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4

A FORMER BEATLES COVER BAND BRANCHES OUT

7

LOCAL BANDS GEAR UP FOR THE GREAT COVER UP

21

FIVE MYTHS ABOUT VIRGINITY DEBUNKED


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buzz weekly

J a n ua r y 25

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Cover Photo • Ameiia Moore "5:: Cover Design • Nikita Sorokin Editor in4(523$!9 Chief • Tatyana Safronova Art Director • Nikita Sorokin *!.5!29 CORPNOTEKEEPTHISSAMESIZEALWAYS Copy Chief • Meghan Whalen Listen, Hear • Anna Statham Stage, Screen & in Between • Elyse Russo Around Town • Evangeline Politis CU Calendar • Annette Gonzalez Photography Editor • Amelia Moore Designers • Monica Betel, Renee Okumura Calendar Coordinators • Caitlin Cremer, Bonnie Stiernberg, Katie Heika Photography • Amelia Moore Copy Editors • Lisa Fisherkeller, Emily Ciaglia, Ilana Katz, Whitney Harris Staff Writers • Brian McGovern, Carlye Wisel, Amy Meyer Contributing Writers • Michael Coulter, Seth Fein, Mike Ingram, Kim Rice, Kate Ruin Sales Manager • Mark Nattier Marketing/Distribution • Brandi Wills Publisher • Mary Cory

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TALK TO BUZZ e-mail: buzz@readbuzz.com write: 512 E. Green St. Champaign, IL 61820 call: 217.337.3801 We reserve the right to edit submissions. Buzz will not publish a letter without the verbal consent of the writer prior to publication date. Buzz magazine is a student-run publication of Illini Media Company and does not necessarily represent, in whole or in part, the views of the University of Illinois administration, faculty or students.

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UNDER THE COVER |1-3| 3 3 3 |4-6| 4 6 | 7 - 10 | 7 8 9 10

INTRO This Modern World • Tom Tomorrow Life in Hell • Matt Groening First Things First • Michael Coulter

AROUND TOWN Ladies and Gentlemen,The Dakota • Andy Seifert The Local Sniff • Seth Fein

LISTEN, HEAR The Great Cover Up • Jeff Montgomery Album reviews CU Sound Revue • Mike Ingram Spin it/Flip it/Reverse it • Carlye & Brian

| 11 - 13 |

CU CALENDAR

| 14 - 19 |

STAGE, SCREEN & IN BETWEEN

14 16 18 18

Taking Center Stage in CU Movie reviews Theater review Page Rage • Tim Peters

| 20 |

CLASSIFIEDS

| 21 - 24 |

THE STINGER

21 21 22 24

Doin’ it Well • Kim Rice & Kate Ruin Jonesin’ Crosswords • Matt Gaffney Free Will Astrology Likes and Gripes

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tatyana safronova EDITOR’S NOTE About fou r or f ive yea r s a go, my be st friend, Francesca, and I started a band. We both played piano and dood led on var ious other instruments over the years. Unlike The Lonely Hearts, who covered Beatles songs (see the Around Town feature), we were never a cover band. I’ve been writing music since I got my first tiny little keyboard for Christmas when I was a kid, and we had both loved to write for years. So we composed our own music. The combination seemed perfect; we couldn’t sing yet, but we’d learn. We would become the next John and Paul. Francesca wrote a heartwarming song about a frustrated cat and lyrics about a frustrated soul, personified through a piece of bubble gum. I composed our third song about a callous, cheating young man who put on a good appearance for the song’s heroine; it was called “Pink Man.� This was brilliant musicianship, people! We were called Skydeck, in honor of the great Sears Tower. This was the name we settled on after hours of deliberation. I had suggested the name Josephine and Geraldine; these were the names Jack Lemmon and Tony Curtis took on when they dressed as women and traveled to Florida to escape the Chicago mob during the

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bootleg days in the movie Some Like It Hot. Watch it! Francesca would have none of it, instead suggesting the name Bleach. Perhaps to compromise and not come off as a punk band — which we were not — or raise eyebrows about the odd movie reference, we settled on something we both kind of liked. Over a couple of days one summer, we spent hours holed up in my bedroom, trying to record our masterpieces onto a tape. We played the music on my keyboard, jamming to Caribbean and hard rock beats and singing into the tiny microphone hole on the old boom box. It was fantastic. The tape started off with us yelling “We’re Skydeck!� Francesca eventually made a copy of our tape and sent it to the University of Southern California. She’s now double majoring there in creative writing and music. With 2,000 miles between us, Skydeck has slipped on our lists of priorities. I’ve been mulling over the new song I wrote for months now, and another one took a back seat when Francesca and I collaborated and debated her take on my piano part. But The Lonely Hearts worked hard, shed their Beatles image and renamed themselves The Dakota; perhaps Skydeck can work hard and shed our, frankly, laziness. And one day, we’ll be jamming in some tawdry hole-in-the-wall about how we’re a pretty little kitty, and that we purr and meow a lot. Just you wait. sounds from the scene


J a n ua r y 25

J a n ua r y 31 , 2 oo7

buzz weekly •

YOU’RE THE VULGARIAN, YOU FUCK!

3

michael coulter FIRST THINGS FIRST

The dumbing down of America We’re getting closer and closer to an idiocracy

I didn’t make any New Year’s resolutions this year. This isn’t surprising since I have never really made any. It’s just a tough thing. If I pledge to get rid of all or even some of my bad habits, I’m essentially left with pretty much nothing. Five or six years in a row of eliminating my vices and before you know it, I’m nothing but a pod sitting in a corner, of no use or interest to anyone. I’ve always sort of felt that people’s flaws define them more than their virtues. Most folks with several flaws, like myself, see the world this way. I did decide to make an attempt to change one thing this year, though. It isn’t all that bold or anything, but I feel as if it could make a huge difference. I’ve decided I’m going to try and quit being so fucking stupid. The reason I decided to do this is because I watched a movie by Mike Judge (co-written with Ethan Cohen, which is sort of a bonus) a couple of weeks ago called Idiocracy. It wasn’t released in many theaters, apparently because the general premise was funny and original and the studios assumed that it wouldn’t be enjoyed by most people. Actually, they were probably correct. At least they released it on DVD. Anyways, the movie is about the future. Generally, when we see the future portrayed in a movie, everything is high-tech and the people are crazy-smart and evolved. This movie assumes the exact opposite. Everyone has turned into an idiot and everything has pretty much turned to shit. Yeah, I know, kind of a downer. But I swear, it’s really, really funny. After watching it, I couldn’t help but feel this idea was likely far more accurate than any of the other futuristic scenarios Hollywood comes up with. In fact, we seem to have a pretty good jump on going into the shitter as a civilization. All you have to do is look around. I bet I can name that tune with two examples! Let’s see, we’ve been at war with Iraq for what, about 50 years now. Fine, maybe not that long, but if you ask most anyone, they will probably admit it’s become a losing proposition. Only about one man, our president, still believes in the cause. It should probably tell you something when the lone man who still thinks it’s a good idea is the same guy most of us would pick as

our opponent if we had to win one game of Jeopardy. The freaking guy is intelligent in the same way Kevin Federline is talented and yet he’s still in charge. So f ine, he’s stupid, but each day he’s our leader it becomes more of an indictment on our nation than on him. I know we hate to admit our mistakes as a country, but geez Louise, he’s not going to get any smarter. We don’t have to impeach him necessarily, but for crapsake, shouldn’t Congress at least send him a message that he needs to sit quietly in his room until his term is over? If you’re gonna act like a child, you’re gonna get treated like one. Somebody really needs a time out. Secondly, American Idol is once again the toprated show on television. Seriously, that can’t make us feel much smarter as a nation. I’ll admit I usually watch a little of it, but since I’m making an attempt at being less fucking stupid in the new year, Idol was happily one of the causalities. I’ll tell you, I don’t miss it. I still find out stuff about it anyway, so it’s sort of a hollow victory for me. From what I’ve read, the English puke is still a dick, the woman has been either drunken, erratic or drunkenly erratic and the other guy … well, I’m still not really sure who the other guy is. Wasn’t the entertainment industry far more interesting when the dreams of the untalented were slowly crushed over a period of years rather than at one three-minute audition? Even where the “talented” are concerned, I think I liked it better when artists worked hard and learned their craft and found their particular voice. It was sort of nice when a Bob Dylan or a Jimi Hendrix or a Nirvana popped up out of nowhere and changed the way we saw things and changed the direction music was heading. Granted, it took a little more effort on our part as listeners, but it was much more exciting than listening to morons sing songs simply so they can show us how many octaves they have mastered. We seem to be getting far more passive as a nation, simply accepting what is put in front of us and never really making an effort to find something better. So, that makes us passive, but it also makes us stupider as time goes on. Someday, Mike Judge may be seen as the greatest prophet of our time. That day may be here sooner than we think.

OOPS! WE MADE A MISTAKE • Although buzz strives for accuracy, we sometimes make mistakes. If you catch something we didn’t,

please let use know at buzz@readbuzz.com. When a correction is needed, it will be listed here.

sounds from the scene

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around town

Ladies and Gentlemen... ANDY SEIFERT • STAFF WRITER

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THE DAKOTA!

THE REINVENTION OF A BEATLES COVER BAND

efore you meet Champaign-Urbana’s pop-rock quartet The Dakota, the band would like to make known a few ground rules as to what they are not. They are not “The Dakotas,” and don’t ask them if they are “North or South?” The Dakota are no longer a Beatles cover band, nor should you ask them to play a Beatles song unless you are a) under the age of 7 or b) a female, preferably attractive. Now that we’ve gotten that out of the way, we can talk about The Dakota for what they are: fun-loving kidsters playing their brand of feel-good-pop-rock, amidst the peculiar distinction of formerly being the University of Illinois’ premiere (and probably only) Beatles cover band. It’s a history they’re trying to move on from, to create their own twist on modern music, to explore the nether regions of the three-minute pop song as The Beatles once did. Meet The Dakota: Tyler Zee, bassist and mild-mannered librarian at the Rare Books library (where he sorts and organizes Young and the Restless scripts). He provides the band’s piercing screams when the songs call for it. Can pull off Paul McCartney when bearded, but clean-shaven looks more like Bean’s Rowan Atkinson. Loves Taco Bell. Adam Mormolstein, guitarist, songwriter, brings the rhythm guitar and lead vocals with his smooth, Paul Simon-esque voice. He doesn’t agree with this distinction, but he’s clearly “the cute one” with his piercing blue eyes and shy, reserved voice. Patrick “Packy” Lundholm, guitarist and songwriter, provides the other half of the lead vocals and the lead guitar licks with vintage ’60s reverb. Frequently goes into a Spinal Tap-esque English accent. (Sorry girls, he’s taken.) Conley “Pooh Bare” Wouters, drummer and the band’s “language expert,” who prefers to refer to himself as “Pooh Bear,” but declined in this article for fear of copyright infringement with Disney’s Winnie the Pooh. In a nutshell, the Dakota embody many of the clichéd principles to which rock and roll supposedly adheres. “We’re there to play rock and roll, get real hopped up and meet some women,” Tyler says, and he is dead serious. The Dakota didn’t feel obliged to talk to buzz, in fact they were elated (“If we were to even have a negative review in the paper, we would be ecstatic,” I was told). This is a band desperate for attention. A band still trying to form their own niche after the Beatles gig. A band that would really liked to be known for their originals, and not as the guys who played Beatles tunes. With that, let’s talk about the Beatles cover band. The band that would become The Lonely Hearts was formed in the spring of 2005 out of a “little dream” that Adam had since he was a little kid — to have a Beatles cover band. “The beginning was me and Pooh Bare, as percussion students here, whining everyday,” he says. “‘Man, everyone is in a band, and we’re in college and we’re supposed to be in bands.’” After Packy and Tyler politely and bashfully asked to be in the band, The Lonely Hearts were born. Except back then they were ... “The Tiddles,” Conley says, and that wasn’t the only name they mulled around. “I always liked The Zeetles,” Packy says. “I wanted to be The Quarrymen,” Tyler says, referring to the 1950’s English skiffle group that would evolve into the Beatles. “I still wish we were called The Quarrymen right now.”

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Left to right: Packy Lundholm, Conley Wouters, Adam Mormolstein and Tyler Zee of The Dakota.

IN

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PHOTOS BY AMELIA MOORE

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J a n ua r y 25

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J a n ua r y 31 , 2 oo7

The Beatles consistently remarked that they could barely hear themselves play over the deafening screams from the audience, often times hiding the mess-ups in their performance. It’s virtually the same thing to play in a packed, sweaty house party to 100 drunken college students who think they know every word to “Hey Jude.� “If you’re playing a house party, then you don’t even need to plug your guitar in,� Packy says. “You can just make it appear like you’re guiding them through the song. They’ll just take it, and they’ll run with it.� The Lonely Hearts were not a tribute band, just a cover band, meaning they never took on the personas of the individual Beatles (because they “never really f it those personas�), dressed like The Beatles (because they couldn’t find the Shea Stadium suits), or bought vintage Beatles equipment (because they’re dirt-cheap college students with no money) like your t ypical festival entertainment. “Usually you go to festivals or whatever, you see old, boring guys that from far away kind of look like a Beatle,� Adam says. “But you get up close and their skin’s sagging and falling off. But we’re just, you know, four good looking guys.� Regardless, everyone loved The Beatles tunes. Few bands get the opportunity to play for intoxicated 20-somethings at a house party one night and then play for 500 moms at the Mom’s Weekend Variety Show the next night. Then they could go back to a college crowd and play a show where they could take off their pants and play a set in boxers (which they did). “We had a pretty sweet gig at the beginning,� Conley says.

