Fun
[ rehabilitating mr. wiggles ] BY neil swaab
[ news of the weird ] BY CHUCK SHEPHERD Norway is home to perhaps the most inmatefriendly prison in the world (as mentioned previously in “News of the Weird”), but the correctional system has an imminent crisis, as Anders Behring Breivik (the confessed killer of 77 people last year) is nearing formal conviction and sentencing. Officials fear the sociopathic Breivik will try to kill inmates to add to his toll, yet Norwegian law forbids solitary confinement as cruel. Consequently, according to a May report by Norway’s Verdens Gang newspaper, the officials have begun a search to select, hire and train appropriate “friends” to hang out with Breivik behind bars to win his trust and prevent further mayhem. Among Breivik’s favorite recreational distractions: chess and hockey.
Cultural Diversity
— Collections of comically poor translations are legion, but the Beijing municipal government, in sympathy with English-speaking restaurant-goers, published a helpful guidebook recently of what the restaurateurs were trying, though inartfully, to say. In an April interview with the authors, NBC News learned the contents of “Hand Shredded A$$ Meat” (sic) (merely donkey meat) and other baffling English descriptions (all taken from actual menus), such as “Cowboy Leg,” “Red-Burned Lion Head,” “Blow-up Flatfish With No Result,” and the very unhelpful “Tofu Made by Woman With Freckles” and “Strange Flavor Noodles.” — Competitive facial-hair-growers are revered in some countries, with Pakistan and India featured in recent reports. Pakistani Amir Muhammad Afridi, 42, whose handlebar lip hair extends in an arc almost to the top of his head, told reporters he had to move from his rural home to the more secular Peshawar because of threats that his pride and joy was un-Islamic. And the Guinness Book recordholder, Ram Singh Chauhan, 54, of India, offered grooming tips in an interview with BBC News, revealing that he keeps his 14-foot-
long moustache conditioned by cleaning and combing it for an hour each day (treated with coconut-based hair oil) and lamented that he must wind it around his neck to keep it from interfering with his daily activities. — In the spirit of the empowerment of dissidents around the world, activists in Ukraine and South Africa recently erected downright disrespectful statues lampooning leaders. In Kiev and the western city of Lvov, Ukraine, activists unveiled 5-foot-high statues of former Soviet dictator Josef Stalin urinating. (Police in both cities took them down quickly, however.) And South African artist Brett Murray museum-exhibited a red, black and yellow acrylic painting of President Jacob Zuma (“Hail to the Thief II”) with his genitals exposed, an allusion to Zuma’s having beaten a rape charge in 2006. (The Goodman Gallery in Johannesburg, which first resisted pressure, agreed in May to remove the painting.) — Japan’s Ministry of Health, Labor and Welfare announced in April that it would begin a national inquiry over the alarming number of bathtub deaths in 2011 -- nearly three times the number of those killed in traffic accidents. News reports pointed out that many Japanese workers relax in tubs at the end of the day, even when they have overimbibed and are vulnerable to drowning.
Wait -- That’s Illegal?
(1) In Kent, Washington, in May, Yong Hyun Kim, 21, was charged with assault at a movie house. Annoyed by a group of kids in the row behind him who were constantly talking, laughing and throwing popcorn during “Titanic,” Yong slapped the nearest boy, bloodying his nose and knocking out a tooth. (2) In Pirmasens, Germany, in May, a 61-year-old woman was fined the equivalent of almost $1,000 for assault. Frustrated by telemarketers’ constantly cold-calling her, she took it out on one by blowing a whistle into the telephone, allegedly causing permanent damage to the telemarketer’s hearing.
[ LAST WEEK’S SOLUTION ON PAGE 39 ]
[ LOVESCOPE ] BY EUGENIA LAST ARIES (March 21-April 19): Prepare to compromise if you don’t want to upset your life in the romance department. A couple of changes on your part can make all the difference in the world when it comes to getting up close and intimate. Saying less and showing more affection will work wonders. TAURUS (April 20-May 20): Don’t allow an old flame to confuse you. Stick with the person who treats you best, not the one who has broken your heart in the past. Talks about improving your home life will bring good results and greater
intimacy to you and someone who loves you. GEMINI (May 21-June 20): Be honest when it comes to your true feelings. Your motives may not be based on love, but on what you stand to gain. Truth sometimes hurts, but it’s better to face facts and get on with life. CANCER (June 21-July 22): Stick to the people you know and trust. Not everyone will be forthcoming with personal information. Don’t fall for someone in a relationship. You owe it to yourself to be with someone free and clear of a commitment to someone else.
LEO (July 23-Aug. 22): A love connection will result in commitment. Make a promise to someone you care for, and you will be rewarded mentally, physically and emotionally. Love is on the rise. Whether it’s a relationship you are already in or one that’s just beginning, good results can be expected. VIRGO (Aug. 23-Sept. 22): Trust your heart when it comes to sizing up someone professing to love you or be on your side. If it doesn’t feel right or if you are suspicious that perhaps you are being played, back away and protect your assets.
LIBRA (Sept. 23-Oct. 22): You are ready to take the next step. Don’t limit your chances of sealing a romantic deal because you are procrastinating and refusing to make a decision that can stand between you and a lifelong relationship with someone who compliments you in so many ways. SCORPIO (Oct. 23-Nov. 21): Share your emotional thoughts with someone you want to have in your life for a long time. Speaking from the heart and opening up will help you move forward. The response you receive will be the signal you need to make your next move.
SAGITTARIUS (Nov. 22-Dec. 21): Make changes in your love life that will help you mentally, emotionally and physically. The choices you make now will help ward off future trouble with someone who has been making your life difficult. Take a positive step to a better relationship. CAPRICORN (Dec. 22-Jan. 19): Don’t limit what you can achieve because you won’t share your true feelings with someone who needs to hear how much you care. Enhance your love life by showing you care. Don’t lose a good connection because you want the up-
per hand. Equality is essential. AQUARIUS (Jan. 20-Feb. 18): Love is highlighted, and moves can be made that will improve your connection to someone who shares your goals and wants to spend more time with you. There is strength in numbers, so joining forces with someone you love will bring you high returns. PISCES (Feb. 19-March 20): Do your homework. If someone appears to be too good to be true, chances are good you are hearing an embellished version of what’s really being offered to you. Don’t commit until you know what you are getting into.
rochestercitynewspaper.com City 43