and compatibility. Approaching someone who tickles the fancy of you loins can be daunting at times, but what if it was ALL done for you? What if you could roll out of bed, hop in the shower, put on you best Sunday dress, head to Kwantlen and enter a room full of frothing, horny, not-getting-any singles and go on a date with all of them in less than a few hours? Sound like a good time? You are now entering the world of Speed Dating… So you, ever ready to get your game on, enter a room compiled of desks in rows facing each other. There are people mingling and chatting, everyone is nervous and trying their dandiest not to show it. You conceal the flask in your jacket—just a little something to take the edge off, loosen yourself up a bit. You sit down at a desk and begin. The object of the game: to go on a series of quick dates with members of the opposite sex. The catch is, you are being timed. X is the

constant here. The equation is you and him/her, an attempt to bridge the gap, as it were, trample the dividing line of inhibition, and ultimately end up with this person on a Polar Bear rug next to a dimly lit fire with a bottle of wine—two panting, sweating, gyrating naked bodies coiled in physical ecstasy; FUCKING EH! You know you want it. Just make sure you play your cards right, refrain from standing up with a throbbing erection; make sure your boob doesn’t pop out (40 Year Old Virgin—though girls, this could potentially benefit you both); and no silly questions (“So what brings you here today?”—Stupid—dig deeper, or “What is your cup size?”— Grounds for a bitch-slap). And please, no soliciting for sex, it doesn’t matter how long it’s been it’s still a faux pas. Be honest and smile. Make your date(s) comfortable. Offer him/ her a swig of pocket rum… Goddamnit just get it done! Who knows, you might meat… er—I mean meet the person of your dreams. Girls, shave your legs. Guys, remember your deodorant. Guys and Gals don’t forget to trim the hedges. See you there. I’ll be the guy with a cucumber in his jeans…

February 11, 4:30 p.m. Grassroots Two drinks $6

BOX TALK

Girls actually do this to their vagina? [MELISSA FRASER] [CULTURE EDITOR]

If you thought douching was weird, wait ‘til you get a load of this

Vagazzling

Surgery

Pinking

Vagina Toupees

Vaginal Mints

When I was a girl we put sparkly rhinestones on our jeans and backpacks. Now that Jennifer Love Hewitt is all over the Internet talking about glitzing up her vagina, it adds a whole new meaning to the treasured craft. Thanks perverting my childhood, Jen.

Nobody likes a loose vagina and nobody, I mean nobody, likes damn labia getting in the way. With a little nip, tuck and tighten, all your vaginal woes are out the window. And for only thousands of dollars.

If your vagina is vagina coloured it’s simply unacceptable. It must be pink. Bright pink. Thank god there’s a skin dye to rectify the situation. But be careful, the dye’s ingredients include Sodium hydroxide, which can also be found in drain decloggers

I saw this is in Vice magazine. Urban dictionary says it’s called a “merkin.” Does it makes sense to anyone? Anyone?

If your pink taco tastes more like a Mexican taco you may be feeling a little self-concious. Luckily you can pop a vaginal mint. But think about it, mints are made of sugar. Sugar turns to yeast. Yeast is not a girl’s best friend.

dirty word

Saddle Backing: You have unprotected, anal sex in order to preserve your virginity.

page fourteen | February 09 2010 | vol. 2 issue 15

CULTURE

The Runner | www.runnerrag.ca

FETISH

You’d be suprised what ﬂoats people’s boats Mannequins, trees, cannibalism turn you on? You may have a paraphilia, or what we commonly refer to as a fetish. You’re not alone. [JARED VAILLANCOURT] [CONTRIBUTOR]

o far medical science has identified over 547 “paraphilias”, or sources of sexual arousal from anything other than a consenting adult partner. However, many more are said to exist, with many researchers claiming that anything under the sun (and heck, while we’re at it, the sun too) could be the source of any given person’s interest in sex. The geeks call these paraphilias, but to common folks like us, they’re “fetishes”. Fetishes aren’t just about some creepy guys sucking on a lady’s toe. There are strange

ones, such as dendrophilia – being turned on by trees – to some that are just plain wrong, like erotophonophilia – arousal via murder – and others still that just seem to have no logical justification, such as narratophilia commonly known as “talking dirty”. While many of these fetishes do indeed arouse the people who suffer – is that the right word? – from them, there’s a lot on the list of paraphilias that are harmful, dangerous and even illegal (pedophilia was listed on there). Are you a vorarephile? Then you’d like it if someone tried to cannibalize you. Do you get a jolly from being in life-threatening situations?

Then you’d fit the bill of an autassassinophiliac. Do you catch yourself staring at those mannequins at the mall? You may just be an agalmatophile. The list goes on and on. Now, medical science does claim to have various cures for all sorts of paraphilias – except the ones that are too odd to notice or too extreme to countermand – but, of course, many people who suffer from these fetishes see no reason to seek medical help at all. It’s not every day you see a lineup of pedophiles at the local pharmacy to get their daily dose of Timmy-Be-Gone, after all. Besides, with some of the more extreme fetishes – I’ll just

say vampirism, sadism and autoerotic asphyxiation, to give you an idea – who would want to admit they have a problem? It’d probably mean more jail time than rehab time, and more than likely a total casting out from society. Unless, of course, that turns them on, too.

