Riverfront Times, January 26, 2021 by Riverfront Times

AWARD-WINNING FLAVOR

BE ST I N SHOW

94 PO INTS

97 POI N TS

WHISKIES OF THE WORLD 2015

U LT I M A T E S P I R I T S C H A L L E N G E 2015

RIVERFRONT TIMES

JANUARY 27-FEBRUARY 2, 2021

riverfronttimes.com

RIVERFRONT TIMES

MARCH 6-12, 2019

riverfronttimes.com

JANUARY 27-FEBRUARY 2, 2021

RIVERFRONT TIMES

JANUARY 27-FEBRUARY 2, 2021

riverfronttimes.com

THE LEDE

“People act like this is new, but we’ve been fighting this battle for equality — I’m 75 years old and that’s all I remember. Seventy-five years of fighting to prove that there are good people and there are bad people but I choose to stand with the good people. Morally right, ethically right.”

PHOTO BY THEO WELLING

ROBERT A. POWELL, WITH THE FRATERNITY ALPHA PHI ALPHA, AT THE MARTIN LUTHER KING JR. CELEBRATION AND MARCH AT FOUNTAIN PARK IN NORTH ST. LOUIS ON SATURDAY, JANUARY 16, 2021 riverfronttimes.com

JANUARY 27-FEBRUARY 2, 2021

RIVERFRONT TIMES

The Reluctant Activist

oo often, activism is only thought of as protests in the streets. In reality, there are countless people working in their own ways to make change. Our cover story this week focuses on Brittany “Tru” Kellman and her mission at Jamaa Birth Village. The center in Ferguson offers midwives and doulas at affordable rates, focusing on women of color. Black women die with horrifying frequency as a result of childbirth, especially compared with their white counterparts. Through Jamaa, Kellman has worked steadily to lower those rates in hopes of saving lives and offering a voice to women often overlooked in mainstream health care. She tells us that she always knew her work would be considered “radical,” even though she initially resisted the role of an activist. But nearly six years later, as she’s fought through one barrier after another to keep Jamaa going, Kellman embraces the role. “It’s activism, because when those things happened, I didn’t stop,” she says. “I got louder, and I gave power to these other women to tell their stories. And it became a movement.” Sounds like activism to me. — Doyle Murphy, editor in chief

TABLE OF CONTENTS Publisher Chris Keating Editor in Chief Doyle Murphy

E D I T O R I A L Digital Editor Jaime Lees Interim Managing Editor Daniel Hill Staff Writer Danny Wicentowski Contributors Cheryl Baehr, Eric Berger, Jeannette Cooperman, Thomas Crone, Mike Fitzgerald, Andy Paulissen, Justin Poole, Theo Welling, Ymani Wince Columnist Ray Hartmann A R T

& P R O D U C T I O N Art Director Evan Sult Editorial Layout Haimanti Germain, Evan Sult Production Manager Haimanti Germain M U L T I M E D I A A D V E R T I S I N G Advertising Director Colin Bell Account Managers Emily Fear, Jennifer Samuel Multimedia Account Executive Chuck Healy, Jackie Mundy Digital Sales Manager Chad Beck Director of Public Relations Brittany Forrest

COVER

C I R C U L A T I O N Circulation Manager Kevin G. Powers

The Midwife’s Path to Justice

E U C L I D M E D I A G R O U P Chief Executive Officer Andrew Zelman Chief Operating Officers Chris Keating, Michael Wagner VP of Digital Services Stacy Volhein www.euclidmediagroup.com

Tru Kellman and Jamaa Birth Village fight to empower Black mothers, one baby at a time

N A T I O N A L A D V E R T I S I N G VMG Advertising 1-888-278-9866, vmgadvertising.com S U B S C R I P T I O N S Send address changes to Riverfront Times, 5257 Shaw Avenue, St. Louis, MO, 63110. Domestic subscriptions may be purchased for $78/6 months (MO add $4.74 sales tax) and $156/year (MO add $9.48 sales tax) for first class. Allow 6-10 days for standard delivery. www.riverfronttimes.com

Cover photo by

CHRIS RYAN, courtesy THESTL.COM

The Riverfront Times is published weekly by Euclid Media Group | Verified Audit Member

INSIDE The Lede Hartmann News Feature Short Orders Culture Savage Love 6

RIVERFRONT TIMES

JANUARY 27-FEBRUARY 2, 2021

riverfronttimes.com

Riverfront Times 5257 Shaw Avenue, St. Louis, MO, 63110 www.riverfronttimes.com

5 7

General information: 314-754-5966 Founded by Ray Hartmann in 1977

9 12 17 19 22

Riverfront Times is available free of charge, limited to one copy per reader. Additional copies of the current issue may be purchased for $1.00 plus postage, payable in advance at the Riverfront Times office. Riverfront Times may be distributed only by Riverfront Times authorized distributors. No person may, without prior written permission of Riverfront Times, take more than one copy of each Riverfront Times weekly issue. The entire contents of Riverfront Times are copyright 2021 by Riverfront Times, LLC. No portion may be reproduced in whole or in part by any means, including electronic retrieval systems, without the expressed written permission of the Publisher, Riverfront Times, 5257 Shaw Avenue, St. Louis, Mo, 63110. Please call the Riverfront Times office for back-issue information, 314-754-5966.

HARTMANN Ego Unmasked Republicans risk spreading the virus, because they can BY RAY HARTMANN

elcome to the death of personal responsibility — brought to you by the party of personal responsibility. Last Wednesday, state Senator Andrew Koenig, R-Manchester, attended a committee hearing — wearing no mask — in Jefferson City. The focus of the hearing: to restrict local government health measures related to COVID-19. Koenig also has sponsored a bill to minimize the liabilities of Missouri companies during the pandemic.

This, of course, would be the same Andrew Koenig who infamously proclaimed, “It’s my choice if I want to risk getting COVID. No one is forcing anybody to stay home.” Ergo, Koenig has contracted COVID-19. His announcement last Thursday was greeted privately by some “What did he know and when did he know it?” rumblings among members of both parties. That subject will likely remain unaddressed. One thing, though, is certain: In having exercised his choice, Koenig exposed countless others and their friends and loved ones to the prospect of becoming extremely ill or dying from the virus. That subject won’t be addressed either. The virus has killed more than 420,000 Americans at this writing, including some 6,900 souls in Missouri, a grim statistic that might be understated as much as the state’s reported case count of 476,000 surely is. Missouri is one of just twelve states with no mask

mandate, a badge of honor for Governor Mike Parson who, along with his wife, contracted the virus but survived it. Like Parson, Koenig has burnished his personal freedom to contract and spread the virus. After doing so, he had the audacity to issue the customary statement to assure the world that he’s just fine: “I am self-isolating after I have tested positive for COVID-19. Fortunately, I am experiencing mild symptoms. Out of an abundance of caution, I will be quarantining at home for the next 10 days. I look forward to fully resuming my duties for the people of St. Louis County soon.” It’s indeed fortunate that Koenig has only mild symptoms, although that’s how the disease started out for a lot of people not fortunate enough to have lived to tell. Everyone hopes his symptoms stay mild and then go away. But Koenig’s reference to “an abundance of caution” redefines obscenity. What about those

riverfronttimes.com

whom Koenig might have infected through his “absence of caution”? What if they’re not so fortunate to have only mild symptoms? We won’t be hearing about them. Now that he’s infected, the world can truly appreciate Koenig’s ironic choice of “choice” in the context of COVID-19. Koenig fancies himself as the ultimate “pro-life” politician in Missouri in fighting to obliterate women’s constitutional rights to abortion. As reported here previously, he would force women and young girls to bear the children of their rapists in the name of life. But he reserves to himself the “choice” to contract a deadly virus and, by definition, spread it to others, without regard to their lives. As a champion of the unborn, perhaps Koenig should review what the Centers for Disease Control and Prevention has to say about COVID-19 and pregnant women. “Based on what we know at this time, pregnant people are at an increased risk for severe illness

