Advice Goddess

Nappily Ever After

I just moved in with my fiance, whose 5-year-old daughter stays with us part of the week. On the evenings she’s at the house, my fiance just goes to sleep, leaving me to entertain her. She likes to play endless games like “Guess how many fingers I’m holding up!” Well, I work a full-time job, and I’m exhausted in the evenings. He and I got into a big fight because I said he can’t just clock out like this. He told me that I need to “set boundaries” with her. Is this really my job? I’m not her mother, and I’m not even officially her stepmother yet. So what did he do before you moved in, just chain her to the radiator while he took a snooze? When I was growing up, I’d have to play with toys by myself or go out and poke a worm with a stick. These days, parents go way over the top in how involved they think they should be in playtime, and kids exploit this, extorting constant adult attention. Developmental psychologist Peter Gray explains that play evolved to be the “primary means” for children to learn to solve their own problems, overcome their fears, and take control of their lives, and this parents-as-playmates thing may stunt kids’ self-reliance. Gray, like anthropologist David Lancy, points out that parents being all up in kids’ playtime business is a very recent development. Throughout human history, parents have been too busy doing the little things—you know, like trying to keep the family from starving to death—to read the hieroglyphic version of The Very Hungry Caterpillar to their kid 500 times in a row.

It isn’t fair for your fiance to clock out and make you Youth Activities Director. (I’m guessing your Match.com profile didn’t have you listed as BirthdayClown777.) It’s also important that you develop a nice warm relationship with this little girl before you start going all Department of Corrections on her. Connection first, discipline second is the order in which the most successful stepparent-stepchild relationships are formed, explains stepfamily researcher Kay Pasley.

Of course, it is essential to set boundaries with willful, ill-behaved brats, including those who are, oh, 45. (Fatherhood is a journey, but not just from the living room to the bed.) As for how much of a role you’ll take in stepmommying, deciding that is part of deciding how your marriage will play out day to day, and that takes discussion: what you’re each comfortable with, what you need, and what seems fair. Once you and he figure everything out, you and your stepdaughter can play many fun games—starting with one of my favorites from Camp Tamakwa: “Let’s draw a pee-pee on your sleeping dad’s face with permanent marker!”

Grisly Bare

I’m a 32-year-old woman, and I’m dating this guy, but I’m very insecure about my body. The other morning, I needed to go to the bathroom, but I didn’t want to walk naked out of the bedroom. I told him I felt self-conscious about being naked. He didn’t offer me a robe or a shirt or anything, and I found that kind of insensitive. They’ll hand you a paper gown at the doctor’s office, but that’s because you’re probably speaking to the intake nurse for the first or second time; you didn’t stay up till 4 a.m. riding her like a pony.

This guy’s lack of “sensitivity” to your naked plight may also come out of how men generally don’t have quite so much insecurity about their appearance—and for good reason. Though a woman will go for a hunkbucket if she can get one, women evolved to prioritize men’s status and power over looks. (Think Henry Kissinger, Sarkozy, Shrek.)

Men’s attraction to women, however, is largely visually driven. Women get this, so a woman can feel anxious when her tummy-wrangling garment is dangling from the ceiling fan and fret that her breasts, unbra’d, no longer stand up like two missiles about to be launched. But, as in this situation, when a guy keeps calling and coming back for more, chances are he’s feeling appreciative of what you have and not worried that seeing it naked will have him hurling in the nightstand drawer.

Consider that a big part of sex appeal is confidence. Strutting around like you’re hot is a big step toward feeling that way. Try something for two weeks: Forget how insecure you feel naked and act as secure as you’d like to feel—tempting as it is to grab a pillow and back out of the bedroom like a cop when he knows the felons in the warehouse have him outnumbered. Ω

Got a problem? Write Amy Alkon, 171 Pier Ave., No. 280, Santa Monica,CA 90405, or email AdviceAmy@aol.com (www.advicegoddess.com).

ative movement/music and imaginative play in one hour of creative and active fun for children 3-5 years old accompanied by an adult. Th, 11am-noon through 10/8. Opens

9/17. $40 for one child and adult; $15 each additional child. Lake Mansion, 250 Court

St., (775) 826-6100 ext. 3, www.artsforallnevada.org. ARTE EN ESPANOL AT THE LAKE MANSION:

Children ages 3-6 will learn Spanish through play, music, games and art.