Have a fetish? Log on to our facebook and Let us know. facebook.com/ runnerpaper

N.E.

FAMOUS FUCKERS

Sex through the ages: Genghis Khan to Ron Jeremy [COLE GRIFFIN]

Genghis Kahn: OK, so maybe he’s not you’re standard idea of a sexual icon, and maybe he shouldn’t qualify for this list because of all the rape and pillage, but get this: researchers have identified a Y-chromosomal link in 8% of the men in a large area of Asia that they think may be the mark of descendants of ol’ Temujin (his original name). Being the granddaddy of half a percent of all the men on earth, earns him a spot on the list. Theodora: She rose up from the gutters on her back. Despite her reputation as one of the most wanton prostitutes in the Byzantine Empire (or perhaps because of it) she managed to win the love of the Emperor Justinian, who made her his Empress. The images of her that we find in Byzantine art portray her as pious, and history records her as intelligent and brutal, but we like to remember for her greatest contribution: the reverse cowgirl.

Lord Byron: “Mad, bad, and dangerous to know” this English poet was as prolific a paramour as a penman. Not only did he write some of the finest erotic verses in the language, he ruined some very respectable reputations. When allegations of sodomy and incest drove him out of England, he went on to fight for Greek independence; perhaps from a love of classical culture, perhaps for the sodomy. Mata Hari: Deep within the dark and mysterious jungles of Holland, this fake foreign beauty used her own charms and Europe’s love of the exotic to undulate her way into the history books. A dancer who didn’t know how to dance, Mata Hari’s reputation made her the toast of Europe’s night life, and a courtesan to many important men of the day. Until, that is, she was killed by a firing squad for espionage during WWI; all across the western front, erections stood at semi in her honour.

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dirty word

John Wilmot, The Earl of Rochester: A rake’s rake, this guy took debauchery to a whole new level. While some people send flowers, this guy kidnapped his first wife. A sexual vandal and a favourite in the King’s court, his wit was only exceeded by his lack of propriety. One famous anecdote has him touring England disguised as Dr. Bendo, who specialized in treating infertility; the treatments were “not without their successes”. His happy ending was death by syphilis. Feodor Vassilyev’s First Wife: History has forgotten her name, but her record remains unchallenged even today. This poor woman had 69 children between 1725 and 1765 (which is apparently before oral sex) in 27 births: 16 twins, 7 triplets, and 4 quadruplets. It’s questionable whether we could beat that record today even with fertility drugs. Not because it’s impossible but because no one wants to.

Giacomo Casanova: Why do so many writers make this list? Because they wrote about it, of course. The diaries of Casanova are intelligent, entertaining and, despite the best efforts of historians, have never been untrue. A wizard, a philosopher, and a lover of all types of women (he had a threeway involving a hunchbacked servant girl at one point) from every station of society.

Ron Jeremy: King of the Greaseballs, he’s famous for having a large penis (9.75 inches), and being able to perform autofellatio. He can ejaculate on command and holds the record for the most appearances in porn. He was also the last guy in line at Annabel Chong’s world record gangbang. Something you maybe didn’t know about this guy is that he has a master’s degree in education.

Valeria Messalina: The wife of Nero, this woman raised the harlot bar. She ran, and worked in, a secret brothel, organized orgies for the noblewomen of Rome, and even won a sex contest against the most famous prostitute in Rome, Scylla. Once the most powerful slut in Rome, the emperor’s favour eventually began to wane and Messalina fell out of good fortune. To improve her lot she conspired to kill Nero. It didn’t work, he had her killed instead and then called for more wine.

Phryne: The most famous hetaera of ancient Greece, she is said to have been the model for Praxiteles’s Venus of Knidos, a statue so beautiful men came from all corners of the known world to pleasure themselves upon it. Seriously, it needed regular cleaning. She also famously beat heresy charges by getting naked in court. Her image was the standard of beauty in the classical world and, when the flash in the pan sexpots of the modern world are long forgotten, men’s minds will still be imagining what Phryne looked like naked

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Donkey Punch: When a male puncheshis partner the back of the head during anal or vaginal sex prior to orgasm. The shock causes the vaginal or anal muscles to contract around the male’s penis.

CULTURE

www.runnerrag.ca | The Runner

vol. 2 issue 15 | February 09 2010 | page ﬁfteen

TOO MUCH TEETH

SEX 1100 : introduction to oral stimulation When it comes to shoving our face into someone’s genitals we can all use a tip or two [LUIS VALDIZON]

Oral sex is a beautiful thing. It’s a great way to heat things up before the main course or it can be the whole meal. Below are a few tips to ensure you pass your oral exam with flying colors. Enjoy the experience: The number one thing I notice people get wrong is that they treat oral sex as a chore. Men and women everywhere commonly approach the act with what I believe is an extremely flawed mentality. In fact, it’s safe to say that most of the guys I interviewed on the subject said they weren’t fans of going down on women. Frankly, it doesn’t matter what sex you belong to, if you’re going south on your partner, you should look forward to it. Which leads me perfectly to the next point. Clean up: Some women don’t like giving head because of one faulty experience. You don’t want your partner to go down and say to themselves “it’s a jungle down there” or “something smells fishy,” so trim your genital hair as a precaution and always make sure your junk smells right. In other words, clean, clean, and clean some more before you receive. The courtesy will pay off in the long run. No one wants to put his or her tongue on something that smells funky. Take your time: If you’re having a quickie, then there’s not much you can do. But if you’re enjoying your significant others body, take it slow. It will build up the sexual tension between you two, and make sex even better when you get there. The last thing you

CHRISTOPHER POON/THE RUNNER

No matter what your preference is, etiquette is key. Respect your partner.