JANUARY 27-FEBRUARY 2, 2021

Continued on pg 8

RIVERFRONT TIMES

HARTMANN

Continued from pg 7

from COVID-19 and death, compared to non-pregnant people. Additionally, pregnant people with COVID-19 might be at increased risk for other adverse outcomes, such as preterm birth (delivering the baby earlier than 37 weeks).” So much for that crusade. Koenig is hardly alone in his heartlessness and stupidity. The Republican Senate leadership, which has refused to allow virtual testimony to committee hearings during the pandemic, was totally nonplussed. “The Missouri Senate is planning to be in session next week as scheduled. We are following CDC guidance relating to ‘close contacts’ and contact tracing recommendations,” tweeted Senate Majority Leader Caleb Rowden on Friday. “I encourage my colleagues to follow safety recommendations (social distancing, mask wearing, etc) so that we may continue to do the work of the people of this great state.” Those tweets, too, should be read with an abundance of caution. It’s not clear on what planet the CDC would advise legislators to return to business as usual — masks optional — four days after a prominent member contracted the virus. Especially since the person and his colleagues take such joy in refusing to take precautions on the enate oor or else here The unspoken message is clearer than the tweets: “We’re tired of hearing about this virus. We’re keeping our freedom. Deal with it.” Rowden acknowledged with his statement that “social distancing, mask wearing, etc” are “safety recommendations” that people ought to follow. Really? Like stopping at a school crossing rather than mowing kids down with your car? This is a once-in-a-century global pande ic, not a fire drill ny public o cial ho tra cs in phrases such as “encourag[ing] my colleagues to follow safety recommendations” should be encouraged to follow another career path. It is just astonishing. The same politicians who leap to the vernacular of personal responsibility in justifying a failed drug war, demonizing poverty and otherwise waging culture wars can’t seem to comprehend the meaning of “infectious” as part of the phrase “infectious disease.” There was not so much as a syllable in either Koenig’s or Rowden’s pronouncement — or any others — showing an ounce of concern

RIVERFRONT TIMES

JANUARY 27-FEBRUARY 2, 2021

riverfronttimes.com

for anyone who might have been e posed by oenig e had defiantly sauntered about the state capitol without a mask — like so many of his Republican colleagues — and this was no time to acknowledge any concern for those who might have been impacted. Why not? Well, there’s this thing called liability, sort of the ip side of personal responsibility. It’s probably not a great idea to connect the dots publicly between one’s choice to risk contracting disease and any adverse impact on others that might result from that choice. It is with a mountain of irony that Koenig was busily toiling to limit companies’ COVID-19 liability on the day before he announced his own diagnosis. What a perfect way to say that, in the name of his freedom, “You’re all on your own, folks!” In its testimony before the committee seeking to shield nursing homes and others from liability, an AFL-CIO union representative said: “Over the last ten months, Missourians of all walks of life have stepped up to the plate. Health-care workers have worked excruciating hours, sometimes with inadequate PPE, to save lives. Grocery workers have shown up to work to interact face to face with hundreds of customers daily to keep us fed. Factory workers have stood shoulder to shoulder on assembly lines to keep our economy moving. Teachers and children alike have made tre endous sacrifices and ha e worked extra hours to continue education while keeping families safe. First responders have walked into homes to transport dangerously sick Missourians to medical care, knowing full well they’re being exposed to a potentially dangerous virus.” The union rep then reminded legislators that whenever these heroes have asked for help — mask mandates, economic relief, hazard pay, more PPE and the like — “they’ve all been told by their government that the answer is to take personal responsibility.” Yes, they have. The union rep wondered aloud how the state’s first ajor bill could possibly be focused on protecting companies from liability for misdeeds. No need to wonder. Just ask Andrew Koenig. n Ray Hartmann founded the Riverfront Times in 1977. Contact him at rhar tmann1952@gmail.com or catch him on Donnybrook at 7 p.m. on Thursdays on the Nine Network and St. Louis In the Know with Ray Hartmann from 9 to 11 p.m. Monday thru Friday on KTRS (550 AM).

NEWS Staffers Call Out House Dems Over Ethics Complaint Response Written by

JASON HANCOCK This story was originally published by the Missouri Independent.

n a rare sign of rebellion, legislative aides who work for Missouri House Democrats are accusing their party’s leaders of doing more to protect a fellow lawmaker than employees. The group of staffers, who requested the Missouri Independent withhold their identities for fear of retribution, are upset with how Democrats handled a House Ethics Committee report accusing state Rep. Wiley Price of harassment and retaliation against an aide who reported an alleged violation of House rules barring sexual relations between lawmakers and interns. The House voted 140-3 last week to censure Price after a Republican-led effort to expel him failed to receive the necessary two-thirds majority. Only one Democrat voted in favor of expelling Price. The staffers, who work for Democrats from across the state as well as the demographic and ideological spectrum, detailed their concerns in an article submitted to the Independent last week. They say they were compelled to make their feelings public because of a “toxic culture” in the capitol that “turns a blind eye to abuses of power when it’s politically expedient.” Subsequent interviews with House Democratic staff not involved with the op-ed mirrored its sentiment. “We work tirelessly in an already toxic environment to support the Democratic Caucus

State Rep. Wiley Price has been accused of harassment and retaliation against an aide. | TIM BOMMEL/HOUSE COMMUNICATIONS when it needs us,” the legislative staff wrote. “But when we most needed them, where was their support? Strategically absent.” House Minority Leader Crystal uade, pringfield, said in an interview that she has certainly heard from lots of people who were not happy with how the process played out, including Democratic staff. “It makes me sad that folks feel betrayed,” Quade said when asked about the reaction of Democratic staff hat is the first feeling that I have. It makes me feel sad.”

