Magnificent Mandy

A Heart-to-Heart with Actress, Singer and Songwriter Mandy Moore.

Interview by Alison Engstrom

Photographed by Sharon Radisch

Styled by Ana Tess

Alison Engstrom: I’d love to start things off by talking about your earlier days. You met with success at the early age of 15. How did you navigate fame and not feel pressured to be someone that you were not? High school is hard enough, I can’t imagine being in the public eye.

Mandy Moore: I think that I had it relatively easy versus what a typical teenager has to go through today, since the internet and social media are an inescapable part of our daily lives. I didn't have that level of scrutiny or fame, so it was much easier to navigate. Back then, you didn't have people documenting every single moment of their day. This allowed for more privacy and I still feel that despite the fact that I was living in a very adult world, I was still able to be a teenager.

Living in LA, I also had a certain degree of anonymity, because most people here simply don’t care! It’s like New York, people have their own lives. Maybe if I was outside of these big cities, on tour or doing radio shows, there was some, but I wasn't the Backstreet Boys, *NSYNC or Britney Spears—I didn’t have that degree of utter fandom. I really had the best of both worlds—I got to do what I loved and at the end of the day, I was able to switch that off.

AE: Do you think that there’s a single moment in life that leads to achieving your greater purpose? In your case, if that Fedex worker hadn’t heard your music and introduced you to his connection at Epic Records, would your life be different today?

MM: It’s so hard to think what would have happened if that magical moment had not entered the equation. I would like to think I could’ve been the type of person who would have found a way to get to this point, but no matter what, I don't think I can discount that occurrence. I do believe that luck and timing factors in with talent, dedication and drive. I think it was a huge part of why I am here. I think I was in the right place at the right time.

AE: Growing up, did you always want to be a performer?

MM: I wanted to be Bette Midler and star on Broadway (laughs). I also wanted to be on TV, make records, and go on tour. I wanted to do everything. But Broadway was the biggest thing—I was a musical theater nerd. I have a feeling that kids my age were probably listening to the radio and I was listening to the cast recording of A Chorus Line in the car. That was my world.

AE: Does that mean that one day we might find you starring on Broadway?

MM: Yes, but it would have to be at the right time, the right part and the right show. It is the ultimate dream of mine. I have the utmost respect for actors who can do eight shows a week, which seems to me like the most daunting experience. It equal parts excites and terrifies me, but one day I will do it.

AE: The fact that you didn’t give up when the going got tough, both personally and professionally, is very inspiring to anyone trying to achieve their dreams. Many people can’t withstand all the rejection, instability and heartache, but you’re living proof that if you believe and persevere, magic can happen. Looking back now, are you grateful for those experiences that tested you?

MM: I think it was only natural and I wouldn’t get down on myself; I would let myself really feel those feelings and not discount them. I’d look at them from a macro point of view and tell myself, I’ll allow myself one day to cry or be upset and to feel like it was all falling apart, or that it's never going to get any better or change. And then tomorrow is a new day and I am starting fresh. We all have ebbs and flows in life, in our careers and personal lives. I knew what brought me joy and that it would all come around again. I had to keep my head down, keep working hard and be patient. One thing I did find particularly difficult at times is that you have to wait for someone to give you the permission to do this job. You go to auditions and someone will say, “Okay, now you have the job,” and only then can you do the job. But until someone gives you their permission, you are in this strange limbo.

AE: What did you do while you were waiting for things to fall into place?

MM: I tried to find ways to occupy myself creatively, whether that was writing music, going to an acting class or making some sort of short video with friends. I’d take a meeting for something that I wasn’t completely interested in, or I didn't see at the time how it was going to get me to where I ultimately wanted to go. I felt it was important to take strides that would lead me in the direction of my goals. My days were filled and I feel work begets work. Even if something wasn’t a dream to do, I knew it was a step in the right direction and I gave myself kudos for that.

AE: Wayne Dyer, the late, great author of 'The Power of Intention', said that you need to have a deep sense of 'knowing', knowing that things will work out in your favor. Did you know deep inside that something would shift?