Cleaning up can be a pain, but it’s all part of the experience. Don’t be scared.

want to do is cut-short your partner’s enjoyment because you’re impatient.

oral sex with an abundance of saliva in her mouth - take note, seriously. Don’t force your partner’s head down with your hand. Yeah it might look cool in a porno, but be respectful. Granted, if you know your partner is okay with stuffing his or her face into your private parts, you’re good. Don’t talk too much. Yes, I did say communication is key, but too much pillow talk can ruin the whole thing. Let your partner know when you’re going to unload. Some people are partial to their partners cum, other’s not so much. Know your partner, if they don’t like it, don’t try to sneak it in. It will and can piss your partner off. Remember guys you can alter the taste of your bodily fluids (for the

Be vocal. If your partner is using too much teeth or is mistaking your belly button for your clit there is no better way to solve this problem than communication. If you’re going to let him or her navigate their way through your most intimate body parts, you should be able to talk to them about anything and everything. Whether you want more or less tongue or you need them to suck harder or softer, voice what you want and need. And if they’re doing a perfect job, let your partner know: it will give them confidence that what they are doing is right, and they will know to keep doing what they’re doing because they’ll

know it’s working. Mix it up: If you’re going down on a woman, try fingering your partner while you lick her clit. If you’re in a man’s nether regions try playing with your significant other’s genitals or try alternating using your hands while performing oral on him. Additional guidelines: Don’t try any anal play before you have fully discussed the matter with your partner. Don’t kill the mood by doing something that isn’t welcome. Don’t be afraid to use your saliva. The best oral sex I ever received was from a girl who was completely confused about what spitting and swallowing meant. In short, she performed

better) through a healthier diet and by drinking OJ. If you get bored or you don’t know what to do when you’re down on a girl stick to the American Pie tip and trace the alphabet on her clit with your tongue. It mixes the tongue movement up providing a better sensation than the mundane up-and-down side-toside lick. If you follow the above I guarantee you will be well on your way to having a better oral experience.

Do you have tips? Log on to our facebook and Let us know. facebook.com/ runnerpaper

SEX JOKES

Let’s joke about sex, baby. Let’s joke about you and me [JARED VAILLANCOURT] [CONTRIBUTOR]

•A woman was complaining to her friend, Ruth that she had a sore throat. “Really?” Ruth asked. “You know, when I have a sore throat, I just go home a blow my husband.” Winking at her friend’s look of disbelief, she added, “Oh, yes. It cures me every time.” The next day, her friend seems much happier. “Did you take my advice? Ruth asked. “Yes,” her friend replied. “Your husband just couldn’t believe it was your idea!” •An executive visiting Russia decides one night to hire a

dirty word

hooker. Whilst performing, she starts shouting out, “Неправильное отверстие!” Thinking this is good, as she continues to scream it, he continues until satisfied. The next day, he goes to the golf course to play a few rounds with his friend from Moscow. After a spectacular hole-inone, he triumphantly declares, “Неправильное отверстие!” Confused, his Russian friend turns to him and asks, “What do you mean, ‘wrong hole’?” •.One day a man was very depressed by his less-thanaverage size, so he vocalizes his lament. Suddenly, a beautiful

fairy appears before him. “I have heard your sorrow,” she says softly. “How can I ease your pain?” “What a godsend!” he exclaims excitedly. “Please, fairy, if it is in your power, I’d like my cod to touch the ground.” The fairy considers his request for a second before smiling and replying, “Of course. By sunrise tomorrow, your wish will be granted.” Excitedly, he hurries off to bed. The next morning, he jumps out of bed, only to find his junk unchanged and his legs now two inches long. • A man is having troubles in bed with his wife. His best

friend, Fred, offers him some advice. “You know,” says Fred, “Whenever I have trouble performing, I just knock my junk up against the bedpost three times. It hurts, sure, but it keeps me going for hours!” The man thinks that Fred’s advice is worth a shot, so he rushes home to find his wife sleeping in their bed. He undresses and knocks his junk against the bedpost three times. Immediately, his wife shoots up, excitedly shouting “Fred?” • A man is sitting at the bar, wearing his old 447 Airborne uniform from WWII. A woman sits with him, and asks, “Excuse

me, sir, are you really a pilot?” “Why yes, I am,” he replies with a smile. “I’ve been flying all my life, and you?” he asks. The woman smiles back. “I’m a lesbian,” she replies. “Every morning when I wake up, I think about naked women. For my whole life, no matter what I do, it makes me think about naked women.” With this, she leaves. Later, an a man asks the pilot, “Are you really a pilot?” he asks. The old man sips his drink. “I thought so,” he replies slowly, “but I just found out I’m a lesbian.”

