Film

Wave goodbye

The 5th Wave

I’m going to sound like an old coot right now, but here I go. When I was a young fella, young adult science fiction had some goddamned backbone. Some of that stuff was actually really good, especially one particular science fiction series. Please picture me on a rocking chair with my pipe and hooch, accompanied by slow banjo music, while reading the next couple of paragraphs. We had this alien invasion book series called The Tripods that our school required us to read, and it featured the novels of John Christopher. They focused on some young kids trying to make it in this world while trying to avoid alien control. It was well written, kind of exciting, and I think it’s actually to blame for a lot of the tween bullshit we have to endure now at the cinemas. If The Tripods was the prototype for tween science fiction, The 5th Wave is its absolute bastard abomination, at least in its movie form. Yes, I was reminded of The Tripods because of the similar “teens try to kick some alien asses while going through their social awakening” theme. The 5th Wave is based upon the young adult novel by Rick Yancey, the first in a trilogy. God willing, this movie will be the only one to receive a movie adaptation. Further cinematic installments will cause me to punch myself in the face and thus hurt my standing in the workplace, at social gatherings, etc. Chloe Grace Moretz plays Cassie Sullivan, a normal teenage girl who drinks beer at parties, drools over high school football guy Ben Parish (Nick Robinson) and calls the guy from Office Space (Ron Livingston) dad. Things go from routine to wacky for Cassie when a big metal spaceship thing parks over Ohio and starts messing with the human race in “waves.”

The first wave involves an electromagnetic pulse that knocks out all power and renders PlayStation 4 useless, while the second wave brings earthquakes and tsunamis. The third wave involves plague, while the fourth includes survivors battling with aliens in human hosts. The fifth wave—well, that’s a mystery, a mystery you will solve by Bob Grimm really quick if you put forth even the slightest effort. bgrimm@ The first three waves are actually kind newsreview.com of interesting, although the subpar special effects and meager budget don’t allow for 1 much elaborating. They are over relatively quickly, and we are left with Cassie running around in the forest. She’s captured by dreamy dude Evan Walker (Alex Roe), a character so lame he’ll make you miss Twilight’s Edward Cullen. As briefly explained above, the aliens occupy their human hosts by crawling in their heads somehow and wrapping around their brains. We never do get to see this actually happen. Had we seen this process, the film might’ve had a decent scene or two. What we do get is a couple of hilariously bad scenes where we see the aliens in horribly rendered x-rays that make old eighties Atari games look state-of-theart (yes, picture me rocking on my chair with that hooch again). Goetz in an interesting young actress, but she makes a lot of bad movies. I haven’t been blown away by one of her movies since Hugo five years ago. She looks lost this time out, her bid for her own Twilight or Divergent a sad, sad thing. Liev Schreiber and Maria Bello chime in as military personnel, each doing nothing to advance their film careers. One of last year’s “It” girls, Mika Monroe of It Follows, plays young alien resistance recruit Ringer, a Goth girl who takes the time to put eye makeup on for the apocalypse. Hey, one has to keep up appearances, right? As for The Tripods (Wait … let me take a sip of my hooch and puff my pipe), it was made into a failed TV series back in the ’80s, but there has been some buzz about making a new movie from the books. If they do, please keep Chloe Grace Moretz, the girl from It Follows and Taylor Lautner’s abs far away from the project. Ω

“Old Yeller. Best doggone dog in the West.”

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POOR

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VERY GOOD 5

EXCELLENT 3 13 Hours: The Secret Soldiers of Benghazi This is Michael Bay’s best film yet. Is it the great film this true story deserves? No, it isn’t. It is, however, a strong, competent effort from a guy whose action films are usually incomprehensible and schmaltzy. So, I think my “I Hate Bay” club membership card is going to be revoked … for now. Why is it his best film? Because the cast totally rocks from start to finish, and Bay actually tells a story, and a harrowing one, keeping over-baked action film trickery to somewhat of a minimum. There’s real, palpable tension in this movie, something I’ve never felt during a Bay movie before. On the anniversary of 9/11 in 2012, a CIA security force in Benghazi, Libya, must try to protect a U.S. Ambassador during a terrorist attack on U.S. compounds. Because of the nature of these compounds, the security force finds itself dealing with a bunch of red tape prohibiting them from flying into action and, much worse, possibly preventing them from receiving assistance from the U.S. military. Bay does a decent job of showing us the confusing hell these men must’ve gone through. In the end, Bay delivers the goods in a fine action film.

4The Big Short Director Adam McKay, the master behind such broad comedy gems as Anchorman and Step Brothers, flexes his slightly more serious muscles for this one, a take on the housing bubble that nearly destroyed the global economy. An ensemble cast featuring Christian Bale, Steve Carell, Ryan Gosling and Brad Pitt make this a funny-yet-scary look at how big banks nearly sent us back to the stone ages. Carell is especially good as Mark Baum, a banker with a conscience who realizes a little too late that things are going bad, and his wealth is going to come at the expense of a many U.S. homeowners. Bale is typically good as Michael Burry, the man who saw the storm coming and made a boatload of money betting against the biggest monsters of modern finance. Pitt has fun as a financial guru who has taken to the hills in anticipation of the oncoming financial apocalypse, while Gosling gives the whole thing a nice Martin Scorsese vibe as a fast-talking banker/narrator. It’s a drama, but it’s often funny. (Margot Robbie in a bubble bath … brilliant!) McKay shows that his chops go well beyond directing Will Ferrell with a fireman’s mustache.

