The Care Experienced Poetry Book

Welcome to the care experienced poetry book

We have put together some poetry from our talented care experienced people, who have discussed various aspects of their time in care.

We would like to extend a special thank you to Luke Ward and Worcestershire Children First who came to us with this idea.

We would also like to thank Shab, one of our amazing Ambassadors for her hard work and dedication in planning and hosting a series of wonderful, inspirational and supportive creative writing workshops for care leavers to enjoy and to build on their creative skills together. We hope you enjoy!

INDEX

I AM AN OUTSIDER

Labels on a Box 2

A poem by Callum Boteler 5

A poem by Sam Cox 6

A poem by Sumayyah Khizar 8 The Outsider 10 It Hurts 14

FAMILY

Reflections 17

A Mind Picnic 18

A poem by LB 20 To whoever it may be 23 Roots 24 The Fog 28

WHO AM I?

Who Am I? 31

Proud of my Blackness 32

A poem by Roseanne Loveridge 34

All alone in my little room 36

Identity - Who am I? 38 Peace is a white horse 41

Missing Words 42 Who Am I? 45

LABELS ON BOXES

ON EVERY BAG AND BOX I OWN IS A STICKER WITH MY NAME SOMEHOW THESE STICKY LABELS HAVE ALWAYS HELD SO MUCH PAIN

IF THEY COME OFF, MY BIGGEST FEAR IS THEY’LL BE PLACED STRAIGHT BACK AND THERE ARE BAGS I’VE HAD FILLED FOR MONTHS BECAUSE I’M TOO SCARED TO UNPACK

IRONIC REALLY, BECAUSE THAT SOUNDS A LOT LIKE MY BRAIN BAGS AND BOXES OF TRAUMA THAT NEVER GET ADDRESSED AND THEY TOO HOLD SO MUCH PAIN

SO IT’S ALMOST LIKE THOSE NAME TAGS HOLD METAPHORICAL VALUE STILL IF I REMOVE THEM, I FEEL LIKE THINGS WILL AGAIN GO DOWNHILL

AND LABELS WITH MY NAME WILL RETURN AND THESE DAYS I FEEL LIKE MY VALUE IS HELD TO A ROOM OR A BED AND THE THOUGHT OF SETTLING MAKES MY STOMACH TURN BECAUSE DESPITE MY CHAOTIC PAST I’M STILL A PERSON, THE FACT NO ONE VALUES THAT MESSES WITH MY HEAD “

I R A

On every bag and box I own is a sticker with my name

But no matter if someone or something gets in the way, you’ll find a simple route around it

BEING AN EXPERIENCED CARE LEAVER, HAVE PLENTY OF OPPORTUNITIES TO MAKE NEW FRIENDS TO SOCIALISE OR LEARN NEW SKILLS BEING IN CARE COMES WITH RESPONSIBILITIES WHICH AT TIMES CAN BE HARD BUT NO MATTER IF SOMEONE OR SOMETHING GETS IN THE WAY, YOU’LL FIND A SIMPLE ROUTE AROUND IT MEETING NEW STAFF IS UNNERVING BUT FOR ME THE STAFF STOOD TALL WITH WELCOMING SMILES KNOWING THEY’RE HERE TO HELP US IN OUR TIME OF NEED WE ARE ABLE TO MAKE AMENDS AND MANY ACHIEVEMENTS IN THE TIME THAT WE’VE SPENT IN CARE SO I’M FINALLY ABLE TO SAY A MASSIVE THANK YOU TO ALL STAFF THAT WORKED AT THE CARE HOME I ONCE RESIDED AT

C A L L U M B O T E L E R

(SET TO THE RHYTHM OF THE OKIE KOKIE).

YOU HAVE YOUR WHOLE SELF IN YOUR HEARTS RIPPED OUT, IN, OUT, IN, OUT YOU REALLY WANT TO SHOUT YOU DO THE OKIE KOKI AND THEY TURN YOU OUT THAT’S WHAT IT’S ALL ABOUT.

OOOHHH THE PARENT SHUFFLE OOOHHH THE CARER SHUFFLE OOOHHH THE ADDRESS SHUFFLE. SOUL BENT ARMS STRETCHED OUT, OUT, OUT.

