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THE LEDE

“Empathy is part of the profession. But I feel like, with the pandemic, that’s been multiplied, because we have to be understanding. We have to be flexible. We have to realize that these students ... already had challenges as second-degree students or English as a second language or first-generation college students. Now, they have even more challenges with the pandemic. Many of my students were teaching their children at home, working full-time jobs, being a spouse and trying to become a nurse. It’s really challenging for them, so to just understand where they’re coming from is even more important than it ever has been, I think.”

PHOTO BY THEO WELLING

CLAIRE SWOPE, ASSISTANT PROFESSOR AND STAFF NURSE AT A NURSING COLLEGE, PHOTOGRAPHED ON FRIDAY, DECEMBER 18 riverfronttimes.com

DECEMBER 23-29, 2020

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Words with Friends — and Enemies

he good news is that, in the midst of a pandemic, we have the online infrastructure to instantly move vital information across the world. The bad news is that our society also uses that infrastructure to undercut the advice of scientists, spread conspiracy theories maligning brave health-care workers and reinforce our worst instincts. In this week’s cover story, Riverfront Times intern Matt Woods looks at our deepening divisions online and the real-world consequences for his final project of the semester. Matt also talks to experts about ways to fend off the polarization and misinformation. Take a look at their tips and prepare yourself. The pandemic may get you out of seeing that problematic uncle in person this year, but you know they’ll be waiting for you online. — Doyle Murphy, editor in chief

TABLE OF CONTENTS Publisher Chris Keating Editor in Chief Doyle Murphy

E D I T O R I A L Digital Editor Jaime Lees Interim Managing Editor Daniel Hill Staff Writer Danny Wicentowski Contributors Cheryl Baehr, Eric Berger, Jeannette Cooperman, Thomas Crone, Mike Fitzgerald, Andy Paulissen, Justin Poole, Theo Welling, Ymani Wince Columnist Ray Hartmann Interns Steven Duong, Riley Mack, Matt Woods A R T

& P R O D U C T I O N Art Director Evan Sult Editorial Layout Haimanti Germain, Evan Sult Production Manager Haimanti Germain M U L T I M E D I A A D V E R T I S I N G Advertising Director Colin Bell Account Managers Emily Fear, Jennifer Samuel Multimedia Account Executive Chuck Healy, Jackie Mundy Digital Sales Manager Chad Beck Director of Public Relations Brittany Forrest

COVER The Great Divide

C I R C U L A T I O N Circulation Manager Kevin G. Powers

Our country can’t agree on anything. Where do we go from here?

E U C L I D M E D I A G R O U P Chief Executive Officer Andrew Zelman Chief Operating Officers Chris Keating, Michael Wagner VP of Digital Services Stacy Volhein www.euclidmediagroup.com

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EVAN SULT & PAIGE BRUBECK

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INSIDE The Lede Hartmann News Feature Short Orders Culture Film Savage Love 6

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HARTMANN Empower People Utility shutoff protection must last as long as pandemic BY RAY HARTMANN

here’s one essential difference between Missouri public utilities and their customers during the tragic COVID-19 pandemic: No matter what happens, the utilities will come out fine in the end. For that reason alone, the utility companies ought to keep doing the one thing Missouri’s worthless state government never will: give frightened and struggling customers the assurance that under no circumstances will they lose their service through the first uarter

of . That would include for non payment of utility bills. A moratorium on shutoffs for non-payment has been self-imposed by each of the three public utilities in St. Louis to their credit for most of . But each expires in the next two weeks, leaving customers vulnerable to losing essential service if they’re unable to make payments. This is an ongoing emergency. deaths and hospitalizations are setting daily records all over the nation. This is not the time to drop protections for the a icted. Not one thing is changing except for the calendar on anuary . n St. Louis and across the country, record numbers of people continue to suffer from having lost their incomes personal and business with tens of thousands in the St. Louis region facing food insecurity and the threat of homelessness. any St. Louisans are struggling to survive, and the first uarter of 2021 looks no different for them than the nightmare of .

As tempting as it might be to pick on government-protected monopolies, Ameren, Spire and Missouri American Water are not the bad guys in this story. ach of them offers fine programs to assist customers who are struggling in the pandemic. ach has e hibited compassion during the crisis. ach has done the right thing to this point. In stark contrast, Governor Mike Parson and his administration have pretty much done the opposite of the right thing.” From the beginning of the pandemic, Parson has prioritized right-wing politics over public health, leaving not only utilities but governments, school districts, businesses and citizens to fend for themselves in facing bad choices and crises far worse than if they resided in a state that had evolved. The national list is now down to twelve states without mask mandates including issouri, of course and all of them have VID-19 infection rates higher than the national average of 4,730 per

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100,000 people, according to Centers for Disease Control and Prevention statistics. t a rate of , infections per 100,000, Missouri is percent above that average. Similarly, Missouri is one of just fifteen states that has never had a utility shutdown moratorium mandated by either its governor or state utility regulators. t least it’s consistent. Last week, the state ublic Service Commission unanimously rejected a re uest by the onsumers Council of Missouri to impose a moratorium on utility shutoffs in early . The council was acting on behalf of a coalition of organizations pleading with the state to start acting responsibly. ote formerly served on the council’s board of directors. The issouri Hospital Association, among others, wrote a letter supporting the brief, but to no avail. The commission has carefully reviewed Consumer Council’s motion and shares its concern for the

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HARTMANN

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well-being of utility customers and all Missouri citizens during the pandemic,” the commission said. “However, the commission can only take the actions it is [sic] has been authorized by the state legislature to take.” One wonders what the PSC might have done if it didn’t share the council’s concern about the wellbeing of customers. I’m no lawyer, but state law already includes cold-weather rules under which these same utilities are prohibited from turning off service when temperatures dip below freezing. That’s under the PSC’s authority. Plus, the PSC must approve every utility rate increase and is heavily involved in determining the companies’ bottom lines. If shutoff moratoria adversely impacted those numbers, the PSC would legally be required to help utilities offset them. The PSC also concluded that the council didn’t prove that the moratorium was necessary “to protect the public from an immediate danger.” If it’s not an “immediate danger” that an exploding pandemic is dangerously stressing hospitals and emergency facilities across the state, what would a real danger look like? Plus, if the PSC lacks legislative authority to enact shutoff moratoria, why even raise this point? Perhaps the council should have hauled in caskets. Its request did point out that as recently as November 29 the White House Coronavirus Task Force reported Missouri had the nation’s fifth highest positive test rate. Council attorney John Coffman provided a Duke University study from earlier this year that found that utility moratoria were responsible for 5 percent fewer deaths thanks to reducing evictions and, in turn, hospitalizations. Who knew? But with the PSC checking out, it would be up to Governor Dang Mask to act by executive order to impose a shutoff moratorium, as dozens of governors have done at least once during the pandemic. Good luck with that. That leaves it up to investorowned utilities such as Ameren, Spire and Missouri American to step up again for their customers. They need to extend the cold-weather protection people have on freezing days and apply it throughout the treacherous first uarter of . Understand that the utilities have a safety net. Like it or not (I don’t), Missouri is one of many