MM: What I kept putting out into the universe was that I really wanted to be given the opportunity to grow beyond what I had accomplished so far. I was looking for my next chapter. I knew there was more to me than only being a young performer. I knew that was not all that I was, that there was more to me. I am more complex, I’m more complicated, and I knew that I could bring more to the table. I did believe that someone at some point would give me that opportunity. I just didn't know when.

I think there is also something to be said about those opportunities that did not come to fruition. While it might have been very disappointing at the time, I had to believe that the right thing was going to appear, I had to be patient and have faith that it would manifest itself in the way that it was supposed to. I did have those moments of thinking, 'When is this going to happen? How is it going to happen, and what is it going to look like?' I think that is all really normal, as long as it doesn't drag you down and prevent you from living your life. Then it’s okay to be curious about those things.

AE: Sometimes your biggest rejection can be your biggest blessing.

MM: Right! It's so funny, and you don’t always see that silver lining at the time as to why something happened or didn’t, but in due time, it tends to reveal itself, like, oh my gosh, had this come to fruition I wouldn’t have been ready for this next thing, whether it’s a job, a relationship or some big change in your life.

AE: You’ve always radiated joy and a palpable sense of authenticity. Has this always been a part of your personality, or is it something that you cultivate on a daily basis?

MM: That is the ultimate compliment, thank you. I definitely owe a huge amount of gratitude to my parents, they are wonderful people. I also have two brothers, and they raised us with a lot of compassion, love and understanding on the way that the world works. I have always operated from that perspective of gratitude and appreciation. Back when I was 15 and living out my dream, I kept thinking, 'How lucky am I?' That was never lost on me. Now, every day when I drive through the gates of Paramount, I flash my badge and when the gate opens, I think, 'How crazy that this is my life.' The simple fact that I can wake up and do what I love every single day, how can I have a sour attitude about that?

AE: 'This is Us' delves into the complicated dynamics of family relationships. You connect with millions and millions of viewers who can all relate to the feelings of love, loss and joy. Can you tell us how you landed the role as Rebecca Pearson?

MM: I had just come off a pretty tumultuous personal and professional moment where nothing was firing. I was so fixated on getting into TV, because I think it’s where the most interesting material lives nowadays. I had been trying for four years by filming different pilots, but none of them ended up moving forward. It was so disappointing and made me question if this was what I was meant to be doing. I thought, maybe I should go back to music, maybe move back to Florida or go back to school. It definitely boggled my mind, but ultimately, I kept coming back to the fact that this was my passion and it was what I was meant to do. It was what drove me and motivated me to get up in the morning, and maybe I had to switch gears or directions.

Before the show, I had moved agencies and we had all collectively decided that moving forward, we would not throw all of our eggs into one basket by doing the traditional TV network pilot season, where you are put up against 15 to 20 shows. I had done that for four years, so we decided instead to focus more on Hulu, Netflix and cable. Lo and behold, two weeks after that meeting, I got a script emailed to me that said, “Untitled Dan Fogelman Script for NBC,” and I was like, 'What? This is everything we decided not to do!' Granted, it came in October, which is off the typical cycle. I knew his writing because I had worked with him on Tangled, and I loved his other projects, like Crazy, Stupid, Love. I read the first episode and immediately said, 'I have to do this.'

AE: What happened next?

MM: There was no indication of what the show was going to be in terms of jumping around in time. I knew it set the table for so many directions with this one family, and everyone was related. I was one of the very first people that auditioned, and they said, ‘We really like Mandy, but we’re going to go and read with women in New York and other cities across the country, we’ll get back to you in a month.’ It was awful waiting, but that is how this job is— you wash your hands of it and move on to something else, because chances are, 9 out of 10 times, it isn’t going to work in your favor. I eventually got a callback and they had a couple of people “chemistry read” together. I ended up reading with Milo [Ventimiglia]. I had heard he was the guy to beat because they loved him. Our read was lovely; it was palpable, easy, and we had chemistry from right on the surface. I felt good about it, but you never know. Later that day, I got a call that changed the course of my life.

AE: What was your reaction to getting the role?

