Cousin Danny’s Exotic Haven 320 S. 52nd St. Dive Bar Rating: 5
5000 Market St. 215.748.4499 Dive Bar Rating: 3 When you pass Caprice Villa Lounge on the El headed east, the only sign you see is above the side entrance, which reads, rather simply and in block letters, HNIC. For those unawares, the acronym stands for Head Nigga In Charge, presenting an instant dilemma for customers of a lighter pigmentation. But pale patrons are rare at Caprice Villa, and in this neighborhood in general, a pocket of West Philly under the El that’s yet to be touched by the so-called “Penntrification” that’s sweeping west of the Schuylkill River and has rebranded a huge swath of it University City. That’s not to say they’re not welcoming, as bartender Carolyn or anyone pouring at Caprice will happily get you whatever you need. Caprice has been open four decades, celebrating its 40th Anniversary in April 2010. For generations it’s been owned by the Hines Family, and Willie Hines is the name on the paychecks nowadays. Framed pictures of the Hines family hang around the bar, as does a plaque commemorating the life of family matriarch Lucy Hines, who lived to be 85 (Jan. 19, 1922–March 19, 2007). There are lots of rules posted around Caprice. For instance, anyone caught using or selling drugs will be banned permanently. No hoodies. No loitering. No soliciting. A few Dodge City video poker games dot the outside wall of Caprice, and have “For Amusement Only” signs on them lest someone get drunk enough to forget they’re in Pennsylvania and not Atlantic City. Upstairs, cooks fry fish and chicken and you can smell it walking up the street. Behind the bar is food of a less delicious, but more affordable lot: giant pickles, Slim Jims, crackers. Behind them is a plaque that reads “HNIC June 18, 1980,” and nearly all the hand-written signs, “Door must remain closed,” “Food upstairs,” the rules from the paragraph above, are signed HNIC as well. So, sweet Carolyn, pourer of the $3 Johnny Walker Black (!), what’s up with all the HNIC stuff? “It means Head Nigga In Charge.” “Yes, but why is it written on everything, and why is it on the sign above the door? What’s its significance to Caprice Villa Lounge in particular?” The answer is in the bar’s own history: family owned 40 years, nothing has shut them down, not recession, not the drug trade outside its doors, not even the long and disastrous reconstruction of the El, which cut business in half for more than a year. HNIC it is then.
Fishtown’s 15th Round 430 Belgrade St. Dive Bar Rating: 2
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Fans of the Internet may remember a YouTube series awhile back wherein three Fishtown curmudgeons critique modern music. It was called “Breakfast at Sulimay’s” and in it, the pernicious Ann Bailey, the adorable Joe Walker and the mostly quiet Bill Able sit in a back booth in the venerable Fishtown diner Sulimay’s while Pew Grant-winner Marc Brodzik of Philadelphia’s Scrapple TV pumps new hits into their ears via his laptop. Through their headphones they hear the latest from artists they would never in a million years listen (or even be exposed) to—Animal Collective, Jay Reatard, Young Jeezy. They then sit in judgment of what they’ve just heard, American Idol style, the results of which usually inspires kneeslapping, gut-busting laughter. The series has been posted on popular music blogs and websites like Stereogum, Pitchfork and XXL magazine. Some of the videos have more than 100,000 views and are bonafide hits. The trio in the video, as a result, are Internet famous. Bill Able owns Fishtown’s 15th Round. He owns the entire three-story building it’s in, in fact. And when you walk in on his well-lit ground-floor bar, you’re essentially walking into his living room. Or at least it feels like it, because, right as rain and sure as shit, when you stumble into the
P H I L A D E L P H I A W E E K LY April 6 - 12, 2011
Cousin Danny’s Exotic Haven is the nastiest dive-y strip club to ever have a Twitter account. I’ll put my money on that. Follow them @exotichaven for nuggets like this: “Your Tuesday nights will never be the same again cousindanny’s presents $2 lap dance tuesdays also $2 wing platters.” That’s $4 for wings and breasts. (Ba dump dump!) Cousin Danny’s Exotic Haven boasts that it’s the oldest black-owned strip club in Philadelphia. Don’t know about that, but it has been around for quite some time. It was formerly the Pony Tail. Come to think of it, I don’t know about those wing platters, either. Only food I’ve seen in the place are never-ordered containers of Cup O Noodles, which sit behind the bar alongside the liquor. Cousin Danny’s is a narrow place. A banquette to the left hugs the wall, a shotgun bar to the right adorned with Christmas lights sticks out to accommodate the stage and pole behind it. On that pole, for years, is a dancer and West Philly institution named Big Kim. Kim is hefty—300 plus if you had to put a number on it—but she can whirl around the pole behind Danny’s bar with the best of them. She can also chug a full bottle of Corona with no hands, swallowing the last few ounces as she commands the bottle’s neck to go in and out, in and out of her mouth and partly down her throat. It’s a show that lives up to the tattoo on her arm: “52 Block Sexy” above and below the Rolling Stone’s lips and tongue logo. (Though you get the distinct feeling she’s not really a fan of the band.) Last time I was in Cousin Danny’s, I brought a friend. When we walked through the narrow space between the barstools and banquette, one of the dancers looked us in the eyes and said, “Evening, officers,” as we took our seats. As the only white guys in the place, the meaning was not lost on us. A couple nights later, Cousin Danny’s bouncer, 27-year-old Orlando Morrison, was shot and killed while working the door. Putting an officer inside might not be a bad idea.
Caprice Villa Lounge
W W W. P H I L A D E L P H I A W E E K LY. C O M
Dotted around the bar are Semper Fi memorabilia and homages to Philly sports teams. They keep it bright in Cookie’s, which can be distracting if it’s late and you’ve had more than your share—it constantly looks like last call in there. Some say it’s so Big Mike can show off his always freshly manicured nails. He’s even talked about getting diamonds pressed into them. If that sounds a bit strange for a bar as macho as this one, it is. But dude is a hulk of a man, and no one is going to fuck with him. Not even a Marine. If someone does, remember, they don’t call 911.
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