‘Milquetoast’ The House Ethics Committee, made up of fi e epublicans and fi e Democrats, voted unanimously last month to recommend censuring Price. The committee concluded that he lied during a legislative investigation of an alleged sexual encounter with an intern and threatened the legislative assistant who reported the encounter. Price, D-St. Louis, has steadfastly denied having sex with the intern, and he points out that the intern also denies the encounter ever happened. But he acknowledges making mistakes dealing with the investigation. He has admitted lying to a House investigator when he said he had never sent or received texts from the intern, but said he told the truth in closed-door testimony to the ethics committee. The committee’s report, Price

argued, was marred with omissions and misrepresentations. nd he atly denies e er atte pting to threaten his legislative assistant into silence. When the ethics committee released its report, Republican leadership quickly issued a statement declaring that they stood behind the findings and that rice ould face punishment. uade responded to the findings with a statement saying that “the next step will be for the full House to evaluate the evidence and determine appropriate action.” The staff called Quade’s statement “milquetoast.” When the House took up the committee’s report for debate this month, Democrats ended up defending Price from an attempt by Republican lawmakers to go beyond the ethics committee’s recommended punishment of censure and instead to expel him from the House. Ultimately, the GOP couldn’t muster the two-thirds majority needed for expulsion, and Price was censured 140-3, with eight Democratic members voting “present.” The Democratic staffers who reached out to the Independent said watching the debate unfold “was like watching an episode of the Twilight Zone.” They wrote: “People who we admire actively let us down, and people for whom we have no warm feelings rushed to our defense. It is shameful that the Democratic Caucus, a group that consistently claims the mantle of championing dignity for working people, should be so complicit in worsening an already toxic environment for their own employees.” Quade said the debate “certainly didn’t go in any way how we expected it to go.” Democrats didn’t know that the GOP were going to push to expel Price until an hour before the debate began, Quade said. “As you can guess we were all very blindsided by it,” she said. “We had folks prepared to talk about the need for censure, and it was going to be a very different conversation. We didn’t say the things that we wanted to say that day.” Instead, Quade says Democrats were forced to defend the recommendation of the committee.

riverfronttimes.com

Continued on pg 11

State Sen. Andrew Koenig. | OFFICIAL PORTRAIT

Mask-Fighting State Rep Gets COVID Written by

DOYLE MURPHY

issouri Sen. Andrew Koenig tested positive last week for COVID-19, just days after sponsoring legislation that aims to strip local health authorities of the power to impose rules designed to slow the spread of the virus. The Republican lawmaker confirmed in a text message to Riverfront Times columnist Ray Hartmann that he has tested positive but said he is doing OK. Koenig, who represents a swath of southwest St. Louis County, is among a group of Republicans who have been outspoken critics of restrictions imposed by county health officials on businesses and individuals. “Shutting down our economy won’t eradicate the virus,” Koenig was quoted as saying in a St. Louis Post-Dispatch story about a package of bills designed to loosen pandemic restrictions. “It’s my choice if I want to risk getting COVID. No one is forcing anybody to stay home.” Senators, including Koenig, were in Jefferson City last week. He and other Republicans have refused to wear masks, decisions that worried other lawmakers who complained their unmasked colleagues were putting everyone at risk. After Koenig’s test, Senate leaders were left to decide whether to pause the session to prevent spread of the virus. The Missouri House had already suspended its session last week because a member had contracted COVID-19. Rep. Kimberly-Ann Collins, D-St. Louis, posted January 18 on Facebook that she had tested positive and did not feel well. “Do the right thing,” Collins wrote. “Follow CDC guidelines. Wear a mask.” n

JANUARY 27-FEBRUARY 2, 2021

RIVERFRONT TIMES

JANUARY 27-FEBRUARY 2, 2021

riverfronttimes.com

WILEY PRICE Continued from pg 9

“It was about the future of that committee,” she said. “It was about ensuring that folks have a place to go that is respected and trusted when they have concerns, and respecting the work that those individuals on the committee did for nearly a year.” When the committee unanimously voted to censure but not expel Price, she said, “I had to trust that they did their due diligence.” In their submission to the Independent, the staff called Democrats’ defense of the process “empty platitudes,” especially when compared to the public statements made that day by Republicans. “In fact,” they wrote, “if the thesis of the Democrats was ‘we need to respect the process,’ that of the Republicans was ‘we need to respect staff.’”

Fear of retaliation Frustration among some House Democratic staff has simmered behind the scenes since Quade’s initial statement. But it has occasionally bubbled to the surface. Emilie Bridges, who works for Democratic Rep. Tracey McCre-

ery of St. Louis County, tweeted the day of the House debate that she was willing to concede that because the intern denied a sexual relationship with Price, “that complaint in and of itself might not stand on solid ground.” “What I cannot understand, hurt me as a staff member, [and] disappointed me as a Democrat, was the seeming lack of concern with how staff is treated,” she tweeted. Price’s former legislative assistant testified to the ethics co mittee that Price admitted having sexual relations with the intern after he, the legislative assistant and the intern attended a party in January 2020. he assistant testified that after informing Price he had violated House rules and would be reported, Price tried to convince the assistant to lie to cover for him. According to the testimony, Price e entually threatened to fire the legislative assistant for reporting the encounter. The committee’s report said Price later told the legislative assistant “where I come from people die for doing shit like this,” referring to reporting the alleged sexual encounter. After the House debate, Bridges tweeted: “We cannot simultane-

ously be the party that claims to be on workers’ sides and blatantly not believe the female staff member ho testified to being harassed in her place of work.” Bridges told the Independent last Wednesday that she has thus far not received any pushback or faced any retaliation for her public comments. “I have a really good relationship with my boss,” she said, “and feel confident that she has y back. But I get the sense that a lot of other staff in the building don’t feel as comfortable doing that, so it felt important for me to use my own social media platforms to express some of the fears and concerns that last week’s vote brought up for me.” In their op-ed, the staffers said House Democratic leadership “made the inexplicable strategic decision to dig in and refused to acknowledge that what happened to the staffer in question was wrong.” The ethics committee did not conclusively prove that Price had a sexual relationship with an intern, the staff said, but the allegations of perjury, obstruction and threatening a staffer should not be treated as trivial. “This staffer did everything that House policy required and fol-

riverfronttimes.com

lowed the rules that every member agreed to when they swore their oath of o ce,” the staff said “Silence on this issue sends a loud and clear message to other staff: Keep your head down, nobody’s looking out for you.” Quade said that is simply not the case. “The censure on Rep. Price was not about the intern. It was 100 percent about the treatment of the [legislative assistant] and the perjury,” she said. “The committee, as well as the members who voted for censure, which were almost all of us, were acting on the fact that we believe there was retribution against the [legislative assistant], and we said we will absolutely not stand for this.” She added that censure “is not just a slap on the wrist. The representative was taken off committees, he has a ery hefty fine, he cannot serve in leadership, etc. It’s the first censure in ouse history And so that wasn’t taken lightly.” Quade said she intended to meet with any staff member who wanted to discuss the situation. “I know folks are upset. People are upset from all sides, not just staff,” she said. “And the only way to move past that is to have dialogue.” n

JANUARY 27-FEBRUARY 2, 2021

RIVERFRONT TIMES

JANUARY 27-FEBRUARY 2, 2021

riverfronttimes.com

TRU KELLMAN and JAMAA BIRTH VILLAGE fight to empower Black mothers, one baby at a time

BY DOYLE MURPHY

aybe you have seen this video by now: A Black doctor named Susan Moore lies in the bed of an Indiana hospital, reaching out to whoever might be watching her Facebook stream as she describes trying and failing to convince a white doctor of the severity of her condition. The white doctor, Moore says, dismissed her concerns and told her he wouldn’t “feel comfortable giving [her] any more narcotics,” despite excruciating pain in her neck. “I was crushed,” Moore says, tears welling in her eyes. The 52-year-old was admitted to the hospital in December after testing positive for COVID-19. In the video, she has an oxygen tube in her nose, and her voice is raspy. “He made me feel like I was a drug addict — and he knew I was a physician.” The white doctor did not see her

The Midwife’s Path to Justice as a peer, Moore insists, and she has no doubt why. “I put forth and I maintain,” she says, “[that] if I was white, I wouldn’t have to go through that.” Nurses and a patient advocate treated her with disrespect, and the white doctor recommended sending her home in the middle of the night, Moore says. It was only after a scan showed troubling substances in her neck and problems with her lymph nodes that they recognized she might be right. “This is how Black people get killed,” Moore says in the video, “when you send them home, and they don t no ho to fight for themselves. I had to talk to somebody, maybe the media, somebody, to let them know how I’m being treated up in this place.” Sixteen days after recording her message, Moore died of complications of the coronavirus.