YOU PUT ONE FOOT IN, KEEP ONE FOOT OUT. IN OUT, IN OUT, WHAT’S IT ALL ABOUT? YOU DO THE OKIE KOKI TURN YOURSELF INSIDE OUT TRYING TO WORK IT OUT

OOOHHH THE PARENT SHUFFLE, OOOHHH THE CARER SHUFFLE. OOOHHH THE ADDRESS SHUFFLE. LIFES BENT I SHRUG GET OUT, OUT, OUT. S A M C O X

I was in foster care for

foster care with my brother was the best year of my

after lots of moves and having lots of different people as 'parents'. Being

When

judge decided we could return to a parent, he described us as

treated like "parcels" That image has always stuck with me

I'm a qualified occupational therapist and I have just started working with looked after children at the age of 53

I also support asylum seekers to take their little children to nursery Whilst doing the okie kokie with them I thought about the lengths these brave mums had gone to, to get their kids to safety and the very limited efforts that had been made by some people in my life to keep me safe I'm still exchanging Christmas cards and major life events with my foster parents Their kindness has kept me afloat to this present day

You have your whole self in, Your hearts ripped out, In, out, in, out You really want to shout.

LIFE IN CARE FELT NOTHING BUT BARE NO FAMILY NEAR BUT I'M STILL HERE TO LIVE ALONE I HAVE SHOWN THAT I CAN GROW WITH THE SEED I SOWED.

NO ARMS TO HOLD ME IN THE COLD NO SHOULDER TO CRY ON WHEN I NEVER WON WE ALL NEED SOMEBODY TO LOVE JUST LIKE A LITTLE BABY DOVE

THERE WAS TIMES I COULDN'T BREATHE AND I WOULD HAVE A WEEZE BUT WHEN I WAS BROKEN AND IN PIECES I HAD NO ONE FOR MY PEACE OF MIND.

I WAS UNSTABLE AND UNABLE TO LOVE MYSELF MY THOUGHTS TOOK CONTROL, I FELL INTO A DEEP HOLE OF GUILT. I BLAMED MYSELF, TRYING TO FIX MYSELF LIKE AN ELF

I PULLED MYSELF OUT OF MY OWN ARMS BUT THAT WAS ONLY THE START CAUSE I'M FALLING APART

Before I became strong, I knew what it was like to be weak, how difficult it was to love myself, To find the wholeness in myself again

I've had my darkness before the light where I had no hope and didn't know how to get through I know the amount of tears it took to build courage for me to finally stand up again even when I was broken down and bruised when i felt nothing but pain If you haven't seen hate you forget to love till you even forget the meaning of how to smile and laugh and your heart is left abate Before I was who I am now, I was someone I didn't want to be

I was lost, battered, and defeated, Before I knew how to be me! So now I hold My head up and fight x

THE OUTSIDER

WHERE DO I FIT IN?

MY DAD’S SIDE ARE SCATTERED ALL OVER THE PLACE AND MY MUM’S SIDE IS ALL CLUSTERED I’M TRYING TO FIND MY WAY ROUND.

DO I FIT IN WITH MY FRIENDS, FAMILY, MY MUM OR DAD’S SIDE OR MY FOSTER FAMILY?

I RECEIVE MESSAGES FROM DISTANT RELATIVES; THEY ARE LITERALLY STRANGERS MESSAGE ME.

MY MIND SAYS NO YES, I STAND OUT.

NOT BECAUSE I AM TALL AND NOT EVEN BECAUSE MY PARENTS AREN’T TOGETHER BUT BECAUSE I AM A CARE LEAVER.

I DON’T ASSOCIATE THE NAME WITH SHAME, IT GLOWS ABOVE ME WITH PRIDE.

WHERE DO I FIT IN?

WITH PEOPLE WHO LIVE WITH SINGLE PARENTS, CARE LEAVERS, THE OUTSIDERS OR ALL OF THE ABOVE.

WILL MY EXPERIENCE BE A TOOL TO THE NEXT GENERATION?

I GIVE GOOD ADVICE BECAUSE I HAVE BEEN THROUGH IT.

I HAVE BEEN LOOKING FROM THE OUTSIDE IN. YOU ARE NOT OBLIGED WHEN IT COMES TO FAMILY. YOU HAVE TO WORK FOR IT. IF IT IS TAKEN CARE OF, IT’S A GIFT

IF IT LEFT ALONE, IT’S AN OBSTRUCTION. IT WELTERS AND DIES.

