Preview of Dying To Really Live by Duane Smith

Dying to Really Live He died, not believing in God, then was sent back to tell his story, that death is nothing to fear.

Preview of Chapter 1

FIVE MONTHS TO LIVE “The world is a fine place and I would hate, very much, to leave it.” Ernest Hemingway In my late 30s, my life took an unexpected turn. Just when it seemed to be coming together as planned, something seemed vaguely off key. It was nothing I could put a finger on, just a vague feeling that I had missed a turn somewhere. Then, over the next year or so, I slowly entered what St. John of Cross, a Carmelite of the 16th Century, referred to as “The Night of the Soul.” Later, I would realize this was the beginning of a new phase in my life. At the time, my business and professional life had progressed to the point where my wife and I could afford what we thought, at the time at least were the things for which we had dreamed, worked, and planned. These were all the things we assumed, and society had taught us, would bring us happiness. Early in my life, I had watched people who had money and nice things and decided I wanted to be rich. I assumed that people with boats, cars, airplanes and all of life’s toys had to be happy, right? So when I was young, when people asked me what I wanted to be when I grew up, I’d always replied “a millionaire.” Now, our wonderful little family consisted of two pre-teen daughters, around whom our lives revolved, the family dog, and independent cat. We were happily ensconced in a beautiful old Cape Cod, our home in the idyllic Shakespeare mecca of Ashland, Oregon. In our garage were the requisite “his and her” Mercedes. Mine was a sedan and hers a sports model purchased for her last birthday. Out at the airport were two airplanes just looking for 5

FIVE MONTHS TO LIVE ways to prove their worth to the family, one for local flying and one for long distance. With a posh ski area just a few miles outside of town and sailboat for the lake, we seemingly had it all. I had to be happy, right? It was icing on the cake that my “other family,” kids from the experimental program where I taught school after getting out of the Army, were mostly doing well also. The program had been for kids who struggled with school and often had challenges at home. For quite a few of the students, our classroom had become somewhat of a surrogate family, and many had stayed in touch. Even the most broken of the bunch, a little girl named Teresa, seemed to be on her way to getting her life figured out. As I looked at my life, I seemed to have it all, and what I didn’t have was within easy reach. Early in my life, I had discovered the power of goal setting and in my late 30s I had achieved almost all of my life’s goals – yes, even the millionaire part, several times over. We had been building bigger houses and took longer and more extravagant vacations. For several years now, I had felt we were just one step away from happiness; just one more “something” and we’d finally be there, we’d be satisfied and happy – ready to really enjoy life. All the same, even the last six-week family vacation in Europe, although perfect, still hadn’t scratched the itch I always felt. Now, I began to suspect that the next bigger and better “something” wasn’t going to do it either. And, of course, it never did. In fact, what made it worse was the growing realization that I really didn’t have any idea what real happiness was, or how or where to find it. I had come to realize that happiness was more than another new boat or bigger, faster airplane, or longer vacation somewhere. Then, when my wife began talking about how our next new house needed to be smaller to be perfect, I knew she was sensing the same unspoken frustrations as I was. About this time, to make matters even worse, something that had started out as a minor health annoyance took a turn for the worse. Fortunately, a doctor from The Stanford Medical Center in 6

DYING TO REALLY LIVE California took on my case. After a thorough examination, he seemed optimistic. He said they were developing a new operation and it was going to be the breakthrough they were seeking in the treatment of my apparently untreatable condition. Furthermore, he said they were about to do another test-case operation and thought I might be an excellent candidate for the new procedure. While characterized as major surgery, it could offer significant relief if all went well. And if it didn’t work, my prognosis wasn’t good anyway. To my wife and me, there was no question of our decision because, without the surgery, where would I be? More testing began and I was poked and prodded everywhere and relieved of bodily fluids I didn’t know I had. In spite of what the doctors had said, once all the tests were completed, it seemed the prognosis wasn’t so bright after all. The doctors, as a group, felt that my condition had already deteriorated too far to survive the operation. Furthermore, even if I were willing to risk the new procedure, no doctor wanted to operate on a man who they felt might just die on the operating table. Clearly, though they didn't admit it, they didn’t want to jeopardize their whole program, and new experimental procedure, by having one of their first with the patient dying in the process. Their advice to us was go home and get my affairs in order as I had, at the most, only five months to live. I was only 41, and someway it really didn’t sink in at first. We knew we had hit a rough patch of sailing in our life, but we didn’t really realize what was ahead. So, I suppose that was why their verdict had less impact on me than I would have expected. Maybe it was because of the bonenumbing fatigue I was feeling, after months of little or no sleep. Maybe it was because, in some vague way, the fatigue aligned with other feelings I was having. While I wasn’t actually ready to give up, even before I realized I was in trouble, I had been wondering if what we had was all there was to life? But, as time went on, I did begin to give up. I remember 7

FIVE MONTHS TO LIVE thinking that a thousand years from now, it wouldnâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;t matter anyway; dead is dead. Then, I gradually became used these new feelings. Partly, perhaps, because the detached feeling of being so very tired made life seem devoid of meaning. It was as if part of me was dead already, but I was still walking around. So the days went on, and death became more inviting all the while.