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If it’s not an “immediate danger” that a pandemic is stressing hospitals and emergency facilities across the state, what would a real danger look like? states that has in place a system in which utilities are state-regulated monopolies guaranteed a robust rate of return — something on the order of to percent today that most other companies would die for. As noted earlier, the PSC would be obligated to protect utilities’ bottom lines if shutoff moratoria hurt them. Public utilities of course need to get paid by customers and they have legitimate concerns that customers won’t avail themselves of payment-assistance programs — many funded by federal and other sources — if there’s no urgency to paying their bills. But that’s a matter of educating people as to the plans out there to help them. It’s also important that customers understand a moratorium on shutoffs doesn’t make one’s bill go away: It just ends up being higher when the moratorium ends. Coffman argues that the large majority of people pay their arrearages when they come due in this sort of situation. He also notes that bad debts get factored into utilities’ rate bases by the PSC. Worst case, if helping the needy in a pandemic hurts their revenues, those of us fortunate enough to have been able to keep our utility bills current might suffer a rate increase down the road because others couldn’t. Is that fair? Who cares? This is a pandemic, not a political science class. Just hope the warm-andfuzzy monopolies don’t leave anyone out in the cold. n Ray Hartmann founded the Riverfront Times in 1977. Contact him at rhar tmann1952@gmail.com or catch him on Donnybrook at 7 p.m. on Thursdays on the Nine Network and St. Louis In the Know with Ray Hartmann from 9 to 11 p.m. Monday thru Friday on KTRS (550 AM).

NEWS Rep. Wiley Price at Center of Intern Sex Scandal

Superintendent: ‘Losing a School Is Like a Death’ Written by

DANNY WICENTOWSKI

Written by

DANNY WICENTOWSKI

n unnamed legislative aide to Missouri Rep. Wiley Price St. Louis testified to a state ethics board earlier this year that the lawmaker had bragged about having sex with an intern — and when the aide reported Price’s behavior, she claimed that he responded with threats and harassment. Details of the assistant’s testimony were revealed last week in a report issued by the legislature’s House Ethics Committee, which took up the case in February after the legislative assistant reported Price’s comments to House administrative staff. dentified only as Witness ,” the aide claimed to investigators that on January 23 Price had told her that he had se with the intern the night before.” Apparently, Price became aware that his words had sparked an official investigation. ccording to the aide, Price later urged her to recant her statements to House officials and to instead claim that she misspoke and that he didn’t do anything and that it was all wrong.” Witness ’s testimony alleged that Price’s requests soon became threats. She claimed Price began harassing her, which included telling her that she had messed up” in reporting the incident because the sex with the intern was consensual and, therefore, there was nothing wrong” with what he did. In another example, the aide described Price pressuring her to change her story Where come from, people die for doing shit like this,” the lawmaker allegedly told her. She’d later testify that the con-

Rep. Wiley Price IV says he will not resign. | TIM BOMMEL/HOUSE COMMUNICATIONS versation left her feeling afraid of Price. But according to the report issued by the ethics panel last week, the issue of Price’s possible sexual relationship with a House intern was never conclusively resolved — in a separate interview with an investigator, both Price and the intern maintained they had no sexual or romantic relationship. The intern denied ever having Price’s phone number, and the lawmaker similarly claimed he does not have and has never had” the intern’s phone number. When the House obtained those phone records through a subpoena, they told a different story: In reality, the two had exchanged seven phone calls and 26 texts between January 22 — the date of the purported sex — and January 27, when Witness reported her concerns to the House administration. n September , rice appeared before the ethics panel to testify. According to the report, he changed his story after being presented with the subpoenaed phone records and explained that he’d only communicated with the intern to see if Witness had made it home safely from a party the three of them attended on the night in uestion.” rice claimed that Witness had fabricated the incident in retaliation for his decision to fire her. However, the report notes that Price had previously told an investigator he had no serious issues with Witness as an employee.

The intern, who did not work in rice’s office, refused to testify to the ethics committee. In the end, the rulings by the ethics panel did not directly punish Price for having a sexual relationship with an intern but focused on his apparent efforts at a coverup: The committee found the lawmaker had misled” an investigator by denying having phone contact with the intern and afterward committed perjury when he testified to those same denials during the ethics committee meeting in September. rice had intimidated and harassed” his former legislative aide, the committee concluded; the report added that his behavior compromised the ability of the House to provide a respectful, professional work environment.” The aide who reported Price has since been transferred to a different office. At this point, the ethics committee has recommended a raft of possible punishments against Price, including a ban on having any future interns and his removal from all committee assignments. The committee also recommended Price pay $22,494 to cover the cost of the investigation. Losing committee assignments would devastate Price’s ability to continue his normal activities as a lawmaker, but in remarks to the St. Louis Post-Dispatch, he said that he won’t be resigning. hate that ’m in the middle of this,” rice said. n

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t. Louis has less than four weeks to figure out how to save eleven schools under threat of closure. But it’s a mission that top school officials, including Superintendent Kelvin Adams, say is coming too late — and with far too little substance — to make a difference. A vote on the closures had initially been scheduled for last week’s meeting of the St. Louis Public Schools board. However, Adams instead recommended the board “pause” the vote until January 12 in light of the public reaction to the proposed closures. The plan would shutter seven underperforming north-city schools, including the historic Sumner High School, which was founded in 1875 as the first African American high school west of the Mississippi River. In his opening remarks to the board, Adams acknowledged the pain that the closures would cause. “Losing a school is like a death, and I understand that,” he said. “But the other side of that is that we are lacking in providing the resources that our students so desperately deserve.” St. Louis’ school system has already suffered dozens of such deaths, and this isn’t the first time that the possibility of a mass school closure has hung above the heads of students, teachers and families. As was explored in last week’s Riverfront Times cover story, the legacy of these closures has left St. Louis with a collection of historic-yetdeteriorating school buildings whose age and enormous size make them tough projects for redevelopment. And yet, in the last two decades, nine former schools have been converted into lofts or senior apartments, and several more are under development. SLPS currently lists seventeen school buildings as “surplus properties” for sale. Adams had revealed the recommended closures during a December 1 meeting. He also released a report that detailed the enrollment struggles at the eleven schools. At Sumner, which was built to contain 960 students, enrollment was at 358 students in 2015. By 2019, enrollment had fallen to 205. Continued on pg 11

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U.S. Attorney Jeff Jensen Resigns Written by

DOYLE MURPHY

eff Jensen, the U.S. attorney for the Eastern District of Missouri, announced last Thursday he is resigning, effective December 30. A Trump nominee, Jensen will slide out ahead of President-elect Joe Biden’s inauguration, which may have led to his ouster anyway as the new administration makes new nominations. As the U.S. attorney in St. Louis, he’s taken an aggressive approach to prosecuting crimes in the city. Robberies and drug possession cas-

es involving guns that would have normally been run-of-the-mill prosecutions handled at the state level by the St. Louis circuit attorney were kicked up to the federal level by the hundreds under Jensen. Despite his zeal for sweeping up cases, Jensen managed to avoid the public controversies that often follow such turf battles and maintained a relatively low profile for the most part. He popped up in national press earlier this year when Attorney General William Barr, who is also resigning this month, tapped him to review the case against Trump’s former National Security Advisor Michael Flynn. Flynn had pleaded guilty to a federal crime and admitted he’d lied to the FBI about discussions with a Russian ambassador. Under pressure from Trump, Barr ordered a probe of the voluntary plea, an unusual move for a Department of Justice that typically doesn’t try to undo its own work. Jensen, a former FBI agent, reviewed the case and concluded