Jamaa Birth Village’s home in Ferguson is designed to be a welcoming space. | CHRIS RYAN, COURTESY THESTL.COM

The video of her lying in that bed, hurt and angry, spread across the world. And if it outraged viewers in general, it resonated in particular with Black women. It wasn’t just that listening to Moore’s anguish was wrenching; it was that it was familiar. For Brittany “Tru” Kellman, owner of Jamaa Birth Village in Ferguson, the disregard for Moore’s suffering was an example of the bias that courses through the health-care system. Black women have for years reported being overlooked by doctors and medical staff who dismiss their concerns, even as study after study shows wide disparities in care and the resulting death rates. Kellman says she experienced it as a pregnant fourteen-year-old. Her obstetrician had her induced, because she didn’t want the Black teen’s delivery to interfere with an upcoming vacation. Kellman ended up suffering complications and had a cesarean delivery. Throughout the process, Kell-

riverfronttimes.com

man got the impression her doctor considered her to be little more than an inconvenience. It was traumatizing. In Moore’s video, Kellman recognized that same agony and frustration. “Here she is, a prominent, educated person — I’m assuming middle class,” Kellman says. “And the same thing happened to her.” It was Kellman’s experiences being overlooked and talked down to by doctors that inspired her to open Jamaa. The center offers midwifery and doula services while also including some unexpected offerings, such as yoga and an apothecary garden, as part of a holistic approach to caring for mothers. Kellman and her team consider their clients’ lifestyles and needs, extending well into the postpartum period. The mission is to guide expectant mothers and their families through a healthy childbirth process. But Jamaa is also designed as

JANUARY 27-FEBRUARY 2, 2021

Continued on pg 14

RIVERFRONT TIMES

JAMAA BIRTH VILLAGE Continued from pg 13

a corrective to a health-care system where Black women are overlooked and suffer damaging, even deadly consequences. The crisis is especially bleak when it comes to childbirth. In 2019, the Centers for Disease Control and Prevention released a report that showed Black women die from complications of childbirth at a rate more than three times higher than that of whites. That gap widens to a mortality rate between four and fi e ti es greater than hite women for mothers older than 30. The CDC looked at where the women lived and at the women’s level of income, and they found the pregnancy-related mortality ratio for Black women was consistently and drastically worse. The problem isn’t with the women, Kellman says. “Black women aren’t dying during childbirth because they’re Black — like their being Black is a disease,” she says. “They’re dying because of racism.”

here were no Black midwives in Missouri before Kellman came along. In October 2015, she signed the papers with the state to launch what would become Jamaa Birth Village in Ferguson. She was already a doula at the time and had just begun training to beco e a certified id ife through the Midwives College of Utah. People confuse the two professions, but a doula supports the mother and looks out for her well-being throughout the birthing process. A midwife has medical training and delivers babies, while providing support before and after pregnancy. Kellman saw a critical shortage of both Black doulas and midwives to serve Black color, especially women who weren’t wealthy. It was little more than a year after Michael Brown was killed by a erguson police o cer hen she opened Jamaa, and a new incarnation of a civil rights movement that ignited in response to his death was still evolving. Kellman says she had at first resisted the idea of being an activist. And on its surface, opening a center that drew on age-old traditions to help bring babies into the world may not seem controversial. But there was an undeniable social justice aspect in what Kellman wanted to do through Jamaa. She hoped to right a wrong and offer opportunities to women of color who had been ignored and

RIVERFRONT TIMES

Dr. Susan Moore’s wrenching hospital video resonated with people across the country. | SCREENSHOT mistreated by powerful forces in society. There was also an element of revolution in bucking the mainstream maternal health system. “Me doing this is going to be radical first,” ell an re e bers thinking back then. “And then it’s going to be hard.” One of the early obstacles was mundane but no less daunting — money. Kellman knew what kind of operation she wanted to build, but getting it started was an act of faith, not finances er edgling nonprofit began ith an all olunteer crew, and they found a starter home in a Ferguson storefront. In 2018, a space that previously held an M ealth clinic opened up on North Florissant Road. Kellman appealed to the charitable nature of the building’s owner and persuaded him to sell it to Jamaa for just $50,000 — a $150,000 discount from asking price. A frenzied capital campaign followed with a goal of raising $60,000 in 60 days. Fifty-nine days in, it had raised just $12,000. But Kellman was unbowed. “I’m not one bit disheartened,” she told the RFT’s Sarah Fenske in 2018. “I will ride forth until midnight tomorrow — and keep going until the end of the month.” er confidence as re arded alost instantly ith an in u of donations. They included a surprise gift of $45,000 from a donor representing a private foundation, giving Jamaa enough to close on the building and begin renovations. Not long after, Kellman graduated from the Midwives College of tah and beca e the first lac certified id ife in Missouri There was still plenty of work to be done in building Jamaa, but more of the pieces were falling into place.

JANUARY 27-FEBRUARY 2, 2021

Eboni Hooper-Boateng says Kellman’s doula training was “life-changing.” | COURTESY EBONI HOOPER-BOATENG

t its core, there is nothing inherently radical about birth. World-changing in a million ways, yes, but there is no process more fundamental in human history. It is the trappings around it that cause controversy. Kellman says the mainstream model in the United States, a model that defaults to hospital births, has led generations of mothers away from an essentially natural process — and the results have been disastrous for Black women. “Our bodies are treated as a machine, and birth is being treated as pathological,” she says. Instead, she advocates for a “risk-appropriate” model that is already dominant in other countries. The idea is to change the default to a model of low-intervention births and only scale up the medical care when necessary. If

riverfronttimes.com

e pectant others are high ris , a hospital setting and the intervention of obstetricians makes sense. But Kellman believes many women are pushed into unnecessary procedures and treatments. That is especially true of Black women, who are more likely to be miscategorized and have their wishes ignored by the mainstream medical community. “One of the things [doctors and nurses] are most likely to miss is the humanity, that these people are individuals,” she says. “They get so wrapped up in evidencebased protocols, and then they don’t realize that this evidencebased medicine is rooted in racism. So they see a plus-size Black woman come in for care, and automatically they pin her with, ‘Oh, you’re more than likely going to be high-risk. You’re more than likely going to have gestational diabetes.

