MAKING ROOM FOR NOTHING By Lara Krupicka
R E D I S C O V E R I N G
Most parents have times when they feel like they have to be in multiple places at one time to manage their children’s calendars. But what happens when the imagined need becomes real? Like most moms, Hillary Homzie’s schedule for her family was a house of cards, a careful stacking of one activity on the other. Then one day it came toppling down. A change in plans with a carpool partner, when all three of her kids had somewhere to be, left her scrambling. “I remember dropping off one kid at a swim party and not even being able to have the time to arrange how my fifthgrader got home,” she explains. She herself had to get to a doctor’s appointment where she was diagnosed with multiple ailments, brought on by stress. It was then she realized something had to change. Homzie’s story may sound extreme, but it’s more normal than many realize. According to a research study conducted at the University of Michigan, children experienced a major decrease in time spent in unstructured activities between 1981 and 1997. A followup to that study showed free-time activities for kids continued to decrease into 2003. With shrinking amounts of downtime, you have a recipe for collapse.
T H E
S I M P L E
L I F E
Scale Back for Balance The solution for the craziness? Scale back. Start by searching for ways to leave empty slots on your calendar. Then continue until you’ve reached an equilibrium that satisfies your family. This may sound like a risky proposition. After all, we’re encouraged to provide our kids with opportunities to learn and grow. Dr. Wendy Grolnick, professor of psychology at Clark University and author of Pressured Parents, Stressedout Kids, says that “parents feel a lot of pressure to have their children get involved in a lot of activities. There’s the ramped-up competition. The feeling that they have to be in sports before they’re five to get in college.” But can there be too much? Dr. Grolnick notes, “Afterschool activities are wonderful. Research shows kids gain an advantage—they do better in school. Really, it’s about finding a balance.” Anastasia Gavalas, a mother of five, realized this early on before her children reached kindergarten. She determined to choose balance from the get-go. Gavalas says that she asked herself, “How can I structure my life so that it supports what I believe in my heart?” The answer came in a move from a busy Long Island suburb to the laid-back lifestyle of the Hamptons. “I recognized that the competitiveness is not what life is all about. Parents are so fearbased. We think if we don’t give our kids every experience, Continued on page 13
ItsYourMagazine.com • EC Parent Magazine • January+February 2018 • 9