FORGIVING FAMILY IS THE HARDEST THING. THE TRUST IS THE MOST FRAGILE. WHEN ITS BROKEN IT REMAINS DAMAGED. MY FAMILY IS BROKEN

I HOPE THE ONE I BUILD IS BETTER. I DON’T MIND BEING AN OUTSIDER.

I don’t associate the name with shame, it glows above me with pride.

IT HURTS

IT HURTS NOT BEING ABLE TO REMEMBER YOUR FACE

IT HURTS NOT BEING ABLE TO REMEMBER WHAT YOUR SOUND LIKE IT HURTS HEARING PEOPLE SAY I LOOK LIKE YOU IT HURTS TO HEAR PEOPLE SAY I HAVE YOUR MANNERISMS

IT HURTS TO LOOK AT PHOTOS AND NOT BEING ABLE TO REMEMBER IT

BUT I AM ME I AM ROBYN

YES, I LOOK LIKE YOU YES, I MAY HAVE YOUR MANNERISMS THESE THINGS DON’T MAKE ME, ME THESE THINGS ARE APART OF ME, JUST LIKE ME BEING IN CARE AND BEING CARE EXPERIENCED

BUT IT HURTS NOT BEING ABLE TO REMEMBER YOUR FACE

IT HURTS NOT BEING ABLE TO REMEMBER WHAT YOU SOUND LIKE

IT HURTS HEARING PEOPLE SAY I LOOK LIKE YOU IT HURTS TO HEAR PEOPLE SAY I HAVE YOUR MANNERISMS

IT HURTS TO LOOK AT PHOTOS AND NOT BEING ABLE TO REMEMBER IT

I KNOW WHAT YOU DID, YOU DID FOR A REASON

I KNOW WHAT YOU DID WAS TO KEEP ME SAFE I KNOW DIDN’T GET TO SEE ME GROW UP PROPERLY

BUT I KNOW YOU DID GET TO SEE US GROW UP

BUT IT STILL HURTS NOT BEING ABLE TO REMEMBER YOUR FACE

IT HURTS NOT BEING ABLE TO REMEMBER WHAT YOU SOUND LIKE IT HURTS HEARING PEOPLE SAY I LOOK LIKE YOU IT HURTS TO HEAR PEOPLE SAY I HAVE YOUR MANNERISMS

IT HURTS TO LOOK AT PHOTOS AND NOT BEING ABLE TO REMEMBER IT

The poem is inspired by what people tell me about my

like I look like her and I have her mannerisms but

also about accepting that I do look like her and I am like her

Why do I see so much of you in me?

I ask myself on bad days, When I feel your temper creeping, I think we share similar brains.

REFLECTIONS

WHEN I LOOK IN THE MIRROR, MOTHER STARES BACK AT ME, WE SHARE THE SAME FACE, BUT WE’RE DIFFERENT, KNOW THAT YOU HURT ME, I GAVE YOU COUNTLESS CHANCES, THIS DISTANCE FEELS LIKE BROKEN GLASS, AND SMASHED PLATES AND BRUISED SKIN.

TO BE THIS FAR APART FOR SO LONG, I WANT TO SAY SO LONG, I CAN’T WALK IN YOUR SHADOW, I CAN’T LIVE IN FEAR, BUT I KNOW THAT YOU CAN’T HEAR ME, AND THAT’S WHY I HAD TO DISAPPEAR.

WHY DO I SEE SO MUCH OF YOU IN ME? I ASK MYSELF ON BAD DAYS, WHEN I FEEL YOUR TEMPER CREEPING, I THINK WE SHARE SIMILAR BRAINS, BUT I CAN’T LET MYSELF BE THE SAME, AND I RECOGNISE THAT THIS IS WRONG, THAT’S MORE THAN YOU’VE EVER DONE, OUR FAMILY IS BROKEN, BUT I WAS ALWAYS THE PROBLEM.

I MIGHT HAVE YOUR EYES, YOUR NOSE, YOUR CHIN, YOUR SHAPE, YOUR SKIN, BUT MY CHILDREN WILL KNOW LOVE, NOT SHAME, OR BLAME, AND I’LL NEVER LEAVE THEM, LIKE YOU LEFT ME OR LIKE I LEFT YOU, I WON’T GIVE THEM A REASON TO.