Brittany “Tru” Kellman (center) in 2018 in front of Jamaa’s first home with (from left) Yvonne Smith, Noni Rogers Boyd, Haley Manning and Madyson Winn. | COURTESY BRITTANY KELLMAN You’re more than likely going to have hypertension.’ So from the gate, they automatically categorize them where they’re throwing all these e tra inter entions at the ” Part of the work Jamaa does is offering cultural awareness training to medical professionals to help them individualize their care. She says they often skip asking basic questions to determine their patients’ needs. hey re not saying, o are you? What’s going on in your life? o are you eating re you ha ing any type of intentional moveent ” she says ou ll find out that plus-size people are healthy. A lot of people are conscious of what they’re eating and what they’re putting in their body. Just because they don’t meet the typical white BMI schedule does not mean they are high-risk. … They miss the mark there.” For Verneda “Vee” Davis, 36, of Florissant, it wasn’t only that doctors did not ask her questions; it was that they dismissed the ones she asked. Davis, who studied journalism for her undergraduate degree, says it is her nature to research and ask questions. “I have to know,” she says. “I have to know things.” That’s especially true when it comes to her health and the health of her baby, but she says the doctors and nurses she encountered through four pregnancies seemed to have little time or interest in her concerns. “They make some Black women

not speak up, because they feel, ‘OK, I’m not going to be heard anyway,’” she says. When she was preparing to ha e her fifth child, she sought out a midwife and found Jamaa. Instead of rushed, ten-minute visits with an obstetrician, Davis and Kellman would meet for an hour at a time to work through her questions and discuss options. “She was truly concerned about me,” says Davis, who is now pursuing a master’s degree in education. As they neared the end of Davis’ pregnancy and her due date came and went, Kellman recommended a stress test and a second ultrasound at a hospital. Davis says her amniotic uid le els ere high, and she and Kellman decided the risks were significant enough to forego plans for a homebirth. It was part of what Kellman describes as moving along the scale of the risk-appropriate model, matching the level of care to the need. On an evening in late October, Davis and Kellman met at Missouri Baptist Medical Center where Davis was to be induced. The setting had changed, but they were able to incorporate aspects of the plan they had worked out in advance. Davis wasn’t hooked to an IV, and she was able to walk around — two things that were important to her. Instead of laboring in a bathtub in her home, she moved to the shower in her hospital room. They were little changes, but Davis says they made a huge difference in her e perience ith this deli ery

when compared to her previous four without a midwife. “[Kellman] was still with me,” she says. “I don’t know how I would have handled it if she wasn’t.” On October 24, Davis gave birth to a healthy baby boy. She named him Preston Asante — choosing a Swahili word that means “thank you.”

ellman focuses her work on three tiers. At the individual level is the care for clients such as Davis, whom she continues to meet with during postpartum home visits. But she also hopes to build a model that spreads across the country. “We are working on changing the entire landscape of maternal health in St. Louis outside of our village,” she says. At times, that has meant dragging large health-care systems toward more cultural awareness and changing practices that have silenced Black voices. In 2019, she fiercely battled Mercy ealth when the provider, after working with Jamaa, revealed plans to open its own clinic with midwifery services in Ferguson. Kellman says they violated an oral agreement not to copy her operation, and she calls the move “colonization 101.” Mercy retreated, issuing a public apology and altering its plans so as not to compete with Jamaa. The two organizations continue to meet on a regular basis, and Kellman says she is pressing

riverfronttimes.com

them to undergo cultural awareness training. Ultimately, she knows it will take more than Jamaa to shift societal norms and improve conditions for Black mothers and their families. To that end, she is training a new generation of doulas. So far, nearly 150 have passed through the program. Jamaa had its largest graduating class yet in November when about 40 people completed the training. boni ooper oateng as among a small group who joined in person while others participated online. They met in a hotel conference room in order to spread out and maintain social distance. t as onderful,” says ooper-Boateng, 30, of Ferguson. “It really was life-changing, and that ay sound e aggerated, but it really was.” he e pected to learn the ins and outs of being a doula, but she says the training also included lessons in the nation’s racist history of e peri enting on lac people and the gynecological horrors endured by Black women. Kellman traced the biases to inequities of the modern health-care system. The idea was to recognize the ways those long-running biases have been baked into the system so that they can be combated. n her day job, ooper oateng does outreach to underserved communities for the St. Louis County Department of Public ealth he had pre iously or ed for an a areness organization where health was always part of the discussion. “We often hear about people giving their consent” in regard to edical decisions, ooper Boateng says. “If you’re not really sure what all your options are so that you can really make an informed decision, then what is that consent that you just gave?” Now that she’s been through Jamaa’s training, she sees the job of a doula as empowering people with enough information and support to make the best decisions they can for themselves and their families. At the same time, she says, the training has empowered her as well. She has begun her own business, registering the name as Birthing You Doula Services, and hopes she will eventually make it her full-time job. She sees it as part of a larger shift. “Birthwork is a movement,” ooper oateng says, and it s the first step to ard building a ore just world. “If, from birth, there is injustice,” she asks, “what is there to say about the rest of life?” n

JANUARY 27-FEBRUARY 2, 2021

RIVERFRONT TIMES

JANUARY 27-FEBRUARY 2, 2021

riverfronttimes.com

SHORT ORDERS

[SIDE DISH]

Rolling in Dough Anthony Simmons of Pretzel Pretzel is knot salty about the twists of COVID-19 Written by

CHERYL BAEHR

ooking back on his upbringing, there was no way that Anthony Simmons was destined for anything other than the pretzel business. More than just a fun snack, pretzels were a ubiquitous presence in his life since he was a kid. “My mother is from New York, so pretzels have always been a part of our life,” Simmons says. “I grew up eating them multiple times a week, and as a teenager, I would sell them on the streets as a vendor. I’ve wanted to open a pretzel place of my own since I was sixteen, but I put it on the back burner because life happened. But I think it was just meant to be.” Though he didn’t take a straight path into the business, Simmons is finally li ing his pret el drea s with his wife, Amber, as the proprietor of the successful Pretzel Pretzel (multiple locations including 4338 Telegraph Road, Oakville; 314-200-9528). Since its founding in Affton nearly four years ago, the restaurant has outgrown its original location, added a second one and developed a loyal following for its unique recipes and creative dishes. Simmons’ success is proof that he was right to change course when he was in college. Though he pursued a business degree, he realized right away that it was not something he wanted to do with the rest of his life. Still, he wasn’t quite sure what he did want, and he worked in and out of the business orld until finally deciding to go to culinary school in 2010. Instead of heading for a restaurant kitchen and cooking on a line after graduation, he started working for the iconic Gus’ Pretzels