Birmingham Bootycall: A cell phone is shoved into your partner’s ass. You call the cell phone. Your partner shits the cellphone out. You proceed to talk dirty to your partener over the cell phone.

CULTURE

page sixteen | February 09 2010 | vol. 2 issue 15

GUIDE

The Runner | www.runnerrag.ca

GUIDE

You best be prepared The Runner’s guide to keeping cool and taking advantage of free Olympic events [TODD EASTERBROOK] [CONTRIBUTOR]

With the Olympics coming to town for two weeks starting Feb. 12, so too come some fabulous FREE concerts. Here is the list of FREE shows to check out if athletics aren’t your bag:

David Lam Park LiveCity Yaletown: 13-Feb-10 Bollywood Olympics with En Karma 5:00pm - 6:00pm Default 6:15pm - 7:15pm Califone! 7:30pm - 8:30pm Wilco 9:00pm - 10:45pm Chigago’s Wilco, an alternative band melding rock/country is my pick, the one not to miss! 14-Feb-10 Lion Dancers 5:00pm - 5:30pm Silk Road 6:00pm - 7:30pm Mother Mother 8:00pm - 9:00pm Recently touring with Mathew Good, these Vancouver natives’ pop-rock brings back the late 70’s.. Daniel Wesley 9:30pm - 10:45pm Gaining attention in the past while, this Vancouver native brings reggae-inspired rock. 15-Feb-10 DJ Spooky and DBR 5:00pm - 6:00pm Grand Dérangement 6:30pm - 7:30pm Malajube 8:00pm - 9:00pm Matisyahu 9:30pm - 10:45pm 16-Feb-10 TBC 5:00pm - 6:00pm Kevin Parent with Pornflakes 6:30pm - 7:30pm Vulgaires Machins 8:00pm - 9:00pm Alexisonfire 9:30pm - 10:45pm Post-hardcore rockers from St. Catherines Ontario sure to be the heaviest act on the bill. 17-Feb-10 DRUM! 5:00pm - 6:30pm Alpha Yaya Diallo 6:30pm - 7:30pm Allez Ouest 8:00pm - 9:00pm Corb Lund 9:30pm - 10:45pm 18-Feb-10 Radio Radio 5:00pm - 6:00pm Zuco 103 6:30pm - 7:30pm Keisha Chante 8:00pm - 9:00pm Marianas Trench 9:30pm - 10:45pm 19-Feb-10 Andrée Watters 5:00pm - 6:00pm Lennie Gallant 6:30pm - 7:30pm

Les Breastfeeders 8:00pm - 9:00pm Deadmau5 9:30pm - 10:45pm 20-Feb-10 Vishten 5:00pm - 6:00pm The Arkells 6:30pm - 7:30pm Coeur de Pirate 8:00pm - 9:00pm Sam Roberts Band 9:30pm - 10:45pm Montreal rockers sure to delight with folky Beatlesque indie pop. 21-Feb-10 DanceSport Snowball Classic 5:00pm - 6:00pm Dal Richards Band 6:30pm - 7:30pm Lazare Halk 8:00pm - 9:00pm Jully Black 9:30pm - 10:45pm 22-Feb-10 Zapata Negro 5:00pm - 6:00pm Dustin Bentall with guest Barney Bentall 6:30pm - 7:30pm Jill Barber 8:00pm - 9:00pm Colin James 9:30pm - 10:45pm 23-Feb-10 Tigerstyle 5:00pm - 6:00pm Bitterly Divine 6:30pm - 7:30pm Constantines 8:00pm - 9:00pm Wintersleep 9:30pm - 10:45pm Nova Scotia Juno winners and indie rockers recently went on tour supporting Paul McCartney. 24-Feb-10 Eagle and Hawk 5:00pm - 6:00pm Tambora Rasa 6:30pm - 7:30pm Chocolat 8:00pm - 9:00pm Damian “Jr. Gong” Marley 9:30pm - 10:45pm 25-Feb-10 Ache Brasil 5:00pm - 6:00pm illScarlett 6:30pm - 7:30pm Crystal Shawanda 8:00pm - 9:00pm Johnny Reid 9:30pm - 10:45pm

a Canadian favourite! Jim Byrnes, Steve Dawson and The Sojourners 11:00am - 12:15p

Georgia and Cambie LiveCity Downtown: 13-Feb-10 TBC 8:30pm - 9:30pm Jessie Farrell 10:00pm - 11:30pm 14-Feb-10 TBC 8:00pm - 9:00pm Elliot Brood 9:30pm - 11:00pm 15-Feb-10 TBC 8:00pm - 9:00pm Jets Overhead 9:30pm - 10:30pm COURTESY OF MARARIE