Reinforcement of Spanish vocabulary will be taught and practiced daily. Supplies included in the cost. Th, 10-11am through 10/8. Opens 9/17. $40. Lake Mansion, 250

Court St., (775) 826-6100 ext. 3, www.artsforallnevada.org. BABY FAIR & DIAPER DERBY: This event

offers education, information, free flu shots for children over age 7, raffles, prizes and a diaper derby. Sa, 9/19, 10am4pm. Free. Grand Sierra Resort, 2500 E.

Second St., (775) 789-2000, www.bit.ly/

DiaperDerby2015. BARNES & NOBLE STORYTIMES: Staff members

and guest readers tell stories to children.

Sa, 10am. Free. Barnes & Noble, 5555 S.

Virginia St., (775) 826-8882. FAMILY GAME NIGHT: Come into the library, find a table, grab a game and have some fun. Second and Fourth W of every month,

4:30-6:30pm. Free. Northwest Reno Library, 2325 Robb Drive, (775) 787-4100. GALENA TODDLERS: Galena Creek Visitor

Center offers this fun, educational presentation and craft session for children ages 2-5 every third Thursday of the month. Third Th of every month, 10-11am. $5

suggested donation. Galena Creek Visitor

Center, 18250 Mt. Rose Highway, (775) 8494948, www.galenacreekvisitorcenter.org. GALENA TODDLERS: This nature education program for toddlers includes a presentation, craft and a walk through the forest with a Visitor Center educator. Third Th of every month, 10-11am. $5 suggested dona-

tion. Galena Creek Visitor Center, 18250

Mt. Rose Highway, (775) 849-4948, www. galena creekvisitorcenter.org. PAINT YOUR PET: Learn a step-by-step instruction using collage techniques in a fun, social setting. Please bring a couple of photos of your pet and beverage and snacks. This class takes place in the Garden

Pavilion. F, 9/18, 5:30-7:30pm. $30. Lake

Mansion, 250 Court St., (775) 826-6100 ext. 3, www.artsforallnevada.org. PAINTING AT THE LAKE MANSION: Students ages

10-14 will explore multiple painting techniques through different paint mediums, such as watercolor and acrylics. Supplies are included in the cost. Th, 5:30-7pm through 10/22. Opens 9/17. $75. Lake Mansion,

250 Court St., (775) 826-6100 ext. 3, www. artsforallnevada.org. PRESCHOOL MUSIC AND MOVEMENT CLASS:

This class will expose preschool-aged children to the joy of moving and grooving. Children will sing, play instruments and learn a variety of fun dance moves. M, 10:30-11:15am through 11/2. $60 for six-week

session. McKinley Arts & Culture Center, 925 Riverside Drive, (775) 324-5521, www. note-ables.org. RANCHING AT RANCHO: A fun, free ranchingthemed open house in the main barn area.

Each week features a new theme from goats to tractors and everything else in between. Kids can visit with resident chickens and turkeys, cool off inside the

Discovery Room or enjoy pony rides for $5. Themed Ranching at Rancho activities will only be offered on Saturdays, but you can ride the ponies on Friday, Saturday or Sunday between 10am-1pm each week.

M-Su, 10am-1pm through 11/21. Free admis-

sion; $5 for pony rides. Rancho San Rafael

Regional Park, 1595 N. Sierra St., (775) 7854512, www.washoecounty.us. SUPPLEMENTAL NUTRITION ASSISTANCE

PROGRAM (SNAP) OUTREACH CLINICH: The

Food Bank of Northern Nevada hosts SNAP outreach clinics to assist low-income families and individuals in applying for SNAP benefits. First come, first served. Th, 10amnoon. Free. Downtown Reno Library, 301 S. Center St., (775) 327-8312.