3Daddy’s Home The second pairing of Will Ferrell and Mark Wahlberg isn’t as funny as their first offering, The Other Guys, but it’s still funny enough to warrant a look. Ferrell is in bumbling mode as Brad, stepfather to a couple of kids who hate him and the husband of Sarah (Linda Cardellini). Just when the kids are starting to only hate him a little, Sarah’s ex-husband Dusty (Wahlberg) comes back into the picture in a boorish bid to win back his ex’s love, reclaim his children and get Brad out of the house. This provides a setup that sees Ferrell’s Brad subjected to all forms of humiliation and injury, including a calamitous trek through his house on a motorcycle and a rendezvous with electrical wires after getting some impressive air off a half-pipe. Ferrell and Wahlberg are funny together, and the movie does a decent job of making them both likeable idiots. Thomas Haden Church steals scenes as Brad’s obnoxious boss at a smooth jazz radio station, as does Hannibal Buress as a handyman who winds up crashing on Brad’s couch. The film is nasty, but it’s neutered a bit by it’s PG-13 rating. It’s clear this is being marketed at families, but that’s a mistake right there. I’m sure there’s a nastier cut of this movie, and if I have a complaint it’s that the movie doesn’t go all the way with its sinister message. It pulls some punches, keeping it from being the dark comedy it deserves to be, and making it more of a feel-good film with some sinister undertones. Still, I laughed enough, and the film is recommended to fans of Ferrell and Wahlberg. 5 The Hateful Eight Quentin Tarantino returns to form after the just OK Django Unchained with yet another masterpiece, a grandiose Western potboiler that boasts his best dialogue in years and an Oscar caliber performance from Jennifer Jason Leigh. I didn’t dislike Django, but I thought there was something a little off and sluggish about it. It definitely left me wanting more from Tarantino on the Western front. I thought he had a better, grittier Western still in him, and this film proves that he did. Many of the Tarantino cast regulars return, including Samuel L. Jackson, Tim Roth, Michael Madsen and Kurt Russell. Russell, who delivered what I believe is his best career work in Tarantino’s Death Proof as Stuntman Mike, gets another chance to go to town with a Tarantino script and he embraces it with much enthusiasm. Russell plays John “The Hangman” Ruth, a bounty hunter renowned for bringing in his prisoners alive so that their necks meet the noose in the end. Riding in a stagecoach to Red Rock, with the notorious Daisy Domergue (Leigh), his latest bounty, chained to his arm, he comes across bounty hunter Major Marquis Warren (Jackson), and this is where the fun begins. The party rescues one more man, future Red Rock Sheriff Chris Mannix (an outstanding Walton Goggins), from an oncoming blizzard. The stagecoach heads for Minnie’s Haberdashery as a means of shelter, where they meet the rest of the cast and tensions soar. On top of being a terrific mystery containing one of the best screenplays Tarantino has ever turned out, this is also one of his very best-looking films. Do not miss it on the big screen.

5The Revenant For the second year in a row, director Alejandro Gonzalez Inarritu has delivered the year’s best film. The best movie of 2015 is The Revenant, an eye-popping Western thriller that gives Leonardo DiCaprio, the winner of the Golden Globe for Best Actor, the role that should finally score him that first Oscar. The innovative Inarritu was also responsible for last year’s Birdman. DiCaprio gives it everything he’s got as Hugh Glass, a scout working with fur traders on the American frontier in the early nineteenth century. Glass, while doing his job, gets a little too close to a couple of bear cubs, and Mama Grizzly is not all too happy about such an occurrence. What follows is a lengthy and vicious bear attack where Glass tangles with the nasty mother not once, but twice. Inarritu, DiCaprio and some amazing visual technicians put you in the middle of that bear attack, minus the searing pain of actually having a bear’s claws and teeth rip through your flesh. Trust me when I tell you, it’s an unforgettably visceral moment when that bear steps on DiCaprio’s head. DiCaprio is incredible here, as are Tom Hardy as a villainous fur trapper who wants to leave Glass behind, Domhnall Gleeson as the commander forced to make horrible decisions, and Will Poulter as the compassionate man who makes a big mistake. It’s a revenge tale amazingly told.

5Star Wars: The Force Awakens With this seventh chapter in the Star Wars saga, J.J. Abrams and crew have done exactly what they did with Star Trek, and created a fun movie that not only respects the blessed canon of a beloved franchise, but stands on its own as a piece of supreme entertainment. It’s 2015’s most entertaining film, for sure, and a movie that stands up proudly in the realm of Star Wars movies. In many ways, Star Wars: The Force Awakens is the best movie in the franchise. I won’t say it’s my personal, sentimental favorite. (I think The Empire Strikes Back still holds that post, but a little more time will tell.) The Force Awakens has solid storytelling, its special effects are first rate, and the performances are, undoubtedly, the best the franchise has ever seen. That’s due in part to Daisy Ridley, an incredible talent who becomes an instant star for the foreseeable future as Rey, a scrappy scavenger on a Tatooine-like desert planet. I don’t think I’m overdoing it by saying she delivers the alltime, all-around best dramatic performance in the Star Wars universe in this role. The film will leave you craving for more, and a good Star Wars craving is a nice thing to have.