J A D E G R E E N

Jade Green is a fine artist with a particular interest in painting, ceramics and poetry, their work often explores their experience with trauma and mental illness. Green believes in the ability to heal using art as a tool to help navigate and process trauma

A MIND PICNIC

BRIGHT, WARM SUNLIGHT SPREADS ACROSS A FIELD BRIMMING WITH BUSTLING FAMILIES.

A TOWERING TREE STRETCHES HIS LIMBS OUT INTO THE DELICATE SUMMER BREEZE.

A SOFT TARTAN BLANKET LAYS ON DULL GREEN GRASS, DEHYDRATED BY DROUGHT.

A BIG BEIGE BASKET WOVEN OF WICKER LOVINGLY FILLED WITH A FEAST OF TREATS.

TWINKLY TIN FOIL ENCASING A BED OF SPONGY WHITE BREAD WHERE BILLY THE BEAR RESTS HIS HEAD.

ASSORTMENTS OF VIBRANT FRUITS; STRAWBERRIES, BLUEBERRIES, BLACKBERRIES CREATING A KALEIDOSCOPE OF COLOUR IN THEIR PLASTIC FORTRESS.

FOUNTAINS OF SPARKLING PINK BUBBLES FLOW IN A RASPBERRY FLAVOURED STREAM. GLEEFUL, GRATEFUL SMILES DANCE ACROSS YOUTHFUL FACES MAKING ORBS SPARKLE WITH LOVE.

GENTLE KISSES ARE PEPPERED ON FOREHEADS CONTRASTED BY THE SCRATCHY STUBBLE SURROUNDING THE LIPS THEY FALL FROM. TUNEFUL LAUGHTER FLOWS UPWARDS, ENRICHING THE LEAVES OF THE TOWERING TREE WITH LOVE.

MEANINGFUL MEMORIES SWADDLED LIKE INFANTS IN DEVELOPING BRAINS, SAVED FOR A DAY WHEN ALL SHE WANTS IS A PICNIC AGAIN.

R O N A

To whoever it may be You’re the reason I am who I am today

TO WHOEVER IT MAY BE

TO WHOEVER IT MAY BE YOU’RE THE REASON I AM WHO I AM TODAY YOU’RE THE REASON I KNOW I CAN REACH FOR THE STARS YOU’RE THE REASON I CAN SPREAD MY WINGS AND FLY OVER THE HORIZONS

I KNOW WHAT YOU DID WAS FOR A REASON I KNOW YOU GAVE ME AMAZING ANGELS TO LOOK OUT FOR ME LOUISE, EDDIE, KIRSTAN, HEATHER TO NAME A FEW

I KNOW THAT YOU KEPT PLODDING ON EVEN IF LIFE GOT IN THE WAY I KNOW YOU TRIED TO CHANGE FOR THE BETTER I KNOW YOU WANTED THE BEST FOR US I KNOW YOU BELIEVED IN US FOR NOW AND FOREVER

TO WHOEVER IT MAY BE YOU’RE THE REASON I AM WHO I AM TODAY YOU’RE THE REASON I KNOW I CAN REACH FOR THE STARS

YOU’RE THE REASON I CAN SPREAD MY WINGS AND FLY OVER THE HORIZONS

TO WHOEVER IT MAY BE YOU’RE THE REASON I SMILE YOU’RE THE REASON I PLOD ON IN LIFE YOU’RE THE REASON WHY I’M HERE

TO WHOEVER IT MAY BE, MOMMY, YOU’RE THE REASON I KNOW I CAN BE WHO I AM AND SPREAD MY WINGS.

ROOTS

FAMILY IS LIKE A DEEP ROOTED FLOWER, SWAYING IN THE SWIRLING WIND. STANDING TALL AND PROUD, IT WITHSTANDS EVERYTHING THROWN AT IT. DURING THE HARSH WINTER IT LOSES ITS COLOURFUL PETALS AND BEGINS TO WITHER, BUT YET IT ALWAYS FINDS A WAY TO RECOVER AND STAY TOGETHER.