16-Feb-10 TBC 7:30pm - 9:00pm Buck 65 9:30pm - 11:00pm 17-Feb-10 Romy Mayes 8:00pm - 9:00pm TBC 9:30pm - 10:30pm 18-Feb-10 House Of Doc 8:00pm - 9:00pm Rumba Calzada 9:30pm - 11:00pm 19-Feb-10 Town Pants 9:30pm - 10:30pm 20-Feb-10 Billy Joe Green 8:00pm - 9:00pm Sherman Downey 9:30pm - 10:30pm 21-Feb-10 John Reischman and The Jaybirds 8:00pm - 9:00pm In Flight Safety 9:30pm -10:30pm 22-Feb-10 TBC 8:00pm - 9:00pm 22-Feb-10 Alpha Yaya Diallo 9:30pm - 11:00pm

26-Feb-10 Polyjesters 5:00pm - 6:00pm Tracey Bone 6:30pm - 7:30pm TBC 8:00pm - 9:00pm TBC 9:30pm - 10:45pm

23-Feb-10 Julie Doiron 8:00pm - 9:00pm Folky singer/songwriter and New Brunswick native sure to delight.

27-Feb-10 Bollywood Olympics with Delhi2Dublin 5:00pm - 6:00pm Matt Mays 6:30pm - 7:30pm Chic Gamine 8:00pm - 9:00pm Blue Rodeo 9:30pm - 10:45pm Pop/country rockers from Toronto -

25-Feb-10 Inward Eye 11:30mpm - 12:30pm

24-Feb-10 Quinzy 11:30pm - 12:30am

26-Feb-10 TBC 11:00pm - 12:00am 27-Feb-10 Soulstream 11:00pm - 12:30am

Survival guide [CHRISTOPHER POON] [MEDIA EDITOR]

Even if you’re against the Olympics, the fact is that it’s happening either way. That’s not to say don’t go out and protest until you’re blue in the face, but you may as well enjoy some of the activities going down around town during the games. There’s going to be loads of free stuff, including concerts, food, and parties. We came up with a little survival guide to make sure that you at least enjoy yourself during the games. First up, play nice to the tourists: Look, there’s going to be a ton of weirdos from all over the planet descending upon our fair city, so you may as well make yourself open to meeting new people, even if you don’t like them. Nearly every free show, event, and activity is going to be full of people so if you’re able to maintain a smile, point people in the direction of what they’re looking for, or just provide some sort of guidance to those in need, it would definitely go a long way in their eyes. And who knows, you may hit it off with a cute Swedish girl, or an Austrian brute. Plan your trip well in advance: There is so much going down during the two weeks of the games, it can be a bit overwhelming. Take some time to sit down, sip some chai, and plan out each of your days. You may be thinking, “I live here, I’ll be fine,” wrong. You can’t expect to head out to see a show at the Ozone in Richmond and then hop over to to Yaletown for another show in an hour. Transit, highways and city streets are going to be a clusterfuck of the worst traffic you’ll ever experience. Translink estimates that wait times for Skytrains and buses may be up

to an-hour-and-a-half. There’s also going to be road closures all across Vancouver, so driving is going to suck. If you’re pretty Vancouver-savvy, be sure to use all alleys and side streets in your arsenal to get around. Also, make sure you hit up the bathroom prior to heading out; those long waits are going to be gross. Pack light: It’s not going to be like any normal weekend out on the town. You’re most likely going to be doing a lot more walking than normal, and lugging around a backpack stuffed with whatever it is that you normally carry isn’t going to do you any favours. Trying to wedge yourself into a SkyTrain car with one isn’t going to win you any smiles either. Take what you need (i.e. wallet, keys, phone) and leave everything else at home. Also, be sure to check the forecast and dress appropriately, you don’t want to be wearing five layers with the sun shining high and bright, likewise, you don’t want to be caught in a downpour while wearing your fancy new shoes. Be extra wary: With an increase in crowds comes and increase in potential pickpockets, and thieves in general. It’s science, don’t argue. This goes hand-in-hand with packing light, as the less things you bring, the less you have to worry about and keep an eye on. Try and keep things in your front pockets. As lame as it sounds, if you put an elastic band around your wallet, it makes it pretty damn hard for people to pull it out of your pocket, and you’ll definitely feel it if someone’s trying to do so. There’s also wallet chains, and if you’re willing to sacrifice fashion sense for practicality, then by all means dust off the chain and strap it on.

CULTURE

www.runnerrag.ca | The Runner

vol. 2 issue 15 | February 09 2010 | page seventeen

SCI-FI

Shifting Ice: Secret Tensions [JARED VAILLANCOURT] [CONTRIBUTOR]

Chapter Six “So then I told them, ‘that’s not a bone plate – it’s how I eat’!” Klezyp recalled for Vintis’ benefit. Vintis almost choked on its drink, catching the glass in its mandibles as both Zwitii laughed. Vintis reached up and grabbed the glass gently, pulling it out of its mandibles as Klezyp took another sip of its amber mist. “It’s incredible how little the Pyryx know about Zwitii anatomy,” Vintis chuckled. Klezyp raised its glass in toast. “It’s incredible how little they all know about our anatomy,” Klezyp chuckled as it touched its glass to Vintis’. “I find one game they play to be of particular amusement.” Klezyp commented before it took another sip. “Do you know the one?” it asked. Vintis smiled and downed the last of its liquor. “All too well,” it replied. “Excuse me, Vintis, are you a man or a woman?” it asked ironically. Both Zwitii slammed their glasses back down onto the table and laughed wholeheartedly as the other patrons in the bar gave them disgruntled looks and muttered about their use of the Brakksys tongue instead of Common. By this time Vintis was a touch too inebriated to care.