Art

ART INDEED! SIERRA MEMORIAL ART SPACE:

Luscious Abstracts and Plus 2, The abstract art gallery is open for the Reno Wine Walk on Sept. 19 and for the Artists’ Open House on Sept. 20. Gallery hours are 1:30-6pm on Monday, 3:30-7pm Tuesday through Thursday, or by appointment. Sa, 9/19, 2-5pm; Su, 9/20, 2-5pm. Free. 142 Bell

St., (775) 846-8367. FRONT DOOR GALLERY, CHURCH FINE ARTS

BUILDING, UNIVERSITY OF NEVADA, RENO:

Pinhole Project: Photos from the Playa,

Pinhole Project photographers document the people, art and events at Burning

Man each year, while they teach others to explore their creativity through this 100-year-old technique of pinhole photography. M-F through 10/1. Free. 1664 N.

Virginia St., (775) 784-6658. SPARKS HERITAGE MUSEUM: Objects of Art

and Utility Reception, Enjoy food and refreshments while browsing the exhibit, taking part in live woodworking demonstrations, and learning about the Nevada

Woodchucks, a non-profit educational organization dedicated to teaching the skills of woodworking in the northern

Nevada area. F, 9/18, 5:30-7:30pm. Free.

Contact Kelly Reis (775) 355-1144, 814

Victorian Ave., Sparks, (775) 355-1144, www. sparksmuseum.org. STREMMEL GALLERY: Ewoud de Groot,

Stremmel Gallery presents an exhibition of recent paintings by Dutch artist Ewoud de Groot. M-Sa through 10/3. Free. 1400 S. Virginia St.; (775) 786-0558; www.stremmelgallery.com.

Museums

NATIONAL AUTOMOBILE MUSEUM (THE HARRAH

COLLECTION): SpaceMobiles: From Rockets and Rovers to Cars on Mars, This exhibit takes a look at America’s fascination with exploring new frontiers and the machines that make it possible. M-Su through 4/11. $4-$10, free for members and children age 5 and younger. www.automuseum.org/ exhibits for details on this exhibit. 10 S.

Lake St., (775) 333-9300. NEVADA MUSEUM OF ART: Tahoe: A Visual

History, W-Su through 1/10. $1-$10.Tahoe:

A Visual History, Experience Lake Tahoe landscapes through the eyes of 175 painters, photographers, architects, weavers and sculptors. The Nevada Museum of Art has organized the first major art historical survey exhibition of painting, Native baskets, photography, architecture and contemporary art dedicated to Lake Tahoe,

Donner Pass and the surrounding Sierra

Nevada region. TAHOE: A Visual History spans over two centuries of cultural and creative production related to the second largest freshwater alpine lake in the United

States. W-Su through 1/10. 160 W. Liberty St., (775) 329-3333, www.nevadaart.org.

Film

BALLAD OF JOE HILL: The film opens with Joe

Hill’s arrival in New York in 1902, details his move to the West Coast and his involvement with the Industrial Workers of the

World, and ends with his controversial trial for murder and subsequent execution. M, 9/21, 7:30pm. Free. Studio on 4th, 432 E. Fourth St., (775) 737-9776, http:// studioon4th.com.

BANFF MOUNTAIN RADICAL REELS TOUR: The

tour features the best action sports films from the annual Banff Mountain Film

Festival. This event is sponsored by REI and benefit Snowlands Network. Su, 9/20, 7pm. $20. Atlantis Casino Resort Spa, 3800 S.

Virginia St., (775) 825-4700, www.snowlands. org/events/radicalreels.html. MOONLIGHT MOVIE SERIES: Brasserie St.

James’ summer movie series takes place every Thursday on the Rooftop Patio. Dress in character to receive drink specials. Enjoy live entertainment following the

movie. Visit the bar’s facebook page for weekly movie and character specifics. Th, 8-11pm through 9/24. Brasserie St. James, 901 S. Center St., (775) 348-8888, www.facebook.com/BrasserieSaintJames?fref=ts.

