Reminiscences from Parental Leave

By Andrew Mfitimukiza, Archives Assistant, ARM Unit/RSCE

16 weeks of Parental leave for a man? It sounded too good to be true, given that about 2.5 years ago, I was only given 3 days after the birth of my son. I wasn’t sure what to do with all the time, so I only asked for 25 days to begin with. The 25 days have been amazing and set me on a personal reflection journey I thought I should write. But the truth is, I have struggled to keep journals, I mostly prefer to scribble bullet points on my phone or keep mental notes. I don’t advise the latter though, so, pray for me on this journey.

Have a read into some of my reflections. Maybe you are already on the same journey, or you will be inspired to join the journey.

Will I be his hero? My son quickly adjusted from being the baby to big brother. Watching him excited about the baby sister, looking out for her, running to respond whenever she cried (of course he couldn’t handle carrying her) was so heartwarming. As we continue training him to be kind to his baby sister, I hope he will do the same to his wife, daughters, and women in general (respect and honor them). On this training journey, it seems natural for him to do what he sees me doing, rather than what I tell him to do. He finally attempted to brush his teeth after watching me brush mine for like a week. All previous attempts from Mom and Dad had been frustrating that we had paused it.

Will I love them? From the time I knew my wife was expecting our second child, I wondered if I would be able to love them both the same. Is the human heart capable of loving two different people equally? Carrying my daughter after birth, it felt the same as I felt when I first carried my son.

But I know love is more than just a feeling, and these two will grow up to be different. Will I learn to understand their different needs, adjust, and express this love to them? I trust in God to help me on this journey, because sometimes there seems to be a lot competing for my time and attention.

How much do you appreciate your spouse? Parental leave was long enough for me to eventually slow down, pause and enjoy every moment. Some moments were not as fun though, especially the waking up in the night to pick the baby from her crib and hand her to my wife for breastfeeding. This time I had no excuse; I was on parental leave and was not required to wake up early the following day to go to work. How does she manage to wake up 3 times in the night every day for at least 6 months? Mothers will never be thanked enough.

I may still not be able to keep a real journal, but I have become intentional at keeping a record of the memories I cherish. I now record videos and take lots of pictures, after all a picture speaks a thousand words. 20-30 years from now, as I look through the pictures with my wife, kids or grandkids, I am sure the feelings and memories will be fresh, and I will have a story to tell about each picture or video.

Are you making every moment with your loved ones count? Are you keeping a record of these memories? Parental leave is a good time to make these memories.