Four years ago, Anthony and Amber Simmons fulfilled the dream of opening a pretzel shop — and success quickly followed. | ANDY PAULISSEN so he could learn as much as he could about the food he wanted to create. Immediately, he knew he was on the right path. “I just loved the everyday part of the business,” Simmons says. “I liked the business, the customers, the passion for the product and seeing people eat them. Plus, I just loved working with dough — it takes a special kind of person to love that, because it’s not an easy task. There, I realized that this is what I want to do with my life.” Simmons left Gus’ to open Pretzel Pretzel in 2017 and has never looked back, even as he and ber na igate the di culties presented by the COVID-19 pandemic. He credits their success to the recipes and product — Phillystyle pretzels, which are baked in connected figure eight shapes so that they are crunchy on the outside and soft on the inside. Pretzel Pretzel’s unique recipe keeps its loyal fans coming in, even dur-

ing these tough times. Simmons is also proud of the restaurant’s stuffed pret els, filled ith e erything from bratwursts to salsiccia to Philly cheesesteak, which make an ideal on-the-go meal. “I like to think of us as a restaurant that specializes in pretzels rather than a pretzel shop,” Simmons explains. As much as Simmons is thankful that he, Amber and the Pretzel Pretzel team have been able to weather the storm brought on by the pandemic, he still stresses that it hasn’t been easy. As he explains, the pretzel business relies on bulk orders for sporting events, festivals and other occasions that have had to be canceled because of the risk that large gatherings pose. He’s also had to rethink Pretzel Pretzel’s business plan; he and Amber had put a 30-seat dining room inside their Telegraph Road location, only to have that rendered obsolete by COVID-19 — maybe permanently.

riverfronttimes.com

Still, he can’t feel anything but grateful for the support he and the team have received from the community, which is what’s getting him through these di cult ti es “At the very beginning, we were worried, like everyone else, about whether we were going to stay in business,” Simmons says. “What’s kept us going is the support of our customers and the realization that people love our product, service and team. Things are going about as good as they can go in a pandemic. Maybe even a little better.” Simmons took some time to share his thoughts on the state of the hospitality industry, the beauty of sleeping in until 6 a.m. and what he thinks the post-pandemic future might look like for restaurants. What is one thing people don’t know about you that you wish they did? Well, most importantly I am a father. I have four awesome boys

JANUARY 27-FEBRUARY 2, 2021

Continued on pg 18

RIVERFRONT TIMES

ANTHONY SIMMONS Continued from pg 17

ages ele en, t el e, fifteen and se enteen ho a ery proud of lso, just ho than ful ber and a to ha e such a successful business and a tea What daily ritual is non-negotiable for you? spresso start e ery day ith t o shots of espresso Who is your St. Louis food crush? o , here do start t ouis has so any greats f had to pic just one, it ould be Mi e ohnson and his tea a a huge fan of the ugarfire, i ointe and hic en ut concepts, and lo e their brand ing and creati e ar eting o e er, y actual list ould be too long to list hose ho no e ell no lo e the t ouis food scene Which ingredient is most representative of your personality? lour, because it s one of the ost ersatile ingredients and al lo s you to be ery e ible nd hen adding just a fe si ple ad diti es, it creates so ething e en bigger, and that s ho li e y life: eep adding the little things until it s so ething bigger If you werenâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;t working in the res-

RIVERFRONT TIMES

taurant business, what would you be doing? hat s a tough one, because at this point in y life, couldn t see yself doing anything else o e ti es, that s scary ut ould say if asn t in the restaurant busi ness, ould ha e follo ed in y parents Mary and ary i ons footsteps, ho ere both para ed ics in the city of t ouis for o er years thin our first respond ers are so e of the ost i portant people e can ha e in our li es As a hospitality professional, what do people need to know about what you are going through? ell, first, nothing could ha e prepared us for hat e are go ing through thin it s i portant people no that ber and and the tea at ret el ret el are do ing our best to eep going, to stay in business and to eep our tea or ing and safe all at the sa e ti e his pande ic has ade us rethin our strategy and future gro th, but e are confident e are a ing the right decisions, and e ill a e it out on the oth er side of this pande ic What do you miss most about the way you did your job before COVID-19? he cro ds, and being able to interact ith custo ers on a

JANUARY 27-FEBRUARY 2, 2021

personal le el ith the capacity restrictions and social distancing guidelines that ha e been in place since last March, it s ade things a little different and ind of uiet What do you miss least? he early hours eing in the pret el business has its pros and cons ne con is the early hours o e nights e start at p or idnight to a e sure e ha e prep done and ready for the early orning rush ince the pande ic started, e had to adjust our opening hours, so no , instead of a ing up at or a , e sleep in until a on t tell anyone, but e are getting spoiled e do hope to return to normal hours soon as the accine beco es ore a ailable and e get bac to li ing nor al li es What have you been stress-eating/drinking lately? nfortunately, ha e to ad it ha e been stress eating a lot a a foodie, and food is y go to ice his pande ic stress eating and eight gain is real do occa sionally sip a argarita hile out dining, but a not a drin er, and at years old ha e ne er dran a beer in y life What do you think the biggest change to the hospitality industry will be once people are allowed to

riverfronttimes.com

return to normal activity levels? hat s a tough one ant to say e erything ill be bac to nor al, but thin e are going to see a hospitality transfor ation to car ry out and deli ery li e ne er be fore thin there ill al ays be people ho ant to dine in, but food establish ents ha e to go in the direction that a es the ost sense econo ically and financial ly, ind of li e hat happened to the pi a industry in the s ts scary to thin there is a chance e ay not be able to sit do n and enjoy a eal ith our friends and fa ily at our fa orite restaurants, although try to stay opti istic and hope for the best What is one thing that gives you hope during this crisis? ur custo ers and our tea his has been a ery scary ti e and the support fro our custo ers and constant re inder in our stores and on social edia that people lo e our products at ret el ret el and lo e hat our tea brings to the table gi es e hope and the dedication to eep going e are ery opti istic that e ha e a product and co pany that people really ant to stay around and be part of the t ouis food scene, and e loo for ard to being part of it for a ery long ti e n

CULTURE

[VIRTUAL REALITY]

Neon Dreamin’ St. Louis company to host ‘80s livestream event featuring Bret Michaels, Lita Ford and more Written by

DANIEL HILL

ired of being cooped up in your house with nothing to do? Had enough of the mountain of shit the last three decades or so have heaped upon our once-great culture? An all-’80s livestream event booked by a group of local entrepreneurs may be just the thing for you! The event, dubbed Radical Sabbatical, will take place at noon on January 30, and will feature a full eight hours of ‘80s-themed celebration beamed right into your home. Prominent celebrities from the decade who’ll be making appearances include the likes of Bret Michaels, Kenny Loggins, Lita Ford, Sebastian Bach, Grandmaster Flash, Ray Parker Jr. and more. On the docket for the party are a series of musical performances, cooking and mixology segments, costume contests, trivia and even an ‘80s aerobics exercise class to help you shed some of that hardearned quarantine weight. Radical Sabbatical is being thrown by Clocktower Experiences, a local company that specializes in live events, and which has been largely sidelined by restrictions meant to slow the spread of COVID-19. According to a press release, the event will result in paychecks for a lot of people who are currently out of work. “During this particularly challenging year for the live music industry, we decided to invest our resources in a safe and entertaining event that will also provide meaningful human connections,” Clocktower co-owner Claire Young says. “We are also particularly proud that this event is putting hundreds of people