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Preview of Chapter 9

THE 4 HORSEMEN COMETH & I DIE Tlot-tlot; tlot-tlot, in the distance? Tlot-tlot; tlot-tlot, were they deaf that they did not hear? Alfed Noyes One early morning, as I sat struggling to breathe just before dawn, I sensed the end was near. It no longer made any difference; all I wanted was relief. Then, suddenly, somewhere between snatches of sleep, one moment I was gasping for breath and in the next I was falling through space. And I just kept falling, tumbling through a black sky. Gripped with paralyzing, stark-naked terror, instead of waking up, as I had in other â&#x20AC;&#x153;fallingâ&#x20AC;? dreams from the past, I just kept on falling and falling, tumbling out of all control as I fell. As I tumbled, I became aware of a soft light in one part of the black sky. Some part of my attention was drawn to the light and whenever I could glimpse it, the attraction grew. As I struggled to keep the light in my vision, I noticed that seeing it calmed me. The more I focused on it, the calmer I became. Then I realized I was falling towards the light. The closer I came to it, the brighter it grew and the calmer I became. A warm feeling began in the pit of my stomach and spread upward through my entire body as deep, warm peace settled over me and the tumbling slowed. On the distant horizon from where the light was coming, I saw what looked like a line. As I drew closer, the line grew in size and I realized it was a line of people walking toward me, silhouetted by the light. I knew them all. Some I knew from my life on earth: my grandfather with my favorite dog Butch, his tail, wagging in greeting, and my othe r wise old granddad with his bemused, wry grin. There was my sweet old Aunt Eleanor and favorite Uncle, Sidney. There was a man who lived on a ranch up the river from us 9

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who had always been nice to me. Also, there was a school teacher and various people who had played a part in my life, but had gone on ahead. Then, there were the others. They were entities I had known and loved in other times and other places, not in my current life. In addition, there were entities who were also part of my soul group (souls we had reincarnated with over and over), but not of this earthly world, however, who were as much a part of my extended being like those of this Earthexperience. As we all met, I was flooded with the most intense feelings of love I had ever known. As it flowed through the core of me, in a very small way it was a little like the â&#x20AC;&#x153;going home feelingâ&#x20AC;? I had experienced on Earth as a young man returning home after being in the Army in Europe for three years. I remembered as I drove up that old familiar road to the ranch where Mom and Dad waited that I had experienced a similar warm deep love. However, to compare that feeling from then with this now was like comparing a drop of seawater to the ocean itself. Now, wave after wave of intense love rolled over me like the waves of a great flood itself. It was a happy, joyous love full of anticipation, closure, and promise. No words were exchanged, just thoughts moving instantaneously, with perfect clarity, from one mind to the other without the ability to withhold or judge anything. It was all an expression and celebration of love that would on earth, have been unfathomable. It was between members of an ancient soul group, celebrating my return home once again. As I was shown around, it was explained how most of our celestial, eternal knowledge is blanked-out during our short life spans on Earth. We must temporarily forget most of what our higher self already knows so we can believe in the roles we have chosen to play in our different lifetimes. Furthermore, they said that it would take a while for our memories to all to come back. They went on to say that life on Earth is a little like an extended visit to a big theme park, with thrilling rides and various 10

DYING TO REALLY LIVE adventures. And brother, sometimes it does get scary, but we humans wouldn’t have it any other way. After all, why else would we leave the celestial realm, but for excitement, adventure, and entertainment? As one entity jokingly said, if the eternal, the God part, grows tired of singing and playing harps, thousands of other universes exist for our amusement and entertainment. The God part of us is there providing choices for all eternity – and eternity is a long time. As my orientation went on, it was explained how on this celestial side of the veil anything we want is instantaneously provided. We just need to feel a desire to have something, and it is fulfilled. But there lies the reason for all the realms outside of Heaven. Having everything we want, all the time, develops within us a need for variety and change, for a challenge. It would be like a card game where everyone is always dealt a perfect hand. Soon the game would become boring and we would look for another, more challenging one. Somehow, all this sounded familiar. And, to familiarize myself with the process, one of them asked me to think about something I really wanted. Thinking back on it, what I chose seems odd for such an esteemed place, and such an occasion, but suddenly I had an urge for a piece of my mother’s famous homemade dark chocolate cake, with her special fudge frosting. As soon as I thought of it, my mother was handing me the biggest piece of dark chocolate cake I had ever seen. Dare I say it was heavenly? Although she appeared there with us, I knew some part of her was still back on Earth because she was not one that had gone on before. My guess is that she, at that same moment, was probably asleep, dreaming of lovingly making her son a piece of her divine chocolate cake. After what could have been a few minutes or hours of orientation, a deep silence began descending over everything, and an all-encompassing “Presence” overshadowed the soul group and 11