U.S. Attorney Jeff Jensen is heading to a private firm. | DANNY WICENTOWSKI that the DOJ should scrap the case. Flynn was never sentenced and has remained a Trump loyalist. He was rewarded last month with a pardon. In a news release on Thursday evening, Barr praised Jensen as a professional and dutiful servant. “Jeff Jensen brought unparalleled experience to the position of

SCHOOL CLOSINGS Continued from pg 9

Last week, Adams reminded school board members that they had been working through closure talks since late 2019 and that the process had included town halls and community outreach. But in a city that has spent months battling coronavirus outbreaks and economic shutdowns, the news appeared to catch many by surprise. In the days following the announcement, hundreds of people provided comments through an SLPS feedback form, and a December 8 board meeting ran more than three hours as board members discussed the public comments — while also voicing concerns that the vote was being rushed. St. Louis’ elected officials joined the fray as well, with the St. Louis Board of Aldermen voting 19-1 last week to pass a resolution (which is not binding) that opposed the closings. The resolution stated, in part, “The closing of public schools not only disrupts and often has a negative impact upon the education of the students attending those schools that are closed but also often devastates the surrounding community.” In light of the pushback, Adams came to see that more communication was needed before a final vote. Last week, he asked the board to “pause” while he set up additional meetings with school leaders and organizations that may have “concrete recommendations that provide services.” But Adams made clear that he is not looking for a critique of the process that had led to the recommendations.

Closed in 2007, the remains of a former classroom in Euclid School in Fountain Park offers a vision of what might be in store for the latest proposed school closures. | DANNY WICENTOWSKI “This is not about rhetoric, this is not about telling me what you think,” he continued. “This is about real resources with details that align itself to the eleven schools that we’re talking about.” Adams later said that he would not “walk away” from his recommendations to close the schools. In pointed remarks, he rejected critiques that the process was being rushed and that the SLPS administration had ignored neighborhood needs when assembling the list of proposed closures. He pointed to the bigger issue: St. Louis’ long decline in population, which hit a mid-nineteenthcentury peak above 700,000 and has since fallen to barely 300,000. The same trend, Adams continued, explains why the city’s Land Reutiliza-

tion Authority is trying to sell thousands of properties and vacant lots, and why the Board of Aldermen is set to reduce its members from 28 to 14 by 2022. The problem isn’t unique to SLPS, but a fact of life for a city trying to adjust to a smaller population. “What I’m asking the board to do is to pause, I’m not asking the board to stop,” Adams said. “I will not walk away from those recommendations, because kids’ lives are too important.” Along with Sumner, Adams’ recommendations would outright close Fanning Middle School, Cleveland Naval Jr. ROTC, Northwest High School, and the elementary schools Clay, Dunbar, Farragut, Ford, Hickey and Monroe. Carnahan High would be converted to a middle school. n

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United States Attorney as a former FBI Special Agent, Assistant United States Attorney, and private attorney,” Barr said. Since his first day in office, eff’s mission has always been the same: to save lives. The extraordinary number of federal prosecutions initiated during his tenure are a testament to that mission. But, Jeff’s efforts were not only limited to the Eastern District of Missouri. Whatever requested of him by the Department of Justice, no matter how big or small, Jeff was always willing to serve.” Jensen also backed a Barr-favored initiative called Operation Legend that targeted violent crime. St. Louis was one of multiple cities across the country that participated, and Barr visited in October to claim success. As the RFT’s Danny Wicentowski reported, the gaudy stats turned out to be wildly misleading. Despite claims that the operation cut homicides by 49 percent in the city, for example, St. Louis is on pace for its deadliest year in generations. While Jensen made violent crime his main focus, it was the prosecution of now-former St. Louis County Executive Steve Stenger on corruption charges that leaves one of the most memorable marks of his tenure. Jensen recused himself from the case, but one of his biggest hires, Assistant U.S. Attorney Hal Goldsmith, led the prosecution that sent Stenger and his co-conspirators in a pay-for-play bribery scheme to federal prison, upending county government. Under Jensen’s watch, federal prosecutors also indicted multiple police officers, including five St. Louis cops accused of beating and/ or covering up the beating of an undercover police officer embedded with police protesters. The cases didn’t e tend to officers accused by protesters of beating plenty of non-cops, but it did reveal in recovered text messages the eagerness of the indicted officers and others for clobbering demonstrators following the acquittal of excop Jason Stockley in 2017. Reuters reported that Jensen had sought a sweeping investigation of the St. Louis police department after the violent response to protests. The news agency cited an unnamed lawyer who claimed Jensen sought approval for the “pattern or practice” investigation from the Trump administration but was “shut down pretty hard.” Jensen later told the St. Louis PostDispatch the report was “simply not true.” After leaving the U.S. attorney’s office, ensen plans to join a private law firm. n

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ollege student John Wallis returned for a couple weeks in October to his boyhood home in rural Missouri, a place he does not speak about with high spirits. On these rare visits, he has a mental clock ticking in his head, counting down to the time when he can hit the road back to St. Louis. Wallis began to resent his hometown of Neosho during his junior year of high school. He had begun arguing with others over politics, and he says he heard classmates say nasty things about students of color. Neosho, a town of about 12,000, sits in the rural southwest corner of the state. The politics are conservative — Donald Trump won Newton County with 77 percent of the vote in 2016 and 78 percent in 2020 — and Wallis’ emerging progressivism wasn’t well received. When he helped organize a Black Lives Matter protest there in 2016, he was threatened, he says. It still scares him to go back. Some of Wallis’ conflict at home exists within his own family. One

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night during his October visit, he and his sister ordered Popeye’s for dinner and their conversation drifted into politics. A chat over who they planned on voting for in the presidential election did not end as casually as it began. They agreed on not voting for Donald Trump. Then, Wallis recalls, his sister said she thought Joe Biden was a pedophile because of a video she watched on YouTube. Wallis says it became impossible to have a civil discussion after that. Wallis’ parents suggested he and his sister stop talking about politics, but it has become harder for him to relate to people at home. Now back in St. Louis, he emphasizes that his next visit for the holidays will only be for a week. Wallis used to have a close relationship with his sister. In recent years, he says, they have talked less and less. He tries to change the subject to avoid conflict any time she brings up politics. He chuckles as he recalls the argument in October, but he sees it as part of a larger issue of polar-

ization that has had serious implications in his life. Wallis, who announced to his family he was gay on his last trip home, does not shy away from expressing his opinion on politics and LGBTQ rights. His Facebook profile picture is outlined with the rainbow colors adopted by LGBTQ communities, and his background is a Black Lives Matter logo and photo. He struggles to find middle ground with his hometown crowd. The divide has become so deep that he says he does not plan on ever going back for an extended time. Wallis’ clash with his sister is only the beginning of a long list of damaged or tarnished relationships that have deteriorated in recent years. After COVID-19 and the killing of George Floyd, the already hostile environment became worse than ever. “It’s those kinds of events that happened in 2020 that made it so much more polarized than 2016,” Wallis says. “And that’s what has caused a lot of the rifts in my relationships.” A student at Webster Uni-

versity, he says the split started with social media. A controversial post would lead to shares, comments and uncivil arguments, all through a keyboard that makes it easy to talk and much harder to listen to a differing viewpoint. Wallis hasn’t given up. He still hopes to repair family relationships going forward despite the differences they hold.