Poetry/Literature

THE WRITERS’ BLOCK OPEN MIC AT WILDFLOWER:

A weekly event for eager writers who want to share the madness they have written. This show is open to all ages for the first half with the second half open to whatever words need escaping. No cover. Sign-ups for participants begin at 6:30 p.m. Readings begin at 7 p.m. Th, 7pm. Wildflower Village, 4275-4395 W. Fourth St., (415) 640-0389, www.facebook.com/ events/134295256740895.

Music

9/11 MEMORIAL CONCERT: TOCCATA Tahoe

Symphony Orchestra and Chorus conclude their 2015 Tahoe Summer MusicFest with a 9/11 memorial concert series commemorating the 14th anniversary of the 9/11 tragedy. The concert features five selections from Verdi’s Requiem and Mendelssohn’s Violin Concerto with guest artist Elizabeth Pitcairn performing on the legendary Red Stradivarius Violin. F, 9/18, 7pm. $5-$40. St. Theresa Catholic Church, 1041 Lyons Ave. in South Lake Tahoe; (775) 313-9697; www. toccatatahoe.com. Su, 9/20, 3pm. $5-$40. Cornerstone Church, 300 Country Club Dr. in Incline Village; (775) 313-9697; www.toccatatahoe.com.

AN INTIMATE EVENING WITH CAMI THOMPSON:

PASSION!: Good Luck Macbeth Theatre

Company presents this new cabaret-style concert created and performed by singer and songwriter Cami Thompson and her trio, comprised of Peter Supersano, Joe

McKenna and Te Kanawa “Rufus” Haereiti.

There will be two performances of this adults-only concert. Thompson weaves a personal story of passion by drawing from words, music and styles spanning the

Great American Songbook, jazz, Broadway, pop, rock, R&B, soul, blues, and her original music—singing of attraction, desire, romance, sex, betrayal, jealousy, heartache, forgiveness, longing, healing, second chances and love. F, 9/18, 7 & 9:30pm. $15 advance, $20 at door. Good Luck Macbeth

Theatre Company, 713 S. Virginia St., (775) 322-3716, www.goodluckmacbeth.org. PERFORMING ARTS SERIES: DAKHABRAKHA: The

Ukrainian tradition-bearers perform folk melodies and rhythms that until now have languished in relative obscurity. The group has made it a mission to travel from one remote Ukrainian village to the next to collect and learn songs known only to the elder women of those villages. The result is earthy, diverse and sophisticated music with complex polyphonic interlocking lines so tight the ears buzz. Th, 9/17, 7:30pm. $24 for adults; $20 for seniors, UNR faculty and staff; $12 for youths and students; $5 for

UNR students with ID. Nightingale Concert

Hall, Church Fine Arts Complex, University of Nevada, Reno, 1335 N. Virginia St., (775) 784-4278, www.unr.edu/pas. PIPES ON THE RIVER: The Friday lunchtime concert series features guest artists performing on the church’s Casavant pipe organ. F, noon. Free. Trinity Episcopal

Church, 200 Island Ave., (775) 329-4279; www.trinityreno.org. RENO CHAMBER ORCHESTRA: KUCHAR/BENDIX-

BALGLEY: To start off the 2015-16 season, Noah Bendix-Balgley, concertmaster of the Berlin Philharmonic and a Nevada Chamber Music Festival regular, performs Johannes Brahms’ Violin Concerto in D major, Op. 77. The concert, led by Maestro Theodore Kuchar, also features My Home Overture, Op. 62 by Dvorak and Symphony No. 6 in D minor, Op. 104 by Jean Sibelius. Sa, 9/19, 7:30pm; Su, 9/20, 2pm.

$5-$50. Nightingale Concert Hall, Church Fine Arts Complex, University of Nevada, Reno, 1335 N. Virginia St., (775) 348-9413; www.renochamberorchestra.org.

