Film

Off the Depp end

Transcendence

For those of you hoping Johnny Depp’s latest would make up for that dick move he made playing Tonto in The Lone Ranger last year, consider that hope dashed upon the rocks, swept out to sea, and ultimately devoured by sharks. Transcendence is terrible. This is another one of those “technology is evil” movies that suggest humans are slaves to computers. That may very well be true—I, for one, have been sitting at my damn computer all day—but movies haven’t really gotten evil computers right since 2001: A Space Odyssey and WarGames. Depp plays Will Caster, a seemingly mild mannered scientist who’s mapping out brains in hopes of creating a self-learning, artificial intelligence program capable of emotional growth. When a terrorist organization grazes him with a radiation-laced bullet, he finds out he only has a few weeks to live. So it’s time to speed up his work and get his brain into a computer so he can keep hanging out with wife Evelyn (Rebecca Hall) after his body is dead. So Will dies and he does, in fact, get himself uploaded into a computer. He immediately starts asking for more power and access to the stock market and banks, actions that seem to clash with what a nice, bohemian type he was when alive. Evelyn, acting upon instructions from Computer Will, buys up a small town and starts rebuilding it with money made through shrewd, fast investing in the stock markets. Caster then builds an army of humans acting like robots because he’s healed them with computers and made them super strong, or some crap like that. It all makes little sense, and lacks any real sense of purpose.

While Caster is portrayed as an out of control egomaniac for most of the film’s running time, the screenplay cops out in the end and tries to partially redeem him. It fails miserably. Morgan Freeman is on standby because the script called for a sympathetic type to rise up against Will Caster and hopefully by Bob Grimm save humanity. Cillian Murphy—remember that guy?—shows up as a crime investigator bgrimm@ type who gets to run around with Freeman newsreview.com and look concerned. Murphy actually looks as if he’s angry to be in this movie, knowing 1 that it is a dud and his part is worthless. I paid the big bucks to watch this goofy crap on IMAX and, let me tell you, there is really no reason to see the film this way. Not only does it suck as far as content is concerned, but the visuals and audio are nothing that need to be turned up to extremes. Only the preview for Godzilla was pleasing on this particular IMAX visit. Starting in 2010 with

"You ever get the  feeling somebody's  watching you?"

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Very Good The Tourist and Alice in Wonderland, Depp’s garbage movie ratio has been on the rise. He made some stinkers before (The Brave, The Astronaut’s Wife), but you had the feeling he was at least trying to do something different when he screwed up. Depp became a commercial commodity with the Pirates movies and his dopey Mad Hatter character. Sequels for both of those movies are in production, so we know Depp will have plenty of money. It would be nice to see some more experimental, low budget stuff to go with those excremental behemoths. Actually, a big budget offering with a decent script and some edge would even be nice.

Depp will always be a great actor. Heck, he even has moments in Transcendence where he transcends the trite material and shines a bit. I’m hoping these last four years are just a hiccup for him, and he gets back on it with some good director/ actor collaborations. Get on the phone with Scorsese, Anderson (Wes or Paul Thomas) or Tarantino and remind the world that you are not all about the big paycheck. Ω

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4Captain America: The Winter Soldier Like Thor 2 and Iron Man 3, this movie shows us how an Avenger deals with life after saving New York City from an alien attack. Cap (an endearing Chris Evans) is just trying to catch up on modern culture now. His list of things to do includes watching Star Wars and Star Trek, trying Thai food and listening to Nirvana. He’s attempting to settle into a world after being frozen for fifty years. Of course, he’s not going to be able to just kick back and relax because evil still exists below America’s shimmering surface, and governmental wrongdoings are going to challenge Cap’s ability to remain loyal to the country he’s named after. After an attempt on the life of Nick Fury (Samuel L. Jackson just Samuel L. Jacksoning it like only Samuel L. Jackson can!), attention is called to the likes of somebody called the Winter Soldier, a fighting machine with powers similar to Cap and identity that won’t be revealed in this review. Cap’s mission eventually leads him to the discovery of HYDRA, an evil movement controlling members of the government, started back in the Nazi days. With Black Widow (Scarlett Johansson) and Falcon (a well cast Anthony Mackie) at this side, Cap looks to take down HYDRA, kick the Winter Soldier’s ass, and possibly work in a date somewhere during the whole mess. The film packs a solid action punch, and some decent dramatics to boot.

1Divergent Shailene Woodley stars as Beatrice, a member of an alleged post-apocalyptic society where people are divided up into factions: Abnegation (The Selfless), Erudite (The Intelligent), Amity (The Peaceful), Candor (The Honest) and Dauntless (The Brave). This is another tween action movie based on young adult novels (written by Veronica Roth), and it’s a super dud. Directed by Neil Burger, the whole enterprise is remarkably lacking in tension, humor, creativity, originality and focus. Kate Winslet shows up as Jeanine, an Erudite with a mysterious whiff of evil. I imagine she’s the Darth Vader of this silly saga. Miles Teller (Woodley’s The Spectacular Now costar) gets what feels like a tacked on role as Peter, a member of Dauntless who gives Beatrice a hard time. It’s hard to watch these two very talented performers slumming in such stereotypical, unexciting parts. It’s a muddled affair that looks downright bad at times. It’s a tween wannabe franchise completely lacking teeth with a good central female star in the lead. I have faith that Woodley can pull this one out of the fire and make it worthwhile in future installments. I also have faith that I never want to see this flat first chapter again, unless I have a really bad cold and need something to knock me out.