Lita Ford is just one of the ‘80s artists who will perform as part of the event. | TYLER CLINTON back to work during a time that many in this industry are struggling so much.” Highlights of the event will include a live performance by Poison singer Bret Michaels from his home studio; four “Vinyl Wino” segments in which Skid Row frontman Sebastian Bach will share his favorite wine and music pairings; musical performances by Kenny Loggins, Lita Ford and Ray Parker

Jr.; and a “journey through the history of rap and hip-hop” courtesy of the legendary Grandmaster Flash. “With so many in-person concerts and experiences being canceled, we wanted to help people connect over their shared love of the ‘80s, and usher in a new year with this ultimate throwback to one of the best decades,” Young says. “Whether you’re still rock-

riverfronttimes.com

ing a perm, or just someone who loves good music and live entertainment, we guarantee there will be something for everyone at this event.” Tickets start at $99.80 with various add-on options, including a meet and greet with Sebastian Bach for an additional $99. For more information about the day’s programming and to purchase tickets, visit 80sradsab.com. n

JANUARY 27-FEBRUARY 2, 2021

RIVERFRONT TIMES

JANUARY 27-FEBRUARY 2, 2021

riverfronttimes.com

[BARS]

Strike Three Wheelhouse, Start Bar ordered to close until 2022 for COVID-19 violations Written by

DOYLE MURPHY

he city slapped downtown party bars the Wheelhouse and Start Bar with its harshest pandemic penalties yet: one-year closures for both venues. The bars are under the same ownership and have had a longrunning battle with the city and St. Louis’ acting Director of Health Dr. Fredrick Echols. Both spots were shut down twice last year for violating public health orders that restrict crowd sizes and man-

[EX-PRESIDENTS]

Final Insult On his way out the door, Trump defiles “Gloria” — again Written by

DOYLE MURPHY

aura Branigan deserved better than this. In one of Donald Trump’s final acts as president, he treated himself to a going-away party set to the late singer’s hit “Gloria.” The song had been a force for good as the unofficial anthem of the St. Louis’ Blues’ historic 2019 Stanley Cup run. But then Trump had to defile it. It started with him playing it during the Blues’ trip to the White House during their championship tour. That sucked, but we were admittedly naive in thinking that was as bad as it would get for “Gloria.” In retrospect, it was perhaps inevitable that he would then try to steal the glory of legitimate winners for himself, adopting the Blues’ victory song as he pretended to have won re-election. It was “Gloria” that Trump played on January 6 when he arrived at a rally of his supporters in Washington D.C. and told them they’d have to “fight like hell” to keep the country from being stolen from them. Encouraged by the president, extremists in the crowd stormed the U.S. Capitol, overwhelming police as they went room

The city gathered images of unmasked crowds in the Wheelhouse and Start Bar. | CITY OF ST. LOUIS RECORDS date mask wearing. he first shutdo n as in uly after the Wheelhouse’s own Instagram accounts showed crowded dance oors and fe as s he bars were again shut down in November after more violations were reported. he uly and o e ber closures were for two weeks each and followed dozens of complaints to the city’s Citizen Services Bureau about violations of COVID-19 or-

ders. Complaints about the bars have continued into the new year, and city records include photos and screenshots from social media videos showing maskless Saturday night on anuary In the images, the young patrons without masks are shoulder to shoulder and at least two employees have their masks pulled down below their mouths. n a anuary letter to the bars, Echols says that he’s order-

ing both venues, which occupy two sides of 1000 Spruce Street near Busch Stadium, to shut do n until anuary , , unless he says otherwise. The latest closures ere first reported by KMOV. The owners sued the city after each of the previous closures, but they lost both challenges in the St. Louis circuit court. More than , people in Missouri ha e died as a result of the virus. n

“I think you’re headed for a breakdown,” Branigan’s recorded voice bellowed. “So be careful not to show it.” by room, searching for members of Congress and Vice President Mike Pence, whom Trump blamed for not illegally overturning the election. “Hang Mike Pence,” insurrectionists could be heard saying in videos of mayhem. Five people died, including a Capitol Police officer who was smashed in the head with a fire extinguisher. A Missouri woman joined the siege, snatching a piece of House Speaker’s broken nameplate and parading it through the Capitol, authorities say. And wouldn’t you know it, there was a man in a Blues knit hat next to her in some of the footage. He’s believed to be from St. Charles, and the FBI is investigating him too, according to a KMOV report. Add the role Missouri lawmakers played in stoking the chaos, and it wasn’t a great day for the state. Branigan’s legacy manager Kathy Golik wasn’t feeling it, either. On Twitter, she made it clear

Laura Branigan isn’t having it. | ALBUM ARTWORK Trump had no permission to play the song. She wrote that she was working to make it “abundantly clear that it is disturbing & appalling to see Laura’s memory, her music, & her legacy associated w/ violence at the Capitol this week.” In fairness, it’s possible Trump never saw that tweet, given that he’s been kicked off the platform for spreading dangerous lies. So as he arrived on Marine One at Andrews Air Force Base as he exited office Wednesday, “Gloria” blasted. It turns out, the lyrics were just right. “I think you’re headed for a breakdown,” Branigan’s recorded voice bel-

riverfronttimes.com

lowed. “So be careful not to show it.” During his speech, Trump claimed he was leaving a legacy of greatness. The crowd was a lot smaller than the one that gathered two weeks before at the Capitol. Noticeably absent was Pence and a host of cabinet members, who’d spurned an invitation to attend. But Trump rolled through familiar talking points as he recast his failings as victories. He promised he’d be back in “one form or another.” You can look up the speech, but let’s let Branigan sing him out. “If everybody wants you, why isn’t anybody calling?” n

JANUARY 27-FEBRUARY 2, 2021

RIVERFRONT TIMES

SAVAGE LOVE

THE BOYFRIEND EXPERIENCE

for hurting his feelings when my friends keep telling me I gave the relationship my all and I know that my soul couldn’t stand any more one-sided sex? Feminist Under Compulsive, Kink-Induced Nauseous Guilt

BY DAN SAVAGE Hey, Dan: Sex-positive bi woman here. I have recommended your column to many people over the years to help them feel normal and human in their kinks, fantasies, sexuality, etc. But I’m having a more difficult time extending similar acceptance to myself. I was in a three-year relationship with a cis straight man. I recently moved across the country for graduate school and this was the catalyst for me to put my foot down about opening the relationship in order to get my sexual needs met. He agreed and we tried being open but he found it too emotionally challenging, so now we are on a “break.” When we were together he showed me love in many ways, Dan, but he would not eat my pussy or finger me or use a vibrator or any other sex toys on me. He quit his own therapy for depressive symptoms and anxiety after just three sessions; he won’t do couple’s therapy; he won’t even have a conversation with me about why, exactly, my pussy and sexual pleasure are aversive to him. Even hearing me moan in pleasure or arousal seemed to make him recoil. All he wanted was blow jobs and occasional sessions of intercourse. He had some ED issues that he felt bad about but I told him multiple times that erections are not a big deal for me — what I like about sex is the intimacy, the play, and mutual pleasure. He is not a bastard, but the sex remained phallocentric. Writing this, I know that I made a reasonable decision for myself. Yet I continue to be wracked with guilt over pursuing (pandemic-safe) sex when I know this guy, who I love very much and care about very deeply, still has feelings for me and still wants to us be together, exclusively. Two questions: Do you have any idea of what gives, based on your experience? I’ve been trying to understand and open the lines of communication for years. And, how do I stop beating myself up