ABOVE GROUND THE FLOWER CAN LOOK ISOLATED AND ALONE, BUT PEER BENEATH THE SURFACE AND YOU WOULD SEE;

A VAST WEB OF SUPPORT HOLDING IT UPRIGHT LIKE A BACKBONE. WHEN RAIN FALLS DOWN, IT IS COMMON FOR FLOWERS TO CLOSE UP AND DROOP, IT IS ONLY WHEN THE RAIN STOPS THAT THE FLOWER TAKES TIME TO OPEN UP ONCE AGAIN, USING ITS ROOTS TO RECOVER AND RECOUP.

WITHOUT FAMILY WE CAN FEEL DISHEVELED AND FRAGILE, BUT MUCH LIKE THE HUMBLE FLOWER, WHEN WE ARE GIVEN LOVE AND ATTENTION, WE ARE ABLE TO FIND THE POWER TO SPRING UP AND BE EMPOWERED. NO MATTER HOW TOUGH LIFE GETS; HOW OVERGROWN WE MAY FEEL,

WE KNOW WE CAN RELY ON THE SUPPORT OF OTHERS TO REMOVE THE WEEDS THAT MAY SURROUND US,

AND FOR FRESH SEEDS OF HOPE TO TAKE ROOT AND GROW.

L U K E W A R D

Luke Ward was born into the hustle and bustle of Essex, but now resides in the far more relaxed historic city of Worcester. He received a Bachelor's degree in Photography from the University of Central Lancashire, and has had numerous exhibitions to show for it Not quite content to view life through a camera lens however, he now works in Public Health where he is concurrently working towards his second Bachelor's degree

Family is like a deep rooted flower, Swaying in the swirling wind.

THE FOG

A THICK VEIL OF FOG SURROUNDS ME ENTIRELY, THE FINGERS OF MOISTURE CREEPING SLOWLY ACROSS MY BODY.

IT DANCES, UNSURE WHERE TO LAND OR WHAT TO TOUCH,

FOR I AM AN ENIGMA THAT IS HARD TO CRACK.

IT WEAVES AND DARTS, EACH TIME HOPING TO FIND A PLACE TO SETTLE, BUT YET IT CANNOT. FOR I AM NOT AS COLD AS THE EMBRACE IN WHICH IT OFFERS.

I EXHALE INTO THE FROSTY AIR, SHAPES AND PATTERNS EMERGING LIKE FLICKERING PICTURES ON A MOVIE SCREEN.

THE WARMTH OF MY EXPELLED BREATH PARTS AN OPENING WITHIN THE AIR, AND A CHINK OF LIGHT PENETRATES THROUGH.

IT ILLUMINATES ME, THE MAIN STAR WITHIN A WORLD OF WONDER, HOWEVER BRIEFLY.

FEARS AND DOUBTS MELT AWAY, LIKE THE TRICKLE OF WATER THAT RUNS DOWNHILL.

I FOLLOW, AND FIND MYSELF STARING DOWN AT A SMALL INSIGNIFICANT PUDDLE OF WATER.

UPON INSPECTION HOWEVER, I SEE THAT THIS SMALL PATCH OF WATER HAS IN FACT BECOME AN OASIS.

BIRDS HAVE COME HERE TO FEED, INSECTS TO MATE, AND ALGAE TO LIVE.

I SMILE AS I COME TO THE REALISATION THAT YOU DO NOT HAVE TO BE THE BIGGEST OR BEST WITHIN THIS WORLD TO MAKE A DIFFERENCE

AS I CONTINUE TO PEER IN, I SEE A FACE STARE BACK AT ME.

IT IS A FACE THAT HAS BEEN TOUGHENED BY YEARS OF HARDSHIP, OF DIFFICULT LESSONS LEARNT. BUT IT IS ALSO A FACE OF CONFIDENCE AND JOY FOR WHAT IS TO COME.

FOR BEHIND THE TOUGHNESS LIES AN UNBREAKABLE SPIRIT.

THE CURLY HAIR FLICKERS AROUND AS A GUST OF WIND SWEEPS ACROSS MY FACE NO MATTER HOW STRONG I AM, I STILL CANNOT CONTAIN MOTHER NATURE!

WHO AM I? WELL THAT REMAINS TO BE SEEN.

I GLANCE BACK BRIEFLY INTO THE MISTS OF TIME, MAKING SURE TO DROP THE LAST VESTIGES OF PAINFUL MEMORIES FIRMLY BEHIND.