T

he Dakota sits on the corner of 72nd Street and Central Park West in New York City, an apartment complex that became infamous on Dec. 8, 1980, when John Lennon was shot four times by Mark David Chapman inside of the Dakota’s entrance archway. A sad moment for Beatles fans became a tragically appropriate name for a band tired of exclusively playing Beatles songs. “What I wanted to do is, in a sense, brutally gun down our past in two words,� Packy says. Even The Beatles eventually stopped wanting to play Beatles songs. “In the back of my mind, the existence of The Lonely Hearts was always kind of a potential precursor to doing originals,� he continues. “At the very nature of the band there was no way that what we did would really progress to anything more than parties.� The Dakota was forged out of the never-dying corpse of The Lonely Hearts, because even though the band had every intention of playing only originals, the public wouldn’t have it. It took six months before they weren’t being billed as The Lonely Hearts anymore. The lowest point, the band says, was an event sponsored by WPGU in its new building. The radio station booked The Dakota, but advertised a

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Beatles cover band, prompting two girls, around the ages of 4 and 5, to come to the show dressed in Beatles T-shirts. “Their dad came up to us and was like, ‘You guys are the Beatles cover band, right?’� Conley says. “‘My little girls are big Beatles fans and they came to hear Beatles songs.’ It sucked.� The band — which couldn’t bear to send 4-year-old girls home crying — played a couple of Beatles tunes to start the set. “It just got sadder because they just sat there like this,� Tyler says with his hands over his ears. “Basically we ruined those two little girls lives,� Conley says. “We scarred them.� “They’ve probably lost their zest,� Tyler says. “They’re gonna drop out of school and do drugs,� Conley says. “I heard one of them is pregnant already,� Tyler says. After the change, attendance dropped drastically. The attendance numbers for some of the shows ranged from two to four people, including Packy’s girlfriend. For one of the shows, the band decided to invite the two-person audience into their van to drive them home.

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Client Name: Butterfly Beads Ad Rep: K Advertising: Run Dates: Please Mark Any Corrections In Red Display 217.337.8382 Buzzes Classified Advertising BUTTERSCOTCH?! J a n ua r y 25 J a n ua r y 31 , 2 oo7 There is a $25 charge for any changes 217.337.8337 Fax: made that were not on original layout 217.337.8303

buzz weekly

seth fein THE LOCAL SNIFF

Sniffer gets engaged... Vomits from pro-Chief bakeries trying to sell him on wedding cakes... FIRST SNIFF Welcome back. I hope you enjoyed your time off from me, as I certainly know that I enjoyed my time off from you. And because I have never been one to leave out any details of my personal life (well, maybe a couple), I am proud to tell you all right off the bat that in my absence, I became engaged to be married to my girlfriend. It feels quite nice to be a f iancé. Though, there is still something about the inequality of marriage that has us truly irked. I guess we feel like we have no right to flout the benefits of being “straight” when there is still so much injustice actively hurting so many people in regards to the moratorium on “gay marriage” in this country and throughout the world. Personally, I would have boycotted the buses in Birmingham back in the day. So, doesn’t it only seem right for us to stay engaged until we can all truly be equal? P r o b a b l y. A n d t h o u g h w e ’ l l s t i l l end up get t i ng ma r r ied, at lea st we a re acknowledging it, as opposed to ignoring it. Here’s to the hope that marriage becomes something that we can all enjoy soon enough. ON THE TOPIC OF INEQUALITY AND PREJUDICE ... Generally, I do not like to reprint press releases or simply copy down other people’s words. I like to write my own column. But last week’s press release from the Oglala Sioux Tribe was so telling about how disrespectful Chief Illiniwek and his supporters are, I felt like I needed to reprint it here so that you can see it for yourself: PRESS RELEASE OF THE YEAR (THUS FAR) ... R ESOLU TION OF TH E E X ECU TI V E COMMITTEE OF THE OGLALA SIOUX T R I BE DE M A N DI NG R ET U R N OF LAKOTA REGALIA USED IN PERFORMANCE OF “CHIEF ILLINIWEK,” AND IN SUPPORT OF REQUEST BY PEORIA TRIBE OF OKLAHOMA THAT THE USE OF THE MASCOT CEASE. On January 17, 2007, the Executive Committee of the Oglala Sioux Tribal Nation submitted a resolut ion to the Un iversit y of Il l inois President and Board of Trustees and University of Illinois at Urbana-Champaign Chancellor

demanding the return of the Lakota regalia used in the portrayal of the school’s mascot to the Oglala Sioux Tribe. The official resolution refers to the “theatrics” and “antics” of “chief illiniwek” and notes that the “Oglala Lakota regalia is being misused to represent ‘Chief Illiniwek’” and needs to be returned to the rightful owners of the tribe. The resolution further states that “Chief Illiniwek” not only “perpetuates a degrading racial stereotype,” but violates the integrity of traditional Illinois tribes including the “Kaskaskia, Peroria, Piankeshuw, and Wea nations.” Moreover, the Resolution by the Oglala Sioux supports the Peoria Tribe of Indians of Oklahoma “in its request that the University of Illinois recognize the demeaning nature of the characterization of ‘Chief Illiniwek’ and cease use of this mascot.” In 2000, the Peoria Tribe of Indians of Oklahoma passed a resolution “Request to University of Illinois to Cease Use of Chief llliniwek as Mascot.” Given the increasing concerns regarding the experiences of racism and oppression facing American Indian nations and communities, the faculty of American Indian Studies (AIS) and the staff at the Native American House (NAH) at the University of Illinois welcome the Resolution of the Executive Committee of the Oglala Sioux Tribe that disapproves of the use of the Lakota Regalia in “Chief Illiniwek” performances and calls for cessation of the mascot. Further, AIS/NAH faculty and staff call upon the Board of Trustees, President White, and UIUC administration to respond to this resolution with due respect and action. There can be no misreading of the Oglala Sioux Resolution — those to whom the Lakota regalia belongs and whom the Board of Trustees claims to be honoring have clearly requested that the performance and charade of “chief illiniwek” end. GO AHEAD AND SAY IT, YOU RACIST FUCKS ... Call them “Indian Givers.” Go on. I know you want to. And I know you have. It makes perfect sense that a group of ignorant and faceless fuckups (pro-Chief supporters) like yourselves would resort to more racism while you watch your little empire of hate crumble all around you. Just admit it, people. You’re wrong about this. And you should be ashamed.

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BEST NIGHT OUT IN DOWNTOWN POSSIBLE ... We had a chance to dine at Radio Maria’s new tapas bar on Saturday night with John from Shipwreck and his girlfriend, Renee, as well as Seth from Polyvinyl and his wife, Rachel. We also grabbed bevs at the newly expanded Blind Pig Co. across the street. Note to readers: This is the thing to do in downtown Champaign when you’re not catching a great show at Mike ’N Molly’s, the Rail or the Monkey. TONIGHT! “BRANDED AND ON DISPLAY” AT KRANNERT ART MUSEUM! Hopefully you are reading this today, as in Thursday, Jan. 25th, because if you don’t have any plans for tonight — good. If you do have plans for tonight, you need to cancel them immediately. Seriously. Why, you ask? Because the Krannert Art Museum has done it again. The exhibit is called “Branded and On Display.” And according to Anne Sauterman and Rose Marshack (can anyone be more rad than Rose Marshack?), “All the artwork responds and reacts to the consumerism and capitalism around us. It accepts that we can’t get away from it and that it is completely part of our lives ... such as ... a centuries-old Chinese ceramic pot painted with the Coca-Cola logo across it or a Hank Willis Thomas photograph of a man with the Nike swoosh branded on his head.” Playing alongside this exhibit is the frenetic sounds of both Environmental Encroachment Marching Band and a Sniffer personal favorite, The Dolphin. Oh, and by the way. It’s fucking free. See you there.

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FINAL WHIFF Make sure to remember that starting next week is Black History Month. Do yourself a favor and check out www.biography.com/blackhistory. It’s a good solid take on the basics of what we all should have learned in grade school. Seth Fein is from Urbana. He will make sure to not invite you to his wedding. Them bitches are expensive like a mofo. He can be reached at sethfein1@gmail.com.

B ETWEEN | CLASSIFIEDS | THE STINGER

sounds from the scene


7

listen, hear

LOCAL BANDS GO UNDERCOVER FOR T HE 16 T H A NNU A L GRE AT COV ER UP

Sometimes, birds will peck food particles from between the teeth of crocodiles.

This crocodile has met a bird– online.

But then, the bird turns out to be a cover.

DIAGRAM BY LINUS GOG

JEFF MONTGOMERY • STAFF WRITER

F

or three nights, from Jan. 25 until Jan. 27 here in Champaign-Urbana, anything is possible. The Rolling Stones could roll through downtown Champaign and blow the mind of the CU community with a rousing performance of “Beast of Burden.” The Beastie Boys could end up dropping rhymes at the Highdive late Friday night. Bowie might make a surprise appearance at Cowboy Monkey and play a few tunes. Maybe Radiohead will start playing “Creep” at the exact moment that you make an awkward pass at someone. Whatever the circumstances, there is an electricity in the air. And from Jan. 25 through Jan. 27, the 16th Annual Great Cover Up will be taking place at the Highdive (Thursday and Friday night) and Cowboy Monkey (Saturday). There will be 20 bands performing at The Great Cover Up; each of these bands will play approximately five songs. Cover is $7 all three nights.

For those who are unacquainted with The Great Cover Up, it is an event in which local bands select an artist to cover and play a brief set by the band. Many artists dress up like the band they are covering, and some never break character the entire evening. The concerts have become famous for their ambitious performances. Bands are encouraged to step outside of their comfort zone, and many artists relish the opportunity to explore different musical genres. Thus, creativity and originality are central characteristics of the event. “The message is pretty much sent across the board that you shouldn’t pick a band you’d normally cover,” said Ryan Groff, whose band, elsinore, is playing the final set on Thursday night at the Highdive. Over the last 16 years, The Great Cover Up has developed a unique history. The buzz about notably great performances lingers on years after they occur, and bands realize that a spectacular show could earn them a special place in the Champaign music scene. SEE LOCAL BANDS PG. 8

Thursday, Jan. 25

Highdive $7 9:10 - 9:30 p.m. Pulsar 47 9:45 - 10:05 p.m. Watery Domestic 10:20 - 10:40 p.m. Mike Ingram 10:55 - 11:15 p.m. Tractor Kings 11:30 - 11:50 p.m. The Beauty Shop 12:05 - 12:35 a.m. The Living Blue 1:00 - 1:30 a.m. elsinore sounds from the scene

Friday, Jan. 26

Highdive $7 9:10 - 9:30 p.m. The Delta Kings 9:45 - 10:05 p.m. Kilborn Alley 10:20 - 10:40 p.m. Beat Kitchen 10:55 - 11:15 p.m. Tritone 11:30 - 11:50 p.m. Archives of the Future 12:05 - 12:30 a.m. Probably Vampires 1:00 - 1:30 a.m. Terminus Victor

Saturday, Jan. 27

Cowboy Monkey $7 9:30 - 9:50 p.m. Roberta Sparrow 10:10 - 10:30 p.m. Scurvine 10:50 - 11:10 p.m. Triple Whip 11:30 - 11:50 p.m. Shipwreck 12:10 - 12:35 a.m. Nadafinga 1:00 - 1:30 a.m. Mad Science Fair

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MY PARENTS MADE ME WHAT I AM TODAY. I’M THINKING OF SUING.

LOCAL BANDS CONTINUED FROM PG. 7

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Plastic Single Vision Lenses and Frames from a select group, bifocals available at additional cost.*

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Includes 3 month supply of disposable contacts and complete eye exam. Toric, color and other packages available at additioinal cost.* 518 E. Green St.

