The Weight of Trains

flickered over an intersection like a twitching eye, watching madly over everything. As I walked, I became aware of a sensation I could only explain as prickly. My skin tingled, and I turned, casually taking in my surroundings. The gin I’d drunk made the world a roving thing and I felt a distrust of my own senses. As I turned, I saw that there was a car, driving slowly several feet behind me. The car was red and the dying sunlight that reflected o the windshield made it di cult for me to see who was inside. I stopped walking and watched the car roll closer. I felt acutely aware of my bare legs. They felt exposed and vulnerable. I was able to make out a man in the driver’s seat, wearing sunglasses. I didn’t recognize him. The car moved past me without stopping. The man didn’t even turn his head to look in my direction as he rolled by, but around his mouth hung a smile that disturbed me. I thought of the gun in my backpack. It was empty, but still held a weight in which I normally found comfort. As the car moved away, I considered how quickly I would be able to get the gun from my backpack into my hands. Not quickly enough, I decided.

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Every man is powerful in a dream. You can wrestle your God, & triumph over the wars, which means you will be held again in the ceremonies of life, which means you are faithful to your song, which means a carnival of children in the moon’s arms, which means year after year, your father is alive & says, Hashim, which means the horse of destiny still gallops into the olive fields, which means the road leads to tenderness, which means your mother’s kiss returns you to childhood, which means you can usher yourself into the morning of joy, which means Yara is alive, which means the end of loneliness, which means you’re loved, which means you’re back in the gentle rain, which means the body in celebration, which means you will love again, which means nothing is divine than two of you knowing you’re wet in the name of love, which means you kiss & say God because you are warmed in the snows falling which means everything is a dream: your body is awake in a thunderstorm.

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