3Draft Day In a film that feels more befitting a TV series than a theatrical release, Kevin Costner plays Sonny, general manager of the Cleveland Browns. It’s draft day, and Sonny has some big decisions to make after he trades away his future for the number one pick, much to the dismay of his head coach (Denis Leary). This is all happening after finding out he’s having a baby with a member of his staff (Jennifer Garner) and shortly after the death of his dad. Directed by Ivan Reitman, who usually helms straight comedies, this is a more dramatic offering from the guy who gave us Ghostbusters. If there’s a big problem here, it is that we watch Sonny go through all of this stuff on draft day, and never get to see the fruits of his labors. The film ends after the draft day is finished, and we never get to see the team play. I’m doubting there will be a Draft Day 2, so I’m thinking this would’ve worked better as an HBO series or something like that. Still, Costner is good in the role, and Reitman has constructed something that is entertaining, while not altogether groundbreaking.

5The Grand Budapest Hotel Writer-director Wes Anderson does it again with another wholly unique, beautiful, quirky movie that could’ve only been made by him. In a performance that must be remembered come awards time, Ralph Fiennes is magically hilarious as M. Gustave, the concierge at the infamous fictional hotel named in the film’s title. Gustave has a penchant for older woman, much older woman, and his life takes a drastic turn when he is suspected in the murder of an elderly lover (Tilda Swinton in super heavy makeup). Stolen art, scary train rides and a high speed chase on skis ensue, with Anderson even employing stop motion animation at times, as he did with Fantastic Mr. Fox. Supporting performances by Jeff Goldblum, Adrien Brody, Jude Law, F. Murray Abraham, Willem Dafoe, Harvey Keitel, Saoirse Ronan and many more make this a can’t miss film. There’s something so joyous and fun about the way Anderson makes movies. This is a remarkable, tremendously enjoyable achievement.

4Noah Whether you are religious or not, the Bible is, no doubt, a pretty sweet platform for over-the-top cinema. With Noah, director Darren Aronofsky has concocted a totally crazy, darkly nasty disaster film befitting those few pages in the book of Genesis. In his best performance to date, Russell Crowe plays the title character, a good, passionate man in a not particularly good time. The people outside of Noah’s family circle have turned Earth into a place of carnivorous debauchery. “The Creator” (this film’s go-to name for God) intends to wipe all humanity off the face of the Earth with a great flood, and Noah is tasked with saving all of the innocent animals on a huge ship to be built by him, with the help of large rock monsters. The movie, as spectacle, is quite good, although its CGI has a few moments of weakness. The flood itself is a frightening sequence, with a horrifying moment involving screaming people outside of the ark getting washed off a big rock by waves. I’m actually surprised this movie pulled a PG-13 rating. It struck me, very much, as an R-rated film due to its violence.

1Oculus Kaylie and Tim Russell (Karen Gillan and Brenton Thwaites) lost their mom, dad, family dog and a bunch of houseplants in a strange incident that involved a mirror in their dad’s office. Their dad (Rory Cochrane) had started his own company at home, and was working out of the office most of the time. His behavior got increasingly strange, much like Jack Nicholson in The Shining, and much to the dismay of his wife, Marie (Katee Sackhoff). The film starts off years after the deaths, with Tim is leaving a mental health facility and Kaylie hatching a plan to “Kill the mirror!” that was in their dad’s office and seemed to have evil powers. Tim killed their suddenly insane dad (resulting in his hospital stay), and Kaylie is determined to prove that both Tim’s actions, and their dad’s strange behavior, were the results of the mischievous mirror, mirror on the wall. While we do see strange reflections in the mirror, ghostly apparitions with white eyes walking around the house and people behaving strangely, it’s never really apparent why all of this is happening. Kaylie’s research reveals that the mirror has been sucking up souls for centuries, but how and why, well, who knows? Director and co-writer Mike Flanagan uses a lot of flashbacks to show us what happened to the Russell family, and it’s all quite disorientating and unnecessary. Gillan and Thwaites are terrible performers, and the movie, although containing a creepy scare or two, is a tedious affair.

5Under the Skin Scarlett Johansson stars in this spellbinder as an alien driving around Scotland in a hot Scar Jo body picking up men and doing very, very strange things to them. Director Jonathan Glazer uses minimal dialogue and actual, unsuspecting men on the street—some of the men Johansson talks to have no idea they are being filmed—for a chilling effect that will haunt you long after you leave the theater. This is the sort of intelligent science fiction and horror that was so prevalent during the heydays of Stanley Kubrick and William Friedkin, a brilliant exploration of alienation, victimization and the shallowness of obsession with outward appearances. While I can compare the work done here to the likes of Kubrick or Gaspar Noe, this is really unlike anything I’ve ever seen. There are moments so disturbing I wanted to run out of the theater, yet I couldn’t look away. This will surely stand as one of the year’s more unique, and more wonderfully disturbing, efforts. Yes, I’m giving it my highest rating, but this isn’t for everybody. Heck, it isn’t even for five percent of the population, so proceed with caution and don’t yell at me if it freaks you out and causes permanent damage.