ivision on key issues is not new in the United States. We have fought each other in a civil war, argued over women’s suffrage and suffered through Prohibition. The civil rights movement successes of the 1960s are often viewed through a sense of nostalgia that tends to obscure the reality of police dog bites, fire hoses aimed at young protesters and bloody beatings on an Alabama bridge. We are not a nation that always gets along. This year, we’ve experienced three polarizing issues, each of which would have been historic on its own.

Start with a contentious presidential election that grew increasingly bitter through the year, hitting levels of discord that have yet to subside. Those political divisions soon became entwined in the United States’ disjointed response to a pandemic that upended the economy, killed more than 300,000 Americans and sparked endless disagreements about the best way to handle it. In the middle of it all, Floyd was killed by police in Minneapolis. The footage of a white officer pressing his knee against Floyd’s neck for more than eight minutes as Floyd’s life slipped away ignited a summer of protests in cities across the country. A major difference between previous generations’ disputes and ones today is social media. It adds an entirely new dimension to conflict that can make it inescapable and allows fake news to spread like wildfire. Fact and fiction have morphed together, mak-

ing it hard for us to see through the blurred lines. A Pew Research Center study published in July concluded that Americans who rely on social media for news were less knowledgeable on current issues and more likely to hear about a conspiracy theory that COVID-19 was created in a lab. Twenty percent of American adults consume political information primarily through social media, according to the study. Shannon Cooper-Sadlo says one problem with social media is that anyone can find information that supports their beliefs. An associate clinical professor of social work at Saint Louis University and therapist at Foundations for Change, Cooper-Sadlo has seen the impact social media has had on interpersonal relationships. She says the collective trauma the country has experienced puts everyone on edge. “When you talk about trauma of any kind, you’re talking about people being in a constant state of fight or flight,” Continued on pg 14

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GREAT DIVIDE Continued from pg 13

she says. Everyone constantly feels like they are being attacked by others, she adds. For some, this can lead to aggressiveness. For others, it causes isolation that leads to depression. Washington University Assistant Professor of Political Science Taylor Carlson offers some better ways to go about taking in political information on social media. Carlson studies the way people digest politics and how the information is spread. She says determining the best way to navigate political information is “a million-dollar question,” because everyone’s routine is different. But there are ways to make your internet news diet more productive for you and everyone else. First, Carlson says, be cautious about the source of the information. Think about the possible biases and the credibility. The next step is to question our own biases as the consumer, she adds. Our evaluation of information can be shaped by our ideological viewpoints. Cooper-Sadlo offers a different social media strategy to her therapy patients, one that she has adopted herself: Turn it off, she says. The only reason she gets on Facebook or Instagram is to look at pictures of puppies and cats. If that is not an option, just take a break from it every once in a while, she suggests. Cooper-Sadlo says she believes we will be able to move past the election talk going into 2021. The next question, she says, is how we work to restore relationships that have crumbled after a long year of increasing polarization. “Rather than continuing to divide, I think we have to come to the table with empathy and compassion,” Cooper-Sadlo says. In Wallis’ case, some relationships are worth saving, such as the one with his sister. Others, though, may be permanently damaged. Wallis says he has an aunt who does not believe in equal rights for the LGBTQ community, and Wallis is gay. He told his family he was gay in October, two years after coming out as bisexual. This was not an easy task for someone who grew up religious, which he says caused him to have internalized homophobia for a long time. That did not stop him from opening up about his sexuality. For Wallis, the relationship with his aunt comes down to a discussion he is not willing to have — whether he has the right to exist as an equal with the rest of society.

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John Wallis says political divisions have become more polarizing — and personal. | STEVEN DUONG

Washington University Assistant Professor Taylor Carlson. | COURTESY OF CARLSON

SLU Associate Clinical Professor Shannon Cooper-Sadlo. | COURTESY OF COOPER-SADLO

ohn Doggette sees a problem with the way people go about their disagreements in today’s world. The longtime mediator has listened to thousands of people’s stories, and he has learned that most people don’t actually listen when others are speaking. He is reminded of this over and over again. Doggette decided to dedicate his life more than two decades ago to helping others through community mediation. He moved to St. Louis thirteen years ago from Knoxville, Tennessee, where he had worked in conflict resolution since the mid 1990s. In Missouri, he began as a volunteer for the Mennonite Peace Center and has since found-

ed the onflict esolution enter and Community Mediation Services of St. Louis. Now 80 years old, he speaks to the Riverfront Times over the phone as he sits in a recliner in his home. Doggette is an unusual person by his own estimation. When he is done with the interview, he will note it in a log he keeps of every person he talks to. Most of the work he has done during his years in St. Louis has been as a volunteer. That includes his attempts to broker understanding in Ferguson following the killing of Michael Brown in 2014. Leaders of the city signed a Department of Justice consent decree after Brown’s death that called for citizens and police to resolve their

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conflicts through a mediation service. Doggette was at the head of the efforts, attending more than a hundred meetings directly following the killing. His attempt to help conflicting sides understand each other was cut short in 2016 when he says no one in the city of Ferguson or the police department responded to a plan to use his services to continue mediation efforts between residents and police. A major issue post-Ferguson was that people did not want to understand where others were coming from, according to Doggette. fficial and unofficial leaders, he says, were not ready to give up their control. He wishes mediation could have been more prominent in the process of healing wounds after 2014. “No one ever really understood the importance of what we were trying to do and the need for bringing people together,” he says. Despite the frustrations of Ferguson, Doggette still believes in the work. He stresses the importance of active listening. There is not always a need to form a counter argument, he says. Recognizing you do not always need to defend your point of view can help to understand someone else. “Bite your tongue until it bleeds,” Doggette advises. Coming to a consensus on differing viewpoints has not always been the path Wallis has taken in his family relationships. He says he is not willing to compromise on his beliefs regarding social justice, even if that means cutting off family members for good. But that isn’t what Wallis likes to focus on. He holds onto the relationships he has kept and the ones that could have a brighter future. Despite their hostilities, Wallis believes he and his sister will work toward a better understanding. One thing that bonds Wallis and his sister is their shared view on equal rights for the LGBTQ community. It’s something that makes them more alike than different and may be a way to bring them together in the future. Wallis admits he is sometimes closed minded and that having the discussions with family is difficult. oggette sees situations like these as an opportunity for people to listen. Maybe not to agree, but to simply understand. At the end of a twenty-minute interview with the RFT, he suggests that is the essence of it all. “That’s the important part of your story, right?” Doggette says. “Having good conversations with people and keep them joyous.” n

