BUILD CONFIDENCE AND PUT AN END TO SELF-SABOTAGE

BY: AMANDA FLUDD

If your heart flutters before a presentation, or your stomach sinks at the thought of speaking your truth, you are not alone. As bad as that head wrap might be, brilliant the idea, expensive the sneakers, or straight the tie, it doesn’t always silence the personal doubts and rising fears that can trap you in a state of inaction. “Can I really do this?”, “I’ll never be good enough”, “I’m not as good as ___”, “I’m not ready yet”, “I feel like a fake and they are about to find out I don’t know what I’m talking about” any of those sound familiar? These thinking traps set you up to feel nervous, irritable, defeated, or unmotivated, and make it easier to engage in behaviors that sabotage your progress, like procrastination or avoidance, instead of pushing towards your success.

At the heart of this are the stories we’ve been told, “like women can’t be successful” or the images of family who couldn’t communicate, which replays itself in present day, and the many other hurtful narratives we tell ourselves. Over time parts of those stories get stuck in the DVR of our minds as ‘truths’, but in reality, thoughts aren’t facts and our beliefs don’t always capture the real truth of who we are.

It’s good practice to break down your thoughts, feelings, and actions to find the traitors in your mind and toss them off the ship. The more you spend time paying attention to your thoughts and your process, the easier it is to pop the unhelpful bubbles. We often do that work in therapy through an approach called Cognitive Behavior Therapy. Ultimately, you don’t want your mind to influence you in a way that prevents you from reaching your goals. Here are three tips from the therapist toolbox to help you skillfully squash self-sabotage and build your self-confidence.

1.Challenge Your Thoughts

If you aren’t feeling good going into a situation, ask yourself what you are thinking and then ask yourself is that really true? Highlight one fact that counteracts that belief. Also, remember to be kind and less critical to yourself. Ask yourself, what would a friend say or what would you say to a friend? That answer is your more helpful belief.

2. Find a Role Model

Let’s face it, we all haven’t had auntie Oprah’s in our lives, and that’s ok. Do your research and find people who can speak support into your life. Maybe that person has an autobiography, podcast or IG handle you can link up with to catch their gems and grow your inner wealth.

3. Take Action

We can learn about self-confidence, self-esteem, and spend hours on classes and courses developing our craft, but the only thing that beats fear is constantly facing it. You have to do what you are most scared of, over and over again.

Self-sabotage is a pretty common behavior and fear is a common feeling, but you can absolutely change the script. I would love to hear which strategies you decided to go with and more about the thoughts that get in your way or additional questions you may have. Email us here at Rallyup Magazine -

rallyupmagazine@gmail.com.

Amanda Fludd is the Licensed Therapist behind Therapy is Dope™ who aims to end stigma around seeking help for emotional struggles in the minority community. Your mental health is your wealth, invest in it and her too by following @Therapyisdope on Instagram and FB. If you are in the NY, NJ, or PA area she is also currently available for virtual therapy sessions:

www.amandafludd.com.