“I love that game,” Klezyp chuckled as it signaled the Jukkopo waiter for another round. “Sometimes I pretend to be a man. On other worlds, I let them think I’m a woman!” Klezyp stammered as both of them tried to suppress another hearty laugh. Vintis took in a deep breath and sighed as it leaned back on its chair. “So, what were you in the northern city?” Vintis asked. Klezyp winked. “They all thought I was female,” Klezyp chuckled as their drinks arrived. “So I played it up – asked all the female Pyryx where they got their bones shined, complemented them on their pheromone perfumes…” Klezyp leaned back and sighed wistfully. Vintis chuckled and sipped its fresh amber mist. “It can be fun sometimes,” Vintis admitted, “but I find it more annoying than playful. You’ve obviously not settled into a stable home, Klezyp – aliens truly believe in the genders they assign us.” “Oh, harmless fun,” Klezyp dismissed. “Give them long enough and they’ll figure it out.” “Ha – I’ve lived here fifty years,” Vintis chuckled. “My closest friend hasn’t figured it out!” “Is that the Izraal you’ve been telling me about?” Klezyp asked. “Kyraa?” “That’s the one.” “Hmm,” Klezyp muttered as it took another sip. “I wouldn’t

pay too much attention to it, Vintis. After all, she’s probably got a lot more to ponder, what with that war and all.” Vintis sighed and leaned its elbows on the table, gazing down into its drink somberly. “What is it?” Klezyp asked. Vintis sighed. “Well, it’s just…” Vintis started. It hesitated and took a sip. “I’m having a great time,” Vintis reassured Klezyp as that worthy held its glass with both hands nervously. “I was just excited to, well… talk to someone who wasn’t obsessed with the war,” it admitted. Klezyp blinked, but then smiled. “I’ve been told it doesn’t concern us Zwitii,” Klezyp said slowly. “But all opinion aside, I feel the same way, Vintis.” Vintis looked up to see a serious yet compassionate look on Klezyp’s face. It reached across the table and patted Vintis’ hand. “We don’t have to talk about it if you don’t want to.” Vintis smiled and raised its glass. “To a lovely evening,” Vintis said with a smile. Klezyp touched their glasses together. “I’ll drink to that,” Klezyp giggled. They both downed their mists. “Now, then, where were we…” “Vintis!” a familiar voice shouted. Both Zwitii turned as Vintis recognized the tall Izraal standing at the bar’s entrance. It grumbled and looked back at Klezyp.

POETRY

“Klezyp, meet Kyraa,” Vintis muttered. Klezyp went quiet as Kyraa moved gracefully yet angrily over to their table. “Vintis, how could you…” she started. Vintis cleared it’s throat. “Kyraa, I’m over here,” Vintis muttered. Kyraa looked from Klezyp to Vintis with surprise. “Oh,” she remarked. “Sorry, you all look the same to me – but how could you?” she demanded again. Klezyp coughed and gave the tall Izraal a sharp look. Vintis sighed. “I told you,” Vintis said steadily, “he started the fight. All I told the Jukkopo was the truth.” “Your testimony put Jaxal away!” Kyraa hissed. “He’s dead because of you!” “I think,” Klezyp said loudly as both Zwitii stood up, “that we should leave.” Vintis nodded and grabbed its coat as it passed its credit coin over the table’s reader. It nodded at Kyraa. “If you’ll excuse me,” Vintis muttered, “I have to escort my friend home.” The two left, leaving Kyraa standing in the quiet bar, her tendrils flexing as she fumed.

To be continued next week... Check out other Shifting Ice chapters at runnerrag.ca

PHOTOGRAPHY

Silhouettes and Stop Signs [WERONIKA SLOWINSKI]

I hope the world goes on getting buried three-days of steady deafening snowfall how these west-coast winters pass slow ashes through numb fingers so we lay silent still flicker against the candlelight for once let your mind’s mechanized humming rest to wood wind breath fill your lungs deep make me part of a soul saw through the aubergine dusk I’m so close but we’ve built our whole planet on things we can’t touch a current a sprawled stutter like a hunger an Adam’s apple thick with the unthinkable a whisper a promise teeth just above my left temple break the seal I dare you rake my insides clean of everything but the umber forest floor over and again leave your handprints aching sore infra-red vermillion my porcelain skin pining aching for something more lips to sate thirst a need to melt ivory sighs shatter crystal window panes a tender man to mend to make me true opaque

dirty word

MATTHEW J VAN DEVENTER // THE RUNNER

POETRY

War of souls [TODD EASTERBROOK] [CONTRIBUTOR]

War of souls Embankments of leather Her wild wilderness Disturbs my genitals Scenes of lust without enjambment or Your eyes of ‘fuck me’, saying more With your mouth wide open as you Sweat for me and I sardonically thumb Your lip with thumping backbeat of Perimetres open and eternal reward is Within our grasp or thrust A dynamo, a domino We fall all over each other And more are affected.

