HOW TO HELP A FRIEND Glenna Siegel
more important for your friend to feel appreciated and validated
By choosing to start a conversation, you create the opportunity to not just
than for you to express every detail on your own mind.
talk, but perhaps more importantly, to listen to your friend who may be
Refer your friend to professional resources. This reiterates your
struggling with an eating disorder or negative body image. Although it can feel
role as friend, not therapist, and it can help begin the recovery
uncomfortable to reach out at first, the long-term benefits outshine any potential
process if he or she chooses.
short-term downsides. Here are some tips to help you through the process: Don’t force anything. If your friend is not in an emotional place
BEFORE THE CONVERSATION:
to accept help or simply does not want it, this is not your fault.
Educate yourself. Read about the symptoms and habits that
Respect the situation and end the conversation by saying that
indicate eating disorders and disordered eating using online
you are trying to help because you care about them. Also offer to
tools like NEDA.org or speaking with a counselor. By becoming
talk later; your friend may just want to emotionally prepare and
familiar with these resources yourself, you know where to direct
process before discussing anything.
your friend if he or she needs additional support. Remember that even with this research, you are not an expert or a doctor.
AFTER THE CONVERSATION:
Your job as a friend is to show support and potentially direct to
Seek support for yourself. You might benefit from talking to
professional resources, not to “fix” or heal.
a counselor to address your feelings and hear a professional opinion on the situation. Talking about eating disorders and more
Reach out to your friend beforehand to let them know you would
generally about personal subjects is not easy; refuel by talking it
like to have a more serious conversation. This prevents springing
out with an objective third party. This will also provide you with
the conversation on someone, making it feel like an intervention
an outlet other than discussing with mutual friends, which can
or “gotcha” situation. Simply saying, “Hey, when are you free this
compromise your friend’s privacy.
week? Would love to talk” signals you have something on your mind. It’s probably on your friend’s mind too, so he or she can
Follow up with another conversation or even just a text. Knowing
pick up on the hint.
they have an ally can make a huge difference for someone who is struggling, even if they don’t seem receptive or don’t respond.
DURING THE CONVERSATION:
Eating disorders and negative body image are different for
Find a private, safe space. This will allow for more candid
everyone in both the physical and emotional sense. Conversations
conversation, maintain privacy, and can provide a sense of
of this nature are similarly varied case by case, so remember
comfort.
that these suggestions act only as general guidelines for healthy dialogue. They do not replace professional advice; as stated,
Use “I” statements and observations. This protects against
talking to a counselor can benefit both you and your friend.
accusations and ensures accuracy; all you know is what you see
By talking to a professional, you are also leading by example. In
and your own feelings.
that vein, strive to practice balanced eating and exercise habits, make time for self-care, and keep conversations body-positive in
Listen attentively. Some people might be bursting and grateful
real life and online. Be a role model and help everyone around
for the chance to open up; use this material as guidance for your
you, just like you’d like someone to support your own friend. It
conversation instead of any preconceived agenda. If you have
takes a community to redirect the dialogue about mental health
more to say, you can always have another conversation later. It’s
and body image – be part of the positive change.
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