Intergenerational Parenting and the Passage of Time

By Mark Kaheru, Public Information Officer, RSCE

Intergenerational transmission of parenting is defined as the process through which, purposively or unintendedly, an earlier generation psychologically influences parenting attitudes and behavior of the next generation.

In this rapidly changing world, I wonder if this still holds water as a theorem.

When I was growing up, things were a bit different from today. Every parent or adult I had access to at the time came off as ruthless, unsmiling and a terror to be around.

Compared to today, I can only say I grew up at a time when there was general scarcity. I remember if I asked my dad for a new pair of shoes, he would remind me that he had just bought me a pair of shoes the year before and would ask me where they were. This is before he would inform me how lucky I was because in his day he had to walk 16 miles (I wonder when we started using kilometers) to school and another 16 back and all the while barefoot. And this was after he had collected firewood and water for the home.

In my request, I would simply ask for shoes. Today, my son specifies. He asks me for laser blue Retro Air Jordan 1s. And check this out, he only wears them to go to the mall with his friends. I feel like telling him “Look here boy, back in the day, we only used sneakers to play sports and even then, you had to be lucky to own a pair. Most of the time we played barefoot!” – which was true. We played soccer barefoot because if you tore those shoes, you were not sure when, after the thorough thrashing, you would get another pair.

Speaking of thrashing, going to school in Uganda in my days was a nightmare!

One thing was for certain, all our teachers were young, hungry and angry. I say young because even after all these years I meet some of them and they do not look like they have aged a decade. Going to school was a process on its own.

First, there was the waking up. Many times, I was woken up with a cane or a cup of cold water thrown over my face. There were no water heaters at my house…actually, there were but they had not functioned in years. I think because there was also no guarantee that you would have the electricity to run the appliance. Then the journey to school. My dad would announce that if you wanted a ride to school you had better be in the car when he got there. If you missed the ride, you had to walk. Fortunately, school was not 16 miles away.

If you go to school after the gate was closed at 7:30am, you had to wait for 8:30am to be caned and then let in. At the door to the class, more canes from the teacher awaited you. Every incorrect answer resulted in a stroke or two of the cane or ruler on your hand, head or back. No homework? Canes. Bad handwriting – canes. Talking out of turn in class or speaking another language that was not English… you guessed right – canes.

But the worst canes were given after tests or exams. Noone was spared.

Teacher would walk in with a bundle of sticks and announce that anyone that came in outside the top 3 would be caned. On conclusion of that roster of caning, he would the announce the next caning for those that got below 95% which would more often than not, rope in the top 3.

Try this today and you have a lawsuit pending.

I have even seen videos where pupils barrage insults and blows on their teachers who merely look on in bewilderment and call the authorities for support. Students talk back to their educators and nothing is done to put them in their place.

It would appear we have gone soft on our parenting and that is why I question the intergenerational transmission of parenting.

I have never raised my hand to any of my children which is the direct opposite of my experience as a child. Every time I see my parents with my children, I wonder what changed. They have never even raised as much as their voice to the grand- children and which is contradictory to what I experienced.

After the football made from milk pints, my next best toy was the ream of a bicycle that I would roll down the road. Children of today cannot get their eyes off the Playstation 5 to just go outside and get some sunshine. I doubt many know that mangoes come from trees and cows produce the milk they consume and not the magic box that keeps things cold.

Now with AI…I cannot wait to witness my children’s parenting challenges in the future.