LOOKING FORWARD ONCE AGAIN, I STRIDE PURPOSEFULLY INTO NATURE'S SMOKESCREEN. I AM UNTOUCHABLE.

L U K E W A R D

Time has beaten it's ceaseless drum

WHO AM I

IS THIS MY REFLECTION, CAN IT BE?

IS THAT REALLY TRULY ME?

TIME HAS BEATEN IT'S CEASELESS DRUM; NOW I AM A WIFE AND A MUM.

LISTEN... COME CLOSER PLEASE DO TRY; HEAR THE SMALL CHILD INSIDE ME CRY.

JUST A MOMENT IT WOULD TAKE;

TO HELP THAT CHILD IN ME SEE A WHOLE NEW FATE.

'BE STILL LITTLE ONE', I'D SAY;

FOR NOW I KNOW THERE WILL BE A BETTER DAY.

A N O N Y M O U S

PROUD OF MY BLACKNESS

ITS BEEN A LONG TIME COMING AND THAT'S FOR THE WORLD TO CHANGE SET THE EARTH ALIGHT AND WALK THROUGH THE BLAZE, BATTLES, SIEGES AND FORTUNES FOR I AM BLACK WOMAN WALKING IN A WORLD THAT WASN'T MADE FOR ME, SOLD TO SLAVERY, JUST TO COME BACK AGAIN

NOW I'M SCREAMING BLACK LIVES MATTER FOR OTHERS LIVES TO SEE JUST TO BE HELD BACK AGAIN

HOW CAN I BE BLESSED BY MY GODS AND CURSED BY THE GOD'S THEY BELIEVE WE WEREN'T MADE TO BE BROKEN BUT FORCED TO BE STRONG MY PEOPLE FIGHTING

A STRING OF GENERATIONAL WRONGS MOSTLY MADE BY THE PEOPLE WHO BROKE US FIRST NOW SAY WE DON'T BELONG ME, IM PROUD OF MY BLACKNESS

I'VE BEEN LOOKING FOR THE LIGHT OF LIFE. TRYNA MAKE THE LIGHTS ALIGN, BUT I'M BROKEN BY MY MEMORIES AND WAITING FOR A LIGHT TO FIND; HOME.

MORE THAN BRICKS AND PAINT, AND MORE THAN BLOOD AND PAIN. WE WAIT FOR BETTER TIMES, ALWAYS WAITING FOR THAT LIGHT TO FIND ;HOME.

I MEAN MORE THAN THE MELANIN IN OUR SKIN OR THE SECRETS IN OUR VEINS. WE JUST WAIT FOR BETTER TIMES, ALWAYS HOPING FOR A LIGHT TO FIND; HOME.

WE SPENT TOO LONG LOST IN THE SEA OF SOCIETY DROWNING IN THE SAUCE OF SUPREMACY

DYING ON THE BATTLEFIELD OF BLASPHEMY AND YET WE STAND PROUD OF OUR BLACKNESS

I COME FROM A LINE OF PEOPLE WHO OIL THEIR HAIR AND SLEEP WITH SILK ON THEIR HEADS

I COME FROM A LINE OF PEOPLE WHO GLOW IN THE SUN AND GO AS DARK AS THE NIGHT SKY BLESSED TO BE A STAR

WE COME FROM A LINE OF PEOPLE WITHOUT BEING TAUGHT LEARNT TO LOVE THEMSELVES

SO TO DRAW FROM HER A PRAYER OF EARNEST HEART

REMEMBER WE COME FROM A LINE OF KINGS AND QUEENS

WE COME FROM A LINE OF CREATORS & TRENDSETTERS

WE COME FROM A LINE OF GODS AND GODDESSES WE COME FROM A LINE OF PHARAOHS AND PROPHETS

SEE WE ARE MORE THAN CHILDREN OF THOSE ENSLAVED

WE ARE MORE THAN THE PROBLEMS WE EVER BECAME

SO WE WILL FIGHT AND WE WILL SCREAM WE WILL PROTEST AND WE WILL CRY FOR ALL OF THOSE WHO LOST THEIR LIVES BECAUSE OF THEIR BLACKNESS

DO NOT LOVE ME FOR THE DANGERS I HAVE PASS'D, INSTEAD LOVE ME FOR I AM BLACK. THE VERY HEAD AND FRONT OF MY BEING IS OFFENDING TO THOSE WHO KNOW NOT HOW HOT LOVE ME FOR I AM BLACK WOMAN

M E G A N S A M U E L

My

GOING TO SCHOOL

THEY KNEW WHERE WE WAS FROM 'GYPSYS, PIKEYS TRAMPS AND THIEF’S', BUT THEY WAS A LOT MORE TO BE DONE!