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its members faded into the background. It was a little like being in a supermarket where music is playing in the background as you shop when the volume fades and a voice overshadows the music saying, “Shoppers, on aisle #7, there is a great special on Red Delicious apples.” As everything else faded, a voice, which really wasn’t a voice at all, said in resonating tones, “Welcome home, son, you have done a great job and welcome back.” I was bathed in yet an even deeper, more profound sense of love and acceptance which kept just grew stronger until the voice went on to say, “But as long as you still have a warm body back on earth, would you like to get ‘another one’ out of the way?” I knew instantly what was being asked, even though at the time of my death I hadn’t believed in any form of reincarnation, or anything else religious or spiritual. In spite of that, I instantly knew I was being asked if I wanted to get more life lessons out of the way. Now my Sunday school teacher had always told us that there is no pain in Heaven. I can tell you now, at least in that case, she was wrong. I can still hear the agony of my echoing “Nooooo,” still rattling around somewhere in those Celestial Realms. I knew in my heart of hearts, in the deepest core of my soul, that after escaping “the surly bonds of Earth to touch the face of God,” as one poet put it, I wanted to stay. After experiencing what I was experiencing, in no way did I want to go back to that place, any time soon. They could have any part of my “unused ticket,” they wanted. I was finished with that petty, trite, hellhole of a world-game, even though I had people there whom, in earthlyterms, I had loved as dearly as earthly conditions allow, or at least as well as I knew how to love at the time. From that vantage point, I could see how trifling the world I had left was. Here, on the other side, I would always be with souls who have all loved me forever and will do so for eternity. Plus I knew that momentarily, the loved ones who lagged behind on Earth would join us. It might be years to them, but it would only be 12

DYING TO REALLY LIVE moments in reality. Time is funny that way. Then “the Voice,” with a tone of infinite patience and wisdom, went on to say, “One of the reasons you went to that planet to begin with was to bring your daughter on board. She has some very important work to do. Would you leave her fatherless, at her young age?” What can a father say? Even if I had seemed to detach already from that life, apparently there were deeper cords than I was aware of and I knew instantly I would be returning whether it was what I wanted at this moment or not. Then, as I went out of the door, metaphorically, “the Voice” continued, “Since you are going to be there for a while, there are a couple of things you could do while you are there.” However, it would be a while before I knew anymore, and several years until I knew what the statement meant. <><><> To receive your free copy of Dying to Really Live by return email, Click Here If you would rather read Dying to Really Live on you Kindle, Nook, Pad or Smart Phone for 99 cents, Click Here If you still enjoy reading from a real book, this book is now available on Amazon in print form for $9.95 Click Here To be notified when the Author’s next book is ready, Click Here

The Books Table of Contents CHAPTER 1.................................................................5 FIVE MONTHS TO LIVE CHAPTER 2 ............ ERROR! BOOKMARK NOT DEFINED. THE EARLY YEARS CHAPTER 3 ............ ERROR! BOOKMARK NOT DEFINED. MY EARLY LIFE CHANGES CHAPTER 4 ............ ERROR! BOOKMARK NOT DEFINED. GIVING UP, I’M READY TO DUE CHAPTER 5 ............ ERROR! BOOKMARK NOT DEFINED. A LIFE CHANGING COINCIDENCE CHAPTER 6 ............ ERROR! BOOKMARK NOT DEFINED. WAITING TO DIE CHAPTER 7 ............ ERROR! BOOKMARK NOT DEFINED. DÉJÀ VU OR SOMETHING ELSE CHAPTER 8 ............ ERROR! BOOKMARK NOT DEFINED. MY LIFE CHANGES AGAIN CHAPTER 9 ............................................................... 9 THE 4 HORSEMEN COMETH AND I DIEH CHAPTER 10 .......... ERROR! BOOKMARK NOT DEFINED. LTHEN I RETURN AND LEARN TRUE GRIEF ABOUT VOLUME II ERROR! BOOKMARK NOT DEFINED. ABOUT THE AUTHOR .............................................. 15 A SPECIAL ACKNOWLEDGMENT . ERROR! BOOKMARK NOT DEFINED.

