Advice Goddess

Mr. Throng

I’m a 35-year-old woman and I’ve been involved with a guy around my age for almost two years. It’s been “open.” Well, that is, he’s had the freedom to sleep with other people. I haven’t wanted to. I finally realized that I am not happy with this and want more, but he made it very clear that he’s not interested in being monogamous—with me or anybody. I’m having a very difficult time cutting things off as there’s a lot that’s great about our relationship. How do you leave somebody you really care about who you know is bad for you? It isn’t exactly a shocker that the thing you want to be asking your boyfriend when he comes home is not “Hey, cuddlebug, how was your booty call?”

There’s this notion that being sexually sophisticated means being all “no probski” about your partner having sex on the “I love a parade” model. But it turns out that jealousy isn’t so easily disabled. Research by evolutionary psychologist David Buss suggests that jealousy is basically love’s burglar alarm—an evolved psychological warning system that goes off in response to threats to a relationship. So, sure, you can try to talk yourself into being cool with the sexual variety pack—just like when you hear your downstairs window breaking, you can try to roll over and catch a little more shut-eye while the burglars ransack your house.

It must seem kind of unbelievable to be so miserable yet so unable to keep enough of a grip on that to get out. You can probably blame the limits of what’s called “working memory.” It’s essentially a mental workspace— a kind of whiteboard in your head—where you lay out and kick around a few sets of information. These info sets are called “chunks” and one example might be the experiences that make up the idea “he cooks me these wonderful dinners!” But according to research by psychologist Nelson Cowan, working memory holds only about four chunks at once. We also tend to give priority seating to info sets that justify the choices we’ve made. So, all aboard for the he’s a great kisser chunk, the he was really sweet when I was in the hospital chunk, etc., etc. And whoops—whaddya know—seems there’s no room for he insists on having sex buffet-style.

You need to look at all the information at once, and this requires a piece of paper and a pen. On either half of the page, list the pros and cons of being with him, giving them blocks of space that correspond to their importance. For example, his home-cooked meals should probably get a sliver of space on the pro side, while his need to go home with Linda should get a big block on the con side. Carry this paper around and look at it until it becomes clear to you that you need to be somebody’s “one and only” and not just the one before their Tuesday tennis lesson.

Hug Hefner

I’m a 32-year-old guy, and my girlfriend has been complaining that the only time I’m cuddly or affectionate is when I want to have sex. I don’t really see the problem. It’s my way of initiating versus … I don’t know … asking her, which would be weird. Aw, how sweet—cuddling that comes with a trap door to the sex dungeon!

From a woman’s point of view, it’s nice to have your boyfriend, say, grab your hand, and not just because he’d like you to put it on his penis. This isn’t just some mysterious form of sexual etiquette. It comes out of how women evolved to be “commitment skeptics,” as evolutionary psychologist Martie Haselton puts it. Erring on the side of underestimating a man’s level of commitment was how ancestral women kept themselves from ending up single mothers with a bunch of cave-lings to feed.

Economist Robert Frank calls love “a solution to the commitment problem.” As he explains it, being emotionally bonded keeps you from making a coldly rational calculation about who’s got more to offer—your girlfriend or the new neighbor with boobs so big that each should be sending a delegate to the U.N. So, because women are on the lookout for signs that you love them, a hug is a hug is a hug needs to be the deal much of the time. Otherwise, whenever you’re affectionate, it’ll just seem like the boyfriend version of a wino telling a woman she’s beautiful—because it would be really beautiful if she’d give him the last dollar he needs to get drunk on cheapo aftershave. Ω

Got a problem? Write Amy Alkon, 171 Pier Ave., No. 280, Santa Monica,CA 90405, or email AdviceAmy@aol.com (www.advicegoddess.com).

EvEning of RomancE—WintER masquERadE

Note-Able Music Therapy Services hosts its 12th annual celebration of music and dance in the community. The event features performances by the Reno Jazz Orchestra, David Hayes, The Note-Ables and dancers from The Ballroom of Reno, as well as champagne, desserts and silent and live auctions. The theme this year is “Winter Masquerade” and attendees are encouraged to dress in formal wear and masks. The party begins at 8 p.m. on Saturday, Jan. 30, in the Grand Ballroom at Atlantis Casino Resort, 3800 S. Virginia St. Tickets are $50 in advance and $55 at the door. Call 324-5521 or visit http://note-ables.org.