SHORT ORDERS

Meredith Barry of Niche Food Group has had to rethink so many things due to the COVID-induced upheaval in the industry. | ANDY PAULISSEN

[SIDE DISH]

Hospitality for All Meredith Barry of La Verita preaches consideration for customers — and workers Written by

CHERYL BAEHR

n March, Niche Food Group’s Meredith Barry was settling into the role of bar manager at Taste. Two months into the job, she finally felt like she was at a point where she understood the bar’s identity and its regulars, and she was preparing to introduce a

cocktail menu of her own design. Then, she got a message from her brother. “My older brother texted me, wondering if I was doing OK,” Barry says. “I said, “Yeah, why?” and he told me, “Pay attention to the news, Meredith.” I’m in my own little world so focused on work it’s my hobby, obsession and career. figured that should, and that’s when France shut down. Then Chicago shut down, and we realized that this was really serious. It’s naive, but until then, it was something that was happening somewhere else; so many people felt that way. It doesn’t really hit home until it’s at your back door.” In the months since March, when the COVID-19 pandemic turned the hospitality industry on its head and displaced an overwhelming number of its professionals, Barry has experienced a series of ups and downs. On the positive side, she was tapped by Niche Food

Group owner Gerard Craft to lead La Verita, his brand’s new line of amaros, liqueurs and nonalcoholic cordials. It’s the sort of gig she’s dreamed of her entire bartending career. The position has allowed her to channel her energy toward creating something new and exciting, and she spends her days doing research and development in an environment she likens to a laboratory of pure creativity, which has always appealed to her. However, the havoc the pandemic has wreaked on her profession has also caused her to look inward and question her very identity. She admits that she has never really had a work life balance and has wrapped up so much of her self worth in her career. When all of that came crashing down, she worried she was going down with it. “When you devote your entire e istence to and define yourself by something, you felt it is recession proof and you can take

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the job anywhere in world and be able to have connection anywhere in this industry when that is taken away from you, it’s hard,” Barry says. define myself by my job, what I am doing and creating, the people that I am with and who I am teaching and bringing up in this industry. That’s how defined my self worth, and not having that, was like, then who am I? What am I? How am I going to navigate this?” Those questions have prompted Barry to think through so much of what it means to be a hospitality professional and what motivates her in her work. She reali es how much she lives for the connection that comes from interacting with guests, and, in turn, facilitating that interaction for them. She understands how much her creativity is informed by others that her cocktails are better when they are a collaboration between her

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MEREDITH BARRY Continued from pg 15

and her guests, rather than just something she comes up with on her own. However, the time away from the bar has also made her aware of the flaws in the industry. She describes the push to work herself to death — something she also witnesses in so many of her colleagues — and feels that there is a toxicity in the business that needs to change. By promoting a work-life balance, the importance of mental health and treating one another with respect, she feels that the industry can become as much of a hospitable place to its workers as its guests, and she points to her current workplace and Craft as leading that change. Still, for all its flaws, Barry cannot wait to get back to a place where she is interacting with others. It’s what motivates and inspires her — and it’s something she feels is essential to everyone. “People need these connections and need to go out to eat to have these moments,” Barry says. “It’s special and it’s important to feel taken care of. t first we didn’t seem like a necessity, but now we kind of are. People won’t stop going out to eat – we can’t stop because it’s in our culture. When you can’t have that, you’re not connecting to people who have different views and values. I think bars and restaurants do that. People go to bars to meet other people and have a shared experience, and that place becomes your neighborhood watering hole. You may not see those people on an everyday basis, but you are not strangers there. That’s not happening right now, and I think humans crave it. I do.” Barry took a break from the La Verita lab to share her thoughts on the St. Louis hospitality community, the myth of hospitality as a recession-proof industry and how taking pleasure in a sit-down dinner at home and a few Negronis is getting her though. As a hospitality professional, what do people need to know about what you are going through? I’ve dedicated my life to the hospitality industry so I could give joy to people. Watching that crumble has been devastating. What do you miss most about the way you did your job before the pandemic? Because I am no longer working at a bar, I do not have the opportunity to connect with guests. I just

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want one night of all bar choices! I only had a taste of that connection doing a few farm dinners outside with Rex Hale this summer. I need more. What do you miss least? The late nights. I have dinner now at 6 p.m., sitting down, which is luxurious. I get to bed at a reasonable hour. I like waking up early in the morning instead of going to bed at that hour. What is one thing you make sure you do every day to maintain a sense of normalcy? What is normal? I think I have forgotten. What have you been stress-eating/drinking lately? Pizza Head. My neighbor Ellen’s baked goods. So many Negronis. What are the three things you’ve made sure you don’t want to run out of, other than toilet paper?

Cans of tomato. Dog treats. Spirits needed for the making of Negronis. You have to be quarantined with three people. Who would you pick? I have to go with my partner Brittany and ... are animals considered people? If so, I choose dogs. Once you feel comfortable going back out and about, what’s the first thing you’ll do? Eek. I don’t know if I’ll ever be quite comfortable. However, when it’s safe to do so, I would like to travel all over to hug my family and friends. What do you think the biggest change to the hospitality industry will be once people feel comfortable returning to normal activity levels? When and if we return to “normal” activity levels, I believe people will feel the impact of their favorite places being closed, if they

have not already. New memories will be made, and we will mourn the old for some time. I think we will see a dip in available employment. Owners will still have to run short-staffed for some time to account for losses. Then there is the question of, Will there be ualified staff to hire?” There is a newfound fragility in this “recession-proof” industry. We see the cracks, now. Even if you are passionate, you will ask if it is worth it. What is one thing that gives you hope during this crisis? It is the incredible hospitality family that is Niche Food Group and Gerard Craft here in St. Louis and all of the people supporting us. The responsibility, the care and the creativity has continued to thrive. I am grateful to be a part of it. n

Mangia, the last stop of the night for generations of St. Louisans, had its last night on Sunday. | DOYLE MURPHY

[SUCH SWEET SORROW]

R.I.P., Mangia Written by

JAIME LEES

he pandemic has taken down a St. Louis giant. Mangia Italiano (3145 South Grand Boulevard) closed on Sunday. The restaurant announced the bad news on its Facebook page last week, giving fans a few more nights to say goodbye before the end. “While we have fought hard to weather this storm that is affecting us all,

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unfortunately we are unable to go on,” the post said in part. “We greatly appreciate the years of loyalty that everyone has shown us and we wish we could do more for you.” Mangia’s history in St. Louis runs deep. It opened in 1983 as a fresh pasta shop and Italian deli. And though ownership has changed hands a few times, Mangia has always served as a south city hub. From its early days as a hangout for “Family,” to its time as a favorite haunt of local legends like Pete Parisi of World Wide Magazine, to its reign as the loudest (and smokiest) 3 a.m. bar and music venue in the South Grand entertainment district, Mangia has seen it all and fed it all — and then it poured it all a hangovercuring mimosa the next day at brunch.