(next to Legends)

Champaign, IL 61820 (217)351-6110

Hours: Mon. 9-6 Tues. 9-8 Wed. 9-5:30 Thurs. 9-6 Fri. 9-5:30 Sat. 9-1

Take, for example, the legendary performances of last year’s event when Temple of Low Men covered Radiohead and Headlights took the stage as Bjork. Many will never forget when Poster Children covered The Who, tearing through “We Won’t Get Fooled Again” in one of the most electrifying performances The Great Cover Up has ever seen. The prospect of deliver ing one of these performances motivates many artists to spend months preparing their set. Groff said that his band has been practicing for The Great Cover up since September. He would not, however, reveal what band they would be covering. Many artists try to keep information about their set quiet, making a concentrated effort not to tell anyone what band they will be portraying. Therefore, an aura of secrecy hovers around many of the performances. “It keeps the edge for the bands performing,” said Groff. “It creates a situation where you can blow everyone away when you play that f irst chord. You can see the excitement on everyone’s face.” Because of this secrecy, the moments leading up to a band’s set can be very suspenseful. “It gives it a little bit of mystery,” said Ward Gollings, who has organized the event every year since its beginning. “The audience has fun trying to figure out which band an artist will play when they are setting up. The element of surprise adds a lot to it.” Although ever y band sets their sights on playing a memorable set, the mood of the event is by no means tense. Instead, it provides an opportunity for local bands to imitate the acts that have inspired them. “Everyone really has a great time,” Gollings said. “It’s the one time each year when local bands who are carving out their niche can masquerade as their heroes.” Another endearing characteristic of The Great Cover Up is that its proceeds go to charity. It has not always been a charity event, but its organizers decided that the event should contribute to a good cause. Last year the even helped victims of Hurricane Katrina in Alabama. This year three charities will benefit from the three-day event: A Woman’s Fund, Crisis Nursery and Provena Hospice. Many see The Great Cover Up as an event that brings bands into the local scene. Being invited to play is a great compliment, strengthening the ties of the band with the community. “It was probably the first time we really felt like we were a part of the Champaign music scene,” said Groff. And now, with four months of practice under their belt, elsinore will return to The Great Cover Up trying to top their performance from last year. Such is the hope of all bands performing.. For three days Champaign’s biggest acts will pose as music’s biggest stars. As January 25 approaches, the excitement is escalating, the suspense is building and Champaign’s music fans are left with one burning question: Who will deliver 2007’s classic performance?

*See store for details INTRO | A ROUND TOWN | L ISTEN, H EAR | CU CALENDAR | STAGE, S CREEN &

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album REVIEWS SLOAN Never Hear the End of It [Yep Roc]

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Sloan’s best music has bridged the gap between irony and melody, but the joke has now worn thin. Given a larger context, the album is still a fun listen. As with their trademark, one of the best examples of musical populism, each of the four members has a chance to sing and, as always, all are equally up to the task. They lounge in their adolescent pithiness on “I’ve Gotta Try,” a style that might begin to wear thin (the band members’ individual ages are all approaching 40). But, given the blunt guitar arpeggios and some call and response, as on “Ana Lucia,” the band seems to have some music left in them. It should be quite ill-fitting then to have the opening track declare the band is “Flying High Again.” Maybe they can be. If pared down to the best tracks, the album is an interesting, semicohesive effort. Even so, there’s no doubt the band is settling into self-nostalgia, which, when you’re as inventive and continually fresh as Sloan, cannot be good for fans. SWAN LAKE Beast Moans

BRIAN MCGOVERN

• STAFF WRITER

Power pop is a most fickle art form. In and of itself, it’s quite simple, re-working the bouncy melodies of the late ’60s with a heavy dose of power chord edge. But the bands that have become its greatest practitioners have gone one of two directions. Some cop the middle-class alienation of the Kinks (Cheap Trick and Fountains of Wayne or, particularly in Sloan’s case, the generational anthems of the Beatles). Their earlier work was f irmly ensconced in grunge and was always weighed down by a distinct fear of bloated fame. As the ’90s waned they became more and more tuneful; a professional pop group. Popular in their native Canada, Sloan was never famous in the States, aware here only to music critics and a certain sort of fan. Most of their albums are slipshod affairs, brilliant and heinously annoying, so it comes as no surprise their new release Never Hear the End of It contains a gargantuan 30 tracks. It’s not as much a double or triple album as a collection of sketches and interludes (a bunch are under two minutes), with a few full-length songs thrown in for good measure. Too often nothing is accomplished. Sloan is suited much better to the three-minute, 32bar form than the sort of arty experimentation their fans might want. It’s a peril of their status; without the fame you need, how can you write songs that should be famous? Those full-length songs are mostly weak pastiches of their early work. “Who Taught You To Live Like That?” (which set an iTunes sales record) is an exception. A rollicking drumbeat and great vocal harmonizing compliment the expectedly dry vocals. Still, most of the album feels like it belongs in ’93 when mimicking the bombast of classic rock was still in vogue. Sloan has the ability to be beautiful, to create some truly powerful anthems, but they don’t try here. The ennui of a band’s middle age has set in and killed the dynamic.

B ETWEEN | CLASSIFIEDS | THE STINGER

[Jagjaguwar]

IMRAN SIDDIQUEE • STAFF WRITER

Cerberus, the three-headed beast that guards the gates of the under world, is not imagined to be a pretty animal. His snaked tail and monstrous head prevent all living beings from entering, while ferociously preventing the dead from leaving. Spencer Krug, Daniel Bejar and Casey Mercer are the multiple heads of indie-behemoth Swan Lake, and on their debut album Beast Moans, they compose ragged and horrid songs as if yelping from the confines of Hades itself. The opener, “Widow’s Walk,” finds Bejar of New Pornographers fame in the false disguise of a siren, enticing us with melodic hints that recall his other band, Destroyer, before quickly letting them fall to the wayside of blistering guitars, foggy reverb and rising noise. Yet no singer is ever alone; there are always at least two voices singing in unison or discord. In this case, Krug of Wolf Parade offers backing vocals and Mercer of Frog Eyes chimes in with the occasional wail. Things will quickly fall into intentionally sounds from the scene


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I BOUGHT SOME POWDERED WATER, BUT I DON’T KNOW WHAT TO ADD.

muddy waters with “City Calls.” Led by the already grating voice of Mercer, the track builds as if emerging from the ruins of a war-torn metropolis — howling organs, huge guitars and all three singers at once spewing “The city calls!” before Bejar’s voice triumphantly materializes alone out of the noise and delivers a h e a r t - s h a k i n g m e l o d y. T h e e n s u i n g harmonizing sounds like a magnificent, ghoulish opera. It’s the preceding avalanche of sound that makes these moments of grace so affecting throughout the album. Of the three members, it’s Krug — who also heads indie-group Sunset Rubdown — who fares best in this department. This entire past year belonged to Krug. Following the success of his other band’s LP earlier in the year, he now seems incapable of writing a bad song, emerging as one of the best songwriters of the moment. Nothing he’s done in the past really prepares one for the one-two punch of “Are You Swimming in Her Pools?” and “All Fires.” What is so amazing about these compositions is that they bear the mark of Bejar and Mercer rather prominently as well, even if they are predominantly solo Krug tracks. “Are You Swimming in Her Pools” is classic Destroyer structure, but it’s also filled with the unparalleled imagery of Krug’s storytelling — “Are you running up her river banks? And navigating long fingers in her hand?/Cause fingers make the hand, and rivers make the land.” Following this track is “All Fires,” which is an epic tale of guilt, pity and the martyrship of music, as well as one of the best songs of the year. Through all the haze of ugliness and off-putting annoyance that this album may present at first, this track redeems it all. A simple acoustic strum is accompanied by shimmering guitar riffs and an absolutely classic climax: “From near his heart, he took a rib, all fires have to burn alive!” Beast Moans requires the listener to make sacrifices, to battle the fear of Cerberus and uncover the gems of the dark corners of human thought. In other words, the album requires its listener to embrace the underworld. It’s not always fun. It’s a diff icult, painful entrance into the shadows. But once you’re down there, you won’t ever want to escape.

9

mike ingram CU SOUND REVUE

It’s the Great Cover Up, Charlie Brown!

T

onight kicks off the 16th A n nua l Great Cover Up at t he Highdive. The Cover Up is a big tradition in the local scene, and it always packs plenty of surprises. Some bands have already let the cat out of the bag a little, but most have been good this year and have kept a tight lid on things. I talked about it plenty in my last column, and the section feature is devoted to it this week, so I’ll try to keep it short while naming the sets I’m most looking forward to. Tonight’s lineup is a hell of a way to kick the event off. The Living Blue have long been Cover Up favorites, having covered Jimi Hendrix, Black Flag and Tom Petty in previous years (as the Blackouts). Newcomers Pulsar47 are sure to have something special whipped up as well. I’ll be pulling double duty with my own band and playing lead guitar for elsinore, so you’ll see me worrying all night about messing up. Terminus Victor on Friday is sure to be excellent. I’m generally a fan of anything they do, and Cover Up sets for them are usually really well done (Fugazi, Slint). Beat Kitchen kicked major ass last year, with Queens of the Stone Age, and they have something equally as awesome ready this year. This will be Beat Kitchen’s second appearance, though lead singer Brandon T. Washington fronted an amazing run from 2000-2004 with Temple of Low Men (Peter Gabriel, Wings, Radiohead, Stone Temple Pilots and Rage Against the Machine). Those last three especially rank as some of my favorite sets of alltime. A newcomer this year is metal band Tritone, also playing Friday, and they might melt your face. Saturday night will see a set from Shipwreck,

who had an amazing set last year as Billy Idol. Really, every night is packed with great bands. Do your best to make it out every night, because talk of shows that you missed will haunt you all year long. There’s an excellent show happening on Saturday at the Canopy Club, and I’m very sad to be missing it. The Appleseed Cast makes a return to town, having played several wellattended shows in CU in the last couple of years. Along for the ride this time is Asobi Seksu, a band that oftentimes reminds me of local indie kings Headlights (especially in the guitar department). Tickets are $10 in advance and $12 at the door, which is actually very cheap considering the bands. Doors will open at 8-ish and the show will start at 9:30 p.m. Both the Appleseed Cast and Asobi Seksu made my top 10 albums of 2006 list (Peregrine, #5 and Citrus, #8, respectively). Maybe I’ll just slip in for a little bit ... Tuesday night you can catch one of the finest jazz bands in the land at the Iron Post. Jazz Sandwich quite simply has some of the best musicians in the region. They are a marvel to witness in a live setting, where they mix genres and styles with insane chops and make it look easy. I haven’t seen them at the Post yet, but I imagine that the intimate setting works very well. Showtime is 8 p.m., and there will be a small cover at the door. Head to the Canopy Club on Wednesday night for a set from Pulsar47, who will headline a great night that also features Casados, the Dolphin and HypnoMusicCorp. The show starts at 9:30 p.m., and has a cover charge of $6. Pulsar47 alone are worth the price of admission. They’ve quickly made quite an impression on the scene, taking an instrumental assault on the

senses approach, much like the Octopur Project or a more-rocking Sigur Rós. Casados have added new members — including upright bass and pedal steel — and tightened up their sound, becoming quite the indie-folk unit. Also on Wednesday night, Larry Gates continues his residency as DJ LEGTWO at Cowboy Monkey. He starts at 10:30 p.m., but show up earlier to see him tango. Down in Charleston, Ryan Groff (of elsinore) and Rob Szabo (from Ontario, Canada) kick off a three-day acoustic tour with a show at Jackson Ave. Coffeehouse. The night after (Thursday, 2/1) you can catch the two of them, along with Sally Shuffield, at Aroma Café as part of a rare super-sized acoustic evening. As usual, there is no cover at Aroma Café, but tossing a little money in the artist tip jar is always helpful. The run will end on Friday at Uncommon Ground in Chicago. In venue news, Radmaker’s in Tolono is now under new ownership and will now be more rocking than ever. They will have a grand re-opening bash tonight with the Brat Pack and will continue the celebration all weekend long. Friday they’re running a family happy hour from 5-7 p.m., with a free buffet, an arcade, pool tables and Guitar Hero on the big screen. Karaoke/dancing will start at 9 p.m. On Saturday, the club will host X-Krush. I’ve received several great email responses to the column I ran about local record stores. I appreciate the kind words, and hope that it caused at least a few people to wander into one or more of the stores for a look. Mike Ingram can be reached at forgottenwords@gmail.com.

January 28, 2007 McKinley as a “More Light” and Inclusive Community to GLBT People

29 E. Marketview Dr. Champaign, Il 61820 (217) 366-8200

With Lisa Larges from the “That All May Freely Serve” organization.

We Buy and Sell Trendy Clothes for CA$H!!! sounds from the scene

100 YEARS

OF CAMPUS MINISTRY AND CHRISTIAN SERVICE 1906-2006

A Celebration of the Centennial of McKinley Memorial Presbyterian Church and Foundation, University of Illinois and Champaign, Illinois

All Sunday services are at 10:00 am with fellowship beginning at 9:30 am. A reception and potluck will follow the service. For more detail on the Centennial celebratory events consult our web site at www.mckinley-church.org or email us at office@mckinley-church.org Please join the congregation and friends for any one or all of the celebratory events

McKinley Presbyterian Church and Foundation

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ALWAYS REMEMBER YOU’RE UNIQUE, JUST LIKE EVERYONE ELSE.

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Topless Female Dancers

Lady Sovereign A jelly doughnut doesn’t cheat our hunger and that is something we can all get behind. Now, if America can agree to support our lovely, hole-less MC Jelly Donut, there’s no chance for Lady Sovereign, who is by the way, from Britain. Lets think ... Americans battling the British ... that seems to ring a bell. Hmm ... anyone remember the Revolutionary War? Yeah. We won. Take that, Britain, and take that, Lady Sovereign. History repeats itself. You’re done. Hands down, MC Jelly Donut’s the clear winner, without a doubt. Take that, Sov. Give us powdered sugar doughnuts with a gooey jelly filling, or give us death!

