THE RADLEY COLLEGE CHRONICLE
30 April 2015
THE BRITISH EMPIRE PARTY
S
alutations all,
One might have a slight idea on the policies and the ideals of BEP but it is most wise and couth to provide a deeper insight as one would and should be in state of desire to hold an informed view on all parties, including yours truly; BEP, before voting. The British Empire Party is founded on matters pertaining the views of Imperialisation. Unlike other minority parties, one intends to cover all concerns and streams of policies in an entirely coherentific way. Naturally, one would not want to exert certain idolisms on a nation and such imperialisation will be an act of the promotion of an autexousious auturgy. One might wonder what our policies are, where we stand on the political spectrum of today. One may postulate and ponder no longer, as it is our manifesto whence these answers shall reveal themselves to you very shortly. Whither shall we go first? Perhaps to the issue of health. Health Issues: All classical ‘values’ of ‘health and safety’ will be abolished as they are pointless and a cynicocracy regarding the competence of the people will not be allowed to return. The alabandical party of UKIP have covered the idea of National Health Service as opposed to an International Health Service. Alas we disagree with this exclusion of people in need of a Great British service and so we propose to reform this idea. We propose that subjects of Britain should not have to pay for the NHS, people of the Commonwealth and The Empire should pay fifty percent of the postulated fees and that all those who do not include themselves in the afore mentioned categories will be made to pay one hundred percent of the fees via money or labour.
of our strategy. If the answer is that one did not approve of the Empire, one shall exeunt as nothing can be done to save these countries. Our imperialisation shall replace all monetary foreign aid. Finance Issues: The East Indian Company shall be reinstated, as a company of such magnipotence is a necessary attribute for any state to have. Tax shall be lowered, benefits will be abolished along with the asinine Mansion Tax. Defence and Offence: Taxes for the rich will be optional and the rest of the Empire will be heavily taxed. 55% of GDP shall go forth into the budget of the military. Full dress shall be reintroduced and ‘taking the king’s shilling’ along with it. If one was one of more leniency to the left wing ideas, one might have outraged at the seemingly cruel thought of no benefits. Fear not for this is where your anger shall subside. The unemployed have one year, gap year exclusive, to find a job. If one does not meet this requirement, then one shall be forced to choose between a five year conscription, of full pay, of either a military or a factory vocation. Transfers will be allowed in certain circumstances. Education: Grammar schools will return as one will want to avoid conscription and thus one will need a full education in order to obtain a job. One shall start such schools at thirteen years of age and grade boundaries will be made. Internal affairs: We shall be in an unequal union with Scotland, Ireland and Wales, we being the senior partner and capital punishment will be a part of an attempt to reduce crime rates.
Hunting will be legalised and One shall, in a fashion suited to the mandatory for all school Foreign Issues: The density of immigration into the UK children, and badgers, ideals of the Empire of old, will be vastly amended as the cormorants, and herons, will colonize and introduce systems of be legal to hunt. Empire grows without cloakative or superficial rule and democracy.’ HS2 will be abolished. effort for the simple reason All forms of energy including nuclear, coal and oil are that Britain will not be the only MEDC in the limelight. encouraged. Instead the other countries of the Empire will be in an improved state of such magnitude that all humans of the Finally, all prisoners shall be sent to Australia. world need fear not from the fallaciloquence of the We are counting on your vote, and may God Save the Labour Party and the remarks of apanthropinization Queen. from UKIP as we shall have created an Empire where no-one feels the need to move to other countries for My most humble valedictions, their benefits. One shall, in a fashion suited to the ideals of the Empire of old, colonize and introduce systems of Archigrapher of the British Empire Party rule and democracy. Each country shall, after reform, hold a referendum to show their approval or disproval 5