Mangia’s closure doesn’t come as a complete surprise, though. The building was put on the market back in September, citing “partners retiring” as the reason for the desired sale. If restaurants with almost four decades of history in St. Louis (and huge murals from much-loved local artists like Wayne St. Wayne) can’t make it through these terrible times, it’s hard to imagine how most others will be able to sustain themselves without any concrete hope for a bailout on the horizon. Many local restaurants are surviving on takeout and delivery sales these days, so if you can, do your part and bring home some food from your favorite places soon before they close, too. R.I.P., Mangia. You’ll always remain in generations of St. Louis memories. n

CULTURE [ I N T E R N AT I O N A L R E L AT I O N S ]

From Circus to Circus Written by

RILEY MACK

uggling, riding a unicycle and doing acrobatics may just be the new frontier for developing intercontinental connections. In light of the 60th anniversary of the partnership between St. Louis and its sister city, Stuttgart, Germany, two organizations are celebrating in their own unique style — a circus performed by children from each region. St. Louis’ Circus Harmony and Stuttgart’s Circus Circuli created a video that showcases the performance of each troupe side by side, despite being on opposite sides of the globe. ircus Harmony is a nonprofit group that uses the teaching and performing of circus art to motivate social change in the bi-state region. Building bridges with other communities is part of its mission, represented through last year’s 741 shows that reached audiences globally. With services ranging from recreational classes all the way to professional circus education, the organization offers classes for people of all skillsets and of any age. Its rehearsal location is a space within the City Museum, with practices seven days a week, but the video effort took the troupe to new sites sprinkled throughout the city. The 15-minute-long full video premiered Saturday on Circus Harmony’s YouTube page. This year, the two groups have children ranging from nine to eighteen years old. Circus Harmony’s troupe consists of twelve students while Circus Circuli, Stuttgart’s team, has nine. The video includes six acts showcasing each of the members’ skills. The two troupes were connected through an organization called the St. Louis-Stuttgart Sister Cities. After the initial introduction, the directors of each group bonded over the restraints of directing

Circus Harmony students (top) paired with German counterparts. | COURTESY CIRCUS HARMONY a circus amidst a pandemic. They decided a partnership video displaying connection in a time of social distance would be a positive addition to 2020. “Was it the same as doing it in person? No, of course not. But it was still a positive, fun experience, and it was a great light in these dark times,” says Jessica Hentoff, artistic/executive director for Circus Harmony. As local COVID-19 restrictions prohibited the daily gathering of either group, the painstaking process of learning the routine took place over Zoom. After becoming confident in it, the respective students recorded a video of it and then sent it to the other country’s troupe for their counterparts to practice. They performed the routine in person for the first time the day they shot the video. While they can still do juggling, unicycling and tumbling outside, the act that they are famous for was nixed. Circus Harmony’s partner acrobatics — the act of standing on a performer’s shoulders and throwing each other in the air for tricks — had to be sidelined for this performance due to safety precautions. Hentoff says she can still see the good in the situation. “We’re trying to look for the pandemic posi-

tive, and having a wider audience is one.” Both troupes hope to gain an international viewership. And Hentoff has seen the American and German performers connect with each other, even from afar. “These students live in totally different cultures, but their connecting point was the circus,” she says. Hentoff says the most challenging part of the process was navigating the time difference. With Stuttgart being seven hours ahead, the German students shot the video on a Saturday night, while Circus Harmony worked simultaneously on Saturday morning. Another barrier was language. Each trick used a different name in the troupe’s native language, requiring some research on both sides. The students performed in front of similar landmarks in each of the cities. When Circus Circuli’s troupe did handsprings near their famous TV tower, Circus Harmony did the same by the Bissell Street Water Tower. As students juggled in front of the St. Louis Zoo, Circus Circuli did so by their lion sculpture. While American students did acrobatics in the World’s Fair Pavilion, German students performed side by side in a similar area overlooking their city. What they learned was that the two cities weren’t quite as different as

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one would believe, despite being across the globe. “We hope that people will watch the video and they’ll see things about St. Louis and about Stuttgart and it’ll just make them smile,” Hentoff says. She hopes that maybe it’ll even teach St. Louisans about their own city and its plethora of landmarks. The two troupes of students have decided to continue connecting. This holiday season, they’re sending boxes of local goodies to one another. Circus Harmony sent what the students deemed the perfect St. Louis foods — gooey butter cake and Red Hot Riplets chips. That was definitely the kids’ idea,” Hentoff laughed. By having their regular classes and shows canceled, Circus Harmony lost a large portion of its income. However, January classes are available now online. Each round of classes ends with an online show and offers the opportunity to learn real circus skills with props sent right to your front door. Hentoff believes they’ll make a great holiday present, providing the option of gifting an experience rather than an object. Circus Harmony also offers a way to liven up video calls with relatives across the country, where attendees can learn circus skills over Zoom. “It feels like the end of the world, it certainly does. But it’s not,” Hentoff says, “And what’s gonna keep it going is us creatively connecting with other people — and the circus has always been a place that is creative, innovative, and uplifting.” Now that the intercontinental video has debuted, Circus Harmony has plenty of other projects in the works. They’re actively searching for an outdoor, covered space to meet during the summer. Also, on March 16, the one-year anniversary of the St. Louis pandemic lockdown, they’re premiering a digital cookbook show. Each recipe will link to an act performed by the troupe. The idea was inspired by the idea that “food motivates people,” as Hentoff puts it. And of course, someday, they hope to find the funds to allow the sister city troupes to meet in person. “What we teach is, if you focus on what connects you instead of what divides you, you’d be amazed what you can create,” Hentoff says. n

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FILM

[FILM]

Possessor Leads Pack of Horror Movies You Can Now Stream Written by

JOHN W. ALLMAN

See no evil, speak no evil, smell no evil. Such is life for the wonderfully odd characters in Girl with No Mouth. | INDIECAN ENTERTAINMENT

This was originally published in the RFT’s sister paper Creative Loafing. Possessor: Uncut 4 stars, 103 minutes, Blu-Ray and streaming Brandon ronenberg’s acclaimed cult director avid ronenberg’s son second film, and first since , is an uber violent descent into high tech madness that likely will surprise fans with its emo tional depth. Possessor, which is now avail able uncut,” meaning all the gory goodness is intact, is a cyberpunk masterpiece about a corporate spy assassin, Tasya os ndrea iseborough , who is adept at us ing top secret technology to liter ally inhabit the body and mind of anyone her employer chooses. This cool trick isn’t without some very real conse uences, namely the risk that os might lose her sense of identity and possibly her life if she stays inside another per son for too long. t’s not surprising in the least that young ronenberg chooses to e plore comple medical and sci entific e periments as well as the fallout from people who play God. Such ideas are at the core of some of his father’s best work. But, dare say, Brandon has the potential to e ceed his father’s legacy. Possessor is a high concept tightwire act done right. t’s thrill ing, devastating and bloody as hell.