18 to enter • Mon-Thur 8pm-1am • Fri-Sat 8pm-2am • $5 Cover (Always Hiring, We’ll Train)

Silver Bullet Bar

1401 E. Washington Urbana 217.344.0937

www.silverbulletbar.net

SPIN IT ROUND FLIP IT AND REVERSE IT CARLYE WISEL AND BRIAN MCGOVERN

Lady Sovereign : vs. MC Jelly Donut • STAFF WRITERS

MC Jelly Donut

PHOTO COURTESY OF MYSPACE.COM

Lady Sovereign, the side ponytail wearin’ bad-ass rapper from across the pond, was encouraged by a chanting crowd, at her Jan. 8 show, to battle an MC in the audience — MC Jelly Donut, to be exact. And it ain’t just a name, he’s a rapper who wears a precious, squishy doughnut costume with white tights. Mmm, delectable. Now, most people have a positive reaction to jelly doughnuts — they take a lick of scrumptious jelly ooze, eat the whole thing or get a box of the powdery treats at Dunkin’ Donuts with some “coffee.” But no, not Sov — after throwing a drink in his face, spitting on him and exchanging some words, he was booted from the show, despite the crowd’s booing in hopes of keeping him there. Brian and Carlye, your friendly dessert- and rap-loving columnists are here to help you sort through this traumatic experience by answering this: If Lady Sov and MC Jelly Donut were to battle, who would have won? Let’s eat this up ... INTRO | A ROUND TOWN | L ISTEN, H EAR | CU CALENDAR | STAGE, S CREEN &

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Carlye: MC Jelly Donut! There is no doubt in my mind that a man-pastry rapper could beat Lady Sovereign in a rap battle. Sure, “bakery” doesn’t rhyme with much, but if beauty is everything, and we tweak this lyrical battle into an actual battle (which it has sort of become), we’ve got ourselves a winner. Physically, he undoubtedly has the upper hand. A powdered sugar-covered doughnut with human arms and legs is a lot more appealing than an angry girl with crazy hair. His doughy body is precious, not to mention extremely appetizing. A life-sized blueberry muffin or chocolate cake wouldn’t interest me, but how could I not love a big ol’ jelly doughnut? America loves calories, and regular doughnuts with a hole in the middle are stripping us of our rights to an entire pastry.

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Brian: Lady Sovereign The self-dubbed “baddest m idget” from across the pond, Lady Sov has so many things that would seem to keep her from ever being a successful rapper: a.) being a teenage girl b.) being from the U.K. c.) being white Yes, the odds were stacked against her, but that didn’t stop the Sov from approaching Jay-Z with an impromptu freestyle and consequently becoming the first foreign member of the Def Jam family. With this in mind, it seems strange that she wouldn’t help out another outcast trying to make a name for himself. Why wouldn’t Sov battle the Jelly Donut? It’s all business; she needed to keep her image. What is even more off-putting and gimmicky in the world of hip-hop than a short stack of a British girl? A ridiculous man in tights dressed as a fruitfilled pastry, that’s what. If she let him come on stage to battle, her novelty title would be revoked and placed on the J.D. All of her MTV soundtracking and all the commercials that play her single would slip out like sand from her hands. I’m not saying the J.D. would beat her (although his parking lot, hobbit-themed freestyle was impressive), it’s just hip-hop has become a money-fueled genre; Jay-Z and Co. are always looking for a P.T. Barnum-like gimmick (why else was Li’l Jon given a career?). That’s why I support the Sov. She’s the industry’s latest trick to capture the imagination of the ADHD USA. A moderately legitimate artist who is given a shot to make it big has got to look out for herself. Jeopardizing a career for a jelly doughnut isn’t worth it. sounds from the scene


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buzz weekly •

WELCOME TO CAMP NIGHTMARE.

11

THIS WEEK AT

FEATURED EVENTS

K R A N N E RT C E N T E R F O R T H E P E R F O R M I N G A RT S

Festival Dance 2007 University of Illinois Black Chorus; Ollie Watts Davis, conductor Always a highlight of the dance year, the Department of Dance’s annual Festival features a new work by faculty member Sara Hook and New York choreographer David Parker that will be performed by a mixed cast of students, faculty, and alumni. A unique collaboration between Cynthia Oliver, Ollie Watts Davis, and the U of I Black Chorus will also premiere, as will pieces by resident choreographers Erika Randall, Linda Lehovec, and Rebecca Nettl-Fiol. Thursday-Saturday, February 1-3 at 7:30pm Colwell Playhouse

Th Jan 25

Sa Jan 27

Su Jan 28

Krannert Uncorked 5pm, free

Sinfonia da Camera 7:30pm, $7-$33

Cypress String Quartet 3pm, $5-$34

Fr Jan 26

Bill T. Jones/Arnie Zane Dance Company 7:30pm, $14-$34

Patron Co-sponsors Jan and Ray Shepardson

UI Symphony Orchestra 7:30pm, $2-$8

Flex: $15 / SC & Stu 14 / UI & Yth 9 Single: $16 / SC & Stu 15 / UI & Yth 10

Patron Co-sponsors Jerald Wray and Dirk Mol Supported in part by

We Jan 31 Pacifica Quartet 7:30pm, $10-$18

Th Feb 1

Artemis Quartet From music students to “one of the most impressive quartets among the new generation,” the Artemis returns to Krannert Center with a program that juxtaposes two classic works by Brahms with two classic works by Webern.

IPRH Curtain Call Discussion for Bill T. Jones/Arnie Zane Dance Company 10pm, free Creative Intersections Sponsor

Thursday, February 8 at 7:30pm Foellinger Great Hall

Krannert Uncorked 5pm, free Mark Moore, tuba 7:30pm, $2-$8 Festival Dance 2007 7:30pm, $9-$16

Flex: $32 / SC & Stu 27 / UI & Yth 18 Single: $34 / SC & Stu 29 / UI & Yth 20 Choral Balcony: $15 / UI & Yth 10 Chamber Music Series Sponsors Jean and Howard Osborn

Intermezzo Breakfast, lunch, supper, dessert 7:30am-3:30pm on non-performance weekdays 7:30am through performances on weekdays 90 minutes before and through performances on weekends Interlude Cocktails and conversation 90 minutes before and through performances Now open at 4pm Thursday and Friday! The Promenade Gifts, cards, candy, and more 10am-6pm Monday-Saturday One hour before to 30 minutes after performances

333.6280 8 0 0 . K C PAT I X

Patron Season Sponsors Dolores and Roger Yarbrough

Marquee performances are supported in part by the Illinois Arts Council— a state agency which recognizes Krannert Center in its Partners in Excellence Program.

sounds from the scene

Enjoy Krannert Center to the fullest!

Corporate Power Train Team Engine Members

40˚ North and Krannert Center, working together to put Champaign County’s culture on the map.

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THU. JAN 25 Live Bands Environmental Encroachment [Environmental Encroachment is a performance art group and marching band that uses puppets, projections, live music and costumes to create unique and interactive experiences.] Krannert Art Museum, 6pm The Dolphin [The Dolphin creates a unique sound from collected field recordings, post-rock pop structures and dense beat progressions.] Krannert Art Museum, 7pm The Duke of Uke, Matt Wagemann, Jonathon Childers Courtyard Cafe, 8pm The Great Cover Up 16A [Featuring elsinore, The Living Blue, The Beauty Shop, Mike Ingram, Watery Domestic, Pulsar 47 and Tritone.] Highdive, 9pm, $7 Andreas Kapsalis Trio Iron Post, 9pm, cover DJ DJ Asiatic Soma Ultralounge 10pm, free Limbs [Hip-hop, party jams.] Boltini Lounge, 10:30pm no cover Karaoke Karaoke [Karaoke with Randy from RM Entertainment.] Fat City Saloon, 9pm Meetings International Coffee Hours [At these events, coffee, tea and homemade ethnic desserts are served. International and American students, club members and non- members, are all welcome.] Cosmopolitan Club, 7:30pm Family Fun Group Funfare [Preschool groups are invited to come and are asked to register in advance. The program will feature stories, songs puppets and films.] Urbana Free Library, 9:45am Funfare [Children and their

CHECK OUT THE BUZZ PICKS MARKED BY OUR LOGO:

parents are invited for stories, songs, puppets and films. Fun for the whole family.] Urbana Free Library 10:30am

by singers for the University Voice Division.] Krannert Center for the Performing Arts, 7:30pm, $2 students/$8 public

Mind/Body/Spirit Krannert Uncorked [With partners Sun Singer Wine & Spirits, Corkscrew Wine Emporium, Friar Tuck, jim gould and Bacaro, Krannert is showcasing the best in beverages. Tastes are free of charge and available for purchase by the glass at a special discounted price during the tasting.] Krannert Center for the Performing Arts, 5pm, free admission Meditation and Yoga Classes [Free Meditation and Yoga classes that include meditation exercises, yoga postures, deep relaxation and yoga philosophy.] Ananda Liina Yoga & Meditation Center, 6pm

DJ SoulStep with DJ Delayney Cowboy Monkey, 10pm, $3

FRI. JAN 26 Live Bands Billy Galt Sings the Blues Blues restaurant, 11:30am Boneyard Jazz Quintet Iron Post, 5pm, cover Real Deal Jazz Quartet Cowboy Monkey, 5:30pm, $3 Cara Mia Maurizi [Live Lounge Singer.] Boltini Lounge, 6pm, no cover Prairie Dogs Hubers, 8pm no cover The Great Cover Up 16B [Featuring Terminus Victor, Probably Vampires, Archives of the Future, Beat Kitchen, Kilborn Alley and Delta Kings.] Highdive, 9pm, $7 Environmental Encroachment Marching Band, Greg Spero Trio, Zmick Canopy Club 9pm, $7 Concerts University Symphony Orchestra [Join us for an all-Mozart concert in honor of the composer’s 201st birthday. The program will include ten arias from various Mozart operas, performed

5 Days A Week

Film Monty Python & the Holy Grail (1975) [From the absurd knights who say “Ni!” to killer rabbits to the dreaded Black Knight, the troupe charges through medieval times in search of King

Competition finalist ChuFang Huang presents Beethoven’s “Second Piano Concerto” in Sinfonia’s first “Rising Artist” concert. Also hear works by Haydn and Tchaikovsky.] Krannert Center for the Performing Arts, 7:30pm, $12 students/$33 public DJ DJ Tim Williams Highdive 10pm, $5 DJ Bozak Soma Ultralounge 10pm, $5 Mertz [Funk, electro, house.] Boltini Lounge, 10pm, no cover

CU One-to-One Mentoring Interested in becoming a mentor for a student in need of a positive role model? Try mentoring a Champaign or Urbana student for one hour each week at their school. Mentors are expected to commit to one year of volunteering so that the student will remain with the same mentor. You must be a long-term community resident. The students who will be served are those in need of an adult friend, so mentors will spend their time playing games, reading and talking with the student. For more information on this opportunity, contact Barbara Koester at mentor@cu1to1.org.

DJ Bozak Soma Ultralounge 10pm, $5 Michael John & Mertz [Michael John is the DJ and producer behind the live house band, Soul System. After years of experience on the turntables, Michael formed Soul System which features live keyboards, saxophone and percussion to accompany his house beats.] Boltini Lounge 10pm, no cover Deeplicio.us [Featuring DJ Mambo Italiano. House music.] Ko.Fusion, 11pm no cover Dancing English Country Dance [There will be live music provided by local musicians. All dances will be taught. Partners, costumes and experience are not required; however, we ask that soft-soled, non-marking, non-street shoes be worn so as not to damage the dance floor.] Phillips Recreation Center, 7pm, $1 admission

Arthur’s Holy Grail.] Virginia Theatre, 1pm and 7pm, $5

SAT. JAN 27 Live Bands Backyard BBQ Band [The Backyard BBQ Band plays a lively mix of western swing, honky tonk, blues and more.] Iron Post, 6pm cover New Twang City Hubers, 8pm no cover Flatland String Band Iron Post, 9pm, cover The Great Cover Up 16C [Featuring Mad Science Fair, Nadafinga, Tractor Kings, Shipwreck, Triple Whip, Scurvine and Roberta Sparrow.] Cowboy Monkey 9:30pm, $7 The Appleseed Cast, Asobi Seksu, What Four Canopy Club, 9:30pm, $10/$12 at the door Concerts Sinfonia da Camera with Ian Hobson and Chu-Fang Huang [Cleveland International Piano Competition winner and 2005 Van Cliburn

Life. Quoted.