—Kelley Lang

SPARKS HERITAGE MUSEUM: Great Basin

Native Artists Exhibit and Reception. The Sparks Museum & Cultural Center presents a group exhibition by the Great Basin Native Artists. The exhibition features the work of contemporary Native American artists Ben Aleck, Phil Buckheart, Louinda Garity, Topaz Jones and Melissa Melero. The show includes a collection of paintings, ink and graphite drawings and assemblage sculpture. The reception will be on Feb. 12. M-Su through 2/27; F, 2/12, 4-7pm. Free. 814

Victorian Ave., Sparks, (775) 355-1144, www.sparksmuseum.org. WINGFIELD PARK: The Light Chimes. Scott

Morgan’s light sculpture illuminates

Wingfield Park nightly with animated color palettes derived from Reno street murals, the artist’s own work and time lapses of the Milky Way.

M-Su, 4-10pm through 3/31. Free. 300

W. First St., (775) 329-2787.

Call for Artists

CITY OF RENO CALL FOR ARTISTS: The City

of Reno is accepting proposals from artists and curators interested in exhibiting. All media will be considered for display. A review panel will determine the quality of proposals. The Public Art Committee and Reno Arts and Culture Commission will have final approval. Through 3/1. McKinley Arts & Culture Center, 925 Riverside Drive, (775) 334-6264, www.reno.gov.

Museums

NATIONAL AUTOMOBILE MUSEUM (THE

HARRAH COLLECTION): SpaceMobiles:

From Rockets and Rovers to Cars on Mars. This exhibit takes a look at

America’s fascination with exploring new frontiers and the machines that make it possible. M-Su through 4/11. $4-$10, free for members and children age 5 and younger. 10 S. Lake St., (775) 333-9300. NEVADA MUSEUM OF ART: Andy Diaz

Hope & Jon Bernson: Beautification Machine, W-Su through 7/24; Daniel Douke: Extraordinary, W-Su through 4/24; Don Dondero: A Photographic Legacy, W-Su through 7/10; Cedra Wood: A Residency on Earth, W-Su through 5/15. Opens 1/30. $1-$10. 160 W.

Liberty St., (775) 329-3333, www.nevadaart.org.

Film

ROM-COMS: THE PHILADELPHIA STORY:

Churchill Arts Council’s film series kicks off with George Cukor’s 1940 film starring Cary Grant, Katherine Hepburn and James Stewart. F, 1/29, 8pm. $17 Churchill Arts Council members, $20 non-members. Barkley Theatre, Oats Park Art Center, 151 E. Park St., Fallon, (775) 423-1440.

Music

APRES SKI LIVE MUSIC: THE RISKY

BISCUITS: The group performs its twist on Americana, bluegrass and country. Su, 1/31, 3:30-6:30pm.

Homewood Mountain Resort, 5145 W. Lake Blvd., Homewood, (877) 525-7669, www.skihomewood.com.

COME IN FROM THE COLD FAMILY

ENTERTAINMENT SERIES: The 2016

series continues with The TRIO. Sa, 7pm through 3/12. $3 suggested donation per person. Western Heritage Interpretive Center, Bartley Ranch