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Anything for Jackson 4 stars, 97 minutes, Shudder ne of the best festival films from is now available e clusively on the Shudder streaming plat form, and fans should not miss out. Anything for Jackson is thrill ing and subversive, a wonderfully askew take on the traditional sa tanic cult fare that dominated movie screens in the s and early s. t’s also packed with dread, legitimate scares and some of the most original ghost charac ters that we’ve seen in years. Girl with No Mouth 3.5 stars, 97 minutes, streaming The third film from Turkish di rector an vrenol, Girl with No Mouth, is a marked deviation from his previous work, Baskin and Housewife, but his distinct style and penchant for shocking bursts of violence remains intact. f not for that violence, Girl with No Mouth is the kind of fantasy fairy tale that would seem cus tom designed to educate children about the right ualities to imbue acceptance, loyalty and belief in oneself. Set years after an incident at The orporation, the surviving residents of a small town grapple with debilitating birth defects that have left all children impaired. erihan lif Sevin was born without a mouth, and she covers the harsh scar tissue where her lips should be with a scarf.

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When her father is killed by her uncle, who works for The orpo ration, erihan escapes and finds refuge with three other children, aptain eni han kbaba , u suf g r ivelek and orsuk aan lpdayi , who were born without eyes, a nose and ears, re spectively. magine Peter Pan if the Lost Boys were all dealing with physical de formities, yet they never stopped to complain or cry unfair. They just accepted what had happened and tried to make the best of it. Girl with No Mouth is wonder fully bi arre and surprisingly heartfelt, and it provides further proof that vrenol is one of the most inventive and original direc tors working today. Parallel 3 stars, 104 minutes, streaming ’ve said it before, but it bears re peating Time travel is one of the most difficult film genres when it comes to sticking the landing be cause there’s just so much pres sure on a filmmaker to be dis ciplined and precise enough to follow their own established rules. There’s a reason why years af ter Back to the Future, people still point to that film as being one of the gold standards for time travel done right. Parallel, the latest from direc tor saac ban, deals more spe cifically with alternate, parallel universes, but it still falls within

the same framework. n ban’s movie, four techy friends and app developers discover a magical mir ror that serves as a portal to a mir ror world that is similar, but not e actly so, to our own reality. While enjoyed Parallel, and appreciated that ban chose to e plore some new ethical issues outside of the basic crib the lot tery numbers and become a mil lionaire” e ploits that usually form the core of such movies, still wanted more, especially in the too neat and tidy third act. Parallel does get major props for consider ing the ramifications of what might happen if you literally swapped a person from one reality to another without their knowledge. f ban had focused more on such lofty hypotheticals and less on creating distinct villains and protagonists, Parallel might have been an instant cult classic. s it is, though, it’s definitely worth your time to rent and enjoy. Black Pumpkin 1 star, 91 minutes, streaming While imitation may be a form of flattery, ’m curious where in tellectual theft falls on the scale when it comes to a first time di rector basically taking another artist’s work and repurposing it as their own. Writer director yan cGonagle doesn’t so much steal the entire con struct of ichael ougherty’s classic Trick ‘r Treat, as he just bla

Leena (Georgia King) discovers a portal to an alt-dimension in Parallel. | VERTICAL ENTERTAINMENT tantly copies large chunks of Dougherty’s movie, right down to its iconic, evil imp, Sam. In Black Pumpkin, McGonagle gives viewers his own iteration, called Bloody Bobby, who terrorizes different groups of children and adults and exacts gory vengeance when they fail to follow the rules of Halloween. Sound familiar? It should. McGonagle’s movie even includes an extended sequence with a young boy who ignores all the warnings about checking his candy before eating, which completely rips off an identical scene from Trick ‘r Treat. The Devil’s Heist 0 stars, 79 minutes, DVD and streaming Imagine if you got your friends together and decided to make a movie about a trio of inept bank robbers who decide to literally steal from the devil by robbing the bank where Old Scratch keeps all his money? It probably wouldn’t matter whether any of those friends could, you know, actually act. And it probably wouldn’t matter that your special effects budget was limited to a pair of fake horns and some black greasepaint to make the devil’s eyes appear sunken in his skull. But it should matter, especially when you’re charging $13 for a DVD, $8 for a digital purchase or $2 to rent. In fact, there should be hell to pay if you knowingly release a movie that never should have been seen outside of an at-home viewing party for the cast and crew.

Also available as of December 8: Pink Floyd: Delicate Sound of Thunder Turn down the lights, dig out your magic mushrooms and revel in this cinematic concert experience by one of the best bands of all time, now available to stream. Arthur & Merlin: Knights of Camelot The umpteenth telling of King Arthur’s adventures, which gets a boost from Richard Brake (Game of Thrones) as Merlin, is now available to stream or buy on DVD. Hawaii Five-O: The Complete Series The CBS procedural machine produced this tepid remake of your father’s favorite show from the ’70s, and now you can buy the entire series on a deluxe, 60-disc set just in time for the holidays. Collateral 4K Ultra-HD Tom Cruise and Michael Mann, in glorious 4K? Get your copy now. Raining in the Mountain This 1979 Asian cinema classic gets a proper Blu-Ray release from Film Movement. n John W. Allman has spent more than 25 years as a professional journalist and writer, but he’s loved movies his entire life. Good movies, awful movies, movies that are so gloriously bad you can’t help but champion them. Since 2009, he has cultivated a review column and now a website dedicated to the genre films that often get overlooked and interviews with cult cinema favorites like George A. Romero, Bruce Campbell and Dee Wallace. Contact him at Blood Violence and Babes.com, on Facebook @BloodViolenceBabes or on Twitter @BVB_reviews.

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DECEMBER 23-29, 2020

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SAVAGE LOVE LIVE FROM THE STREAM

childcare and couldn’t risk losing it, I would smile and nod and keep my supply of edibles fully stocked.

BY DAN SAVAGE

Hey, Dan: I need someone to tell me that it isn’t a sign that I see my ex’s name at least four times a day, every day. He dumped me almost three years ago and it’s ridiculous. Can you do that for me?