Lectures/Discussions IPRH Curtain Call Discussion for Bill T. Jones/Arnie Zane Dance Company [The Illinois Program for Research in the Humanities provides an opportunity for audience members who have just experienced the performance to exchange views and engage in discussion. Tables are reserved for participants in Stage 5 lobby.] Krannert Center for the Performing Arts, 10pm free Film Monty Python & the Holy Grail (1975) Virginia Theatre 1pm and 7pm, $5 Sporting events Illinois Women’s Gymnastics vs. Iowa Huff Gym, 7pm Illinois Men’s Gymnastics vs. Ohio State Huff Gym, 7pm Miscellaneous Champaign Area Fish Exchange/Winter Auction [An auction of aquarium related items such as fish, tanks, plants, equipment, books, food or anything that is related to the hobby Open to anyone interested in the aquarium hobby or aquatic life.] Urbana Civic Center 8am Family Fun Orange & Blue Hoopenanny [Come out for food, fun and give-aways while cheering on the Illini. All proceeds benefit scholarships for Champaign County youth studying agriculture.] Billy Barooz, 1pm

SUN. JAN 28

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Concerts Cypress String Quartet [The Cypress blends live music, original film, the spoken

word and precision playing to create a thought-provoking portrait of the American spirit.] Krannert Center for the Performing Arts, 3pm $20 students/$5 student balcony/$34 public DJ The Black Party with Mertz & Chris O [Come out to celebrate (or mourn) the imminent smoking ban in Champaign. Party-throwing powerhouses sonia+andy are hosting and promise a veritable circus of clubland fetish, including surprise performances throughout the evening. DJs Mertz & Chris O will be spinning dirty electro, funk and house in the sunken dance floor. Guests are encouraged to wear black, leather, rubber or fetish.] Boltini Lounge, 10:30pm no cover

house.] Boltini Lounge 10:30pm, no cover Karaoke Karaoke with Randy Miller Bentley’s Pub, 9:30pm, free Sporting events Illinois Men’s Basketball vs. Michigan State Assembly Hall, 8pm Family Fun Babies’ Lap Time [This program of songs, stories

and rhymes is for our youngest patrons, ages birth to 24 months, with an adult.] Urbana Free Library 9:45am

WED. JAN 31 Live Bands Pulsar 47, HypnoMusicCorp, Casados, The Dolphin Canopy Club, 9:30pm, $6

Concerts Pacifica Quartet [As the resident quartet of the University School of Music, the Pacifica musicians share their artistry and enthusiasm for music with the students and community. First on our evening’s program will be a piece recently recorded by the group: Mendelssohn’s “Quartet, Op. 81.” Britten and Rasoumovsky will

be following.] Krannert Center for the Performing Arts, 7:30pm, $10 students/$18 public DJ DJ Stifler Highdive, 8pm $3/$5 DJ Bris, DJ Delayney Soma Ultralounge, 10pm, $5 DJ LEGTWO Cowboy Monkey 10:30pm, free Bozak [Hip-hop, funk, turntablism.] Boltini Lounge 10:30pm, no cover

Dancing Tango Dancing Cowboy Monkey, 7:30pm, free Intro to Egyptian-style belly dance [Sessions are designed for those with little or no previous exposure to Middle Eastern dance or for those who want a refresher before moving on to the ongoing class. Classes build upon core movements and establish safe and proper

technique as the foundation. Classes introduce rhythms, movements, veil work, history and culture.] Independent Media Center, 7pm, $45 per 6-week session

The Appleseed Cast What Four Asobi Seksu “Branded and On Display”

Sporting events Illinois Women’s Basketball vs. Northwestern Assembly Hall, 2pm

Krannert Art Museum, Jan. 26 through Apr. 1

Walking around campus among the sea of NorthFaces and Birkenstocks, it’s easy to take for granted the huge role branding plays in our lives. Abercrombie and Fitch. Baby Phat. Juicy Couture. Whatever floats your boat, there’s still no denying that marketers have successfully turned many young people into walking billboards.

MON. JAN 29 Live Bands Jazz Jam with MRS Trio Iron Post, 7pm, cover Open Mic Night Cowboy Monkey, 10pm, free

“Branded and On Display,” which will be on exhibit free of charge at the Krannert Art Museum from January 26 through April 1, examines this cultural phenomenon through sculpture, painting, photography, video, installation and sound. If the exploration of commercialism and society isn’t enough to lure you in, swing by to take a gander at some local talent. The exhibit features the work of Conrad Bakker and Laurie Hogin, faculty members from the University’s own School of Art and Design, and Amelia Moore, senior in photography.

Miscellaneous Mother/Daughter Morning @ Panera Bread [Book signing and sale of “The Young Women’s Guide for Personal Success” with co-author Sharva Hampton-Campbell. The cost of the book is $21.00 and all proceeds raised will be donated to help underpriviledged youth in CU participate in a summer job shadowing program.] Panera Bread Company, 7:30am Classical Music Appreciation [Explore the development of classical music as an art form in the U.S.. Special emphasis will be given to events and trends that have affected this music genre. Charles Smith will be instructor for this class as part of the Communiversity program at the YMCA.] University YMCA, 6pm, $20 Family Fun Babies’ Lap Time Moonlight Edition [This program of songs, stories and rhymes is for our youngest patrons, ages birth to 24 months with an adult.] Urbana Free Library, 6:30 p.m.

TUE. JAN 30 Live Bands Billy Galt Sings the Blues Blues restaurant, 11:30am Jazz Sandwich Iron Post 8pm, cover Rehearsal Space in the Void Room [With 56 Hope Road.] Canopy Club, 9pm, free DJ SubVersion: DJ Evily, DJ Vermis Highdive, 10am DJ Delayney Cowboy Monkey 10pm Chris O [Downtempo, Deep

—Bonnie Stiernberg

ECON 101 - Intro to Economics Final Exam - One Question (100 points)

NAME

UI administrator

1 - Write a simple equation that represents a graduate employee earning a living wage in Urbana-Champaign.

estimated cost-of-living* $13,572 minimum stipend - $12,586

PHOTO COURTESY OF WWW.ASOBISEKSU.COM

Asobi Seksu

Jan. 27, 9:30 p.m. Canopy Club, $10 in advance/$12 This week’s discovery is the X on Johnny Depp’s treasure map — a rare gem, if you will. The band, Asobi Seksu (yes, that means “playful sex” in English), caters to those who enjoy attention-craved guitarists and lusty singers — so just about every other person reading this will be pleased. The catchy band celebrates itself through its entirely electronic, but dreamy state of being. The band’s glittering melody spills out in every song and threatens to consume and diminish any idea that this may be a My Bloody Valentine repeat. Asobi Seksu takes any predisposition of dream pop or shoegrazing and amplifies the greater qualities of the two by revamping it into their own.

Yuki’s sweet, girly vocals elegantly counteract the guitar rock of James Hanna by issuing the precise contrast and complement to rock guitar. Yuki’s voice is the distinction of the band, while her keyboard offers her vocals the exact partnership she needs to flow with the band’s vibe. The band’s vibe, captured perfectly in the songs “Strawberries” and “Thursday,” (so look out for these) is a refreshing addition to the CU community and can be swallowed down on Saturday night at the Canopy Club. Come early to enjoy this treat before you have dessert with the Appleseed Cast. If you like to dance, groove or what have you, you definitely do not want to miss out on this. —Caitlin Cremer

F

- $986

debt, This is e!! ing wag v li a t no

An d you did n't inclu de fee s.

*(www.oar.uiuc.edu/current/financial/grad_expenses.html)

CLOSE THE LIVING WAGE GAP G.E.O. GENERAL MEMBERSHIP MEETING WED, JAN 24 - 5:30 - UNIVERSITY YMCA

FAIR CONTRACT = A BETTER UIUC www.uigeo.org / geo@shout.net / (217) 344 8283

sounds from the scene

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14

stage, screen & i n b e t w e e n

TAKE CENTER STAGE IN THE CU Dying to get involved in theater? Here’s a guide to help you out.

Shakespeare’s comedies and tragedies. The productions faithfully contain themes like revenge, deceit, besmirched governments and amnesty. There’s so much ado around the CU that you may not have known that these dynamite groups existed until now. If that’s the case, don’t waste any time — see a show. Heck, audition for one. — Keri Carpenter

IMPROV GROUPS AND COMEDY TROUPES

SHAKESPEARE COMPANIES

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ILLINI UNION BOARD MUSICAL The opportunities to see theater in the ChampaignUrbana area are abundant, but how can you become involved? For students attending the University of Illinois, you do not have to look any further than the Illini Union Board. IUB is a student-run organization on campus that offers students the chance to meet different people and gain leadership experience. It contains over 30 committees, including the musicals committee. Each semester, IUB Musicals puts on a different show for students and the public to see. The staff and cast consist entirely of students and changes for each show. Anyone can audition for a musical, regardless of theater background. At the end of each semester, staff for the following semester’s musical is hired through an interview process. Hopeful actors and actresses will audition at the beginning of the semester. Leslie Cornell, producer of this semester’s musical My Fair Lady, says “Being involved with [IUB] Musicals is a big commitment, but students really get to be part of a huge family ... it is a unique experience because it brings together students from all backrounds, majors and experience levels to participate in the production of a show.” Not only will students learn from being involved in these musicals, but they will also have lots of fun. They will have the chance to perform either in Foellinger Auditorium or Assembly Hall in front of a large, excited audience. Previous semesters’ productions include Into the Woods and Grease. This semester, “The production of My Fair Lady will have a special updated tone and vision thanks to our director, YaHan Tsui,” says Cornell. To sign up for auditions by January 26, or for more information on the show, visit room 227 in the Illini Union or visit www.iuboard.uiuc.edu. Auditions will be held January 28-31. — Katie Devine PHOTOS BY AMELIA MOORE

Between TV, YouTube and the occasional random spotting of drunken classmates stumbling down Green Street, students have a number of ways to take a break from the worries of the semester with a good laugh. But for a livelier, more inspired source, check out any one of the improv and sketch comedy troupes around campus. Spicy Clamato, Fishing with Dynamite, DeBono and Potted Meat are four of these groups whose members showcase their talent through an array of acts ranging from a Potted Meat skit about how brooms make lousy friends to a Spicy Clamato improv act depicting the world’s worst bra. Spicy Clamato and DeBono are both improv groups, with Spicy Clamato performing short form improv (scenes lasting just a few minutes), while DeBono deals primarily in long form (with scenes that can last as long as 25 minutes). Both groups can be found performing for free at the Courtyard Café in the Illini Union on Mondays, with Spicy Clamato performing at 8 p.m. and DeBono performing at 9 p.m. The two groups will also be performing a free show in Gregory Hall on Friday Jan. 26. Fishing with Dynamite and Potted Meat both perform sketch comedy, with Potted Meat doing Charlie Johnson, a University freshman, speaks with his hands during a short form and Fishing with Dynamite doing Penny Dreadful Players’ meeting, Sunday, Jan. 21, at Gregory Hall. long form. While Spicy Clamato and DeBono generally involve the audience in coming up with ideas for their acts, Fishing with Dynamite and Potted Meat spend a great deal What’s better than reading Shakespeare or watching his plays of time writing their own material before performances. Fish- on the silver screen? Acting in his plays, that’s what. ing with Dynamite can be seen at the Channing-Murray FounThe New Revels Players is a theater company on campus dation on Feb. 10 and March 10 at 8 p.m. for $3, and will also that puts on a variety of witty and thoughtful shows throughbe at the Indiana University comedy festival on Feb. 2 and 3. out the year. Potted Meat also performs at the Channing-Murray Foundation “Although we’re called a classical theater company, we like two to three times per semester. to broaden our horizon and reach out ... we’ve done modNo experience is necessary to audition to become a part of ern shows,” said Vanessa Prokuski, a third year member of these groups, and those who aren’t sure they have what it takes the group. may be surprised after giving it a try. Prokuski said what she loves most about New Revels that “We “I’ve done theater before, where it’s scripted, and I find improv work really well together and we’re close friends,” she said. to be more natural. It’s easier I find, because I know I can depend This semester, the ensemble plans to have one audition for on myself to come up with something,” said Hillary Marzec of each show. Spicy Clamato. If you can’t wait until the next show or just want to know more All four groups keep member numbers low, usually at around about the group, Prokuski says “we love new people … any of us 10. The groups also have varying audition frequency. Spicy Clam- would be happy to talk to anyone that’s interested.” ato generally holds auditions once a year during the fall. Fishing If you’re hesitant about joining this lively group because you’ve with Dynamite holds auditions during the fall and winter. Potted got a lot of stuff on your plate this semester, not to worry: Prokuski Meat will be auditioning new members on Jan. 25 at 7 p.m. in explained that the amount of practices you have depends on how Lincoln Hall. And DeBono holds auditions twice a year, with this much involvement you want with the group. semester’s auditions taking place on Jan. 31 at 5 p.m. in Lincoln Another talented group for Shakespearians (and anyone else — Hall. — Tom Lange they don’t discriminate) to get involved with is the What You Will Shakespeare Company. This campus theater troupe performs

DRAMA FOR AND BY STUDENTS Write gripping stories f illed with conf lict and suspense, love a nd love lo st , bat t le s , t u r moi l a nd de at h. L e ad discussions about body image, drug use and sexual awareness in the community. Attend free student productions that f it everyone’s budget. Now’s your chance to get involved in theater on campus with opportunities offered by Penny Dreadful Players, Inner Voices: Social Issues Theatre and Armory Free Theatre. sounds from the scene


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Penny Dreadful Players, a theater organization at the University of Illinois, works toward providing quality productions giving the opportunity for young playwrights to submit their work and see it on stage. “Our foremost goal as an organization is to encourage creativity among students and members of the community and give people an outlet to put those creative talents and passion to use,” said Mary Brennan, managing director of Penny Dreadful Players. Aspiring actors can attend open auditions four to seven weeks before a show is staged, said Chris Jones, publicity coordinator for Penny Dreadful Players. If you are interested in the technical aspect of theater, they are always looking for help with building sets or running lights and sound. Brennan said that anyone interested in getting involved with the Penny Dreadful Players can attend their weekly meetings held at 7 p.m. on Sunday nights in room 205 Gregory Hall. The University of Illinois’ Inner Voices: Soc i a l I s sue s T he at re ad d re s se s c u r rent social and health issues affecting the college experience through performances followed by facilitated discussions. “We per for m about 20 times a semester covering all sorts of issues like diversity, body image, relationships, sexual assault awareness, ableism — just to name a few,” said Jason Wi l l ia m Mor r i s set te, A s si st a nt Prog r a m Coordinator for Inner Voices. He said that you can become an actor with the ensemble by going through a short audition of prepared material. They are usually held at the end of the semester. You can also become a facilitator and lead discussions about the performances and social issues by taking THEAT/GWS 417. If you happen to get stage fright, you can still get involved behind the scenes as a writer, designer or in anything that you are interested in, Morrissette said. “We encourage anyone to contact us at any time to discuss the possibilities of getting involved,” he added. The Armory Free Theatre has been the home of several campus productions, including those of Inner Voices. “It is a student-run, facult y-advised site intended to give students interested in theatre opportunities in directing, dramaturgy, playwriting, performing and design,” said Jen Goheen, manager of Armory Free Theatre. Armory Free Theatre typically looks for volunteers at the beginning of each semester in any of the areas mentioned. Students interested in producing a show must fill out a proposal form found on their Web site and submit it to the theater department. Goheen said that if you’d rather perform or design for one of the shows selected, you should attend an open audition. This semester they will be held on Feb. 3 at 2 p.m. Actors should come prepared with a one- to twominute contemporary monologue and bring copies of their resume. Goheen said that they encourage both student and community involvement by volunteering or even by simply attending their free shows. — Annette Gonzalez

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buzz weekly •

THE LENGTH OF A FILM SHOULD BE DIRECTLY RELATED TO THE ENDURANCE OF THE HUMAN BLADDER.

