1/14/2019
The Pool - News & Views - It Is Up To Women To Choose If, When And How They Talk About Abuse
OPINION
It is up to women to choose if, when and how they talk about abuse 4
MIN
Salma Hayek is ashamed that she delayed telling her Weinstein story. But she had the right to wait, says Rachael Sigee By Rachael Sigee
In her book, Speaking Truth To Power, Anita Hill wrote about why she didn’t report her sexual harassment by Clarence Thomas at the time it happened. She writes: “I assessed the situation and chose not to file a complaint. I had every right to make that choice. And until society is willing to accept the validity of claims of harassment, no matter how privileged or powerful the harasser, it is a choice women will continue to make.” She wrote those words two decades ago and they remain true, but not necessarily observed, as women are still expected to speak up about abuse at a time convenient for everyone else. Last year, when The New York Times was preparing to break its story on Harvey Weinstein’s years of abuse, they approached Salma Hayek to be a part of it. She declined. Two months later, she wrote a harrowing op-ed for https://www.the-pool.com/news-views/opinion/2018/6/Rachael-Sigee-on-Salma-Hayek-Harvey-Weinstein-abuse
1/4
1/14/2019
The Pool - News & Views - It Is Up To Women To Choose If, When And How They Talk About Abuse
the paper, detailing her experience of harassment, threats and an appalling professional experience making the film Frida. At the time, she was praised for her bravery in coming forward, but now she has explained how she felt shame at delaying. For, although we appear to be living through a time when women’s voices are actually being heard, their accounts are too frequently met with the question: “But why didn’t she say something sooner?” Hayek was speaking with Oprah for a recorded interview and was honest about the trauma she felt when approaching the idea of telling her story: “When the information about Harvey came out, I was ashamed I didn’t say anything. But I felt like my pain was so small compared to all the other stories. “I started crying when they asked [the first time] and I ended up not doing it. And then I felt ashamed that I was a coward. I was supporting women for two decades and then I was a coward.” The shame that comes with surviving sexual assault is not confined to the assault itself, but swells to include how someone reacts to that assault. Society is beginning to acknowledge its abuses against women, but it still requires the right narrative and the perfect victim.
“
Society is beginning to acknowledge its abuses against women, but it still requires the right narrative and the perfect victim
Women have, for a very long time, had very good reason not to talk about assault. For fear of repercussions. For fear for their safety, their economic independence, their career or their reputation. But, more than anything, because they have been led to think that their voice doesn’t matter, that their experience is not worthy and that they will not be believed. And, as Hayek explained, many women are not carrying around the burden of one incident with one man – they have a lifetime of aggression and violence behind them: “[Weinstein] was not the first guy to do this to me. I https://www.the-pool.com/news-views/opinion/2018/6/Rachael-Sigee-on-Salma-Hayek-Harvey-Weinstein-abuse
2/4
1/14/2019
The Pool - News & Views - It Is Up To Women To Choose If, When And How They Talk About Abuse
was really smart around him. I handled it really well. And maybe that’s why he didn’t rape me.” When women are speaking difficult truths that make us feel uncomfortable, it is all too easy to find fault with what they say, like the confused reaction to Rose McGowan’s unfiltered anger. It is much more convenient to critique them than address the issue at hand. But we need to heed Hill’s words that a woman has the right to decide to tell her story if, when and how she chooses.
Uma Thurman was open that she needed some time to process her anger at the Weinstein revelations before she recounted her own ordeal. For Hayek, she broke her silence to highlight how it feels to be undercut by men: “Finally, I said it, because there was something I felt nobody had talked about which was it was not only the abuse, the sexual harassment, it's the undermining. The abuse of being constantly undermined because we're women. And this was important too, because it's so painful." Demanding that women flag up any abuses they suffer immediately is unrealistic and unfair. Suggesting that they could have prevented more women from being hurt is the utmost of victim-blaming and the lifeblood of rape culture. It is not any woman’s responsibility to monitor the behaviour of all men, nor can she be held accountable for failing to disrupt his pattern of abhorrent behaviour. And it would be false hope for us to assume that we now live in a world where it is safe for women to speak up, because it absolutely comes at a cost. Hayek’s honesty at how painful she found the process of sharing her experience is important because it recognises the difficulty in doing so: “One of the most difficult things about writing that article was because I had a book. It wasn’t one or two instances. It was five years.” It is one of the difficulties of the #MeToo movement that, for all the solidarity and sharing and catharsis and reckoning, it has placed the onus once again on women. And, although many women are finding the courage to tell their stories, it does not mean that women who do not – or cannot – are at fault.
@littlewondering https://www.the-pool.com/news-views/opinion/2018/6/Rachael-Sigee-on-Salma-Hayek-Harvey-Weinstein-abuse
3/4
1/14/2019
The Pool - News & Views - It Is Up To Women To Choose If, When And How They Talk About Abuse
Sign up Love this? Sign up to receive our Today in 3 email, delivering the latest stories straight to your inbox every morning, plus all The Pool has to offer. You can manage your email subscription preferences at My ProďŹ le at any time ENTER EMAIL
SIGN UP
OR SIGN UP WITH FACEBOOK Salma Hayek (Photo: Getty Images)
https://www.the-pool.com/news-views/opinion/2018/6/Rachael-Sigee-on-Salma-Hayek-Harvey-Weinstein-abuse
4/4