We hosted our second Savage Love Livestream last week, and it was a blast. I ran my mouth as fast as I could but couldn’t answer every question that came in — there were hundreds of you and only one of me — so I’m going to power through as many leftover questions as I can in this week’s column … Hey, Dan: I remember the day I was able to come to your show in person. What a joy! It seems like years ago now. How do you maintain your sanity until we are able to go to concerts, theater, museums and dinner with friends again? I strive to be a good human but so struggle to stay my upbeat self. find it helps to remember that concerts, theater, museums, dinners with friends, holidays with family, club nights, fetish parties etc. are coming back — sadly, the same can’t be said for the people, jobs and homes so many have lost. Helping others when and where you can is an excellent way to maintain your sanity, I’ve found, and your question prompted me to make another donation to Northwest Harvest, a wonderful organization that supports hundreds of food banks in my corner of the country, so thank you for that. Hey, Dan: How would you deal with Trumpist (still!) relatives living with you during pandemic? My mother-in-law is here helping with newborn baby care, and she brings up Trumpist talking points constantly and Trump permeates most other topics, like the pandemic, etc. If I didn’t need the childcare, I would toss her ass out. If I needed the childcare but not so desperately that I couldn’t risk losing it, I would tell my mother-in-law to STFU or GTFO — and if my MIL complained or tried to play the victim after I told her off, I would print every photo could find online of a Trump supporter in a “FUCK YOUR FEELINGS” T-shirt after the 2016 election and wallpaper the guest bedroom with them. But if I desperately needed the

If you see his name multiple times a day, well, that’s most likely a sign your ex has an extremely common first name. nd if you attach meaning to those sightings, that’s a sign you’re human. We have a tendency to see patterns where none exist and read meaning into random events. If your ex has a really uncommon name and you see it everywhere, well, that is most likely a sign that your ex is fucking with you. Hey, Dan: My partner is a loving sweet human but he has a serious preference for women in rather small bodies and I am ... well, I am not small. I want him to have what he wants and we are non-monogamous, but it’s hard to shake the feeling that I am not — and can never be — enough for him. He is unable to say that he’ll desire me no matter my size. This is painful. I know he’ll love me no matter what but I also want to feel desired. I’m finding it hard to find a middle ground where we both get what we need. Any advice to bridge the gap? That your boyfriend couldn’t bring himself to tell you what you wanted to hear … that he couldn’t tell you what he hoped would be true (that he would always desire you) even if he suspected it might not always be true (a day might come when he no longer desires you) … that all makes me wonder whether your boyfriend has the emotional intelligence that you — that anyone — would want in a partner. nd while it’s no consolation, I realize, many couples struggle to sustain desire over time, as any regular reader of an advice column knows. Boredom is more often to blame than aging or changing bodies, I believe, but there’s no way to guarantee that the person we’re with now will always desire you the same way they do now — or that you will always desire them the same way. That said, the single best way

to get over feeling like you’re not enough for someone is to accept that you aren’t. Trying to be everything to someone is not only exhausting, it’s always futile.

and are confused about what to do next. My question is, what advice do you give to someone who knows what they need to do but is too paralyzed to do it?

Hey, Dan: I just wanted to say thank you. I called in to your podcast a couple years ago because I’m a spanking fetishist and a married pastor found me on FetLife and lied to me and manipulated me! I did what you said and reported him and he doesn’t work at that church anymore. I wanted to let you know that I’m living my dream life in LA with a spanko guy I met at a fetish gathering. He has been the best quarantine a person could ask for!

Don’t give your brother advice, give him time. It’s only been two weeks nd you don’t need to give him advice if he starts to waver — you don’t need to tell him what to do — you just need to give him a pep talk. He knows what he has to do. Give him support, moral and practical, not advice.

Thanks for the update and congrats! Hey, Dan: My husband has a big dick and wants to try butt stuff. I have had anal in the past with other partners with smaller penises. Honestly, I’m a little scared so I’m not in a rush here but want to please my man eventually. How do we go about priming my hole? Thanks! Tongues, toys, lots of lube, and the first time you get that monster in you, that’s all you’re going to do — get it in. He gets hard and lays back and you take charge of the pace and depth of penetration. nd then it’s not about him fucking you, it’s about him staying still and you relaxing and breathing until that thing feels good in there. Even then he doesn’t get to fuck you. Instead, you masturbate the first few times his dick is in there — you get to come, not him. Having a few orgasms with his cock in you — or having a dozen — will create the kind of pleasurable association that leaves your hole craving his cock. Then you fuck. Hey, Dan: My older brother is a 38-year-old straight male in NY. When COVID hit, his fiancée’s tendency to believe in conspiracy theories became more apparent and their relationship quickly declined. He’s a progressive, liberalminded, deeply moral person and she’s from a family of right-wing gun collecting Scientologists. Recently they separated to collect their thoughts. Ultimately they agreed to separate. It’s now been two weeks. They still live together

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Hey, Dan: I have a question about adult incest, also called genetic sexual attraction in the adoption community (GSA). I slept with my biological father 30 years ago. We met when I was an adult after I had been raised by my adoptive parents. Now it’s so awkward to act like I’m a sister to the other children he raised. Should I ever tell them that our dad is my ex-boyfriend? No — if there’s no chance your siblings will ever find out, take that fucked-our-father shit to the grave. Hey, Dan: I became “acquainted with” my partner’s ex last year while we were on a break. I wound up ghosting her because of how intense she was and now I feel a bit guilty about keeping this secret from my partner. Do I need to speak up? Yes — if there’s any chance your partner will find out about this, better she hears that I-acquainted-myself-with-your-ex shit from you than from someone else. Hey, Dan: If offered, would you consider making a guest appearance as yourself on an episode of Big Mouth? YES. Thanks to everyone who attended our second Savage Love Livestream on oom nd here’s to getting together in person for a live show in 2021! Keep wearing your masks, keep washing your hands, keep keeping your distance, and get vaccinated as soon as you can! mail@savagelove.net @FakeDanSavage on Twitter www.savagelovecast.com

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DECEMBER 23-29, 2020

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DECEMBER 23-29, 2020

RIVERFRONT TIMES

SWADE

CANNABIS DISPENSARY Swade is Missouri’s premiere luxury cannabis dispensary created to restore and enliven mind, body, and spirit. SWADE takes a holistic approach to cannabis, creating a premium experience from our elevated dispensaries to the lasting sensory impression of our products. Step inside and feel instantly at ease. SWADE dispensaries are designed to present the country’s best cannabis products. From the serene surroundings informed by nature, to our first-of-its-kind Bud

Bar showcasing loose SWADE flower hand-selected for your order, we’ve examined every detail to make your experience inside SWADE both memorable and enlightening. SWADE offers an inviting atmosphere, informative approach and a love for precision in premium cannabis. Learn More: www.beleaflifesoils.com Contact Us: (314) 209-0859 info@beleafco.com

CANNABIS COCTORS US

GET YOUR MEDICAL MARIJUANA CERTIFICATION FROM ONE OF OUR QUALIFIED DOCTORS Cannabis Doctors US started in Maryland in 2017. We have 6 locations in Maryland. We opened our first office in Missouri in 2019, and have since opened these additional St. Louis area offices: 111 Church St. in Ferguson 3006 S. Jefferson Ave. Suite 104 in St. Louis 9378 Olive Blvd. #312 in Olivette 222 S 2nd St. Suite LL in St. Charles 8135 Manchester Rd. in Brentwood All of our doctors are board certified to give patients a medical evaluation for medical cannabis

recommendation and certification, it’s the only thing we do. We also now offer secure Telemedicine (Video), that is HIPPA compliant. If you can’t leave home due to transportation, disability or health issues, you can call us or email to make a Telemedicine appointment. Once the restrictions are met, certification will be issued immediately. Please inquire for more details. Learn More: cannabisdoctorsus.com 314-222-7760 or 888-420-1536

Riverfront Times, December 22, 2020

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