Regional Park, 6000 Bartley Ranch

Road, (775) 828-6612. EPIC CONCERT SERIES: TOCCATA—Tahoe

Symphony Orchestra and Chorus continues its 11th annual WinterFest with Elizabeth Pitcairn performing on the legendary Red Mendelssohn Stradivarius violin. The program opens with Felix Mendelssohn’s symphonic choral masterpiece Elijah, Part 2, featuring vocal soloists Anna Helwing, Joy Strotz, Becky Earl, Liudmila Mullin, Brad Perry Sherman Modeste, Stuart Duke, Chris Nelson and Chris Langton. Guest violinist Elizabeth Pitcairn will perform the Brahms Violin Concerto in D major. Jeffrey Lindhorst is Tahoe Symphony concertmaster. Maestro James Rawie will conduct all performances. F, 1/29, 7pm. St. Theresa Catholic Church, 1041 Lyons Ave., South Lake Tahoe; Su, 1/31, 3pm. St. Rose of Lima Catholic Church, 100 Bishop Manogue Drive; W, 2/3, 7pm. $5-$40; free for youth under age 19 in general seating. Corpus Christi Catholic Church, 3597 N. Sunridge Drive, Carson City, (775) 313-9697, www.toccatatahoe.com.

PIPES ON THE RIVER: The Friday lunchtime concert series features guest artists performing on the church’s Casavant pipe organ. F, noon. Free. Trinity

Episcopal Church, 200 Island Ave., (775) 329-4279, www.trinityreno.org.

Sports & Fitness

DOWNTOWN RENO ICE RINK: The ice skat-

ing rink will be located in front of the Reno Aces Ballpark. Hours are from 10am to 10pm Monday through Saturday, and 10am to 7pm on Sunday through February. Weather conditions may affect rink conditions, so please call in advance to confirm operating hours. M-Su, 10am through

2/14. $8 adults, $6 children ages 3-12 and seniors ages 55 and older, $3 skate rental. Reno Aces Ballpark, 250 Evans Ave., (775) 334-7035, www.renoaces.com.

GALENA CREEK GUIDED HIKE: Join a

naturalist along one of the Galena Park trails and learn about the area. Bring water, sunscreen, hiking boots or snowshoes (if weather permits.) Sa, 10am through 3/18. $5 sug-

gested donation. Galena Creek Visitor

Center, 18250 Mt. Rose Highway, (775) 849-4948. RENO BIGHORNS: The D-league team plays the Santa Cruz Warriors. Su, 1/31, 3pm. $35-$125. Reno Events

Center, 400 N. Center St., http://reno.dleague.nba.com. USA TAEKWONDO: US OPEN AND OLYMPIC

TEAM TRIALS: The international U.S. Open will be held Feb. 3-7, with the U.S. Olympic Team Trials kicking things off on Feb. 2. Tu-Su through 2/7. Reno-Sparks Convention Center, 4590 S. Virginia St., www. teamusa.org/USA-Taekwondo/ Event-Calendar/2016/February/02/ US-Open-and-Olympic-Team-Trials.

Onstage

THE DIARY OF ANNE FRANK: A PORTRAIT

IN COURAGE: In this stage adaptation of The Diary Of Anne Frank, director Holly Natwora focuses on the courage and continued belief in the goodness of people described in Anne’s diary that was saved from the Nazis after Anne’s capture. The Diary of Anne Frank opens with a post-show opening night champagne reception. The matinee on Jan. 31 will be followed by a talkback with the company. Th, 1/28, 8pm; F, 1/29, 8pm; Sa, 1/30, 8pm; Su, 1/31, 2 & 8pm; Th, 2/4, 8pm; F, 2/5, 8pm; Sa, 2/6, 8pm; W, 2/10, 8pm; Th, 2/11, 8pm; F, 2/12, 8pm; Sa, 2/13, 8pm.

$18-$25. Brüka Theatre, 99 N. Virginia

St., (775) 323-3221, www.bruka.org. THE MIRACLE WORKER: TheatreWorks

of Northern Nevada presents the Tony Award-winning play The Miracle Worker by William Gibson that tells the story of Annie Sullivan and her student, blind and mute Helen Keller. F, 1/29, 7pm; Sa, 1/30, 7pm; Su,

1/31, 2pm. $12 general, $10 students, seniors. Laxalt Auditorium, Warren

Nelson Building, 401 W. Second St., (775) 284-0789, www.twnn.org. OUTSIDE MULLINGAR: The Restless

Artists’ Theatre (formerly known as Reno Artists’ Theatre) presents John Patrick Shanley’s romantic comedy set in rural Ireland. F, 1/29, 7:30pm; Sa, 1/30, 7:30pm; Su, 1/31, 2pm; Th, 2/4, 7:30pm; F, 2/5, 7:30pm; Sa, 2/6, 7:30pm; Su, 2/7, 2pm; Th, 2/11, 7:30pm; F, 2/12, 7:30pm; Sa, 2/13, 7:30pm; Su, 2/14,

2pm. $15 advance, $20 at the door.

