Opinion/Streetalk

This Modern WorLd by tom tomorrow

Too close to home

“Three people were killed in Northwest Reno.” The news spread on Nov. 8 like the sudden descent of night. This is the kind of horrible news communities fearfully anticipate. Like the pause before the second shoe hits the floor, it’s both sudden and expected.

As the story unfolds on television and on the cover of the daily newspapers, dribs and drabs of details leak out—the horrible circumstances by which those people died, who found the bodies, who the neighbors were.

We can’t turn away. It’s too real. It’s too sad. It’s too common.

These days, social media is part of the public mourning. Indeed, many of the falsities that make it into the public discussion have their roots on social media. But social media also brings home the fact that even a city the size of Reno is but a village in the post-internet world, and these victims and the fractured ones who have to pick up the pieces are friends of friends, if not friends.

Austin and Jacob Deane were killed by their father, Rob, who then killed himself. Their mother, Ashley, is a member of Reno’s artistic community.

It’s human nature to try to pull lessons out of tragedy. All the clichés come to mind—another mentally ill person with a gun, male violence, lives cut too short, too soon.

It’s the senselessness of it that will remain after the cameras and reporters and well-wishers move on to the next tragedy. These are wounds that never heal, and the sense that there’s something missing in the

community will never go away for the friends and family of those two boys. Professional counselors say dealing with this sort of tragedy is sure to be uncomfortable, but most agree that the most appropriate thing to say to the survivors is to express condolences, and not to say nothing just because you can’t think of something profound to say. Understand that there is no right or wrong way to grieve, and there is no right timeline. Those who’ve lost a loved one can attest to the fact that waves of sadness can wash over them even years down the road. Most of us never knew them, but It’s too real. the photos of those two happy boys felt like a hand that reached out and tightened around the heart of newspaper readers and television viewers. The community, like the surviving family members, must deal with its grief, and everyone will handle it differently. As much as we’d like to just forget, these horrible events can’t be not talked about, because ignoring them doesn’t get at the root of the problem, doesn’t enable our community to recognize the signs—if there are signs to be recognized—that may help us to one day prevent a tragedy of this order. Our hearts go out to the victims, but there is little we can do other than send financial help to family members who remain to cope. It hardly seems enough. That helpless feeling makes the tragedy all the more difficult to accept. Ashley Deane’s friends have set up a page by which members of the community can contribute to moveyourmountain.org/campaign/Ashley Deane#story. Ω

Ready for winter?

Asked in downtown along the Truckee River

William Rittenhouse

Bicycle store owner No. I ride a lot so I’ve got to get a little more cold gear and hopefully have a good winter.

Kat Gorman

Legal assistant No, because I hate winter. It’s cold. I’m from California, and I like it warm and rainy and not shivering cold.

Gerry Green

Job seeker No, because it’s too cold, and I don’t know where I’m going to stay. I’m hoping to get a room and get out of the elements.

Joe Wrightman

Casino dealer You got to get used to winter around here. You know that. There’s only a four-month summer. I’m a warmweather person. I don’t know what I’m doing here.

Andy Wasson

Musician Yes, I am. I like cooler weather, and I have a nice warm jacket, so I’m ready for it.