Overheard on Campus

So I’m standing there in netherworld playing connect 4 and watching a b grade sci fi flick in a fucking polo dress looking like I’m ready to fuck a golfer.

I just got off the lift with someone who had a shopping trolley tattooed on their arm.

If Pauline Hanson came out and said ‘asians and muslims, I’m loving them’ you should probably fact check.

-journo lecturer

I’m no chemist but that much handsome and that much dumb does not balance out.

Orally I perform excellently. - a guy talking about speaking English

The ocean was inside me, I think I have a UTI.

Person 1: *steals phone charger* Person 2: dude that’s mine Person 1: I’m not gonna ask, it’s already in Person 2: sounds like every guy I’ve ever dated

Facemasks are like a bandaid on my life. They make me feel like I have my shit together.

Imagine being in the middle of sex and just going ‘okay google, play Spotify.’

I’m just gonna pick a car and try and get into it. It’ll be fun. And not at all illegal.

Does your USB get heavier the more you save stuff to it?

These bangs are ruining my fucking life.

How long do you think I can look up sex-related buzzfeed quizzes on this uni computer before I get into trouble?

Girl at a 9am tutorial:

I mean, I made it... The buttons for my car windows had to be taken out because when you used them it started a fire and the air con can only work on high, but other than that it’s a really good car.

If that thing doesn’t work, use your mouth.

Where’s the best place to cry on campus?

Person 1: Do you remember what the lecturer said about the assignment last week? Person 2: I dropped that unit 7 weeks ago, definitely haven’t been there.

She called a bush turkey a bin chicken. That’s just wrong.

Person 1: He’s cute but ridiculously stupid. Person 2: Isn’t that your type?

They snuck me in and out like I was an illegal immigrant.

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