15

OFF-CAMPUS THEATER Now don’t you go thinking that the only outlets for your theatrical energy are on the UIUC campus — there’s a whole theater culture and community of-campus where anyone can participate. The Parkland College Theatre, for example, encourages its students and anyone else in the community to participate in their theatrical product ions. Pa rk la nd Theat re’s A r t ist ic Director Randi Hard, who has participated in 75 shows, explains that Parkland casts actors of all ages and backgrounds, and no prior experience is required. “We encourage diversity and practice ‘color blind’ casting. We are essentially a community theater with an educational base,” said Hard. If you want to become involved in Parkland T he a t r e, cont a c t L e a h F a r r a r -W h it e a t 373 -3 8 74 t o g e t on t he i r m a i l i n g l i s t . The next auditions that Parkland is hosting are for the musical Damn Yankees. Auditions are Feb. 4 from 1-4 p.m. and Feb. 5 from 6-9 p.m. Call 351-2529 to make an appointment or drop in. Stat ion Theatre is another com munit y t heater t hat per for m s i n a n old r a i l road s t a t i o n i n Ur b a n a . W h i l e t h e S t a t i o n Theatre’s Celebration Company of actors does a few performances, the shows in the fall and spring are cast on a show-by-show basis. According to the Web site, there are currently no auditions being held at the Station Theatre; however, they are always looking for volunteers. If you’re interested in behind-thescenes work, call 384-4000 for more details. To see a show at the Station, the cur rent production is Woyzeck, which is reviewed later in this section. The Cha mpa ig n Urba na T heat re Compa ny is the third of f-campus theater option, and arguably one of the largest in CU. This nonprof it community theater offers theatrical productions not only for adults but also for children. Known in the community for its Singing Valentines and its Murder Mystery Dinners, CUTC also performs several musicals a year at the Virginia Theater. They are currently holding open auditions for the musical Once On This Island. These auditions will be held at the Busey Center, 208 W. Main St., on Jan. 25 from 6:30 to 9 p.m., Jan. 26 from 6:30 to 9 p.m. and Jan. 27 11 a.m. to 6 p.m. The sky is the limit in ter ms of theater i nvolvement i n the CU, a nd the theater community is very encouraging of one another. Hard agrees, “The theaters in CU are very supportive of each others’ work.” — Elyse Russo (Right, Above) Quinn O’Rear, left, plays the Baker and John Staughton, right, plays Jack of “Jack and the Beanstalk” in the IUB presentation of Into the Woods during Dads’ Weekend in November. (Right, Below) Cailyn Arnot, a Parkland College sophomore, paints window edges while Jesse Long, also a Parkland sophomore, looks on during a set design and construction session for Agatha Christie’s Black Coffee Friday at the Parkland Theatre.

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I THOUGHT ‘DEEP THROAT’ WAS A MOVIE ABOUT A GIRAFFE.

J a n ua r y 25

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FILM

JANE ADDAMS BOOK SHOP

204 N. Neil St. 352-3231

Annual Mega Sale

208 N. Neil St. 356-2555

BOOK SALE 20% OFF

Thru January 31st

Last

Mon-Fri 10-6 Sat 10-5 Sun 1-5

k! Wee

30%-50% off Thru January 31st Mon-Sat 10-5 Sun 12-5

SATURDAY, MARCH 3, 2007 ASSEMBLY HALL TICKETS ON SALE NOW! Tickets at the Assembly Hall Box Office, Ticket Central at Illini Union, & all Ticketmaster Outlets. Charge-by-phone: 217-333-5000 or order online at www.ticketmaster.com. For more information visit uofiassemblyhall.com.

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PRODUCTION

®

CHILDREN OF MEN THE HITCHER MATT HOFFMAN • STAFF WRITER

PAUL PRIKAZSKY • STAFF WRITER

In 2027 an unexplained malady has overtaken Earth, rendering all of humanity infertile. Universal chaos has ensued, somehow leaving Britain as the only standing, semi-functional and reactionary-nationalist pseudo-government. Enter Kee (Claire-Hope Ashitey), the first pregnant woman in nearly 18 years, blindly confused and shuttled between those who wish her well as mankind’s hope and those wishing to use her as a political tool to vindicate the warring sides in the budding civil war between the English elite and the suddenly unwanted immigrant population facing genocide. Enter anonymous mid-level-bureaucrat Theo Faron (Clive Owen), consciously blind to the surrounding injustice in which he mindlessly participates. Theo turns into a reluctant hero when his ex-wife Julian ( Julianne Moore) is doublecrossed by the pro-immigrant freedom fighters whom she lead. Left to his own devices, hazy revolutionary past and help from hippie-recluse friend Jasper Palmer (Michael Caine), Theo must lead Kee to safety so she can deliver the promise and hope that is her unborn. Director Alfonso Cuaron somehow manages here to combine the gritty war-despair of Saving Private Ryan, the modern hopelessness and socio-economic infection of Fight Club, and a (self-aware) sci-f i futur istic Nativity Story retelling. Though often deliberately confusing, C hildren of Men i s con st a nt ly power f u l and evocative, both in its cinematography and its tale. There is not a point in the film when the viewer is unaware of some purpose/larger narrative/symbol that is being told, but like the characters themselves, no one is entirely sure of what the metaphor is supposed to be revealing. Nor is there time to dwell on it, as the close-up details demand immediate action from the protagonist and the audience, obscuring the big picture. This is where the film’s power resides, deliberately using the confusion and uncertainty to shade the cause-and-effect of the war, the malady and the questionable hope of the unborn savior. Instead, the focus is decidedly upon the central tale, the heroes muddling through simply to survive, aware of their own importance but incapable of appreciating the gravity. This, too, is how the story is revealed to the audience, awash in uncertainty, but nonetheless completely engaging.

Two principal genres revolve around picking up a lone, enigmatic hitchhiker. One is horrific and frightening, while the other contains a rating denoted by three X’s. The former designation was the inspiration for the 1986 horror-thriller The Hitcher. Featuring brat-packer and former stud C. Thomas Howell and uber-creepy Rutger Hauer, this weaklyplotted slasher movie is legendary in the kitschy ’80s pantheon. And apparently it needed to be remade. Almost identical to the original, the remake features Jim Halsey (Zachary Knighton) and his unfairly attractive girlfriend Grace Andrews (Sophia Bush), ignoring any sane judgment and giving a lift to the titular hitcher, John Ryder (Sean Bean). Bean’s chillingly sadistic and charmingly maniacal performance is enough to make any good samaritan think twice. His almost super-human, invincible quality makes him a formidable villain almost on par with the classic Hauer role. However, with two anemic performances from resident flavor-of-theweek teen dreams (Bush and Knighton), The Hitcher treads through a mire of Michael Bay-styled horror. Hardly the spine-chilling psychological terrors of The Shining. For the millisecond attention spans of 21st century audiences, The Hitcher does provide enough excitement to briefly lapse out of our post-New Year’s comas and reinvigorate a dormant craving for some good old fashioned excitement. While The Hitcher delivers on promise of cheap shock and awe, it’s the story that suffers as much as the harried protagonists. There are plot holes you could drive a Mack truck through with little to no character development and motivation on top. Remakes are a tired business in Hollywood. Old. Passé — whatever you want to call it. Fork over three bucks and rent the original. Say what you want, but you’ve got to miss C. Thomas Howell.

PHOTO COURTESY OF WWW.ROTTENTOMATOES.COM.

CARRIE’S fabulous to funky

Clive Owen stars in the futuristic thriller Children of Men.

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Sophia Bush and Sean Bean in the 2007 remake of The Hitcher. sounds from the scene


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IN HOLLYWOOD, IF YOU DON’T HAVE HAPPINESS YOU SEND OUT FOR IT.

17

FILM

ALPHA DOG

STOMP THE YARD VOLVER

JEFF GROSS • STAFF WRITER

KERI CARPENTER • STAFF WRITER

JEFF GROSS • STAFF WRITER

Although he failed at bringing “sexy” back this summer, Justin Timberlake surprisingly manages to bring kidnapping back in Nick Cassavetes’ new film Alpha Dog. Now calm down. I know what you’re thinking. “Dude, it’s Justin Timberlake? Three stars? What the hell?” Just give me the next 300 words to keep you from lynching me. First off, the film could have been a solid three and a half star film had it ended with Sharon Stone’s depressing and lingering “interview” (when you see the film, you will understand what I mean). It would have been the perfect conclusion to the previous 20 minutes of well built and paced nail-biting tension and drama. Unfortunately, the filmmaker decided to give the story a “satisfying conclusion” which shows how everyone got in trouble. Here’s my advice to Mr. Cassavetes: cut the last 10 minutes of the film and just use good old intertitles to reveal the fates of the people involved in this film. It will be infinitely better, I promise. Additionally, the film is ver y well acted, considering the “talent” in the film — Justin Timberlake, Br uce Wi l l is, Sharon Stone, etc. The portrayals are all around genuine (actually, Willis’ is bad, but he’s barely in it) and believable, which makes the film’s content much more 3-D than I anticipated. The f ilm revolves around a group of drug dealers who kidnap the younger brother of a guy who owes them a lot of money and the consequences of their action; it’s about three days in the lives of a bunch of rich white boys and how their lives can fall apart with a split decision. The f ilm leaves the audience with the question of how a crime with 38 witnesses went so far. This movie is actually quite profound, regardless of the last few minutes.

Starring Chris Brown for a total of about 10 minutes, Stomp the Yard still turned out to be a successful movie and made my favorites list. It introduces an amazing dancer/actor, Columbus Short, who plays D.J. — a freshman in college whose problem is trying to f it in and whose solution is to join a fraternity. Stomp the Yard does an excellent job of creating and sustaining an in-depth plot that involves guilt, revenge, family issues and the importance of friendship. D.J., who relates to many college students, runs into problems getting the girl he wants, making friends and adjusting to campus life as a freshman. After finally getting over his stubborn, rebellious teen stage, D.J. decides to join a fraternity on campus. He impresses his frat brothers and those who wish they were his brothers with fresh dance moves and creative steps. Hoping that his original f lavor and new moves will help his fraternity win the National Step Championship, Short is sure to make us remember him in his debut as a determined student and remarkable dancer. Meagan Good (who starred in Deliver Us From Eva, Biker Boys and — here’s one for us kids who were born in the late ’80s — Cousin Skeeter) surprised me with her convincing role as Short’s love insterest; she complimented Short and made for a great costar. I was disappointed that Chris Brown was not in the movie longer. However, upcoming R&B artist NeYo did a great job at adding some comic relief and choreographed dance moves to the movie. Overall, I enjoyed the movie and admit to dancing in my seat to a couple of songs. However, I loved that the movie wasn’t just about dancing. After all, the reason D.J. joined the fraternity was in honor of his brother who ... well, I won’t tell you all of it — see it for yourself.

Volver is pure Pedro Almodóvar. It, like so many of his other f ilms, is about the relationships of mothers and daughters and murder. However, his repetitive style is far from a bad thing. With every new f ilm, Almodóvar updates and reinvents h is prev ious work, enhancing and evolving his themes and motifs. Volver, in this case, noticeably borrows many concepts from his previous f ilm High Heels. In the f ilm, a mother returns from the dead to reconcile tasks she left unf inished in life with her daughters. Meanwhile one of them (Penelope Cruz) must deal with a complicated home life. To reveal any specif ics of the plot would be to ruin its dark, delicious fun. If you are familiar with Pedro Almodóvar’s style, you know what you’re in for. If you don’t, it can best be summed up in three words: dark, dramatic, humor. Almodóvar is one of the few directors who can blend elements of comedy into such diverse genres and plots. It’s rare that a f ilmmaker can morph murder, betrayal and adultery into an intellectual comedy ... in the loosest sense of the phrase. It’s not an outright laugh-fest, but when you take a step back from the material and re-examine it, the situations are quite comic in nature. But it’s not just a comedy for people who enjoy analyzing the technical aspects of f ilm; it’s also a deep, motivating drama about relationships. It’s a truly heartfelt story of redemption and love that features Penelope Cruz in what may be not only the best acted female lead of the year, but surely her greatest role to date; a bold statement to say the least. The film is currently being shown at Boardman’s Art Theatre and I highly recommend you see it while you still have a chance. It’s easily one of the year’s best f ilms.