RIVERFRONT TIMES

You’re not responsible for the hurt feelings your ex-boyfriend — please make that break permanent — more than earned. You gave him three years and God alone knows how many blowjobs and he either didn’t love you enough to work on himself or he’s so damaged he’s incapable of doing the work. Either way, FUCKING, your ex-boyfriend is not in good working order, sexually or emotionally, and that’s not gonna change. He won’t talk to a shrink about his own shit, he won’t see a couples’ counselor about your shared shit, he won’t touch your pussy and he doesn’t want anyone else to touch your pussy — oh, and if you make even the slightest sound during sex, if a moan or, God forbid, a request should escape your lips, he recoils. Charitable reading: Your ex-boyfriend is a closeted necrophiliac and any sign of life from you turns him off. Slightly less charitable read: Your ex-boyfriend was raised to believe that sex is something a woman endures, not something a woman enjoys, and any sign that you might actually enjoy sex turns him off. I don’t know what his issues are, FUCKING, and neither do you. All we know for sure is that he has issues and, whatever else they might be, they are disqualifying. You asked for the only accommodation that might make it possible for you to stay in this relationship and stay sane — opening it up so you could seek sexual satisfaction elsewhere — and he couldn’t handle it. Hey, Dan: My girlfriend of six months got drunk one week into a work-related physical separation, ghosted on me, went to a hotel, and had sex for two days straight with another man. She then called and confessed everything. She’s remorseful and says it was alcoholrelated and that she doesn’t remember the details. My take is that if she was too drunk to remember the details, she was too drunk to consent, which equals rape, right?

JANUARY 27-FEBRUARY 2, 2021

I encouraged her to file a police report and get this rapist off the streets. She says she doesn’t know his name or number and doesn’t want to pursue legal action. She does remember the sex was unprotected and took Plan B today and is getting a full STI screening. She’s exhibiting signs of trauma — I’ve been down this road with an ex — and I’m trying to be supportive but I don’t think I can continue. Would I be the biggest asshole in the world to end this? Other details: She was married to a woman for the past five years and I was the first man she was ever with until this rape happened. I’m 50 years old, she’s 28 years old. What the fuck do I do? She’s fragile and I have been supporting her financially for the last six months, which is weird since her job pays twice what mine does. Just Seeking Guidance It’s entirely possible your girlfriend was black-out drunk that whole weekend and incapable of offering meaningful consent and the person she was with knew she was too fucked up to consent to sex — and wasn’t too fucked up to consent to sex himself — and she was raped. It’s also possible your girlfriend was drunk but not so drunk she couldn’t consent, JSG, and is overstating how drunk she was because she doesn’t want to share the details with you — details you aren’t entitled to. It’s also possible she was raped and is reluctant to go to the police because she knows telling her story — which could be entirely true — won’t result in an arrest, much less a prosecution, and so going to the police wouldn’t get this rapist — if the guy is a rapist — off the streets and could cause her further trauma. Zooming out for a second… you assume a man forced your girlfriend to do something she didn’t want to do (fuck him all weekend) and your response is to force your girlfriend to do something she doesn t ant to do file a police report). You need to stop that. If you think she’s showing signs of trauma, you should urge her to seek help from a rape counselor or trauma specialist, i.e. someone in a better position to assess the situation than you are, JSG, someone who doesn’t have cause to feel con icted or resentful or

riverfronttimes.com

angry about what did or did not happen that weekend. And if you want to end the relationship, you should, JSG, and you can break up with someone without being an asshole or abandoning them. Offer her your support — offer your emotional support, ithdra your financial support — and give her the names of some local rape crisis centers in your area. Hey, Dan: I’m a 59-year-old gay man with a problem I’ve struggled with for all of my active sex life. I rarely orgasm during sex. I’m now involved with a couple that has welcomed me to be part of a loving relationship and they want me to be as satisfied as they are. I enjoy pleasing both of them, but they also want me to be pleased. I appreciate this but I feel pressured to come and I just can’t. Any time I feel pressured to do anything I start to feel defensive and shut down. I enjoy being with these men very much and I want so much to share myself with them. How can I overcome this? I feel like I’m letting them down, and to be honest, I feel like there’s something wrong with me because I can’t orgasm during sex. Any help you can suggest is greatly appreciated. Can’t Orgasm Mostly Ever This couple sees orgasm as a sign of sexual satisfaction, COME, and it’s usually a pretty good sign. And while it’s always better to err on the side of satisfying a sex partner — you don’t wanna be like FUCKING’s ex-boyfriend — there are people who can’t come during partnered sex or at all. We should do whatever it takes within reason to get our partners off, but if a partner tells us they don’t need to come or can’t come but still enjoy sex? We need to take their word for it. So, COME, explain to your boyfriends that you love sex and you love getting them off but you rarely come during sex yourself and feeling pressured to come makes those rare events rarer still. Promise them that you’ll say something when you feel like coming and be clear about what they can do for you when that time comes. mail@savagelove.net @FakeDanSavage on Twitter www.savagelovecast.com

riverfronttimes.com

JANUARY 27-FEBRUARY 2, 2021

RIVERFRONT TIMES

SWADE

CANNABIS DISPENSARY Swade is Missouri’s premiere luxury cannabis dispensary created to restore and enliven mind, body, and spirit. SWADE takes a holistic approach to cannabis, creating a premium experience from our elevated dispensaries to the lasting sensory impression of our products. Step inside and feel instantly at ease. SWADE dispensaries are designed to present the country’s best cannabis products. From the serene surroundings informed by nature, to our first-of-its-kind Bud

Bar showcasing loose SWADE flower hand-selected for your order, we’ve examined every detail to make your experience inside SWADE both memorable and enlightening. SWADE offers an inviting atmosphere, informative approach and a love for precision in premium cannabis. Learn More: www.beleaflifesoils.com Contact Us: (314) 209-0859 info@beleafco.com

CANNABIS DOCTORS US

GET YOUR MEDICAL MARIJUANA CERTIFICATION FROM ONE OF OUR QUALIFIED DOCTORS Cannabis Doctors US started in Maryland in 2017. We have 6 locations in Maryland. We opened our first office in Missouri in 2019, and have since opened these additional St. Louis area offices: 111 Church St. in Ferguson 3006 S. Jefferson Ave. Suite 104 in St. Louis 9378 Olive Blvd. #312 in Olivette 222 S 2nd St. Suite LL in St. Charles 8135 Manchester Rd. in Brentwood All of our doctors are board certified to give patients a medical evaluation for medical cannabis

recommendation and certification, it’s the only thing we do. We also now offer secure Telemedicine (Video), that is HIPPA compliant. If you can’t leave home due to transportation, disability or health issues, you can call us or email to make a Telemedicine appointment. Once the restrictions are met, certification will be issued immediately. Please inquire for more details. Learn More: cannabisdoctorsus.com 314-222-7760 or 888-420-1536