THESE POOR INNOCENT CHILDREN DON’T EVEN KNOW HOW TO HAVE FUN,

THEY HAVE TO GROW UP WELL BEFORE THEIR TIME, FOR THE ADULTS THEY WOULD COMMIT CRIMES, POOR CHILDREN MOTHERING BABIES, CLEANING AND THE COOKING WOULD HAVE TO BE DONE,

BUT LITTLE DID THEY KNOW THAT’S WHERE IT’S ALL BEGUN, SO THE CHILDREN ARE SADLY OUT RUN

R O S E A N N E L O V E R I D G E

ALL ALONE IN MY LITTLE ROOM

TO BE ALONE IN MY LITTLE ROOM, TO QUIETEN DOWN MY HEART TO SIT AND THINK ABOUT MY LIFE, GOING BACK TO THE START

THE EARLIEST THOUGHT I WAS TOLD TO THINK WHEN I WAS TWO 'YOU’RE A BIG BOY NOW, SO YOU GROW UP FAST NO MORE ROOM FOR YOU'

YOUR SISTER’S HERE NEEDING LOVE, TAKING ALL OUR TIME SO GO AND PLAY IN YOUR ROOM, YOU’LL BE FINE.

THAT’S THE MOMENT A SMALL HEART FEELS THE REJECTION BITING HARD AND ONCE IT’S THERE, IT’S THERE FOR LIFE NO MATTER YOUR GUARD.

DON’T TOUCH THIS OR THAT GO OUTSIDE AND CRY DON’T COME BACK UNTIL YOU LEARN TO WIPE YOUR EYES DRY

NOW I SIT IN MY LITTLE ROOM, WONDERING WHAT WENT WRONG TO THAT BOY BACK THEN AND WHY IT’S TAKEN SO LONG

TO LEARN LIFE’S LESSONS, GROWING UP NEVER NO FRIENDS TRYING THOUGH, TRYING HARD, TRYING TO MAKE AMENDS

TRUST NO ONE, STRUGGLE ON FIGHTING EVERY FIGHT FEELING SORRY FOR MYSELF LONG INTO THE NIGHT

WHERE’S THE JUSTICE WHEN LIES ARE TOLD WHY NOT TELL THE TRUTH? I’M HANGING ON FOR MY LIFE CONTENDING CLAW AND TOOTH

CAN YOU SEE I DID MY BEST, HONEST AS A JUDGE THEY CALL ME THIS AND THAT, HOLDING A GRUDGE

MY LIFE NEAR OVER, ALMOST GONE, NOTHING TO SHOW IN ANOTHER ROOM SMALL AS EVER, WEARING CLOTHES NOT MY OWN

WONDERING ALL THIS TIME WHY WAS I ALL ALONE.

J A M I E M C L O U G H L I N

IDENTITY - WHO AM I?

DEFINING MYSELF IS SOMETHING I’VE NEVER FOUND EASY. AS SOMEONE WHO HAS NEVER QUITE FIT.

I AM A DAUGHTER AND GRANDDAUGHTER, BUT I DON’T HAVE THOSE ROLE MODELS TO LOOK UP TO. I DIDN’T FIT THERE.

I AM A SISTER FROM MILES AWAY, I MISS THEM, BUT I DON’T BELONG AT ‘HOME’.

THAT LEFT ME LOST AND SCARED IN A NEW CITY I WAS. I BECAME A FRIEND TO MANY AND BECAME HAPPIER.

ALTHOUGH THIS HAPPINESS WAS AN EXTERIOR. MY INTERIOR REJECTED AND ALONE WITH NO REAL HOME.

YEARS HAVE GONE BY, AND THAT PAIN DOESN’T REALLY FADE AWAY.