Laughing Owl Productions, 75 S. Wells

Ave., (775) 348-7091. RENO IMPROV SHOW + JAM: Reno Improv

presents Chicago-style, long-form improv. The performances are unrehearsed and unscripted, so you’ll never experience the same show twice. Once a month, Reno Improv hosts a jam called The Experiment, which is open to everyone. Bring a concept you’d like to workshop and you’ll be matched with a partner for some free-form improv. Sa, 8-9:30pm through 2/6. $5 suggested donation. The Potentialist Workshop, 836 E. Second St., (775) 686-8201.

Classes

JIMMY BEANS WOOL KNIT NIGHT: Join

local and visiting fiber enthusiasts for an evening of knitting and crocheting. Fourth Th of every month, 6-8pm. Free.

Jimmy Beans Wool, 1312 Capital Blvd.,

Ste. 103, (775) 827-9276, www.jimmybeanswool.com. THE PLAYGROUND IMPROV WORKSHOP:

Learn the basics of improv during weekly workshops every Saturday night before Reno Improv’s show. Play improv games and meet new friends. Sa, 6:30-8pm through 2/6. $5

suggested donation. The Potentialist Workshop, 836 E. Second St., (775) 686-8201.

Community

CROCHET CONNECTION: Learn to crochet

or share tips with other crochet enthusiasts. Th, 4-5:45pm. Free.

Spanish Springs Library, 7100A

Pyramid Lake Highway, located at

Lazy 5 Regional Park, Spanish Springs, (775) 424-1800. DEPRESSION BIPOLAR SUPPORT ALLIANCE:

The Reno chapter of the national DBSA meets. Fourth Th of every month,

7-8:30pm. Renown Health Boardroom, 1495 Mill St., (775) 835-6410. GRIEF SUPPORT GROUP: Renown Hospice

Care offers a grief support group every first and third Wednesday. Support is available for those who have experienced the loss of a loved one. The group is facilitated by Fr. Karry Crites and is open to anyone. First W of every month, 6:30-8pm. Free.

Washoe County Senior Center, 1155 E.

Ninth St., (775) 982-2817, http://bit.ly/

GriefSupportGroup. LIFESCAPES: The writing program provides seniors an opportunity to write and share their memoirs. First and third W of every month, 1-3pm. Free.

Northwest Reno Library, 2325 Robb Drive, (775) 787-4100; second and fourth Th of every month, 10:30am. Free.

South Valleys Library, 15650A Wedge

Parkway, (775) 851-5190. SOUTH VALLEYS BRIDGE GROUP: Join Jill

and meet new friends. Basic bridge knowledge preferred. F, 1-4pm. Free. South Valleys Library, 15650A Wedge Parkway, (775) 851-5190, www.washoe.lib.nv.us.

SPARKS LIBRARY KNITTING AND

CROCHETING CIRCLE: Do you know how

to knit or crochet, but just want to meet new people? Join the Sparks

Library every Thursday and learn the techniques to start your masterpiece. Th, 4-6pm. Free. Sparks Library, 1125 12th St. in Sparks; (775) 352-3200. THE TUESDAY NIGHT YARN CREW: All skill

levels and yarn-crafts are welcome. Bring your project to this “sit and knit” gathering. Tu, 5:30-7pm. Free. South Valleys Library, 15650A Wedge Pkwy.; (775) 851-5190; www.washoe. lib.nv.us.

Volunteer

BLOOD DONATIONS: Give the gift of life and donate blood. Donors must be healthy, weigh at least 110 pounds and be at least 17 years old. Call to make an appointment. M-Su. United

Blood Services, 1125 Terminal Way; (775) 324-6454; www.unitedbloodservices.org.