Justin Timberlake gives a suprisingly convincing performance in the movie Alpha Dog.

Check out sweet steppin’ moves in the movie Stomp the Yard.

Penelope Cruz in Pedro Almodovar’s newest film, Volver, gives possibly the best performance of her career.

sounds from the scene

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buzz weekly

I GREW UP WITH SIX BROTHERS. THAT’S HOW I LEARNED TO DANCE - WAITING FOR THE BATHROOM.

Grand RE-Opening

@

RADMAKERS

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J a n ua r y 31 ,

WOYZECK Playing at the Station Theatre SYD SLOBODNIK • STAFF WRITER

A truly intriguing evening of experimental theater can be experienced for the next few weeks at the Station Theatre in director Eric Burton’s creative adaptation of Georg Buchner’s 1837 grim tragedy Woyzeck. Instead of creating a realistic depiction of the troubled life of 30-year-old Franz Woyzeck, a servant, ex-soldier and obsessively jealous lover who is enraged by his common-law wife’s infidelity, Burton and his creative design team chose a combination of live actors, several large Mardi Gras-like papier mache puppets and dozens of plywood shadow puppets to conjure an exaggerated, and at times very expressionistic, view of how human obsessions can lead one away from our rational side. A mostly compelling Aaron Matthew Polk leads the cast of six major characters, with just as many ensemble performers, in an episodic narrative that effectively depicts the emotional turmoil of a downtrodden individual who is so manipulated by an upper-class doctor and captain he eventually loses all control and commits murder. Much of the play’s uneasy and tragic mood is nicely enhanced not only by a simple set of movable boxes and large ref lective f lats that resemble several village cottages, but also the minimalist, at times eerie musical score that performed by Corbin Cover and Tony Taylor. While not a show for all theatergoers and tastes, Woyzeck is a provocative 90 minutes of alternative theater that explores the extremes of human behavior. Woyzeck continues its local run at Urbana’s Station Theatre at 223 N. Broadway until February 3.

Friday: No Cover, DJ, Karaoke Saturday: Live Music From X-Krush, and a chance to win Saliva tickets at Canopy Club

For rental and general info, call 217-485-3531 myspace.com/radmakers

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Joel Bakan’s The Corporation: The Pathological Pursuit of Profit and Power TIM PETERS • STAFF WRITER

In The Corporation — the companion to the similarly-named 2003 documentary — Joel Bakan tr ies to wr ite up a diagnosis of the cor porate inst it ut ion. He moves th rough the psychiatric checklist: they’re self ish — dumping exter na l ities on outside par ties, they’re immoral — basing all their actions on prof itability, they’re antisocial — habitually undermining law and regulation. Bakan tries to justify this anthropomorphism by ex pl a i n i n g t he or ig i n of t he cor po rate business for m. W h i le beg in n ing inauspiciously in the 16th century as joint-stock companies, the corporation was transmogrif ied into a human-like legal entity in 19th century American court rulings. By using the 14th amendment — passed after the civil war to protect freed slaves — corporations were allowed due process and equal protection under the law. It limited liability for shareholders and managers; the corporation itself became the responsible legal entity. Bakan cites more court decisions into the 20th centur y that demanded that a corporation’s sole purpose — and its managers’ and directors’ aims, too — must be to make profit for investors. Through interviews and often disturbing and horrifying case examples, Bakan says that if corporations are viewed as people, then they are pathological people. These psychos are capable and expected to do things like choose fatality lawsuit settlements over product recalls (GM) or to sel l computers to a genocida l government (IBM and the Nazis). A nd yet, in personif ying this histor ical institution, Bakan confuses the literal and the metaphorical. He doesn’t extend his idea and ask how one would cure a pathological person, or how court rulings should address this behavior. Bakan’s best medicine is when he evokes the overlooked idea that corporations are legally born — and can be legally destroyed with charter revocation. But, overall, while the examples are frightening, the history astute Bakan uses pathology as a gimmick, as a confused analogy for an unruly social institution, for something not quite so human.

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sounds from the scene


21

the stinger kim rice & kate ruin DOIN’ IT WELL

jonesin CROSSWORD PUZZLE

“Grid Magic�--wild words all over. Across 1 Rapper who did the 1998 album “Rhythm-al-ism� 7 It’s played in front of your fans 15 “Sin City� actor Mickey 16 Schubert song played at weddings 17 Chuck in the air 18 Close-up tool 19 Actress and 1960s pinup Sommer 20 Diamond stat

22 Material for some tables 23 Caviar, e.g. 24 They waken city dwellers 26 Fill up 27 IRS procedure 29 Suffix with Sudan 30 Sun. speech 31 They can’t get away from each other 36 Charlie Sheen’s real last name 37 Transfers via post 41 Worked wearing pajamas, maybe 43 Abbr. after a phone number 46 Beastie Boys song

Down 1 Type of markers for whiteboards 2 “The Brown Bomber� 3 Showed fear toward 4 Impulse 5 “South Park� kid whose head is drawn in two unconnected pieces 6 Gymnast Strug 7 Least clear, as a sky 8 Prefix meaning egg 9 Shelter sounds 10 “Harry Potter� actress Watson 11 Causes vexation 12 NBA venues, or NBA star Gilbert 13 Wee 14 Holiday when Peeps are sold 21 Enter casually 24 Comedian Harvey 25 What innovators “cast� 28 Buddy Guy’s “First Time ___ the Blues� 32 Stuff in a French shaker 33 Alternative to “yes,� sometimes 34 Acronym used to protest nearby landfills 35 Talk sloppily after a few drinks 38 Didn’t hit the town “Time to Get ___� 39 Joining together, in 47 Coke or Pepsi woodworking projects 48 Effort 40 Singles at the laun50 Sometime down the dromat road 42 Part of a night crew 52 Words said a lot by 43 Getaway Rocky Balboa 53 Instruments used by the 44 Nissan SUV model 45 Blabbermouth band Apocalyptica 49 Fun time 55 Remains of a blaze 50 “Evening Shade� narra56 “Tell ___ secrets...� tor Davis 57 Bill Clinton, by birth 51 “___ Day’s Night� 59 Like vinegar 54 Aware of 61 Esteem 56 Early type of music file 62 Sign of owing 58 Title for a Khan 63 Like big grins 60 Business ldr. 64 Activities Answers pg. 22

   

   

               

      



    



 

     

      

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Five fallacies of the first time Dedicated to all the (like) virgins Whether you’re a virgin about to be touched for the very first time, or you’re more Madonnaesque and are just “likeâ€? a virgin about to explore uncharted territory with the person you’re having sex with ‌ this column is for you. There is a lot of pressure for the first time to be full of fireworks and ecstasy. In reality, “first timesâ€? can often be awkward, dull or even uncomfortable. Here’s some tips for getting what you want your first time and every time. FALLACY #1: SILENCE IS SEXY It’s not surprising how many people engage in the intimate act of sex without ever talking about it. We live in a society that teaches us not to talk about sex; that falsely leads us to believe that talking about it will automatically lead us to engaging in it and that even thinking about sex is wrong. Because of this, too many of us don’t have conversations that can empower us to make better decisions about when to have sex. Open up and be real with your partner about your sexual feelings, anxieties, hopes and fears. Recognize that sexual feelings are normal and so is worrying about what the f irst time might be like. Sometimes simply talking with your partner about your nervousness can reduce some of the pressure, allowing you to relax and enjoy whatever you decide to do. Talking with your partner also opens the door for him or her to be a supportive person to you and allows the two of you to bond and truly engage in sexual activity together. FALLACY #2: SEX EQUALS PENETRATION There are options galore on the spectrum between kissing and penetration. Get creative and brainstorm all of the things you are comfortable with or would like to try. Decide what sex acts are on your “to doâ€? list, what’s on your “not in a million yearsâ€? list and what’s a “maybe.â€? The important part is to communicate with your partner beforehand so you can get on the same page about how far you feel comfortable going with each other. FALLACY #3: DISCRETION ASSURED How will you feel if your partner shares the details of your sexual escapades with classmates, parents, friends at the gym or others in your graduate program? Have you discussed what level of sharing you feel comfortable with? We’re not against one night-stands or hooking up, but it can be socially and emotionally uncomfortable if your partner decides to talk with others what happened between the two of you. Talk about what you want left out of conversations with others.

FALLACY #4: IGNORANCE IS BLISS Before engaging in sex, explore resources and learn as much as your can about sexuality. Sometimes, the fear around sex comes from a lack of information about anatomy, “what goes where,â€? orgasms, birth control, STIs, etc. The more informed you are, the more empowered you can be to make a decision that feels healthy and right for you. Pornography is not the best educational resource, as many of the positions, movements and interactions are unrealistic and may not be pleasurable for both partners in real life. FALLACY #5: BELIEVE THE HYPE Many hold an idealized view of what sex for the first time will be like. Consider what your expectations are for sex, and ask yourself if they are realistic. Having sex will not automatically create a never-ending bond in your relationship or be as mind-blowing as you may be hoping. Good relationships and good sex take time, practice and lots of communication! ENJOY YOUR DECISION When you do decide to have sex, celebrate your decision and enjoy the sexual activities you choose to engage in. Sex should be pleasurable, emotionally and physically safe, and fun. If the conditions surrounding sexual activity do not feel this way, you may want to change things up until it feels right. And if you end up changing your mind, you always have the right to stop. You also have the responsibility to listen when your partner wants to stop and to respect that decision. SEX 411 • Using liberal amounts of lube the first time you engage in vaginal or anal sex can make things go a lot smoother and remove any discomfort both of you may feel. First time sex doesn’t have to be painful. • Pregnancy and STI infection can occur the first time you engage in oral, vaginal or anal sex. Practice using condoms and latex barriers both alone and with your partner prior to having sex.This can be a great way to build intimacy, comfort levels and confidence. Condoms are very effective if used correctly! Practice makes perfect!

Kim Rice and Kate Ruin are professional sex educators. Send questions, comments and fan mail to riceandruin@yahoo.com.

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SHARK DONUT.

J a n ua r y 25

J a n ua r y 31 , 2 oo7

free will astrology JAN. 25 — JAN. 31 ARIES

March 21 – April 19

I have one little whisper of warning and one big blast of encouragement for you. First, the warning: Don’t be like the ancient Roman emperor Caligula, who declared war on Neptune, god of the sea, and commanded his troops to hurl their spears into the water. Now here’s the encouragement: If you heed my warning, the coming weeks will be an excellent time to go to war, metaphorically speaking. There’s a 95 percent chance that your cause will be just, a 90 percent chance that you’ll be able to enlist a solid fighting force, and an 85 percent chance that you’ll acquit yourself with resourceful courage.

T A U RU S

June 21 – July 22

You’re being compelled to get reacquainted with forbidden dreams and buried secrets and hidden truths. Be honest: It’s not so bad; it’s probably even a bit thrilling. Though it may generate some pungent and poignant dramas, you’ve got to admit that the dramas are pretty entertaining. And besides, if you can find a way to feel amused as you cooperate with these forbidden dreams and buried secrets and hidden truths, they will ultimately dissolve obstacles that have been postponing your future.

LEO

July 23 – Aug. 22

In her book Traveling Mercies, Ann Lamott says the two best kinds of prayer are “Help me, help me, help me” and “Thank you, thank you, thank you.” The former was appropriate for you to unleash a few weeks ago, Leo, but these days the latter makes more sense. I know some of you may think that’s a waste of time. Of what practical value is it to express gratitude for what you’ve already been given? Here’s why: Expressing exuberant thanks tends to attract into your life even more reasons to be thankful; it turns you into a magnet for blessings.

VIRGO

Aug. 23 – Sept. 22

When Martin Luther King Jr. was 12 years old, he was so depressed he tried to commit suicide. I’m glad he didn’t succeed. He grew up to be one of my heroes: a peaceful warrior who fought for justice with militant love. Studying his life, I learned that it’s possible for a man to have both a well-honed intellect and a fierce spiritual faith. He showed me that uplifting passion, lyrical language, and inventive imagination are essential elements of political activism. He proved you can be devoted to divine mysteries without turning into a fundamentalist fanatic who hates non-believers. In accordance with the astrological omens, Virgo, I urge you to draw inspiration from a hero who means as much to you as King does to me. For extra credit, find out how this indomitable soul managed to triumph over his or her life’s low points.

