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Little, yellow, the same

Minions

The little yellow things from Despicable Me get their own film with Minions, and their banana shtick is fun for a while, but not enough to sustain an entire feature film. Things start funny enough with a brief history of the Minions since the beginning of time. They’ve always wanted to be henchman, and they are attracted to bad guys, so we see a lot of their past, unlucky bosses (Dracula, T. Rex, Napoleon, etc.) They wind up settling north worshipping the Abominable Snowman when three of them (Stuart, Kevin and Bob) decide to head out on a journey to look for a new master. Their travels take them to New York in 1968, the year of my birth and arguably one of the worst years in American history. The pop culture references when they first arrive, including a fantastic Richard Nixon billboard and The Dating Game, are well done. The movie has a cool Mad Magazine vibe going for it in its first half. Things start going off the rails a little bit when the trio leave New York for Orlando, Florida, where they seek out the world’s greatest villain, Scarlet Overkill (Sandra Bullock), at something akin to Comic Con for villains. She has some cockamamie scheme for the Minions to steal the Queen of England’s crown. So they all travel to England, where things get even wackier. Perhaps the best thing in the movie is the Queen (Jennifer Saunders), portrayed as a happy-go-lucky goofball who remains entirely good natured even when she loses her crown and the throne to Overkill due to a technicality. In fact, the film really lights up when the Queen is in the room, and it could’ve used more of her.

As for the Minions themselves, they get a little grating after the first 45 minutes. The banana joke is funny for the first seven times or so, but it grows a little tired around the 1,756th time it’s told. They speak that strange Minions gibberish language and that, too, is funny for a little while. Trying to figure out what they’re saying all the time gets a little by Bob Grimm exhausting. And when I could figure out what they were sort of saying, well, it just bgrimm@ wasn’t that funny. newsreview.com By the time one of the Minions grows to the size of King Kong and terrorizes 2 London, many adult eyes will have glazed over. The opening sequences that included the likes of Nixon and things that older people would know about prove to be a tease. Minions is strictly a kiddie affair for most of its running time. The screening I saw had plenty of kids guffawing, and that’s really what this thing is supposed to do, right? Make kids laugh and give them something to drive their parents crazy with for the next few months. Parents, start gearing up to buy the large variety of Minions toys sure to be assaulting Toys "R" Us. Bullock’s super villain isn’t all that interesting, and neither is her husband (voiced by Jon Hamm). Michael Keaton and Allison Janney take part in one of the film’s more amusing sequences, voicing parents who take their children on armed robberies. The film does have a little sick fun with the back history of the Minions. Most of their masters before Gru (Steve Carell’s character in Despicable Me) are accidentally killed. They manage to get a caveman eaten by a big bear, they blow up Dracula, they crush the Abominable Snowman, etc. Seeing powerful and nefarious male figures as no match for the Minions is good for a laugh or two. I won’t spoil any surprises, but the film does feature a big cameo. Actually, you can probably guess who it is. Want me to tell you? Maybe I will tell you. Nah, screw it. I won’t tell you. As for the future of the Despicable Me series, a third film featuring Carell’s Gru is slated for 2017. However, it must be said that given the huge box office take of Minions in its opening weekend, the little yellow guys have more drawing power than the bald, Uncle Fester-looking guy. Ω

"So, I hear you like to get wet?"

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3Big Game Jalmari Helander, the guy who gave us Rare Exports (the weirdest Christmas movie ever), now gives us one of the weirdest coming-of-age stories ever made. Oskari (Onni Tommila from Exports) is going through a family ritual on this 13th birthday. He must head into the woods alone and kill an animal with a bow and arrow. He has to camp alone, stalk the animal alone, and kill it alone. He doesn’t feel quite up to the task. Then, Air Force One is shot down in the forest he’s camping in, and Oskari comes across the president of the United States (Samuel L. Jackson). The president has been betrayed by his Secret Service guy (Ray Stevenson), who is in cahoots with a terrorist looking to kill the president and have him stuffed. Oskari’s plans change as he represents the only chance to save the president because the SEALS are too far away. Big Game becomes a buddy movie as the two share an adventure trying to get themselves to safety. Oh boy, is this ever a stupid movie. Yet, Helander pulls it off in an “OK for a Saturday Night rental” sort of way. The action is decent enough (although a little goofy looking at times due to budget limitations), and Jackson is fun as the leader of the free world. Surprisingly, Felicity Huffman, Jim Broadbent and Victor Garber show up in supporting roles. (Available for rent on iTunes, Amazon.com and On Demand during limited theatrical run.)

5Inside Out This is another Pixar masterpiece, not only because it looks fantastic, but also because it generates real, genuine feelings. It also has some of that blissful, bizarre insanity that made Up such a winner (the films share the same director in Pete Docter). There are creations in this movie that just burst with genius energy. The movie takes place inside the mind of Riley (voice of Kaitlyn Dias), newly displaced from Minnesota to a small house in San Francisco with her parents (Diane Lane and Kyle MacLachlan). Inside Riley’s mind we see her emotions, played by the likes of Amy Poehler as Joy, Bill Hader as Fear, Lewis Black as Anger, Phyllis Smith as Sadness, and Mindy Kaling as Disgust. Along with being very funny, the film bluntly addresses the loss of memories as we grow up, how memories can be forever tainted with sadness, and just how important sadness is to any human being. It’s all handled in a Pixar way, which doesn’t mean whitewashed and sanitary. At times, the film is actually quite brutal and startling.

