month. Keep your regular routine right where it is, except for one out-of-the-ordinary adventure. Take a class. Host a dinner party. Solve a problem. Sometimes—at least for Jessica and Andrew, and maybe for you, too—our desire to see the world is really a longing for a bigger life here at home. The plus side is that change is more within reach than we think. It might be as easy as volunteering at an after-school program, launching a new personal project or committing to live more simply and give more generously. Changes like this bump us out of the rut of routine and allow us to explore our strengths and passions. They might be just what you need to make you feel at home again—and glad you stayed.
LET OTHERS READ YOUR LIFE
What do you really want? Often what we really want isn’t the new job—it’s purpose. What we really want isn’t just a date—it’s to be known and loved. Wanderlust tends to stir up a cloud of doubt that can make it hard to see the real heart of the matter. So, ask yourself: What do you really desire to see change from this situation to the next? You may find that many of your fantasies of what life could be like with a change are just that—fantasies. And many times, those fantasies put our selfish desires front and center. Perhaps you want to work in ministry, but your ego also wants the affirmation of being a leader. Maybe you want to travel, but you also want to be the one with all the great stories to tell at parties. When your vision positions you at the center, it’s usually not a vision from God. His vision generally doesn’t revolve around getting us to feel important and glorified (see Exhibit A: the entire Bible). But God’s vision does involve us living passionately in our strengths, no matter what that looks like. My friend Julie was working a corporate job and hating every minute of it. When she asked herself the question, “What do I really want?” she realized how much she had always enjoyed babysitting. But because she had just graduated from college, she felt vague pressure—from her parents, from 64
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THERE’S NEVER A BETTER TIME FOR A MOMENT OF SELF-INVENTORY THAN WHEN YOU’RE TRYING TO DISCERN GOD’S WILL. society, from herself—to prove her worth in the business world. Julie’s vision of caring for kids wasn’t about getting glory but about doing what she loved to do: nurture, use her knack for crafts and expend her energy on something that felt meaningful. So, after sticking out the office job six more months, Julie clocked out and started to work as a full-time nanny—making more money than she did behind the desk. Once Julie shook free from others’ expectations and re-evaluated her motives, she was able to make a change in confidence. It was a change that didn’t make sense to achievement-loving ladder-climbers, but it made perfect sense for her.
MAKE ONE CHANGE
Perhaps you, like newlyweds Jessica and Andrew, have taken stock of your situation and are in a relatively healthy place spiritually, relationally and financially. You’ve evaluated your standard operating patterns and have spent time figuring out what you really want—and yet the wanderlust remains. Before you sell your belongings and leave on a jet plane, start small. Make one change for one
But sometimes wanderlust rides in so strong, it calls for reinforcements. When author Parker Palmer was offered the opportunity to become president of a respected university, he felt divided. So he brought the situation to his friends within the Quaker community, a tradition that encourages discerning with trusted friends when facing a major life decision. As Palmer fielded questions from his friends, he realized his hopes for the position didn’t line up with his strengths or passions—and his initial excitement about the opportunity became clear. “I think I just want the job because I imagine how cool it would be to get my picture in the paper with the word ‘president’ under it,” he admitted to the group. After a few quiet moments, someone asked: “Parker, can you think of an easier way to get your picture in the paper?” Reading our lives, especially when we’re feeling restless, is like standing six inches away from a skyscraper; it is impossible to take in the whole scope from such an angle. Proverbs 24:6 offers different advice: “Victory is won through many advisors.” Wise friends are those who do what we cannot: take 20 steps back from our lives and call out what they see.
ON THE OTHER SIDE
When you explore what’s behind your wanderlust, one of two things will happen. Either you’ll stay put, with renewed perspective on why you are meant to be where you are, or you’ll move, knowing God has prepared you for something new. Whatever the outcome, God’s guidance for your life remains the same. He is never late or forgetful to keep His promises (2 Peter 3:9). He holds all things together (Colossians 1:17), including this season. His purposes for you will never be thwarted (Isaiah 14:24). He will not trick or deceive you (1 Samuel 15:29) but will lead you toward a fuller knowledge of Himself. And He is refining you in the little things to prepare you for something more (Luke 16:10). Whatever the outcome, you can put your doubt and discontent to rest—as you gain confidence in where God has called you to be.
NICOLE UNICE is director of the ministry residency program at Hope Church in Richmond, Va., and author of She’s Got Issues (Tyndale, 2012). The twentysomethings around her call her their life coach. She calls them friends.