LIBRA

S AG I T TA R I U S

Nov. 22 – Dec. 21

CAPRICORN

Dec. 22 – Jan. 19

AQUA R I U S

Jan. 20 – Feb. 18

Even though it’s illegal, marijuana is now America’s biggest cash crop, generating more revenue than corn and soybeans. Official government sources won’t acknowledge this fact, of course, and the major media would prefer to ignore it. Let’s use this situation as a metaphor for your personal life, Sagittarius. Meditate on the following three questions. (1) Is there a valuable asset that you neglect to account for when you take inventory of your total resources? (2) Is there a Big Important Thing that you don’t fully acknowledge? (3) Do you play down the power of a transformational agent that’s taboo or not fully accepted?

May 21 – June 20

It’s a scary responsibility to give people astrological advice. What if I suggested that you call in sick (even though you’re not sick) so you could wander off into the Great Unknown in quest of close encounters with mind-blowing teachings? And what if in the course of following my suggestion you learned so many lessons about how to permanently expand your frontiers that you then decided to burn down a bridge to nowhere and give away most of your emotional baggage and live in greater devotion to your soul’s radically simple needs? Could I then get sued by someone in your life who really doesn’t want you to escape your traps?

CANCER

Oct. 23 – Nov. 21

Some people think of me as a pure Californian, marinated in Left Coast politics and raised on New Age memes. But the truth is I spent the first 12 years of my life in the Midwestern heartland, the next six years on the East Coast, then nine years in the South. I’m as mongrel a breed of American as it’s possible to be. Though I may bloom with Californian-style eccentricities, my roots are deep in down-to-earth cultural memes. Now I’d like you to do for yourself what I just did, Scorpio, only more so. Remember in detail your origins. Take inventory of the places that have helped make you who you are. Note wryly the differences between what people imagine you to be and what you know you are.

April 20 – May 20

In his book Perfect Love, Imperfect Relationships, psychotherapist John Welwood writes, “Psychological work focuses more on what has gone wrong: how we have been wounded in our relations with others and how to go about addressing that. Spiritual work focuses more on what is intrinsically right: how we have infinite resources at the core of our nature that we can cultivate in order to live more expansively. If psychological work thins the clouds, spiritual work invokes the sun.” In my opinion, Taurus, both approaches are useful, depending on the season of your life. For the foreseeable future, though, spiritual work should be your emphasis.

GEMINI

SCORPIO

“The greatest thing a human soul ever does in this world is to see something,” wrote art critic John Ruskin. “To see clearly is poetry, prophecy, and religion, all in one.” Your assignment in the coming week, Capricorn, is to make Ruskin’s idea your method. In other words, lay aside everything you think you know, suspend your reflex to impose your beliefs on every situation you encounter, and behold the world exactly as it is. If you do it right, you’ll experience pleasure beyond measure. More than that, you’ll change everything you see into a more beautiful version of itself.

Seven centuries ago, there were Christian religious fanatics in Europe who demanded that all women must cover their ears. Why? Because the Virgin Mary had been inseminated through that part of her body by the Holy Spirit. The fanatics feared that other women might be susceptible to the influx of invisible earpenetrating entities that weren’t so benevolent. And how does this relate to you? While I’m not worried that you’ll be literally invaded, I do think you should be careful about what words and sounds you let slip into your ears. There’s a good chance you’ll be metaphorically impregnated by potent messages that arrive via that route. Make sure they’re positive messages that will make you thrive.

PISCES

Feb. 19 – March 20

Patches of yellow forsythias and blue gentian flowers have sprouted high in the Austrian Alps this winter, appearing where snow usually dominates the landscape. I predict that you’re about to experience a metaphorically similar phenomenon, Pisces. There’ll be an unprecedented blossoming in a situation that has previously been unable to support growth. I wouldn’t be surprised if some of your frozen assets began to thaw as well. Homework: How could you change yourself in order to get more of the love you want? Testify by going to RealAstrology. com and clicking on “Email Rob.”

Sept. 23 – Oct.22

“The disease of niceness cripples more lives than alcoholism,” said writer Raymond Chandler. That’s an exaggeration, in my opinion, but I think his point is important--especially for you Libras right now. As much as I love your ability to cultivate harmony, seek out beauty, and find the common ground between people, I encourage you to let the sweet and polite sides of your nature recede into the background for a while. Emphasize feistiness and grit. Tap into the fiery, primal aspect of your nature that drove you out of your mother’s womb and into this world in the hour when you were born. Be inspired by the creator gods and goddesses of ancient myth, who playfully forged millions of beautiful things using wind, mud, tears, and lightning.

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J a n ua r y 25

•

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NOTHING EVER CHANGES.

23

DAKOTA CONTINUED FROM PG. 5

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&2)&%" “We learned the hard way when we had to reinvent ourselves as an original band,� Conley says. “It’s pretty easy to get gigs when you play songs everyone knows.� You’ve probably never heard the blues-rockers “Man With a Gun� or “Now is the Time� with their jam-band feel and extended Lundholm solos, or the Mormolstein joint “Quarter-Life Crisis,� a low-key, introspective diddy that — out of the blue — rips into its bridge with a cavalcade of distortion. There is something inexplicably Dakota-esque about their brand of countrytinged rock. The band’s influences — acts like Ryan Adams, The Band and Wilco — clearly seep into band’s identity, one that hasn’t quite distinctly formed yet. It’s also fairly clear they derive a lot of their sound from the band they’re currently trying to escape: the poppy melodies and three-part harmonies of the early Beatles, the occasional psychedelic experimentation that sounds fairly Magical Mystery Tour. Tyler says being defined by The Beatles in the past broadened what they could do with the originals. “Going into it with a sound that we’ve been used to, like a sonic landscape that we had been defined by, I think what we took away from it as an original band is, ‘OK, we already know how to sound like a rock band within specific subsets,’� he says. “We can sound like a psychedelic rock band here, we know how to achieve that sound instantly, so if that’s what we’re going for in a song we know how to dial it pretty quick.� “It’s as if that uncomfortable first part of the relationship had been dealt with,� Packy says. “It was like we had already made out,� Adam says. “We f igure by spring ’07, we will have consummated this relationship,� Conley says. Curiously, it’s the parallels to The Beatles that make the personalities of The Dakota that much more entertaining. The Beatles, as a collective ensemble, had a charismatic charm that went beyond their boyish faces and mop-top hairdos as they faced the onslaught of press. In front of just one reporter, The Dakota seem to be unconsciously trying that same thing with their bombardment of witty/goofy asides. This article unfortunately can’t fit all the things they have to say about Jurassic Park, Earth, Wind and Fire, snake mating and Dateline NBC exclusives, nor can it fit all the details of the impromptu party a few hours after the interview. (The party produced a rather telling moment when a large, load-bearing painting of the Let it Be-era Beatles almost toppled onto Conley, who half-drunkenly ran into it and came dangerously close to having the Fab Four crush his unsuspecting head. It was a moment with such metaphoric sounds from the scene

potential that it was almost disappointing when he frantically put the painting back up after horrified onlookers started shouting, “Whoa! Hey man! Look out!�) So for tonight, they party. Tomorrow, they rock.

“W

e are The Dakota,� Packy tells a crowd of about 100 who have packed into the Iron Post to see them open for Santa and The Squares on a night when Champaign-Urbana closely resembles the Star Wars ice planet Hoth. “It’s nice to have friends here,� Conley says before the show. “It’s usually just us sitting in the corner, looking awkward as hell.� The band rips into two new tracks to a nice but subdued reception. The 45-minute set features a couple of covers: Ryan Adams’ “Firecracker,� Blind Melon’s “No Rain,� and “Girl,� a more obscure Beatles tune that nevertheless gets some of the night’s best reactions. Specifically, a couple of middle-agers seem particularly delighted to hear an oldie, as they begin clapping emphatically and exclaim, “Now this is music,� as if the other songs in the set had amounted to nothing more than a couple of chimps banging some coconuts together. They had confided before the show that they had reached a point in which they could play a Beatles song comfortably without playing it perfectly. “Now some people will see us, and not know we’ve ever been a Beatles band,� Adam says. “And it’s like we play ‘In My Life’ and they cry tears of joy.� But it’s during the final song, “Now is the Time,� when The Dakota show they’re just a few of kids trying to be a solid rock band. It’s in the song’s climax of buzz, distortion and wahwah that you see the veins on Tyler’s neck bulge as he lets out this cry: “Do you know where you are? You’re in the jungle, baby. Now you’re gonna die!� This could be one of those stretches of a metaphor, where the “ jungle� represents the local music scene, and The Dakota, who are now singing songs by Mormolstein/Lundholm instead of Lennon/McCartney, don’t have a chance. They’re “gonna die.� Or maybe it’s simply just a line from “Welcome to the Jungle� by Guns ’n Roses. In which case, forget the metaphor and the Beatles references. Because if there’s anything that shatters the persona of a Beatles cover band, it’s directly quoting Axl Rose. So stop asking them to play something off of The White Album. Unless you’re an attractive female, in which case, could you ask them to play “Helter Skelter� for me? That song rocks.

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J a n ua r y 25

J a n ua r y 31 , 2 oo7

L IK ES GRIP E S AND

LET IT OUT

TATYANA SAFRONOVA Editor in Chief GRIPES 1) Weather: It seems I’ll have to grow a whale-like amount of blubber to stay warm this winter. Hello, lard shakes! 2) The finite number of sticky notes in the world: I wish I could stick them everywhere: on strangers’ foreheads with their names conveniently displayed, on computers, food, pets and plants. Of course then there’s the whole “destruction of trees” issue. But with the cuteness and convenience of the notes, forget the trees. 3) Holes in jeans: When the holes don’t belong there, they piss me off. I have holes developing on the upper parts of my thighs, under the front pockets. Where next? On the calves?

EVANGELINE POLITIS Community Editor LIKES

ELYSE RUSSO Arts and Entertainment Editor LIKES

NIKITA SOROKIN Art Director GRIPES

MEGHAN WHALEN Copy Chief GRIPES

MONICA BETEL Designer LIKES

1) Late night shows’ musical guests: From Conan O’Brien to Jimmy Kimmel, these shows always have some good band playing, whether it’s The Shins or Shiny Toy Guns. Someone should take the music being played on these shows and create some sort of amazing radio station. That I would listen to. 2) Rold Gold Honey Wheat Braided Twists: I bought these pretzels when there was hardly anything else left in the vending machine in the library during finals my sophomore year. They turned out to be a gift from heaven and have gotten me through numerous long nights of just staring at the computer screen hoping text will just magically appear and my paper will be done. 3) The gym valet: It is an amazing new item hooked onto every machine at CRCE in which a spray bottle with disinfectant and a terry cloth towel are now conveniently placed. Though the communal towel weirds me out a bit, it saves trees and time.

1) Dos Reales: I mean, where else can you get delicious chips and salsa, jumbo margaritas and Fajitias Zuisa (my personal favorite)? 2) My blingin’ cell phone ca se: Af ter I got a R A Z R p h o n e f o r m y b i r t h d a y, I bought a cell phone case for it at a kiosk in the mall. Not only does it keep my phone from getting scratched when I drop it, but it also has sweet pink and white jewels outlining the front screen. 3) Jack Bauer from 24: Jack B au er d o esn’t e at ho n ey. He chews bees.

1) No clones: I went to M cK inley to get myself cloned. I said to the receptionist, “Hello, I would like a clone. I need a second version of me to play badminton with me because he would be the only person as bad at it as me.” She said I’d have to wait 10 to 20 years before McKinley offered to clone students, and that it would definitely increase the health services fee. 2) Not enough Persian dance music: I went to Station, hoping to hear G hasem A abaadi, Bandari, Baabaakaram, Maash Maashalah or at least Naash- Naash, and all I got w as S n o o p. I jus t w a n n a cut a rug. 3) Not enough internal rhyme: I went to see Brent bout the rent in the basement got chased by a face in the three-legged race and I misplaced my mace that I had that went bad that still burned just a tad when it sprayed in your eyes to cook them like stir-fry with pork that’s too rough and rice that’s infernal there just ain’t enough time for rhyme that’s internal.

1) KoFusion: I had heard great things about this restaurant, and ate there on Monday night with a large group of people. G ood sushi, good drinks, bad ever y thing else. Bland entrees, slow service and a rude waitstaff made for an unpleasant dining experience. I won’t be going back there anytime soon. 2) “Write about whatever yo u wa n t ” a s s i g n m e n t s: Damn honors thesis. I have no idea where to start! No direction! Stress! Help! 3) ’9 0 s n o s t a l g i a : Wo w, remember those bygone days of The Offspring and Britney Spears? I’m so sick of all those “You might have grown up in the ’90s if...” lists. Millions of us grew up then. Why don’t we just live in the present instead of endlessly reminiscing about old Nickelodeon shows?

1) Funfetti cupcakes: My mom made me some for my birthday and they’re so yummy! Nothing’s better than cupcakes. 2) Guitar Hero 2: I’m so addicted to this game. I love rocking out and it’s such a thrill when the crowd chants for an encore. 3) Final Fantasy XII : Another new game I picked up during winter break. While the fighting style is really different than previous Final Fantasy games, the beautiful scenery totally makes up for it.

b uz z @ read b uz z .c om SEND US YOUR LIKES AND GRIPES. THEY M IG HT G ET PUBLIS HED! Be sure to include your name and a mug shot of your beautiful mug. INTRO | A ROUND TOWN | L ISTEN, HEAR | CU CALENDAR | STAGE, S CREEN &

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Buzz Magazine: Jan. 25, 2007