About the Author

Duane F. Smithâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s unusual background and life experience provided a unique perspective about the time we chose to be on this planet. Born dyslexic himself, he found his early schooling a challenge. Barely finishing high school, he left to join the Army and had his life changed forever. In the Armyâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s infinite wisdom, this man who had, himself, struggled in school was assigned to teach in an experimental program designed by the University of Maryland, for the Army. The University had developed a teaching technique that they called Programmed Learning and were experimenting with 350 illiterate draftees who, for whatever reason, had never attended school. The University had designed the program to take these men from grades 1 through grade 12, thereby allowing them to qualify for a high school GED, which was the minimum standard required to serve in the Armed Forces. However, the goal of the program defied any conventional logic at the time. The program was to take these men from the 1st grade to passing a 12th -grade equivalency test . . . in 90 days! Surprisingly, the program worked, with over 90% of the men receiving their GED in the allotted time. It was this experience that left the author angry and frustrated about his 12 boring; torturous years wasted, accomplishing the same goal. The experience also convinced him that there was a better teaching method than the one-size-fits-all, method being used almost exclusively at all levels. After the Army, he moved to Ashland, Oregon, and there began renovating old houses into college rentals. Meanwhile, in an attempt to understand why his school had been so hard t for him, he enrolled in a psychology class at what is now Southern Oregon University. Eventually, he received a Masterâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s Degree in Education, with a focus on early childhood development.

ABOUT THE AUTHOR Later, during a minor recession, when no money was available for building apartments, he decided to teach for â&#x20AC;&#x153;a year or two." While not sure teaching was his lifeâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s work, he hoped to be there long enough to see if some of his theories about alternate methods of teaching, worked, and he quickly found a teaching position in a local school. However, within a few months, when he was about to be fired by his principal for unorthodox teaching methods, he came to the attention of Henry O. Pete, the extremely innovative school superintendent of the district where he was teaching.. They soon found they each shared a belief that there was a better way. Together they developed an experimental program for putting their theories into action. In it, a blended class of 4th through 6th graders were allowed to work at their pace and in their areas of interest. They became to refer to their method as Child-Centered, or Child-Directed, Learning. As the program thrived, they began to unravel a puzzle on which they both were to spend most of their lives pondering and studying. However, after a few years, a new community college was forming in the town to the north of where they lived, and that group hired Henry to be its Founding President, and develop its curriculum based on his learning theories. Henry asked the author to join him in his new endeavor, as the Director of Adult Education at the new college. However, the author made the decision not uproot his family to follow Henry, and he left education. At the age of 30, he went back to his thriving apartment development business. With the fledgling base his company had built while he was in college, the business had thrived. In a few years, it seemed, to the people in the community, that he had it all. Furthermore, to add to his feeling of success, the kids from their original program, with whom they stayed in contact were, doing well. At this point, an ongoing, medical problem worsened, and the author underwent the most profound of life changes. At the age of 41, a doctor from Stanford Medical Center gave him five months to live and sent him home to â&#x20AC;&#x153;to get his affairs in order." He eventually had what some refer to as a Near-Death or After Death 16

DYING TO REALLY LIVE Experience. Regardless of what one calls it. he died, crossed to the other side and then returned to his body. However, in his case, in the following 18 months he was taken by his soul guides, back to the other side on five separate occasions, and he didn’t even believe in God, when he died. What he experienced and learned was almost beyond words. And, it was here that he learned that as many other people who were surviving NDEs, were being sent back to tell their stories, to let people know that one’s death isn’t the end of anything, it Is just the beginning of another adventure. Suddenly everything in his life changed, and his priorities shifted. Gradually, he was once again, drawn back to his fascination with the mind/brain connection, and how it affected how children learned. In time he realized that many new discoveries in that field verified much of what he and Henry discovered in the classroom, years before. Feeling compelled, he began writing about what they had discovered about the learning process, over the years. Renegade Teacher, his 1st book, is about their original program, what worked in the classroom, and what didn’t. Then, he wrote Renegade Class, the story of what became of the kids from the first book, over the next 40 years. When those were published, his guides to him that it was time to write about his trips to the afterlife. First, he wrote Dying to Really Live, about his original Death, being on the other side and then of his return. Then, he wrote Beyond Death & Back, the story of his five trips to the other side and what he saw, learned and did, and what it lead to when he afterwards. When he had finished his 2nd book, he began writing Living in a New Tomorrow, about what he has been told to expect in the coming decades. It is about education, why, if God lives within, does he allow sickness in the body he shares. Then, it tells of the Great Divide which is ahead for us all.