Felching: The act of sucking semen from any hole in the body, eg. anus, vagina, it can be done with a drinking straw when semen is deep inside the rectum.

CULTURE

page eighteen | February 09 2010 | vol. 2 issue 15

ANECDOTE

The Runner | www.runnerrag.ca

GROAT IN THE SACK

Knock Knock, I’m at the backdoor This is Jeff Groat. He’s the Runner’s sex columnist. He has only one qualification for the job: his last name sounds like a dirty word. That’s good enough for us. [JEFF GROAT] [ENTERTAINMENT BUREAU CHIEF]

CHRISTOPHER POON // THE RUNNER

Age ain’t nothing but a number [KYLE BENNING] [CONTRIBUTOR]

All of the Y chromosomes of Kwantlen, let me give you some advice in the game of love. Valentine’s Day is coming up and if you’re single don’t go for the younger girls. It’s pretty disturbing to see a third-year university student with a girl still in high school. Instead, look the other way. MILFs will please you a lot more than a girl who doesn’t know what she’s doing. There are lots of benefits to having intercourse with someone with a little more experience. I’ll tell you a story: We were only an hour away from the hotel and the hairs on the back of my neck began to stand up. Amsterdam was the city all 18-year-old boys dream about. With all the testosterone running through my body, I made it my mission to find the hottest thing I could and bring her back to the hotel. The mission was harder to complete than I thought it would be. I didn’t get to accomplish it until the next afternoon even though I did

manage to find a gorgeous girl during the night. But she didn’t quite hit the spot, so I continued my search. Our time in Holland was starting to wind down and I knew that if I wanted to find my wonder woman, I would have to hurry up. The four of us sat at a coffee shop when she caught my eye. I knew as soon as I saw her that she would make the trip worthwhile. She caught me looking at her and she smiled at me; I smiled back. After exchanging looks for a few minutes, I mustered up enough courage to approach her. Her name was Anna, a Bulgarian brunette who traveled across Europe on a business that is based in Holland. After making her laugh a few times, I noticed her laugh lines. It didn’t bother me, she was experienced, she knew what she was doing, but most of all, she had the body of someone almost half her age (which would probably be a woman around my age). Half an hour of flirting was enough for both of us to head back towards her office. We

started off slow, in what seemed like a harmless make-out session, but enough touching and feeling took it further. *** We were done. Our half hour sexual relationship was all the time either of us had because I had to head back to England while she had to head on a plane to Rome. As I pulled up my jeans, she said, “You took all my energy out of me,” in that exotic Bulgarian accent I had loved more and more after she spoke. My cheeks turned red and I had no response to this. Our fuck was more than a fuck. There was too much raw passion for that to be called sex. I walked outside her office and saw my friends standing a few blocks away. “How was she? How was she?” they asked as I approached them. Full of confidence, I answered, “She was the best I’ve ever had.”

Anal sex. Some men are lucky enough to date women who have a thing for breaking all kinds of social mores and taboos while they explore their bodies and their sexuality. The rest of us can only dream. Anal sex is a dirty word, and more specifically, it’s a dirty verb. (Verbs are “doing” or “action” words.) Without getting into details we can discuss the practicalities of getting to that beautiful point. Is it something you ask nicely for, or do you just “go for it?” I’m somewhat of a nice guy, so I’d always err on the side of caution, which in this case means not trying to ram something where it oughtn’t be. I can imagine foreign objects may not feel too at home in “there,” especially when there’s some sort of in and out action taking place. Let’s take it from the top. First off, before anyone is getting anything, you need to set the mood with some good and right passion. Go on a date and get a nice dinner somewhere. Surprise her with roses, they love that shit. End the meal with chocolate because, not only do they love that shit too, but it’s some odd kind of foreshadowing.

After dinner, strike up a good conversation, talk about things you both like and take the opportunity to test the waters while you can. Talk about fetishes and fantasies and give her a very nice kiss. From here it’s the same as it usually is: kisses, removing clothes, turning out the lights and not asking what size her bra is. Now this is the tricky part. Up until this point, the theme is relaxation and teasing, and if she isn’t relaxed or in the mood for teasing then it’s all over. When things are getting hot and heavy and hands are running up and down and all over, this is the time to put Mr. Finger to work. If you don’t get a “what the hell was that?” you’re in luck, bub. Now it’s up to you to use all your magical charm and wit to seal the deal. If you’re successful, use lots of lube and probably a condom too, unless you are really into breaking boundaries and going for the taboo gold. Go slow and be gentle. The frontier you wish to conquer is full of nerve endings that can easily be rubbed the wrong way, as it were. If you do it properly, it can be as fun for her as it is for you. And finally, never do anything that makes you or your partner uncomfortable, but you’ll never know unless you try.