4Jurassic World Taking place 22 years after the original movie (Jurassic Parks II and III are not acknowledged in this film), John Hammond’s original idea has come to fruition, albeit in a bastardized, Six Flags kind of way. Jurassic World has been up and running for years under the guidance of Simon Masrani (Irrfan Khan), another rich guy owner who just wants the world to have lots of fun with dinosaurs. How naïve! Director Colin Trevorrow (Safety Not Guaranteed), who had a hand in writing the script, throws everything into this movie. It’s one of those sequels that makes fun of sequels, and it honestly couldn’t be much dumber. But, sometimes, dumb is good when you are dealing with a big movie featuring rampaging dinosaurs. This one features the Indominus Rex, a hybrid dinosaur created by man in an effort to curb waning interest in dinos. Of course, the monster breaks loose and totally ruins a lot of vacations. Chris Pratt goes along for the silly ride as a raptor trainer, and Bryce Dallas Howard plays the self-centered park supervisor who will have a change of heart before the movie plays out. The finale involving all-star dinosaurs kicking each other’s asses is a real winner. Yes, less emphasis on the people stuff and more dinosaurs, please. I must admit, I was relieved that Sam Neill’s crotchety paleontologist was nowhere in sight.

3Spy This is yet another spoof of the James Bond spy movie genre, and it’s a good one thanks to the presence of Melissa McCarthy. It doesn’t hurt that the film is written and directed by Paul Feig, who gave her an Oscar-nominated role in Bridesmaids. The team followed up that piece of comic brilliance with the fun police-buddy comedy The Heat. McCarthy plays Susan Cooper, a CIA agent chained to a desk in service of her partner in the field, Bradley Fine (Jude Law). Circumstances call for Susan to go into the field for the first time, and she must leave her bat-infested CIA basement behind. In the field, she must do battle with an evil arms trader Rayna (a deliciously nasty Rose Byrne) while contending with rogue agent Rick Ford (a surprisingly hilarious Jason Statham) who doesn’t believe she’s up to the task. The mission takes her to locales like Rome and Paris, while requiring her to sport some pretty embarrassing grandma wigs. For all of her talents as a physical comedienne, McCarthy’s true strengths lie in her ability to shoot off rapid-fire insults at unsuspecting victims. She and Byrne have a couple of verbal square-offs in this film where you have to believe the two actresses were given permission to just go at it and see what happens. Man, you don’t want to face off with McCarthy in an insult contest.

2Ted 2 The original Ted was the oddest of charmers. A profane teddy bear saying some of the most disgusting stuff ever in a mainstream movie, teamed with Mark Wahlberg in dumb puppy dog mode, proved to be a winning success. Now, with 20 or so million extra dollars to spend over the original Ted budget, Seth MacFarlane goes crazy, with a near two-hour movie that feels like five. It is way overstuffed and often ill-conceived. Ted the teddy bear (voiced by MacFarlane), in a bid to be recognized as human, winds up in a courtroom trying to prove he isn’t just property. MacFarlane actually compares his plight to slaves and Dred Scott. Really? Wow. As funny as the film can be at times, and MacFarlane does manage some good guffaws, it just torpedoes itself with the running time and courtroom scenes. MacFarlane falls victim to that need for making a sequel bigger and grander than the original. A simpler film that relied more on the gags and less on bullshit sentimentality would’ve been just fine. There’s no need for 75 percent of this movie to exist, especially the courtroom crap. Amanda Seyfried is a nice addition as a new love interest and Ted’s stoned lawyer, and a couple of celebrity cameos are fun. Overall, it’s a step in the wrong direction for this talking teddy franchise.

3Terminator: Genisys The fifth film in the Terminator franchise isn’t nearly as good as the original or its first sequel, Terminator 2: Judgment Day, both by James Cameron. Thankfully, it’s slightly better than the third and fourth Terminator films (Terminator 3: Rise of the Machines and Terminator: Salvation), films made while Cameron was off doing other things like Titanic and his jazzed-up Smurf movie. There are lots of tricks played within the storyline using the time travel gimmick, skewing the whole Terminator universe out of whack. This gives director Alan Taylor the chance to revisit and recreate events from the original Terminator, including naked Arnold Schwarzenegger’s first scene as the steely-eyed cyborg. The results are often fun, but a little chaotic and sloppy at times. Schwarzenegger returns to his most iconic role as an aging Terminator cyborg, and he’s easily the best thing about the movie. Emilia Clarke is a washout as Sarah Connor, Jason Clarke is all wrong for John Connor, and Jail Courtney absolutely stinks as Kyle Reese. They are no matches for the actors who have played the roles before. There’s enough good action and crazy time travel stuff to get over the fact that bad, misguided acting abounds.

3What We Did on Our Holiday Rosamund Pike gets to be her British self in this slightly off-kilter family comedy. She plays Abi, mother of three married to messed-up Doug (David Tennant). They’re heading out with the children to visit Doug’s dying father, Gordie (Billy Connolly) on his birthday and, due to an affair Doug had, they are on their way to a divorce. Pike and Tennant are good and funny here, convincingly playing a couple that has just about had it. Connolly is excellent as the ornery grandfather who, despite being ill, sparks up his wit when the grandkids are around. As for the kids, they are the best reason to see the movie. Lottie (Emilia Jones), Mickey (Bobby Smalldridge) and Jess (Harriet Turnbull) have terrific, droll reactions to their parents’ childish behavior, and their solution to a problem on the beach is quite unorthodox. Turnbull is especially funny as the youngest. She talks to rocks and never misses a chance to be a little wiseass. The script by directors Andy Hamilton and Guy Jenkin is predictable, but you’ll forgive that. The cast makes this movie very much worthwhile, and those kids nearly steal the show. (Available for rent on iTunes, On Demand and Amazon.com during a limited theatrical release.)

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