Sports & Fitness

EDIBLE PEDAL 100: The 100-mile ride features a climb up Kingsbury Grade from Carson

City to Lake Tahoe. Those interested in a respectable ride can participate in a 50-mile course that includes scenic country roads through rustic towns. Families with young children can try a leisurely 10-mile route through Washoe Valley. Registration fee includes fully equipped stops, SAG, water bottle, swag bag and a post-ride barbecue/ beverage ticket. Su, 9/20, 6:30am-5:30pm.

$35-$70 early bird registration fees. Bowers Mansion Regional Park, 4005 Old Hwy. 395 in Washoe Valley, (775) 393-9158, www.ediblepedal100.org.

Onstage

INTO THE WOODS: Tahoe Players presents this magical tales about choices, family and the consequences of getting what you wish for. You’ll meet some of your favorite fairytale characters, including Cinderalla,

Little Red Riding Hood, Jack (of Beanstalk fame), Rapunzel and the Big Bad Wolf. F, 9/18, 7pm; Sa, 9/19, 7pm; Su, 9/20, 2pm. $15

lawb, $30 seats, $40 VIP. Robert Z. Hawkins

Amphitheater, Bartley Ranch Regional Park, 6000 Bartley Ranch Road., (775) 285-7454, http://tahoeplayers.org/into-the-woods. PICASSO AT THE LAPIN AGILE: Reno Little

Theater opens its 2015-2016 season with Steve Martin’s Off-Broadway absurdist comedy piece which places Albert Einstein and Pablo Picasso in a Parisian cafe in 1904, just before the celebrated painter set the art world afire with Cubism. Martin plays fast and loose with fact, fame and fortune as these two geniuses muse on the 20th century’s achievements and prospects, as well as other fanciful topics with infectious dizziness. Th, 9/17, 7:30pm; F, 9/18, 7:30pm; Sa, 9/19, 7:30pm; Su, 9/20, 2pm; Th, 9/24, 7:30pm; F, 9/25, 7:30pm; Sa, 9/26, 7:30pm; Su, 9/27, 2pm; Th, 10/1, 7:30pm; F, 10/2, 7:30pm; Sa, 10/3, 2 & 7:30pm; Su, 10/4, 2pm. $18 general,

$15 seniors, students, military. Reno Little

Theater, 147 E. Pueblo St., (775) 329-0661, www.renolittletheater.org. WIT: TheatreWorks of Northern Nevada presents Margaret Edson’s Pulitzer Prizewinning play which revolves around the story of Vivian Bearing, a renowned professor of English, who finds herself the subject of research designed to save her life as she is being treated for stage IV metastatic ovarian cancer. Vivian comes to reassess her life and her work with a profundity and humor that’s transformative for her and her audience. F, 9/18, 7:30pm; Sa, 9/19, 7:30pm;

Su, 9/20, 2pm. $12 general, $10 students and seniors. Laxalt Auditorium, Warren Nelson Building, 401 W. Second St., (775) 284-0789, www.twnn.org.

Classes

BANKRUPTCY EDUCATION CLINIC: Nevada Legal

Services Inc. and Washoe Legal Services host this legal education clinic. Pre-registration requested to ensure the availability of materials. Third Th of every month, 1:30-3:30pm.

Free. Nevada Legal Services, 654 Tahoe St., (775) 284-3491, ext. 214. THE BREASTFEEDING FORUM: Breast-feeding

mothers are invited to join this breastfeeding support group. Mothers exchange their experiences and discuss concerns such as milk supply, pumping, going back to work, sleeping or lack of sleep, etc. RSVP at http://doodle.com/cy5nrur23mbg6pie.

Tu, 4-5pm. $10 drop in; free for first-time attendees. Renown South Meadows Medical

Center, 10101 Double R Blvd., (775) 240-9916, www.wellnourishedbaby.com. FELDENKRAIS CLASSES: Guided Feldenkrais classes in pain-free movement will give you the tools you need to improve stability, balance and performance and increase your vitality and flexibility as you learn to do slow, non-habitual movements with focused attention. These carefully structured lessons activate neural pathways, relieve pain and stress, and improve the communication between you brain and body. Tu, 10-11:30am through 12/15.