MM: I was elated, I was beside myself. It was so different. I knew that it was a pilot and there weren’t any guarantees. I had been heartbroken before, but I knew that this was going to be really good because the writing and concept were super elevated.

Plus, the producers and directors came from the film world. I told myself that we were going to create something that we were proud of, but beyond that, it was really out of my control.

AE: It must have been such a surreal feeling, congratulations on all of it. Now to switch gears, it’s so great to hear that you’re back in the music studio!

MM: I am, and it feels so good to revisit something that I feel so passionate about. For the past couple of years, I allowed fear to really govern my decisions when it came to music. I recently reached a tipping point where I flipped the script and I said, I am not going to let it take precedence in my life anymore, or have it be more important than pouring myself into something that I really love and miss. There was nothing to be afraid of.

AE: You have an amazing musical talent—how did fear stop you?

MM: I think it was more to the point that I didn’t know who I was anymore, in the musical sense, or how I fit in. I didn’t have the machine of a manager and a record label like I once did. I had to ask myself things like, 'How do I start? What do I do? Does anyone even care about me making music anymore?' It was a million things going through my head—I let my mind wander, and I used it as an excuse to prevent me from exploring it. Until recently, I said that’s BS, it's my ego, and I needed to drop that old baggage. I missed it and there was no reason why I shouldn't be doing it.

AE: From what I can see, all your fans are thrilled to hear this, including me.

MM: It has been so humbling to see that people are even remotely interested. The only reason I said something on social media was to hold myself accountable and be like, 'Okay, Mandy, you put this out into the world, now it's time to make good on your word.' I dropped the baggage and said, 'I am doing this, and I’m not going to let somebody else's idea of who I am dictate the choices that I make now.' It is really freeing, and I am not putting pressure on myself to say that I need to put out a record tomorrow, but when I have free time, I’ll go over to my buddy’s house and we’ll write a song together. I want to keep doing that until I get to the point when I go into the studio and actually record and release them. I don't have aspirations to be a huge pop star, I want to do it on my own terms—maybe a small tour next summer with my man and some friends of ours and just have fun playing shows.

AE: What sort of topics are you exploring lyrically?

MM: I have a lot of material to draw from in my life, both personally and professionally. There is no shortage of inspiration that I can write about. I feel particularly inspired and empowered these days, and it’s cool to know what I want, and I’m taking steps to get there incrementally.

AE: How do you recharge after a long day of work?

MM: I am a big proponent of spending time alone. I love “me time,” getting outside, going on a hike or a walk. I love being home, too. I’m so happy that I have a new home base because I hadn’t had that in a couple of years. It gives me solace and rejuvenates me. I can come home from work, especially on more emotional days, and I can be pretty quiet. I turn on good music, open a bottle of wine and decompress.

AE: You have accomplished a lot in your life. What is your definition of greatness?

MM: I am still finding ways to define greatness. I look for examples of it in my daily life and in the incredible actions that people are taking to right wrongs and to make the world a more fair and equal place for all of us. I also think that the definition of greatness is constantly evolving, and that is okay, too.

I’m not someone who is set in my ways; things are never really black and white for me. There is a lot of grey and I kind of like that—it reminds me that it is important to stay malleable and flexible. I love spontaneity and I lean into change. All of those things add up to how greatness happens. I also know that whatever experiences you have in life, good or bad, particularly the most trying things, it fuels you for the future and you are able to use those experiences and wisdom to move forward. I am so grateful for those things. It colored everything in for me and it has made everything so much more vibrant. It allows you to appreciate when things are on an upswing again, in a way that I don't know I would have had the depth and understanding to fully enjoy if I hadn't gone through those moments in my life. I know that people might say that’s a cliché, but it is for a reason because it is absolutely true.

Hair by Peter Butler, Makeup by Matin

Production Design Henry Lee

Photography Assistants Zack Ahern and Melanie Duault, Assistant Anna van der Heijden

'DIMITY' by FARROW & BALL creates the perfect cream backdrop.

A heartfelt thank you to the BOTANICA, INC. TEAM