I AM AN ADULT MYSELF NOW WITH ONLY SKILLS I HAVE PICKED UP ALONG THE WAY.

WITHOUT ‘FAMILY’ LIFE IS QUITE HARD AS A LONE SOLE.

NO ONE TO HELP PICK UP THOSE PIECES WHEN THINGS DON’T GO SO WELL.

BUT I AM ME.

I AM NOW A MUMMA MYSELF. I NEED TO BE STRONG AND SAFE ALL FOR MY OWN DAUGHTER.

GIVE HER A HOME AND FAMILY THAT I NEVER HAD. THIS CAN BE HARD AS I WAS NEVER SHOWN THE WAY.

BUT I WILL NEVER GIVE UP. I WILL LEARN ALONG THE WAY WARRIORS WE WILL BE.

E L L E N

She is beautiful to look at but as wild as a summer breeze.

PEACE IS A WHITE HORSE

PEACE IS A WHITE HORSE, A BEAUTIFUL WHITE MARE, SHE IS BEAUTIFUL TO LOOK AT BUT AS WILD AS A SUMMER BREEZE.

DON'T SEARCH FOR HER, IN TIME SHE WILL FIND YOU AND WHEN SHE DOES, DON'T RUSH TO GREET HER AS YOU'LL ONLY SCARE HER AWAY

LET HER MAKE THE FIRST MOVE. THEN SLOWLY REACH OUT WITH ONE HAND AND FEEL HER BREATH ON YOUR HAND,

FEEL THE WARMTH WITHIN HER BREATH BECAUSE IT IS WITHIN HER BREATH THAT YOU WILL FIND TRUE COMPASSION

NOW LOOK INTO HER EYES, LOOK DEEP WITHIN HER EYES AND SEE THAT THERE IS NO JUDGEMENT BECAUSE IT IS WITHIN THEM THAT YOU FIND TRUE LOVE.

NOW OPEN YOUR HEART AND LET HER SPIRIT WASH THROUGH YOU BECAUSE IT IS WITHIN YOU THAT YOU'LL FIND TRUE PEACE.

N A T H A N P A R K E R

When I wrote the poem I was in HMP SWINFEN HALL in cell D 1 23 and I was struggling to forgive myself for the crimes I had committed GBH with intent and found that animals really helped my in therapy Now though I work for Worcester children first as the custody and criminality peer mentor using my knowledge of the criminal justice system to help other care leavers to live a better life without crime

MISSING WORDS

LOST AND STOLEN, THOSE AROUND ME MISSPOKEN. THE PAINFUL TRUTHS OF THAT DREADFUL NIGHT

LIGHTS FLICKERING IN A HOME THAT IS NOT LOVING.

LOST AND STOLEN BY NO WORDS SPOKEN.

WHERE AM I, WHO AM I, HOW AM I THE ONLY WORDS SPOKEN THAT NIGHT WILL I BE ALL RIGHT!

FRIGHTENED AND ALONE FOR EVERY IN THE UNKNOWN…

LOST AND STOLEN BY THOSE WITH WORDS UNSPOKEN..

A - J W A R I N G

Lost and stolen

By no words spoken

I try with all my might, With all my fight, To make sure, fully ensure, We are nothing alike

WHO AM I?

WELL IF I'M HONEST, I DON'T KNOW, BUT I DO KNOW WHO I'M NOT, I'M NOT MY FATHER, MY MOTHER, MY SISTER OR MY BROTHER, I TRY WITH ALL MY MIGHT, WITH ALL MY FIGHT, TO MAKE SURE, FULLY ENSURE, WE ARE NOTHING ALIKE,

TO NOT BE SO HURT, TO BE A GOOD MUM, TO SEE ALL THE WORK BUT STILL GET THE JOB DONE, EVEN WHEN IT ALL GETS TOO MUCH, DON'T CRUMBLE, AND DONT EVER RUN,

TO ACTUALLY BE THERE, TO PHYSICALLY, EMOTIONALLY, WHATEVERLY CARE, TO CREATE A FAMILY, A COMMUNITY, A CLAN, IN WHICH LOVE CAN BE SHARED, CAUSE I KNOW THAT CAN,

MAYBE THAT'S WHO I AM T I L L Y Y A T E S

to be adopted, but lived with

homes around the north of

of

India (aged 7) Violet (aged 5) and Baby