$12 drop-in. Midtown Fitness, 600 S. Center St. Ste. 300, (775) 240-7882; www.renofeldenkrais. blogspot.com. to market your book while it is in the cover design or editing stage and how to get readers to care enough about your book to buy it before it comes out. This workshop will provide you with techniques needed to get those sales kickstarted and more. Breakfast, lunch and materials provided. Sa, 9/19, 10am-2pm; Sa, 9/26, 10am-2pm. $88.

ZLS Publishing office, 502 S. Wells Ave. Ste. 201, (562) 354-1938, www.zlsauthorinstitute. com/courses.

LEARN NIGHTCLUB TWO-STEP DANCE: Come

learn nightclub two step in this six-week course taught by Tim Renner. No partner required. W, 9/23, 7:15-8:30pm. $65 for six weeks. Brewery Arts Center, 449 W. King St. in Carson City, (530) 307-8937, www.highsierrasdc.org.

Community

CLICKETS KNITTING GROUP: Jean Peters guides

this class for knitters of all ages and levels. Yarn and needles are available. First and Third Su of every month, 1:30-3pm. Free.

Spanish Springs Library, 7100A Pyramid Lake

Highway located at Lazy 5 Regional Park in

Spanish Springs, (775) 424-1800. CROCHET CONNECTION: Learn to crochet or share tips with other crochet enthusiasts.

Th, 4-5:45pm. Free. Spanish Springs Library, 7100A Pyramid Lake Highway located at Lazy 5 Regional Park, Spanish Springs, (775) 424-1800. KNITTING & CROCHET CLUB: This group is open

to anyone who enjoys knitting or crocheting. Second and Third Sa of every month, 1-3pm. Free.

Northwest Reno Library, 2325 Robb Drive, (775) 787-4100, www2.washoecounty.us. RENO COIN CLUB MEETING: Reno Coin Club pres-

ents an ice cream social and a movie titled

Carson City Half Dollars at its next meeting.

Early bird prizes, quarter pot, raffle and more. Tu, 9/22, 7-9:30pm. Free. Denny’s, 205

Nugget Ave., Sparks, (775) 815-8625; www.renocoinclub.org. SAM ADAMS NIGHT: Join the Nevada Capital

Libertarian Party at this monthly gathering.

Learn about the NVCLP, listen to speakers and featured guests and visit with fellow

Libertarians. Third Th of every month, 7pm.

Free. Comma Coffee, 312 S. Carson St.,

Carson City, (775) 883-2662, www.nvclp.org. SOUTH VALLEYS BRIDGE GROUP: Join Jill and

meet new friends. Basic bridge knowledge preferred. F, 1-4pm. Free. South Valleys Library, 15650A Wedge Pkwy., (775) 851-5190, www.washoe.lib.nv.us.

SPARKS LIBRARY KNITTING AND CROCHETING

CIRCLE: Do you know how to knit or crochet, but just want to meet new people? Join the

Sparks Library every Thursday and learn the techniques to start your masterpiece.

Th, 4-6pm. Free. Sparks Library, 1125 12th St.,

Sparks, (775) 352-3200. THE TUESDAY NIGHT YARN CREW: All skill levels

and yarn-crafts are welcome. Bring your project to this “sit and knit” gathering. Tu, 5:30-7pm. Free. South Valleys Library, 15650A Wedge Pkwy., (775) 851-5190, www.washoe.lib.nv.us.

YARN TIME: Learn to knit or crochet or improve your skills with other knitting enthusiasts. Second W of every month, 2-4pm;

Fourth W of every month. Free. North Valleys

Library, 1075 N. Hills Blvd., Ste. 340 North Hills Shopping Center in Golden Valley, (775) 972-0281.

Volunteer

BLOOD DONATIONS: Give the gift of life and donate blood. Donors must be healthy, weigh at least 110 pounds and be at least 17 years old. Call to make an appointment.

M-Su. United Blood Services, 1125 Terminal

Way, (775) 324-6454, www.unitedblood services.org.

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