Follow Groat In The Sack on Twitter. @groatinthesack

COMIC

David Atkin-lion

Got a funny story? e-mail it: culture@runnerrag.ca MELISSA FRASER // THE RUNNER

ANECDOTE

Wandering band has their roots deeply planted in country This is Kristi Jut. She loves music. She’s also a ginger. And she does have a soul. And she likes music with soul, too. [KRISTI JUT] [CONTRIBUTOR]

So, in the name of good oldfashioned chick folk, Po’ Girl is my new obsession. It’s like The Band meets Dolly Parton, plus a banjo. They’re a Canadian quartet that originally started out in

dirty word

Vancouver, at the time including a member from The Be Good Tanya’s, but have since anchored themselves in Toronto. Well—I shouldn’t say anchored because they kind of tumbleweed all around North America all year long. But for some reason they don’t come back to Vancouver much, save for the Jericho Beach Folk Festival. Their self-titled debut album has become increasingly elusive, while their second album

Vagabond Lullabies that came out in 2004 sounds exactly like a rootsy, bluegrassy album should—always with a rural, slow sway and talk about trains. From the first track on the record “Tell Me a Story”, the southern twang and slow, syrupy vocals of the group keep you parched for a taste of the rest. It’s 2007’s “Home to you” that really spoke to me when I first listened to Po’ Girl— “Go On and Pass Me By’s” frank lyricism had me awed. “I want you to know, you ain’t my ride, you ain’t my jellyroll,” sings vocalist Allison Russell, with the

kind of sharp coo-ing that only a girl who’s got her roots deeply planted in country can do. I mean, for me, that just screams Girl Power way louder than any Spice Girl ever could (not that I didn’t like them, though). So, like most folk bands, it’s important to them to list all the different types of instruments they use on their website. Yeah, it’s cool that they’re multitalented and switch around musical instruments, but it’s not about how many obscure instruments you can fit into a travelling van; it’s about the fact that it just sounds fucking good.

Cleveland Steamer: you shit on your partner’s chest, sit on the shit, then rock back an forth in the shit.

Their latest album Deer In The Night shows so much improved strength within the band that it teeters on the edge of being big-band. The record came out in May of last year, and I can only hope they continue to put out another album like this in 2010. Until then, I’m just going to have to cross my fingers for them to come back to the town they started in.

DOWNLOAD THESE: Go on and pass me by - Po’ Girl Fool - Po’ Girl

PROCRASTINATION

www.runnerrag.ca | The Runner

vol. 2 issue 15 | February 09 2010 | page nineteen

MY LIFE IS AVERAGE - NODNAS

HOROSCOPE PISCES Feb. 20 - Mar. 20

It’s a tough question but you have to decide: would you rather do it with a soup can or a milk jug.

GEMINI May 21 - June 20

Doing it is on your list of things to do but it’s somewhere in the middle. Move it to the top. Now.

ARIES Mar. 21 - Apr.19

AQUARIUS Jan. 21 - Feb. 19

You will do it with one of the following very soon: a billy goat, a red potato or a truck driver.

You have doing it down to an art. Fifteen minutes? No way. You can do it six times in that time.

CANCER June 21 - July 22

Think about how many times you did it last year. Multiply it by three. That’s this year’s number.

TAURUS Apr. 20 - May 20

You had a dream about someone a few years back. Now you’ll meet them. You two will do it.

LEO July 23 - Aug. 22

Don’t be shy. If you want to do it in a vat of mustard you should do it in a vat of mustard.

RIP OFF KWANTLEN

VIRGO Aug. 23 - Sept. 22

The next time you do it you will have visions of sunny meadows and three-legged dogs.

LIBRA Sept. 23 - Oct. 22

This week will be really rough for you. Ease the pain by doing it with a French-Canadian.

SCORPIO Oct. 23 - Nov. 21

SAGITTARIUS Nov. 22 - Dec. 21

Do it, do it. Do it in the morning, do it in the afternoon, do it on a train, do it on a plane.

CAPRICORN Dec. 22 - Jan.19

Someone will offer to give you two chickens and a ruby if you do it with them. Do it. Do it a lot.

You have to decide whether you will do it while eating a cookie or do it while eating bacon.

THE SMART ZONE

Paper cups at Chartwells

Let’s say that you’re a starving student, unable to pay off your car insurance, phone bill, and student fees. Sounds absurd, right? Now let’s say that you’re parched, heading to class and want something quick and cheap to drink. How about water, that should be free shouldn’t it? Not if you want some from Chartwells. For a simple paper cup of water, Chartwells still charges you 30 cents. For a cup of water, 30 cents isn’t expensive or anything, but stooping to the level of movie theatres in charging for ridiculous things is disgusting. Way to bleed us for everything we have, and then some.

INTERESTING FACT: YOUR FIRST TIME According to a 2007 worldwide sex survey, the average age when people first have sex is 19.25. The survey also found that people in Asian countries tended to lose their virginity at a much later age (an average of 22) than those in Western cultures (an average of 18).

page twenty | February 09 2010 | vol. 2 issue 15

The Runner | www.runnerrag.ca

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KWANTLEN STUDENT ASSOCIATION

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